Five days earlier (cont.)
After introductions were made – NCIS meet Torchwood, Torchwood meet NCIS; Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David meet Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones and Gwen Cooper – the trouble began. Neither of the agencies were willing to give up on their claim to the crime scene, and each argued for it to be within their own purview. Tony got the impression that Torchwood wouldn’t even be willing to share jurisdiction. He was so not thinking about telling Gibbs that outcome. If they lost out to Torchwood, he wasn’t sure there would be enough coffee in the world to bribe himself back in his boss’ good graces.
As NCIS agents, Tony and Ziva had no legal standing to be investigating the death of a British national on British soil, unless... Tony was nearly praying there was a set of dog tags under all that blood and gore. It would increase their standing tremendously. He could practically feel the ghost of a head slap from Gibbs for even thinking that and winced automatically. Dammit, he was Pavlovian-ized… or was that Gibbs-ized? He shook his head; death-or-life experiences apparently had weird side-effects on him. It was time to concentrate on the essential things. Tony looked away from the corpse lying on the ground and took notice of his surroundings again.
Huh, apparently their new 'friends' had given up their discussion with them while he was wool-gathering and were arguing among themselves. Tony was sure it was only temporary, and at the latest in five minutes they would probably continue the debate if he didn’t do something now. But first… - Ziva. Her reaction to them introducing themselves as ‘Torchwood’ was strange.
He stepped closer to her and whispered, “Give it up, my favourite little Mossad agent, what do you know about this Torchwood organisation?”
“Why do you think I know anything, Tony?”
“Ziva, Ziva, Ziva! We know each other how long? Don’t lie to me, you know something. Come on, share with the class.” Inching even closer he tried his best to look trustworthy. Begging eyes and his boyish looks should do the rest. And he was successful - as usual… most of the time.
Hesitating she started an explanation. “I do not know much. I only heard rumours, but if you ask me, they all have got a nut loose. Torchwood is a secret organisation founded by some Queen. Today they work under UNIT. It just does not make any sense. Apparently they hunt aliens, but why would a queen, who lived a century ago, be afraid of extraterrestrial life? I heard their enemy number one is a man travelling around in an old-fashioned police box, from the 1950s or so!”
"It's having a screw loose or being nuts, Ziva," Tony said absently, correcting her, a rote job by now. Then he started to snicker. “A police box? From the 50s? Really?!”
“Yes. Its owner supposedly is a human-looking alien that calls itself ‘the Doctor‘. That thing, the police box, apparently can travel in time and space.”
“Niiice! Aliens and a time-and-space travelling machine!” Ziva was right, they WERE lunatics. But imagine having his own time-and-space travelling machine, meeting aliens, going back and forward in time… oh, the fun he could have. Getting back to the present and the contemporary situation he asked her, “How much influence do they have, do you think? Any chance of them getting us kicked out of the country if we make a fuss about them cutting us out of the crime scene?”
Ziva shrugged her shoulder. “I do not know.” Both of them looked at the Torchwood agents, who were still arguing. The boss, Harkness - the man in the military coat, didn’t seem to agree with what his companions Jones, the suit, and Cooper, the woman, had to say. Hopefully the result of their disagreement would be in NCIS’ favour.
With a sigh Tony looked at the creature, lying in the same place where it had rolled after he pushed it off of him. The thing was still out from whatever Harkness had sprayed it with. Hopefully, it would stay unconscious for some time, but these Torchwood jokers seemed not to be too concerned about that. He looked at the creature again: ‘Alien, huh?’ He shook his head mentally. ‘Naaah! No way!’
Jack was cussing up a storm in his head. Normally, they would have taken the weevil back to the hub, the victim would have disappeared or been placed in a set up accident scene to explain their injuries and the whole world would be happy. Except this situation was one big mess. Yes, they got the weevil but unfortunately now another, foreign organization was involved. He had hoped they would give up… but had lost that illusion pretty quickly. He was sure his only hope of getting them off the case was to throw them out of the country - an action that would probably result in another headache he didn’t really need. He looked at his co-worker/boyfriend/lover who was working away on his PDA and ordered: “Ianto, tell me what you got.”
