Nothing here belongs to me. All Star Wars
materials and characters belong to George Lucas and his gang. All Buffy The Vampire Slayer
materials and characters belong to Joss Whedon and his group. The great storyteller Aesop created Belling The Cat
and The Fox And The Grapes
Yeah, yeah . . .I did explain not too long ago that Triple The Pleasure, Triple The Fun!
was a one shot deal. But this unfinished, incomplete bit was still hanging around so I decided to post it, rather than have it lost or forgotten.
Now, the story is incomplete, and has noticeable gaps, but I hope some portions of it, can make someone chuckle. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Buffy drives a speedster.
Our story so far, has our heroes transformed into the infamous Darth Revan for Halloween, by the Chaos mage, Ethan Raynes. When the spell was broken, most of the enchanted costumes return to their original state, leaving nightmarish memories for most of their wearers. But not for our heroes-Revan's presence remained firmly embedded in their dimension, and within our heroes. His robes and armor-his weapons, skills, abilities and his memories remained.
Revan's Power in the Force remained. Alarmed, Rupert Giles extracted from the trio promises limiting their use of their Force powers. Giles was confident that Revan would keep his word, and his children would be equally honorable and keep theirs.
But Dark powers were at work and the trio soon found the restrictions too chafing and actively sought out ways to circumvent their promises.
Through their research they discovered the existence of Vengeance demons and their power sources. Anyanka, self proclaimed Patron Saint Of Scorned Women, caught their attention-Her power source was noted as being disguised as an ugly necklace. Her weakness was easily exploitable. The trio made plans to capture Anyanka. They lured Anyanka to Sunnydale and captured her. The Revan trio used a bag filled with stuff, toy bunnies and a burrowed, live pet bunny-Anyanka's weakness, bunnies-to gain the necklace from a screaming Anyanka.
Later that same day, Anyanka was stripped of her demonic status and turned into a human.
The Revans convened in the school hallway, to examine their prize. To their disappointment, the necklace turned out to be a Sith creation-Useless to them.
What our heroes had failed to notice, was a bored Larry Blaisdell inventing a new game called Toss The Geek! Andrew Wells became the first geek tossed in Larry's new game. Andrew flew into the Revan trio, causing the startled threesome to channel the Force through the necklace.
Larry was the only witness to see all four disappear. They reappeared on Coruscant, near nine hundred years before the Skywalker saga. The necklace was damaged, converting it into nothing more than an ugly piece of jewelry; but they did find out its twin was buried in the Jedi's Temple vault.
While they made plans to steal the necklace, they decided to find the answer to a question haunting their minds for years-
What color hair did young Yoda have?
Through no fault of Andrew, the Revans and Andrew find themselves on Coruscant, nearly 900 hundred years before the Skywalker saga. As our earthly heroes are still technically
Sith-Three little Sith, on a planet housing the Jedi's ancient Temple and crawling with Jedi-discretion was better then having themselves sliced and diced by eager lightsaber wielding Jedi. They all decided to maintain a low profile and try to blend in as quietly as possible into the planet's massive population. All the while, working on the only way to get back home.
Buffy was driving their speedster. In sad hindsight, the Scoobies had to admit it was a poor and ridiculous lapse of judgement on their part. But at that point in time, they were helplessly strapped into their seats while Buffy guided their speedster in Coruscant's late morning traffic. It started with a burst of speed, straight into a sliver of open space between two other speedsters. Screaming protests and howling horns were just the beginning as Buffy squeezed the long, heavy vehicle into other small gaps in the fast, flowing traffic, flying hundreds of miles above the ground.
Into the left lane, Buffy jerked the speedster with eye blurring speed. She came within a whisper of contact with the heavy, truck like transporter flying in that lane. Quick hand work on the controls, and Buffy shot away into the narrow corridor between two other heavy, cargo transporters. The hot, burning stench of metal and plastics came from the twin plumes of burning sparks flying away from the sides of the speedster as it scrapped the sides of the transporters. She sped clear of them and almost crashed into another transporter, innocently shifting lanes. Buffy shifted the speedster into reverse, spun it around and flew backwards into an opening barely wide enough for the vehicle. She ignored the whimpers in the passenger side seat-In the backseat, the high, pitch screaming and the piteously moaned "We're gonna die! We're gonna die!" Buffy recognized only as background noise. Annoying background noise at that, she silently groused.
With unerring precision, Buffy guided the backend of the speedster through the high-speed traffic, weaving in and out of impossible gapes and openings, at flashing speeds. Now! Now!
