Chapter 1: The Only One
The Only One
Chapter Summary: Buffy decides to not
bury her feelings, per Xander’s request.
Warning: Angsty. And not Scooby-friendly.
Timeline: The Scoobies’ fight with Buffy during season 3's ‘Dead Man’s Party’
A/N: I was thinking about this episode and felt the need to vent on Buffy’s behalf.
Thanks to my beta: zigpal.
Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Dialogue copied from Buffyworld.com.
Buffy: As if I even could've gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.
Before anyone could interrupt, Buffy pushed on, determined to get the pain and anger out instead of holding on to it anymore. Xander didn’t want her burying things, fine! She wouldn’t! “And I get that, really I do! But what I don’t
get is how you expected me to come to any of you when you blindsided me that day!”
Willow looked at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Angel suddenly coming back just
as I’m about to strike the killing blow? Gee, thanks for the warning that that could happen, guys!” the Slayer snapped. “Do you have the slightest
clue how that felt? The part of him that I loved and hoped would come back for months finally
comes back to me, and I have to kill him to save the world,” she finished, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
She took a deep breath and continued, “Add to that, my mother telling me not to come home if I left to save the world. And this after being shot at by the police because Snyder told them I killed Kendra…once he finished expelling me, that is. And just for your information, I did
check to make sure you were all okay before I left. Sure, you weren’t okay-okay, but you were alive and up and about. And I left a note for my mom to let her know that I survived the fight.”
“Why didn’t you tell us this the other night at Giles’?” Willow asked, a little hurt by the anger in Buffy’s voice. She
wasn’t the injured party here, they
were. They were supposed to be upset with her, not the other way around.
“Oh, you mean open up in front of a crowd of people? Some of whom were acting hostile to me? Gee, I can’t imagine why!” Buffy answered with an obvious look in Xander’s direction. “Did it occur to you that maybe I wanted to talk to you when you stood me up, Willow?”
“What did you expect after abandoning us to do your
duty?” Xander spit out.
She glared back. “Other than you not knowing where I was, how would this summer have been any different from last summer when I was gone? Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she snarled. “And why exactly should
I have told you where I was? ‘Kick his ass!’
Sound familiar? I wasn’t feeling the warm fuzzies for you or Willow at the time. If she was going to try the spell again, I’d have rather known so my heart wouldn’t have been torn out by the shock when his soul returned. But no, I get the ‘Kick his ass!’
Buffy sat down, suddenly drained of her anger. “The only one I felt bad about leaving was Giles. But I honestly thought he wouldn’t want to see me again after he’d been tortured by the thing
that wore the face of my first love. I just couldn’t think of the right words to apologize to him. Nothing could make it okay for him and me.”
She snorted, “It’s ironic that he’s the only one who hasn’t
tried to make me feel bad when he’s the only one who has the right
to. Maybe the Council had it right when they said it should just be the Watcher and Slayer together. They understand each other better than anyone else can. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find my
Watcher and try to apologize to him as best I can.”
A/N: This story wasn't to condone everything Buffy did, but more to let the Scoobies know that their actions hurt her just as much. It’s not really fair to Willow since she didn’t tell Xander to pass that message, but as far as Buffy knew, she did. And she was hurt and confused that her best friends would say that, but then restore Angel’s soul at the last second. Willow will have to take that up with Xander herself. Sorry if this seems like she’s cutting them loose; she isn’t, but I think that for a true friendship, she has to stand up for herself and not just let them walk all over her and continue to hold her mistakes against her.