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Comparisons

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Summary: The three women in Spike's life dissect the vampire.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Spike-CenteredshellcFR1511,006041,00123 May 0923 May 09Yes
TITLE: Comparisons
PAIRING: Buffy/Drusilla/Harmony
RATING: FR15
TIME LINE: End of Buffy/ Angel Season 5
DISCLAIMER: Both Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon
SUMMARY: Spike’s ex-girlfriends have a chat about the vampire.

“He has a thing for your hair,” Buffy subconsciously played with her locks. “He called me Goldilocks.”

“I was his black goddess.” Drusilla nodded taking a sip of her blood.

The two of them had bumped into each other in Caritas of all places. Lorne had finally reopened the club. Buffy had just found out that Spike was un-alive again thanks to Faith coaxing Andrew to tell the truth. She had tried the Hyperion but found it boarded up. After a quick call to Willow, she found the bar where Dru had just arrived.

Of course it had been fists at dawn to begin with but after finding out they couldn’t fight because of the spell, they took solace in tearing apart the vampire who they blamed for everything and where surprised to find they had loads in common.

“He can be sweet when he tries though,” Dru added. “He used to bring me servants for breakfast.”

“I got…” Buffy tried to remember. “Well he tried to hide a body for me once and he offered to give me money so I wouldn’t have to work at Double meat.”

She motioned to the bartender for another set of drinks. “He was too childish at times though, like a puppy. He had to have all your attention.”

“I know,” the vampire sighed surprising Buffy. She was less psycho Paula and more sane Lorraine now. “He used to be so angry over daddy and I, but it wasn’t my fault, he’s my sire. I was taught to be a good girl and always listen to my elders.”

“Also, sex on legs,” Buffy added with a grin. “Shame he only wore the leather pants when he was Angelus.”

“Mm.” she started swaying to music only she heard, making Buffy think she had been premature in the normal girl thoughts.

“Oh stop complaining, the both of you,” Harmony interrupted sitting down. “At least he loved you two. I worshiped the ground that my Blondie bear walked on and he didn’t know I existed!”

“You were too clingy Harm, “Buffy took her drink from the bar tender and thanked him. “You wanted everything from him. You did it the wrong way.”

“She’s right,” Dru agreed. “William needs to think he is the one doing the chasing. Buffy and I were always in charge, and that is why he wanted us even more.”

“I tried,” Harmony admitted. “I tried everything but he was too busy obsessing over you.” She looked at Buffy.

“I know, I saw the pictures, the last time Dru paid a visit.”

“I still have to spank him for that,” she informed them. “It’s not nice to change the rules for your own pleasure.”

“He would enjoy it too much.” Buffy subconsciously rubbed her ass where he had many a time whipped her during the dark age as she called it.

“Do you know how glad I was when I found out that’s what it was,” Harmony added. “I found a chest of your clothes in the crypt. Thought he was a cross dresser at first.”

Buffy snorted as her drink spat out, causing the other two women to laugh, thinking of him in Buffy’s panties.

“The sad thing is he would probably look better in my clothes than I do, he looks good in anything.”

“Oh he does,” Dru grinned. “Especially when he wears suits.”

“He wore a suit?” Buffy was amazed. She would have put money on him coming out of his mother already wearing the duster and jeans.



Just at that moment the subject of the discussion walked into Caritas with Angel.

“Cupcakes, how are you both?” Lorne handed them both a glass before turning to Spike. “Your fan club is in attendance.”

He turned to see Buffy obviously enjoying the company of whoever she was sitting with. He couldn’t see as a pillar was blocking his view. Finally catching a glimpse he turned white as he rushed over.

Buffy was sitting with Drusilla and Harmony. And what’s more, they were enjoying themselves.

“”Ok…is everyone on acid?” he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Hey,” Buffy looked up. “I’m glad your back in the land of the un living again but could we have some privacy?” She turned back to the others and they continued their chat.

“Now I’m officially scared,” Angel admitted when Spike came back over. “The apocalypse is coming and this time we are going to lose. How else can you explain it?”

“I don’t know,” Lorne replied. “They must have something in common if they all dated you.”

“No taste!” Angel bitched.

“That why Buffy and Dru shagged you as well mate?” Spike snorted.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that anymore. “Lorne gasped.

The two men turned to see what had shocked him and Spike fainted on the spot while Angel could do nothing but stare at the sight before him.

Buffy and Dru were kissing as they undressed, stopping every now and again for Harmony to join in. And it looked as if they weren’t going to stop there.

“Gonna give us a show Slayer?” A vamp yelled over as others whistled.

“Play your cards right.” She mumbled in-between Harmony’s kisses.



“Blind me now!” Spike woke up with a start and jumped out the chair.

Angel coughed to get his attention. He turned to see Wesley, Fred, Gunn and the other vampire staring at him.

He looked down at the can in his hand and threw it away as if it contained holy water.

“Anything you want to share?” Angel tapped his pen on the desk looking pissed.

“You wouldn’t believe me mate,” he sat back down with a sigh before turning to Fred. “You got anything I can take to stop me sleeping?”

“Why what’s wrong?”

“Let’s just say if Andrew walked in here now, I would french him rather than relive what I’ve just seen.”

The End

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