Yeah I know this is totally out of left field, but hey the idea wouldn't leave me alone. At some point in the future I might try and pull off a more serious take on a Buffy/Star Wars Crossover featuring the Star Wars Transformers Crossovers toys because it's unique, it allows me to blend three worlds seamlessly plus who would't want to see Xander and the gang have to take down the Darth Vader-Star? That being said, for now here's my total comedy centric story.Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy and all related characters, Lucas owns the rights to all things Star Wars and Hasbro owns the rights to Unicron and the Transformers. I do not claim otherwise, this is purely a work of fanfiction. Enjoy.
Xander and Andrew were arguing at Slayer Central, they were arguing because Xander had fallen for Andrew’s clever trap. What they were arguing about was the age old question, who was more powerful Galactus or the Death Star, well actually Andrew had cooked up a new variant to the question. He had asked who was more powerful The Death Star or Unicron, the Transformers Planet Devouring Uber God thing.
Vi had been sitting quietly in the den studying for a math test when the two of them showed up still arguing finer points. It went something like this.
“Unicron is a God he could definitely take the Death Star,” Xander said.
“But the Death Star was designed to destroy planets and Unicron is a God that turns into a giant planet, the Death Star will totally own Unicron,” Andrew countered.
“You did not just say that,” Xander said disbelievingly.
“If you ever use those words in that type of sentence again we are going to have a variation on the shovel speech,” Xander threatened wagging his finger in front of Andrew.
“What words, I don’t get it?” Andrew’s clueless expression made Vi want to run screaming from the room, although she would do that anyway because the two of them had been going on for the past two hours on the merits of one or the other. Why Xander, a noted Star Wars enthusiast was defending Unicron so passionately was a question better left unasked.
“Totally Own,” Xander repeated spelling it out slowly for Andrew’s benefit, “this isn’t a message board and nobody in real life uses that expression.”
“I heard Buffy say it two weeks ago,” Andrew shot back.
“Buffy is different, Buffy’s the Slayer, she can say anything she wants. You are just a Watcher and an imitation of one at best,” Xander stated stabbing his index finger into Andrew’s solar plexus.
“Yeah well I still say the Death Star would beat Unicron, one blast and it’s over,” Andrew stated returning to the original argument, Vi got out of her seat ready to leave.
“It took the Matrix to destroy Unicron, no weapon is powerful enough to kill him, not even the Death Star.”
“Oh yeah, well I wish I could prove it to you!” Andrew shouted. Vi froze in mid-step, Xander stared in horror at Andrew, and Andrew started shaking in his shoes his face going as pale as a vampire’s. Although Xander couldn’t recall vampires being that pale very often.
“Tell me you didn’t,” he said rapidly.
“Wish Granted,” a voice said from somewhere above their heads.
“What did you do?” Vi screamed stalking up to Andrew and grabbing him by the shirt collar. Andrew tried to say something to defend himself, but before the three of them could act a blinding white light engulfed them and sucked them out of their home dimension.
Laser fire erupted all around them as they arrived in a strange place, the oxygen level was breathable, but it definitely wasn’t Earth. Xander’s eyes were drawn to the combatants, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, on one side a collection of Jedi Starfighters were blasting at Imperial TIE Bombers and a TIE Advanced.
On the other, a smaller group of mechanical looking robots were fighting one another with lightsabers, one of them looked kind of like Anakin Skywalker’s Jedi Starfighter turned into a robot while the other looked like Darth Maul’s Sith Infiltrator.
“Andrew!” Vi shouted at the cowering geek turned Watcher.
“I didn’t do it!” he screamed in terror flinging himself to his knees and the mercy of the Slayer.
“You used the W word,” Vi accused.
“Umm, ok maybe I did, but I didn’t mean to,” Andrew said nervously.
“Question, why are we watching Star Wars Transformers fighting?” Xander asked confused. In answer to his question the sun was suddenly blotted out, glancing up he saw a giant ringed planet bearing down on the world they were currently standing on about to eat it judging by the massive maw that was open greedily looking to swallow them whole. Before it could move any closer to the planet though something the size of a small moon appeared firing its laser on Unicron, Xander grinned when the laser had no effect. “Ha, I told you!” he shouted triumphantly.
“But, but, it’s the Death Star.” Andrew’s words were swallowed up by the sound of the fighting, suddenly though the Death Star stopped firing and in a startling display it literally transformed into a massive mechanical version of Darth Vader complete with super sized lightsaber. Unicron followed this by transforming as well becoming a robot twice the size of the robot Darth Vader. Andrew grinned triumphantly at Xander. “Told you.”
“Told me what?” Xander demanded. “They just transformed, nobody’s won yet.” Darth Vader then started to fight Unicron with his lightsaber, the battle was intense, the armor of the planet sized god managing to reflect most of the damaging power of the laser sword’s blade. The two sci-fi aficionados didn’t question why the world they were in was filled with transforming Star Wars vehicles and Unicron, they just stared awestruck by the impressive battle. That is until Darth Vader-Star cut Unicron’s head off with his lightsaber sending the massive thing plummeting straight down on them like a metallic asteroid. “Oh shit,” Xander said.
“What are we gonna do now?” Andrew asked.
“Fuck me,” Vi blurted.
“Maybe when our lives aren’t in mortal danger,” Xander automatically quipped without really thinking. One of the Jedi Starfighters suddenly appeared above them and fired on Unicron’s head blasting it off course and sending it careening over the horizon to vanish somewhere unseen.
“What in the name of the Force are you?” the familiar voice of Mace Windu asked as the Starfighter transformed into a mechanical version of the bad ass Jedi Master.
“Humans,” Andrew replied, “you know humans right?”
“Never heard of your species I’m afraid, I thought everybody was a Transformer,” Mace replied curiously.
“I would love to go home now,” Vi muttered out of the corner of her mouth. And just like that they were back in the den, Willow and Kennedy standing nearby the former with a very stern look on her face.
“Alright, who let Andrew use the W word?” the red headed Wicca with the powers of a Goddess demanded her hands planted firmly on her hips. Vi pointed at Xander.
“He did it,” she said. Willow’s eyes narrowed. Xander could tell he wasn’t going to like what happened next, but he wasn’t stupid enough to use the W word to get himself out of the yelling and berating he knew was about to come out of his bestest buds mouth.
Mace Windu eyed the spot where the ‘humans’ had been curiously, the sudden and familiar sound of a Wheel Bike approaching made him forget about the strange creatures as he turned to face the oncoming form of General Grievous, with the threat of Unicron gone the Empire still needed to be taken care of once and for all. Pulling out his lightsaber he stood at the ready while up in space Darth Vader continued to tear apart Unicron’s remains with a zeal he hadn’t demonstrated for quite some time.The End