Screamed Buffy's senses as her hands moved in blurs over the controls! With a terrible whine of protest and tortured machinery the speedster lifted up into the air, flipped end over end four times and came down heavily in a open space, it's front end facing the right direction, at last. But leaving the inhabitants of the neighboring speedsters gaping in shock and horror!
On occasion, Buffy's hands lifted from the controls to exchange suggestive gestures with other drivers. At those times, Buffy heard the oddest sounds coming from the speedster-She would put her hands back on the controls and listen carefully, but those sounds would stop and their origins remained a mystery to her. Unknown to Buffy, her poor captive passengers, far too weak to verbally protest, could only expel the weakest noise from their desiccated mouths.
Abruptly, without warning, the speedster dropped over a hundred feet into another traffic flow! And, dammit! Buffy scowled. There's that sound again! Where is it coming from?!
But with all bad nightmares, the dreamer eventually awakens-With a hard jerk to the right, a sudden burst of speed and one, two jolts and Buffy flew the speedster into a tunnel. She finally, mercifully, slowed the speedster down and with surprising delicacy, gently parked the speedster in the indoor garage.
"Come on! We've got to hurry!" Buffy urged her unresponsive friends. Their restraints snapped open, their still bodies ejected from the speedster and settled on their feet. Their faces slack and devoid of expression-Buffy pushed, pulled, and prodded her friends up to an entrance overseen by a droid.
"Hi, there! Buffy greeted it brightly. "Are we too late for the Breakfast Buffet?"
"No, you still have five minutes left," it assured her.
"Oh, good!" Buffy held out her credits. "Four passes please."
She spun around with the passes in hand, and said proudly, "See? I told you I'll get us here on time!"
At that pointed, a reanimated Willow stumbled to a planter and vomited. Xander's first independent action, since leaving the speedster, was to focus his eyes on Buffy, before giving way to a dead faint. Andrew was the luck one-They momentarily forgot about him. When they finally came around to him, they discovered he had played catatonic victim and slipped away. Andrew took a taxi home, and for that one moment defining himself as the smartest Scoobie of them all. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In the woods outside of Sunnydale, the night was anything but quiet. A tiny, terrified mouse trudged through the undergrowth, dragging a rhinestone cat collar with a tiny silver bell on it.
He heard a noise and froze-That was no wind! And from the dark, the twin gems of light floated in front of him. The tiny creature stood in frozen terror as the night pulled itself in, creating darker outlines, until his mortal enemy materialized before him-The Cat.
She sat, staring at the mouse with unblinking curiosity. "Now, what is a tiny fellow like yourself doing, looking for a feline like me?" She purred with deceptive calm. Behind her, her tail tip curled and uncurled in anticipation.
The terror stricken mouse saw Death in those eyes and knew it was his-But maybe, just maybe he could make it worth something. The little mouse shook with fear, but he swallowed and took a deep breath and said, "Oh, Great and Terrible Lady! I bring yo-."
of air, that passed in front of the cat, was no wind! In a minute, the owl was perched high in the tree limbs, the mouse's tail disappearing into the bird's beaked maw.
The collar the mouse had been toting had landed on a bush. The angry Cat swatted and batted at the pretty bell, making it tinkle. That was my mouse! She complained petulantly. I
wanted to eat him! That stupid featherduster had no business taking him! And, say, what was that mouse doing with this collar anyway? Nice bell, though, she admired the bell and swatted it one last time before slinking away into the undergrowth. Stupid bird, stupid mouse-I bet he was sour anyway.
With that last thought for the evening's event, the Cat returned to her lair in that Buffy chick's basement.
High in a squirrel's cozy home, a family of squirrels slept comfortably together in a mass of warmth and fur. Tee'ami partly awoke, startled. What was that? For a moment he listened, then he decided it was only the wind. He laid his furry cheek down on his brother's hip and was fast slipping into sleep when his brother's tail lifted slightly and before Tee'ami could protest, he fell into a dream of gas powered nuts. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Okay, you noticed that no squirrels were technically harmed in this story. The mouse did get eaten in this version of Aesop's story. But the Cat was innocent this time around.
You'll notice our Revans are wading around in dangerous waters. The Dark side is going to be hard to resist-But, with Buffy, her slayer's demonic essence could make things even more interesting.
As for the original story, a question came up on what Giles meant when he said, "Good lord!" at the end. He could have been praying or cursing, or both.
Anyway, I did give plenty of warning of just how choppy this story is. But in spite of that, I still hope you enjoyed at least some of it.
Thank you for reading it. Bye-bye!