Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy, Disney owns Pirates, and... Wait, don't tell me... 20th Century Fox owns Highlander.
Spoilers: The Gift, Dead Man's Chest
Buffy landed with a loud “Oof!” She’d just jumped into the latest ‘vortex of doom’ in order to save Dawn, and… now she was on a beach? Huh. Not bad.
She stood, looking around. ‘Okay… Lots of trees, no tourists. Possibly a deserted island. That’d be cool, for a while at least.
Shrugging, she began walking up the beach. The calming sound of the waves soothed her post-battle nerves. It was just about perfect…
Which should have been the first warning sign.
Suddenly, Buffy saw something that should have been impossible. A ship. On the beach. With black sails. Her breath caught in her chest.
“The Black Pearl.” She whispered.
She ran at the ship, full speed. No doubt about it, this was the Pearl. And there were two men trying to steal it.
“Hey! Stop right there!”
The men turned to look at her. They gasped. “Welling?!”
Her jaw dropped. “Pintel? Ragetti?”
Now, some of you may be wondering, ‘How does Buffy know who these men are?’ That’s an excellent question. Let’s take a moment to answer it.
Most of you will be familiar with the speech that begins with, ‘The world is older than you know…’ So we’ll skip that part.
The woman known in the 20th century as ‘Buffy,’ was born thousands of years ago in one of the first small villages. She’s forgotten what her name was then. Spoken language was so different at the time.
Just to be clear, she wasn’t
the first Slayer. No one living can claim that. She was the second. She can remember the Shadow Men finding her after Sineya died, and the training she received. She also remembers her first death.
A species of demon, called Kel’vor’kesh, now long extinct, were attempting to reopen the portals that had sealed away the old Demons. Buffy was sent to stop them. She succeeded, but received a broken neck for her trouble.
And then, she woke up.
At first, she thought she was a demon, perhaps a vampire. When she confirmed that she still had a pulse, and didn’t burn in the sunlight, she calmed down.
Over time, she learned about what happened to her. She was immortal, unable to die permanently until someone was lucky enough to take her head. And she felt great relief when she learned that she wasn’t alone.
She encountered many others of her kind, some who befriended her, and others who wished to kill her. No matter how many came after her, she survived. It was what she was good at.
She continued in this manner for some time, until she encountered another Slayer. This Slayer was young, about 12, when she was called. Buffy was angry. No one that young should be asked to offer her life for the cause. So, Buffy found a solution.
She went to a shaman, and asked him to alter the Slayer line, taking the power from the girl, and putting it into her, making her the active Slayer once again. The shaman did as she asked, and even taught her how to perform the spell. She performed as the Slayer once again, until her ‘death.’
Every few centuries, she would find another Slayer who didn’t want to perform the duty, and she would perform the spell, making herself the Slayer, while the other girl went on to live a normal life.
During one of her ‘off’ periods of Slaying, around 1709, Buffy, currently under the alias of Helen Welling, met a man. A pirate. His name was Jack Sparrow. He was trying to make a deal with a Vengeance demon, who was quickly growing impatient. The demon was about to kill him, when Buffy destroyed it’s power center, and snapped it’s neck. After that, she and Jack got to know each other.
He had many grand plans, most of which revolved around getting his own ship. She thought he was cute, and decided to spend a decade or two with him. No need for a big commitment.
He did eventually get his ship. The Black Pearl. What he failed to mention was the fact that he’d sold his soul to get it. When Buffy found out, she was devastated. She’d spent two years with him by then, and despite her age, and all her experience, she’d fallen in love with him. Deciding to spare herself the hurt, she left him, going to America.
She spent the next two-and-a-half centuries there, eventually coming across a Slayer who was scared to perform her duty. Her watcher, Merrick, had been killed. Buffy took pity on the girl, and performed the spell.
You all know the rest.
Now, here she was, somehow stumbling across Jack’s old crew members.
“Welling!” Ragetti laughed. “Gods, I ain’t seen you in… Must be near a decade! What in the seven hells you doin’ here?”
Buffy did her best to get over her shock. How were these two still alive? They should have died centuries ago… “Um… It’s a long story. What about you?”
He shrugged. “Meh. We just escaped from prison. Nothin’ special.”
Buffy searched her memory. She’d last seen these two in… 1712, or so. If Ragetti hadn’t seen her in a decade, then at the very least, he’d come from 1722. Although, given that the Pearl was here… It probably was
“What’s that, Welling?”