“Anthony DiNozzo, senior agent to Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He worked Homicide before being recruited by NCIS. His time in NCIS is the longest he stayed in one job. He’s worked there for eight years. Before that, he usually stayed no more than two years in a job.
“He comes from a wealthy family but hasn’t any contact with his father in twenty years. The man didn’t even visit when his son had the plague.”
“The plague?” Gwen interrupted him.
“Yes, the plague.” Ianto took a long suffering sigh. “Gwen, Agent DiNozzo suffered from the plague in 2005 when I was still stalking Jack for a job and you were still with the constabulary. It wasn’t the one we caused with opening the rift and letting Abaddon in this world.” Both looked guiltily at Jack momentarily. Then Ianto was back to tapping away on his PDA whereas Gwen looked at the ground, only to put herself back together and taking up her protest at such happening again.
“That… but… that’s… but that’s impossible. The plague doesn’t exist anymore since… I don’t know when.”
Jack cut into their argument. “You're wrong, it still exists. Here in Europe it’s really rare. I don’t remember if there was a case reported in the last few years. Owen would have known.” He told her sounding a bit depressed. “The United States has a lot more cases but they are generally mild easily cured with treatments.
“Ianto’s is also right, Gwen, because I remember Owen going on and on about it. He said something about a mother getting revenge for her daughter. She sent a letter to the NCIS that included a really nasty type of plague, more like the one from the middle ages. He had heard about it from some friend at the CDC, but it was all over the international intelligence community at the time.”
“May I continue now?” Ianto waited for their nods before continuing. “He is popular among his co-workers. Apparently he is your hetero pendant, Jack. He flirts with women the same way you do with everything. He only had one serious relationship, but it was for an operation run by the woman who was the Director of NCIS at the time. It may be that he was too deep undercover.
“He may appear immature but takes his work seriously. He is loyal to his boss. He had the chance to lead his own team but turned it down.
“Ziva David… hm, interesting...” Ianto looked at Jack and Gwen, then back to his PDA. “She is a Mossad operative, seconded to the team after her predecessor was killed by, oh that’s strange, David’s half brother Ari Haswari. Apparently Gibbs killed him in self defence… And she’s still working with him?” He paused again and shook his head unbelievingly. “Her sister Talia was killed in a suicide bombing back home in Israel.
“Oh my! Her father is Eli David. Sir, I think you remember him? You have butted heads with him on more than one occasion. He is the Director of the Mossad.
“She herself was trained as assassin and worked in this capacity before coming to the NCIS. David was the protégée of the at that time NCIS Director... hm, the same woman who sanctioned DiNozzo's undercover OP. David seemed to have had some problems adjusting to the work in the beginning but is now fully integrated in the team.
“Timothy McGee, a computer specialist, is the third team member.
“Their boss, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, is a former Marine sniper. He is infamous for butting heads with not only the local police forces, but also the FBI, ATF, DEA, CIA, NSA, ARMY CID and any other agency he feels is getting in his way while he is on a case. He is a hard ass, who is only loyal to people he calls family.
“After the death of his predecessor the current NCIS Director Leon Vance split the team up, apparently for catching a leak. But it was suggested that it may be part way a power play against Gibbs. Vance kept DiNozzo longer away then the rest of the team nevertheless Gibbs insisted repeatedly to have his entire team back. They have only been back together for two weeks.
“This team is not only competent; they also are obdurate. I doubt they will be willing to let us take over the investigation, Sir.” Ianto concluded.
“Let them investigate. We…”
Anything Jack would have said was cut off as Gwen interrupted, “Jack, we need to bring the weevil back to the Hub before it wakes up.”
Jack sighed. “You do it. Take the SUV and then come back when you're done. I guess we'll have to stay here for some time if they insist on investigating. Afterwards we'll invite them back to the Hub for a talk and retcon them.” He paused as he saw the shocked twin looks directed at him. “What?!”
“You can’t retcon them. They are members of an official foreign institution.” Gwen lectured. Jack didn’t see the big problem. If they wouldn’t stop stir up trouble, their way of thinking had to be changed and with it the way they remembered certain facts how the attack had happened. A little retcon mixed in their drinks would cure their curiosity. What was the big deal? “Why not? I did it to you.”
“Yes, and look how well that went. Don’t you remember that I got my memories back?” Gwen responded him.
