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Sweetness and Sorrow

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Songs from the Heart". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Second story in the Songs from the Heart Trilogy, Tiny bit of Xander/Danny

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
CSI > CSI New YorkDennSedaiFR1511,460011,7994 Apr 094 Apr 09Yes
Buffy, Angel and associated characters are property of Joss Whedon and company. CSI: New York and associated characters are property of CBS and associates.

The song is 'Mandy' by Barry Mannilow.

This is the second of three interconnected drabbles. The story that originally inspired it is New York Heartbreak at:

The pairing will eventually be Danny/Xander, but it's not going to be in this first of three drabbles. The second will have more Danny/Xander and then the third will be a sequel to NY Heartbreak. This is a prequel to NY Heartbreak.

Xander had spent a lot of years traveling around the world, picking up newly activated Slayers for the New Watcher’s Council as well as staying to teach the few who didn’t want to leave their own people. Staring at his phone now, he swore softly in several of the languages he’d picked up along the way.

Why the Hell Buffy or Faith couldn’t handle the problem that he was being summoned for, was beyond him. He was supposed to be on vacation, for the first time in nearly a year and a half, damn it! But no, he had be the one to drop everything and run off to deal with a mess created by even more idiots.

This time, the idiots in question were several of the junior Slayers and their Watcher having no clue how to handle some problem they’d come across. Xander wasn’t given any information on it, only that the situation wasn’t looking good.

Danny was going to be beyond pissed, even if he left his lover a note. And, with Danny having no idea what Xander’s past entailed or what he was involved in, he couldn’t just blurt out why he had to drop everything and leave. All because Buffy and or Faith were off doing whatever and neither could be bothered or expected to deal with whatever it was; after all, the girls were probably exaggerating how serious it was.

Packing his few things, Xander continued to swear under his breath. There was no way in Hell Danny was going to forgive him for this. Wryly chuckling to himself, he shook his head. It wasn’t like he could just leave a note – ‘Danny, sorry love, but possible world ending Apocalypse came up. Gotta run, will call when I get back from dealing with it. Xander.’


Laying in the hospital bed, Xander muttered to himself. The Slayers were still in one piece. The new Watcher, would be lucky if Willow didn’t leave them in a few thousand pieces. That was going to be his own personal pleasure.

No, not a single idiotic one of them could do the research properly or even send the pertinent information that they’d found, back to the main headquarters for the council. Instead, they just assumed the bits and pieces they were dealing with were unrelated.

But it wasn’t. What it had turned out to be, was a full blown ascension. So he’d had to pull a miracle out of his ass to save them all at the last minute.

If those idiots were still working for the council when he got out of the hospital, he’d enjoy teaching them the depths of their stupidity.


Moving slowly, Xander walked down the steps leading into Caritas. He hoped that Lorne would be able to give him some good advice this time around. He had the last time, even if Xander had been foolish enough to forget the one part of it.

Sitting down at the bar, he ordered a drink, and slowly sipped at it, as he watched Lorne talking to the singer who had just stepped down off the stage.

The bar had mystical protections on it, that kept any human or demon from attacking another. It also had some that provided a safe radius around it that prevented anyone from using other means to do damage.

Even so, he was a tad weary, as some of the looks he’d been receiving so far, made it clear that folks knew very well who he was. Especially with the whispers that began slowly after the looks started.

Taking the seat by Xander, Lorne slowly shook his head. “Well Sweet Cheeks, I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I’m guessing you’re here for a drink to blunt the pain?”

Xander let out a snort at that and slowly shook his head. “Not really, or not mostly, if I’m completely honest. I was hoping that if I sang for you again, you could give me some advice. I think I made a major mistake and I don’t think the person is going to forgive me.”

Lorne slowly nodded at that. “Ahhh, then this ‘new look’ is part of the problem? Cause I really gotta say, the beat up look, so not you Darling.”

Xander cracked a small smile at that, wincing slightly when he started to laugh.

“Sorry, but that’s more or less a side effect of me having screwed up, and not with the person. I…” Xander said trailing off. “I screwed up royally. I left and didn’t leave a note or a message. Because it was an ‘emergency’ and either Buffy or Faith was supposedly available. Plus the idiots who were working with the new girls….”

Lorne heard the sarcasm in Xander’s voice as the young man continued.

“Plus the idiots who were working with the new girls….” He didn’t even bother finishing.

“Gotcha. Well, you know how it works, Sweet Cheeks. Pick your song and sing, I’ll let you know what I see, if I see anything.”

Xander nodded slowly. “Thanks Lorne, I mean it. I know, I’m not the most popular person around here but…”

“De nada, Ducks. It’s fine. It’s rare that humans come in, but everyone is welcome here,” Lorne said shooting a pointed look around, as he raised his voice for the last part.


‘I remember all my life
raining down as cold as ice.
Shadows of a man,
a face through a window cryin' in the night,
the night goes into

Morning just another day;
happy people pass my way.
Looking in their eyes,
I see a memory I never realized
how happy you made me.

Oh Mandy well,
you came and you gave without taking,

Oh, Mandy well,
kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you today. Oh, Mandy!

I'm standing on the edge of time;
I've walked away when love was mine.
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing,
the tears are in my mind’


Wiping away an idle tear, Lorne slowly shook his head. ‘Damn, but I hate dealing with matters of the heart,’ he thought to himself. Taking another gulp of his drink, he set it down with a sigh.

Looking at Lorne, Xander let out his own. “That bad I take it?”

“Yes and no, Sweet Cheeks. Yeah, you screwed up big time. I can’t say for sure if he’ll forgive you or not. I wish I could, but it’s not clear at the moment. I think it hinges on you being able to tell him the whole truth, or at least a major piece of it. Do you remember what I told you last time?”

Xander frowned and thought about it for a moment.

“For the most part yes; what in particular were you referring to?”

Lorne let out a soft sigh at that. “The part about not going when others said they needed you? That you shouldn’t let go of that person when you finally found them, because they’d truly understand you?”

Xander let out a soft groan at that.

“Yep, exactly. If you come clean to them, I get the feeling they would understand and forgive you. If you can’t tell them the truth and probably prove it as well…” Lorne offered softly trailing off.

“Then I’m screwed,” Xander offered softly. “I should have listened to my gut and said to Hell with it. I should have just stayed there.”


Walking into the silent apartment, Danny called out, “Hey Xander, you around somewhere?”

Not hearing a reply at all, he shook his head slowly, as he checked around. No message on the answering machine, or a note to be found.

Heading in to the bedroom, he looked around quickly and swore in Italian under his breath. Not a single thing of Xander’s was in sight. Nor was there a note in the bedroom either.

“Well, I guess that’s how it goes,” Danny said softly with a sigh. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

Heading back out to the kitchen, he grabbed a beer and decided that maybe drinking his dinner tonight might be the better choice.

The End

The End

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