Disclaimer: BTVS, Supernatural and all characters and related elements are properties of their genius creators, Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke. FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY no infringement intended. I own nothing. “Careless Whisper” was written by George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley
Summary: Dean screws up his relationship and pays the price – losing Buffy
Spoilers: Post Chosen, any season of SN
A/N: I heard Seether’s version of this song and this story just flew through my mind.
If she shows up, we have a chance. It means she’s not as mad as she said she was. It means
she still loves me. Baby, please show up. Please.
I hope she got the note I slipped under the door. She wouldn’t answer my calls. She wouldn’t even look at me the last time I saw her.
I glanced at my watch. It was almost nine. My eyes slowly swept over the crowd, picking out the blonde girls in the nightclub. The band on stage, oh who knows what they were called; they were finishing up a cover song by Poison. They played some decent heavy metal versions of old pop songs.
I should just give up. She doesn’t want to talk to me. She doesn’t want to see me. Why the hell did I fool myself into thinking she would forgive me? She warned me if I ever burned her she would walk out of my life. She was stubborn and fiery that way. That was what I loved about her. One minute, the curve of her lips would turn up, into a beautiful, inviting smile, the next; they would draw toward the floor in anger. If I were a demon, she would have struck me down in one second flat. Lucky me, I was only a human.
I let out a breath as the clock turned nine. I slapped a few bills on the bar and pushed off toward the door. I felt my stomach turn over violently as my hope rapidly faded away. Then I saw her.
She was standing a few feet by the door. Her face was shrouded in a frown. Her bad mood seemed permanent these days, at least over the past twenty-four hours. I walked over to her and she noticed me right away. You could rarely ever sneak up on her. That was one of her skills as the Slayer. She was alert and cautious when she went on patrol.
She looked up at me and didn’t smile. All she ever did now was glare. I knew she was trying to shoot knives and bombs at me with those eyes. Her green eyes usually danced and sparkled with playfulness but now, as I stared straight into them, they were dark with pain.
I reached out for her but she drew back from me. She slowly moved to the bar, keeping me in her sights. I stepped in beside her. She distanced herself from me. I could feel the anger permeating from her body.
She looked at me again and sighed. Her eyes became wet with tears. She turned around and was about to run out.
I snatched her small wrist and gripped it gently. My ears began to ring with the blare of the guitar and drums. I mouthed the word, “Dance” to her.
Her face hardened in to a glare. She shook her head.
Please, I mouthed.
Her lips trembled as I felt her hand soften in mine. I feel so unsure As I take your hand And lead you to the dance floor
The band began to play a hard rock version of a song by….crap, Wham? What the hell was it called? Whisper something. The original song sucked but this one ain’t bad. In fact, it kind of rocked.
I took her in my arms and looked into her eyes, still wet with tears. My heart splintered with the agony her eyes reflected into mine. As the music dies Something in your eyes Calls to mind a silver screen And all its sad goodbyes
She was tense in my arms. I caressed her back and tried to coax her into swaying to the slow beat. I never had to work so hard to get her to move with me on the dance floor. In the past, as recent as a week ago, she would hear some fluffy love song on the jukebox and lure me into a slow dance. She would shine those eyes and wink at me. She would draw those soft, supple lips into a bright smile. She would rock her hips in a silly “come on” motion. All of those tactics worked on me and she knew it. I hated that she knew it. But damn if it didn’t make her happy.
I was struggling to stay with the beat. What was going on? It was like I had grown two left feet. I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm
I felt her chest rise and fall and glanced down at her. The tears in her eyes were flowing fast and hard like a waterfall. Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool
My body stung with the reality of why she was mad. I should have known better than to cheat a friend And waste a chance that I'd been given
I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I could feel my own eyes dampening. I hated to see her cry. I hated to see her sad. She deserved to be happy and I – I screwed it up. I looked at her again and searched her eyes for one bead of hope, for one glimmer of a chance that we could get past this. I saw only anger. I saw only sadness. I saw – the death of our relationship and it paralyzed me. So I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you
My eyes clouded with tears as they streamed down my face. What the hell did I do? I betrayed her. I broke her heart. I was about to lose the greatest girl I had ever met over some stupid drunken shit.
I drew out a breath. Maybe she just needed more time. Time away from me. Time away from the pain. Maybe after awhile, she would just forget about it. Time can never mend The careless whisper of a good friend To the heart and mind Ignorance is kind There's no comfort in the truth Pain is all you'll find
When I looked in her eyes, I knew no amount of time would repair the damage I had done. My head began to swim with memories of our life, the laughs we shared, the demons we killed, the places we kissed, the songs we danced to, the looks we stole when Sam wasn’t watching, the words we whispered to each other under the covers at night.
As the band continued to play, I was beginning to regret picking this damn place. I couldn’t hear myself think anymore. Tonight the music seems so loud I wish that we could lose this crowd
There were so many things I wanted to say, things I wanted to explain to her. Maybe it's better this way
Oh hell, what was the point? We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We would just end up fighting. We could have been so good together
I had to do something. I couldn’t let her walk away. I messed up. People mess up. Relationships aren’t perfect. I thought if you loved someone enough, you could overcome anything. I told her I did a stupid thing. I told her it was meaningless. Hell, I barely remembered it. She didn’t want excuses. She wanted me gone. She wanted to forget me. We could have lived this dance forever
Her body weakened against mine. My heart fluttered. Maybe she was changing her mind. Maybe she could see now that I was gripped with guilt. I leaned down, pressed my lips against hers and kissed her. For a moment, I was hopeful as she didn’t tear herself away. I took the kiss deeper, showing her just how sorry I was, how much I loved her, how much I needed her.
She bolted back and covered a thin hand over her mouth. She shook her head and started to leave. But now who's gonna dance with me Please stay
I caught her hand and held it tightly. She whipped her head over her shoulder, those wonderful, gorgeous blonde locks falling around her face. I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool I should have known better than to cheat a friend And waste a chance that I'd been given
I tried to pull her back to me but she snapped her hand out of my grip. She didn’t look back as she walked toward the door. So I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you
Then she was gone. Come on feet, move! Go after her! Go grovel and plead and get the girl back! You need her! You can't live without her! She was the coolest, most kick ass chick in the world and she just left you! Run dammit! Run!
But my body was frozen. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t breathe. Pain flared into my heart. What the hell did I do? My eyes sunk to the floor. I deserved this. She was a gift, a precious gift that I didn’t deserve to get.
I saw the light on inside the motel room. I paused before I opened the door and walked in. Sam looked up from his bed and frowned.
“I take it things didn’t go well with Buffy?”
I sniffed, “I screwed this up so bad Sammy. She’s never coming back.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears that tugged in the corner of my eyes. Oh screw it. I didn’t care if Sam made fun of me. I deserved to be punished. I deserved to be beaten and ridiculed.
I never deserved her.