“And? You were the exception to the rule. And anyway, you remembered only after your memory was stimulated.” Jack countered.
“DiNozzo works as investigator. He is trained to notice and memorize things and to discover connections.
“David is a trained Mossad agent. Who knows what they taught her, especially because her dad is the Mossad Director and she worked as assassin.
“I shudder to think about what her father would do if he gets wind of the fact that we retconned his daughter. Do you really want to have the Mossad as enemy?
“The probability of them remembering is higher than usual. I don’t want to even imagine the kind of repercussions for the US-GB diplomatic relationship if they notice their memories were manipulated.”
“Ianto?” Jack looked at the young man still typing away on his PDA but nonetheless listening to their discussion.
“I agree with Gwen. I also think it’s not a good idea. Maybe it would be better to make them aware of all the facts? They still need to investigate the case they came for and will probably stay a few days. Chances are high they will get in alien trouble again, if this wasn’t a spontaneous attack. We all know weevils aren't known for attacking inside buildings generally speaking… We may have to investigate too and could use their help. They are more experienced in finding little clues than we are and may pick up on things we would otherwise oversee.”
Jack wasn’t convinced but stopped the discussion for now. He sent Gwen on her way with the weevil and turned back to their new acquaintances to tell them the results of their impromptu conference.
Tony was glad the final decision went in their favour, less trouble and grand standing that way. Apparently their ‘new friends’ had lost their scientists five months ago and were still looking for new ones. So they appreciated any help they could get. Tony got the impression in the sentence was the word ‘unwilling’ hidden somewhere. But as one of his frat brothers who loved to quote his grandma used to say, ‘Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.’ Of course the guy had been referring to free parties, beer and girls, but Tony thought the saying was appropriate in this case too. He told Ziva to start photographing the victim and to sketch the scene, trusting the others would do the local things like calling a coroner, closing up the crime scene, organizing a crime scene tape, etc.
While their new friends seemed to know a lot about how to control the creature that attacked him, they didn’t seem to know even basic crime scene investigatory techniques. Tony shook his head. While Jones stayed in a place near the door, one eye on his electronic toy, with the other following Ziva around, his boss was another story. He trailed behind Tony, talking non-stop and getting on his nerves in general. Tony knew he had a fine ass, women had told him that enough times, didn't mean it needed to be repeated every time he bend down to look at something or pick something up. Not to mention, these fleeting touches that were accompanied by "oh, I'm sorry"-s and "ooops"-s. Besides if this clown made one more uncontrolled, careless stomp across and on the evidence, he would so...
"Stop it! What do you do in your super-secret Queen-approved agency? Don't they teach you anything?! You don't stomp across a crime scene. Did you even close the front door or can anyone wander in?" Tony had finally enough. This guy following him around like a puppy was getting old - fast and he snapped. "Just stand somewhere out of the way and let me do my job." He continued more calmly now. "And stop complementing me on my ass. The suit there," he pointed to Jones, "doesn't seem to be too happy about it. Maybe you should compliment his instead." He could hear Ziva snickering and ignored it stoically. He would bet this story would be around NCIS headquarter five seconds after they were back, sooner than that if Ziva called Abby to gossip.
"Oh, Yan knows he is my most favourite ass." Harkness smiled at Jones. "But locking up the doors would probably be good. Ianto, would you please do the honours?"
Ianto crossed the room, careful to not disturb anything or get in the way of the NCIS agents. Just as he reached the front door, it was opened from outside and a man and a woman strolled in. Both had an air of danger about them and walked with confidence, as if they belonged here.
"Look X, Ethan hir'd some eye candy." The woman licked her lips and openly let her gaze wander down Ianto's body.
"Faith, Ethan definitely didn't hire him. Eye candy is named Ianto Jones and works for Torchwood. So, if you're here," the man asked Ianto, "does that mean Captain Harkness is too? Maybe in the backroom? Why don't we go back there? You'll lead us, wont you?" The whole time 'X' spoke, Ianto was walked by 'Faith', who had slung an arm around Ianto's shoulder, against his will and vocal protests, to the door that led to the back.