She shook herself again. “Nothing. Why are you two stealing Jack’s ship?”
“It’s just here! Abandoned!” Pintel called from the deck.
Buffy frowned. Jack wouldn’t abandon the Pearl. Not after what he’d gone through to get it. Before she could question this, however, a new voice called out from behind her.
“Excellent work, boys! Our work’s half done for us!”
Buffy whirled around. “Gibbs!”
Gibbs went slack-jawed. “Helen!” They pulled each other into a tight embrace. Gibbs was one of the few members of Jack’s crew Buffy liked.
She pulled back, smiling. “Where’s Jack?”
Gibbs looked up the beach. “Oh, he should be along any second…”
Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose. “What is it this time?”
“Cannibals.” Gibbs admitted.
“Son of a bitch… Alright, everyone on the ship!” She bolted for the Pearl.
She heard a voice she didn’t recognize ask Gibbs, “Who is she? Does she know how to sail?”
Gibbs chuckled. “Will, that woman’s forgotten
more about sailing than anyone on this Earth could hope to know.”
Buffy smiled lightly at the compliment, and began climbing up to the crow’s nest. One advantage of being a Slayer was not needing a scope. Her keen eyes scanned the beach. After a long moment, she spotted what she was looking for. “Hurry up! Jack’s coming!” She spotted the tribe behind him. “And he’s bringing company!”
The crew went into a frenzy, preparing the ship to leave. They finished just as Jack grabbed into the side. Buffy heard him turn back and speak to the tribe. “Alas, my children! This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost—” A wave crashed onto him, cutting him off. “—Captain Jack… Sparrow…” He climbed aboard.
“Let's put some distance between us and this island, and head out to open sea!” Gibbs called out.
“Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.” Jack ordered.
Gibbs shook his head, confused. “Uh, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain.”
“I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs.” Jack pulled out his pistol. “Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something.”
Buffy leapt down to the deck. “Isn’t that a bit dangerous, Captain?
Jack stopped dead in his tracks. When he spoke again, it was with the straightest tone that any of the crew had heard him use. “Helen?”
She nodded. “Hey, Jack.”
He walked up to her, again without his usual act, and punched her in the face.
“Jack!” The new guy, Will, looked outraged.
Buffy straightened up, laughing. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve suffered worse. Besides, I deserved that.” She winked at Jack. “Feeling better?”
He nodded, grinning. “Infinitely. What are you doing here?”
“Ugh.” She grimaced. “That’s a long story. Before we get into that, I need to ask you a question: Is this 1722?”
He nodded. “That it is.”
She sighed. “Thirteen years. He’s after you.”
He nodded again. “That he is.”
She shook her head. “Dammit, Jack…”
He shrugged. “You gonna be runnin’ off?”
Again, she shook her head. “No. I’ve done enough of that. I’ve learned a few lessons since I last saw you. I’ll help you, if you’ll let me.”
Jack was silent for a moment, before holding his hand out to Gibbs. Gibbs nodded, and handed the captain his sword. Jack held it out to Buffy.
Buffy took it, beaming. “Thank you, Jack.” She tested the blade in her hands. “Been a while since I used a cutlass. Feels… good.”
“Now that that’s out of the way,” Jack resumed his normal, apparently-drunk act, “what in the world are you wearing? I’ve never seen clothes like that.”
She shrugged. “Part of that long story. Got any clothes that’ll fit me?”
“Actually, I do. Come this way, Milady.” He led her into the Captain’s Quarters. Inside was a trunk, full of clothes. Buffy recognized it immediately.
“This is my trunk. You still have it?”
He shrugged. “I’ve found use for the clothes over the years.”
She gave him a look. “You didn’t wear them, did you?”
“Of course not!” He paused. “Gibbs wore them.”
She burst out laughing. “How about I assume you met a few girls who needed clothes, and leave it at that?” Shaking her head, she pulled out a shirt, vest, leather pants, and boots. “These should do fine. Now where’s…” She found her belts, one for a sword, and one with a holster for a pistol. Which was missing. “Where’s my gun?”
“Oh!” Jack held out his pistol. “I’ve taken to using it since you left.”
She accepted the gun with a smile. The smile widened at the familiar weight of the weapon. “Thanks again, Jack.” She began stripping off her clothes.
“Not gonna make me leave?” He smirked.
