Lords, Ladies, and This Guy
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Looking For Group
Summary: In the Discworld there are many things that elves are, and nice ain't one of them. So what happens when a different kind of elf gets thrown into the mix?
It was a cold and windy night in the far north. This was not surprising, as most nights are cold and windy in the far north. Resting on the frozen plains was something a little more surprising, but all in all not really unexpected. It was a rag-tag army, off to save their friends from the forces of evil. They did not know they would fail. They did not know they would be too late. And so they rested, conserving strength for the next day's march. Or at least, some of them did.
A dark shape stole among the sleeping men, searching for one. Finally, he found who he was looking for. He slowly lowered his head to the sleeping elf's ear. Very quietly, so much that it was hardly a whisper, he said, “Fwoosh.”
The effect was immediate, not to mention very entertaining. The elf leapt to his feet and ran towards the water barrel, which he had made sure to sleep close to, all the while yelling, “Put it out! Put it out!” He was about to dunk his head in the barrel when he first realized he wasn't in fact on fire. Then he noticed that his tormentor was now rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically.
“Richard, that wasn't funny,” growled the elf, despite the fact that everyone else his screaming had awoken (which wasn't too many, they were used to it) was doubled over in laughter. Even his panther was snickering.
“I beg to differ,” said the warlock, in between chuckles. “By the way, Cale, I need you to help me test something.”
“No way,” said Cale, “I remember the last time you had me test something. It took three weeks for my eyebrows to grow back. I'm going back to sleep. Besides, aren't you supposed to be scouting ahead?”
“I've already got it,” said Richard, revealing a severed head from beneath his bloodied cloak. “It's not going anywhere.”
“Where did you g..., oh nevermind, I don't want to know. I'm going back to bed. See you in the morning Richard.”
As the elf stalked off Richard watched him go, a thoughtful expression on his face. Finally, when the elf was out of earshot, he said, “I take that as a yes.”
No one noticed the flash of light that occurred hours later. No one heard the warlock say, “Hmm, this may be a problem.” And certainly no one heard Shawn Ogg scream like a little girl when an elf appeared out of nowhere next to him.