"Boy toy, 'm horrified. Ya know all the hot boys by name and don't think to introduce me. This Captain's hot, yeah? How do you know 'em anyway?" She put on hand to her heart. "Did ya cheat on Spike? Ya told me he's the one 'nd only man for ya, that we couldn't have wild 'n' kinky sex anymore. Does Spike know about 'em? Did he threaten to kill 'em, rip 'em apart and dance on their insides or make a modern piece of art out of 'em. Or did he threaten to cage ya in and throw the key away, maybe sex ya up 'til ya promise to never do it again?" The man threw her a dirty look, lips pressed together; apparently he didn't like his dirty linen washed in public. Who would? Hm, mabe Jack. But what she said were entirely too much information for people she knew nothing about. "Say, how many people have ya slept with exactly anyway, X? Know ya acted a little horny when ya were in Africa but this is insane. 'nd to not tell me all about it is just... wait a second, what the hell IS Torchwood?"
“Cute Faith, real cute,” the man said with a strong thread of sarcasm in his voice.
'Faith' grinned back at him unrepentantly, “All part of the service.”
The man shook his head at her antics but choose to ignore her answer. "No, I never actually met them. Didn't you listen to Giles last year?" He asked her. "That meeting, the one where we couldn't get Andrew to calm down for months afterward? The one, where we had to eat 'Star Trek'-themed foods for months? The one, where he only spoke Klingon for one week afterward 'til Giles threw a fit and the girls threatened to destroy his prized collectibles if he didn't speak English again?"
"Boooy toooy! Ya know I fall asleep once Giles starts one of his droning, endless lectures and Andrew bein' weird is normal. I would tell little D to check for apocalypses and prophecies, if that ever changes." The woman whined. "And ya didn't tell me the answer to my other..."
Anything else she would have said was interrupted when they entered the backroom. "Oooh, that's a lot of candy in one place. Did ya sleep with all of 'em?" She continued after a short pause, looking around the room. "If not, I'll take this one here." She dragged Ianto even closer to her. "That suit just cries to be ripped off ‘nd I bet there's a body under it that begs to be licked and to fuck. While I'm busy, ya could try the rest. We'll exchange them afterwards, means no-one can complain that he has to go without getting some satisfaction."
Ianto didn't think anything would cause him to blush after working for and having a relationship with Captain Jack Harkness. But life seemed intent on proving him wrong.
They were being overrun and invaded. That was the only thing Jack could call it. He didn't even have the time to protest. In the first place this WOMAN was taking liberties with his lover and secondly they just stormed in, waving some kind of IDs in everyone's faces.
"SlayWat GC, Xander Harris and Faith Lehane. What happened here? Hey, are there any aliens here? I could so use the blackmail for Andrew." The man, Harris, had stopped at the door, looking around. The woman, Lehane, followed his example.
Ianto, took the first opportunity to escape her grasp, nearly running to the other side of the room. He came to a stop half hidden behind Jack. A questioning glance from his boss he answered with a head shake. He never had heard of them either. At a nudge from Jack he started to type away on his PDA... only to stop when the sound of a throat clearing broke his concentration.
"Wouldn't do that, if I were you." Harris told them.
"Why not, Mister Harris?" DiNozzo asked the question before Jack could.
"Ew, please, don't call me that if you expect me to answer. The name's Xander," he told them. "The last person, who went looking for information about us without our permission, was rendered impotent for one month and had whole different reason to scratch an itch. I never have seen pictures of a rainbow coloured rash before, plus the computer that did the search became one big melted mass."
"But that wasn't as bad as the mess ya made at Wolfram&Hart with Connor and Oz." Lehane throw in. Raised eyebrows and thrown glances by diverse agents marked the mentioning of the law firm. "Angel is still after your hide about that one, X. Ya caused them millions of dollars damage. Good thing ya had Spike to hide behind. If I remember right, your grandsire-in-law” Xander winced at the reminder of his familial relationship with this Angel. “still won’t let anyone of ya three setting foot in a five mile radius around the firm without the company of a security guard."
"Hey, we weren't responsible for all their computers on the network becoming big melted silicon lumps. That was all Willow's fault. And you know, I still think it was totally unfair of her, to make us walk around polka-dotted for three whole day."
"If ya had just told someone your plan..." Anything else she would have said was interrupted when Xander protested.