She shot him a return smirk. “Nothing you haven’t seen before. Besides, I’ve lived long enough to not be concerned with modesty.”
Soon, she was dressed in her old clothes. She had to admit, they felt good. “So, what’d that guy want?” She asked as she picked out a hat. “The new one. He reminds me of somebody…”
Jack grinned. “That’d be young Will Turner.”
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “Bootstrap?”
“His son.” Jack confirmed. “From what the lad was yelling on the island, I get the feeling his lady love is in trouble, again.
I swear, she’s worse than you.”
Buffy snorted. “No one’s that
“The last time, she had a horde of undead pirates trying to bleed her.”
This made Buffy take pause. “Wow. That’s pretty bad.” Still looking for headwear, she came across a pair of small knives with chopstick handles. Smirking, she twisted her hair up, and stuck them in to keep it in place. “There. Perfect.”
Jack nodded his approval. “Just like old times, eh Helen?”
She smiled at him. “It’s not Helen anymore.”
“Oh? What, then?”
“Just call me Buffy.”
Meanwhile, Will Turner and Gibbs were up to their usual fare. That is to say, gossiping.
“So, who’s that woman with Jack?”
Gibbs chuckled. “She’s a mystery, that one. Remember what I told you before, that no one knew much about Jack Sparrow until he showed up in Tortuga with the Pearl? Well, she was with him at the time. By all accounts, they were madly in love.
“No one really knows what her name is. At that time, and when I met her, she was callin’ herself Helen Welling, but she’s gone by a score of other names over the years. That’s another part of the mystery, see. No one knows how old she is.”
Will frowned. “She doesn’t look any older than twenty.”
Gibbs nodded, a grin on his face. “Exactly! And that’s how she looked when I met her! That was ten years ago. Think about that, Will. She hasn’t aged a day, and I’ve met people who knew her decades
before then. She hasn’t changed.”
Will let out a low whistle. “How? Barbossa did it with cursed treasure, but I’m sure there are other ways.”
Gibbs nodded. “Aye. As me mother used to say, ‘You can do just about anythin’, you just have to look hard enough.’”
At that moment, Jack and his mystery woman came onto the deck. Will straightened up. “Ms. Welling, correct?”
She snorted. “Hell, even when I was using that name, I was never a ‘Ms. Anything.’ I’m Buffy. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Turner.”
He nodded politely. “You as well. Now, Jack.” He turned to face the pirate. “I need your help. A man from the East India Trading Company, Cutler—”
“—Beckett.” Buffy finished. “He’s still around?”
Will nodded. “He’s been made a Lord. He arrested Elizabeth, and now he’s ordered me to get Jack’s compass in exchange for our freedom.”
Buffy and Jack both snorted.
“What are you laughing at? This is serious!”
Jack shook his head. “You tell him, Luv. I’m gonna go find the rum.”
“Sure thing. Bring me up a bottle, will ya?”
He saluted her, and went below deck.
Buffy turned back to Will. “Now, my boy, I’m going to explain a few things. First of all, this situation with… Elizabeth, right?” He nodded. “Right, her. Her situation is serious to you.
The problem Jack has to deal with is much bigger, and much more imminent. Second, no one in their right mind would voluntarily give up that compass. It’s one of the most useful things on the planet.”
Will drew his sword. “I don’t care. I need it, and nothing will get in my way.” His voice was cold.
Gibbs put his hand on Will’s arm. “Don’t do this, boy! She’ll swab the deck with ye!”
Will shook his head. “No she won’t. I’m the best with a sword in all of Port Royal.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Let him go, Gibbs. Sometimes, children need to be taught a lesson.”
Gibbs gave her a frightened look.
“Oh, don’t worry.” She reassured him. “I’m not going to damage him. Permanently.” She drew her sword. “Come on, boy.”
The crew was now watching intently. A few of them had heard of her prowess, and the others had seen Will in action.
Buffy assumed a ‘ready’ position. “This won’t last two seconds.”
Will ignored her, and lunged.
Buffy knocked his blade to the side, grabbed his arm, pulled him close, and buried her hand into a nerve cluster on his right side. He froze in place.
She sighed. “See?”
Jack walked up, holding two bottles. “Lost his temper, did he?”
Buffy took one of the bottles. “He did.” She took a long pull on the rum. “Say, Jack. How’s Tia these days? We really should pay her a visit.”
Jack looked pained, but nodded. “Gibbs. Travel up river.”
“Are ye sure, Jack?”