"What's the sense in doing a super secret hack attack against our computer security network when the person, who is responsible for the network, knows about it? The Wolfram&Hart computers were the best and had features we couldn't get our hands on otherwise. And Connor could get us easy access to them, made the whole sneaking in thing a lot easier."
"But ya didn't tell me ‘nd I missed all the fun!" Lehane whined.
"What do you mean? Being polka-doted or having Spike on your ass and never letting you out of his sight because he's afraid what the evil lawyers were going to do to us, if they caught us?" 'Xander' paused then Jack could hear him grumble more silently. "As if they could have... No chance in Hell!"
"If ya say it like that... But that politician who tried after ya did was even more fun." Lehane added. "Ya know, the one where Red let it rain frogs on that minister lady?"
"Ok, I understand that raining frogs is unusual. But what's so bad about it?" Jack asked, not very impressed. Unusual things WERE his life's work. The NCIS agents were another story. He saw Ziva mouthing 'let it rain frogs' to DiNozzo and him shrugging his shoulder. If he should guess, it probably meant more 'They are totally crazy. Let's call the men in the white coats.' than 'I don't know what they are talking about.'
"For ya maybe," was the answer Lehane gave to Jack. "But Red is deadly afraid of 'em. When she found out tha' bitch had the same problem, she sooo used it fully. That woman had to stay home because everywhere she went it rained the slimy little beasts on her. Not that staying home helped; it happened in her apartment too. That sure taught her to never mess with family again. Still have the photos," she looked at Ianto and added in a seductive voice. "I could show ya the pictures, if ya show me your sketches."
"Call me Faith, Eye Candy."
His lover took a deep breath and tried anew. "Miss Lehane, I'm honoured by your offer," he answered, looking uncomfortable and pressing close to Jack. "But I already have someone who shows me his photos and sketches."
At this moment Gwen came back and took it on herself to answer. "They not only exchange sketches; they also play naked Hide-and-Seek at the headquarters. Safest way to go in is with closed eyes and calling loudly 'company incoming'. Who are the newcomers? Should they be on a crime scene?"
"SlayWat GC. Yes, we should. Got the ID to prove it too..." Harris, call me 'Xander', answered her.
At the same time Lehane had apparently more important things to clarify. "Really? Naked Hide-and-Seek? Kinky! I want to play too! Can I play too? I don't have anything against threesomes and I'm good at games, especially if gorgeous here is in it too. Hot prizes give me even more incentive to win." She purred, having stalked closer during her speech, she came to a stop in front of Jack, looking him up and down.
Ianto, taking a step back with every step Lehane took forward, was quick to destroy any illusions she may have, “We don’t play Hide-and-Seek anymore. I got tired of him cheating all the time.”
"Oh, but cheating is half the fun. Ya know," She looked at Jack. "If lover boy there doesn't want to play anymore, we could have fun together. He can even watch."
"As much fun as that would be," Jack, taking the opportunity to look his fill too, answered her negatively. "I have to decline, Miss Lehane. I don't think Ianto would be willing to share."
"Faith... I already told that to your boy toy." She corrected. "We could just start with some touching," One of her fingers trailed from Jack's temple along the side of his face and further his throat to come to a stop at the opening of his shirt. "And then we could touch some more." The finger was joined by the rest of her hand, sliding over his upper body. "I bet he will join in sooner or later." She pressed her body close to his and her hands started to wander up and down his backside, stroking here and there and squeezing his ass. "Nice." The purring was back in her voice. She sniffed his neck before taking a lick. Any attempts by Jack to remove her from his body was met by surprisingly strong resistance and was completely unsuccessful. Helpless, he looked over his shoulder and met Ianto's eyes. Jack's silent begging for help was answered with an amused glance and shrugged shoulders. Apparently his lover had no problem with the all the touching going on and Jack's inability to get free.
"You know, Jack," Ianto finally said in reply to the unspoken pleas, his voice sounding just a little bit bored. "I always wondered when your flirting would get you into deep trouble or when you would finally meet someone who flirts even more aggressively then you do. Jack, meet you match." Then he had the nerve to grin broadly, from one ear to the other.
Oh, no! Yan would so pay for his comment. Just wait till he gets him home, then... but first he really needed to put some distance between himself and this female octopus, and that's something he NEVER thought he would say even to himself!
While Xander appreciated the show, and not being the victim of it this time, they had a job to do. "Down girl. Leave the guy alone. Come on focus, Faith, we're here for a reason."
She sighed and let Harkness go. "Xan, when did ya become such a spoilsport? OK, if I can't play with these two, what about him?" She whined, pointing at the third man in the room.
"No, Faith. You remember the old guy in the big building with the stuffy furnishings, the one who sent us here, on an assignment? The one who pays for all the stuff you break? The one who pays all our bills, not to mention your and my salary?"
"He didn't mention not being able to have fun while we're working." She took one step in the direction of his newest object of interest, when said person snapped at her.
"STOP! Do not take one step closer and don't move. I've had enough of you people trampling all over the evidence. The next one who moves even one inch gets shot. Do I make myself clear?"
"But..." Faith tried to say.
"Faith, let the good man be. He's clearly had a stressful day - especially if he had to spend it with the Captain. If I remember his profile correctly, and after the comments made by Mister Jones earlier I'm sure I do, the Captain doesn't know when to stop and apparently he flirts with everything on two legs... and sometimes on four... at any time and under any circumstances."
"You seem to know a lot about us. Wouldn't it be in the interests of fair play if you told us about yourselves? Your favourite color, music, movie? What SlayWat is?" Harkness asked.
"No, no. Bad Captain Gorgeous." Faith shook her finger. "We can't tell ya. If we did, we would have to kill ya. I'd even shed some tears on your graves." Seeing the disbelieving glances around her, she shook her head. "What?! I've been waiting years to say that..." After a pause she added. "And it's fun EVERY time."
"Faith," Xander cautioned her. "But she's right. We can't tell you. At least, not without getting some more information about your new friends there."
"They work for Tor..." Harkness started to say.
Xander didn't even let him finish speaking. "You wouldn't try to cheat and lie to me now Captain, would you? If they were your new agents we'd know."
The two strangers apparently had enough of being ignored and stated. "NCIS, agents DiNozzo and David."
"NCIS? Isn't that the Naval Investigation thing Giles' friend works for?" Faith asked.
"Yes. But that doesn’t matter at the moment." Xander answered her. "They don't have high enough clearances. Hell, Torchwood’s clearance isn’t high enough, technically."
"What do you mean our clearance is too low?! If it has to do with our investigation, we need to be informed." DiNozzo seemed to gear himself up for a fight. "I didn't argued with them," he pointed to Harkness, "only to lose to you now! This is our investigation too! We have claim to it. This death has connections to a murder in Washington, DC. We will complain to your government if you exclude us!" He paused for a deep breath. "And what is it with every damn British agency having American agents anyway?! Don't they have enough of their own natives that could work for them?!"
Harkness, apparently, didn't like Xander's statement either. "We were founded by the Queen and only answer to Her. We are above the government. How can you be sure of your clearance being higher?"
"Because it is. Our organization is older than your whole Royal system. We don't answer to the Queen. We are nice enough to work with Her because of a long standing agreement. You want to call Her and ask? Be my guest." Xander told him.
"Ianto." Apparently his word wasn't enough. He didn't really expect that it would be, but it would be nice, just once to have taken his words taken at face value. Two minutes later his word WAS accepted.
"And this whole exercise will probably be for nothing." He sighed. "We just want a look at the body, but I'm relatively sure it isn't our guy. So, if you would just let us take a look, we'll be on our way."
"Who are you looking for and why don't you think it's him?" Faith's eye candy asked.
"We're looking for Ethan Rayne, the owner of this shop. He's in his sixties. Your victim there looks to be in his twenties." Xander explained. "He was probably a student that worked here. You do the math. So, one quick look at the face and we're out of your hair."
DiNozzo didn't wait for an answer from Harkness. He motioned Faith and Xander closer, urging them to be careful where they stepped.
Five minutes later Xander was proven right, and they were on their way out of the door, saying their good-byes. Faith, never one to let an opportunity go by without taking full advantage, felt up both the two Torchwood agents again and groped the one lonely NCIS guy, so he wouldn’t feel left out of course. As soon as they stepped outside and were far enough away to be not overheard they started making their plans.