I blame this on my strange infatuation with the character of Snow White as depicted in Shrek the Third, I admit it I'm a cartoon lover, so what, she was just too hot. LOL So my muse decided to cook up something special and hilarious, and yes I know WIP's should come first, but it's hard to work on those when you're in a crazy mood. Or when you're obsessed with Ghostbusters the Video Game, expect a crossover with that eventually. But not right now. Also if anyone would care to adopt this into a longer series by all means go ahead, just remember to give credit where credit is due. :DDisclaimer: All characters do not belong to me, Buffy and all related characters is the sole property of Joss Whedon and ME Productions. Shrek and all related characters are the property of Dreamworks, Steven Spielberg, etc, etc... I make no claims otherwise this is purley a work of fanfiction.
Giles cleaned his glasses and made a throat clearing sound as he eyed the group, it had been a few years since the fall of the First and the rise of the Slayer army which the Watcher’s Council had to properly train and prepare. Everything seemed to be going well, apocalypses were being averted on a far more regular basis and vampires were beginning to run scared, but of course something unsettling had to happen. It was the only thing that made any sense, logically he had half expected something to kill one of his oldest and dearest friends. And how sad was it when a group of twenty-nine year olds were considered his oldest and dearest friends?
But no, nothing so dire had developed, instead the man who had become like a son to him was the victim of a rather childish wish. To be more accurate Dawn’s little girl Dusk had made a wish and Xander had apparently vanished from this dimension. That Dawn chose such an ironic name for her daughter was of no concern to him.
“Ahem, if you would please kindly repeat yourselves this time one at a time, where precisely is Xander?” Giles asked of the small group.
“Far, Far Away.” Dusk’s reply was one a child would certainly say, straightforward and to the point, unfortunately Giles still had no idea what she meant by that.
“She means, oh here just look for yourself,” Buffy sighed picking up a children’s book from the table and passing it to Giles. Eyeing the title of the book he was surprised to discover it was Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, except for the odd addition to the title which stated this was the Shrek Version. Whatever a Shrek was.
“I fail to see how this can shed any light on the situation, it is a classic fairy tale I will admit but…” Giles was cut off by Dawn who was smirking almost mischievously and she snatched the book from him opening it to the first page.
“Once Upon a Time there was a Princess. She was the fairest in all the land, but she had no one to call her own. Secretly jealous of Princess Fiona and Shrek who were happily married with children by now she left the Seven Dwarves and journeyed far across the land to seek out the wisest of all the fairy tale creatures. All she found was the Magic Mirror her stepmother once used, and so deciding that the Magic Mirror might be able to help her she asked it a question.” Dawn paused to wet her lips before continuing. “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, where might I find a husband as kind and caring as Shrek, please I must know. I am lonely and tired of living with Dwarves and forest animals, please tell me where I might find my very own ‘Prince Charming’.”
“I fail to see what reading this is going to accomplish,” Giles remarked.
“Hush uncle Giles I like this part,” Dusk said, the four year old shushing the older man.
“Where was I? Oh yes… the Magic Mirror considered the question posed to him. Prince Charming had been a very different sort, surely Snow White didn’t want a husband like him after all the son of the Fairy Godmother had done to the kingdom of Far, Far Away. But then he recalled that she was searching for a husband as kind and caring as Shrek, and so he used his skills to divine a response for the lonely princess. He searched far and wide until stumbling across a noble knight who fought side by side with many different warriors, strong and compassionate he would suit her well. And so he told the princess where she would find him.” Giles made to interrupt again, but Dusk quickly shot him a glare and he swiftly closed his mouth. “The Prince you seek is past the Dark Forest, follow the path from Far, Far Away until you reach Shrek’s swamp and then continue on past Duloc until you find a small field. In this field you will find a single willow tree, in the branches of this tree you will find your Prince.”
“In the branches of a tree?” Snow White repeated mystified.
“Yes, in the branches of this tree will you find the Prince your heart desires, your one True Love.” Snow White thanked the Magic Mirror and left on her journey, she walked long and hard until her feet became sore and then she came across a strange sight indeed, it was one of Donkey and Dragon’s mutant children.
“Pardon me, would you be so kind as to fly me to Shrek’s Swamp?” Snow White asked of the Drakey. The creature considered the question and smiled nodding at the Princess, Snow White gingerly climbed onto the back of the Drakey and it swiftly took off into the clouds flying far and fast. It took very little time to reach her destination, when she arrived she greeted Princess Fiona with a smile. “Hello Fiona.”
“Snow White, what are you doing here?”
“Searching for my Prince,” Snow White replied and she proceeded to explain everything that the Magic Mirror had told her omitting the part about her Jealousy.
“Well I wish you good luck in your search, I’d go with you but Shrek and the children would probably tear the place apart if I left them alone for any length of time. They can be so rough when they start to play,” Fiona told Snow White with a sigh. Snow White smiled briefly and told Fiona that it was fine she could finish her journey herself, and so she left the swamp to continue her journey. It only took a few days, and one rather unwanted meeting with the annoying Robin Hood who still had issues with trying to ‘help’ travelers who didn’t need his so called ‘help’.
At last she reached the tree right where the mirror said it would be, and as he had told her sitting in the branches of the tree was a handsome specimen of a man who was gazing about confused. Tall, broad shouldered with an eye patch covering one eye and dark brown hair, he was indeed quite a handsome Prince.
“Hello are you my Prince?” Snow White asked.
“Prince?” the young man repeated. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, but Prince wasn’t one of them.”
“Well pray thee are you a knight then?”
“You could say that,” the man returned with a lopsided smile.
“Then you are my one True Love, my name is Snow White and I have traveled far to seek you out. Sir Knight, might I know your name?” she asked with a coy smile.
“You can call my Xander,” the young man replied, “now do you think you might be able to help me out of this tree and tell me where I am? See this big tornado kind of dropped me off here, funny thing I thought I saw an old farm house and a couple of flying monkeys riding along with me.”
“Good lord,” Giles exclaimed at last interrupting, “Dusk do you mean to tell me that you wished Xander into a fairy tale?”
“Uh-huh,” the four year old said nodding.
“So how do we get him out?” Buffy demanded.
“I’m afraid it isn’t quite that simple,” Giles replied once more cleaning his glasses, “you see the end of the story is they lived happily ever after. Or at least that is usually the case, thus it would be extremely difficult removing Xander from the story without first knowing which of the wish granting demons sent him there in the first place. I hardly think one of D’Hoffryn’s ilk were responsible. This could take some time, but not to worry I’m certain Xander will be safe where he is, after all usually the way these stories go the villains aren’t much of a threat,” Giles stated.
Xander blinked briefly as he stood looking up at what Snow White had called a Drakey, personally he would have gone for Dongon even if it wasn’t very flattering, course he could have called it a Bastard but that would have gotten him burnt to a crisp when he met Dragon.
“We’re riding back to your place on that?” he asked.
“Of course Sir Xander, I can’t tell you how grateful I am you agreed to my proposal it’ll be nice living without the Dwarves for a change,” Snow said with a fond smile.
“Well now you be good for Snow White Coconuts, and don’t do any of those loop-de-loops you like so much,” Donkey said trying not to cry.
“Well it was nice meeting you Sir Xander, good luck with your happily ever after then,” Shrek said with a chuckle, “and try not to let Far, Far Away get to you too much.”
“Uh right, well thanks Shrek, Fiona I thought I’d be stuck in that tree for a very long time.” Xander smiled and shook the ogre’s hand then he helped Snow climb up onto the back of Coconuts the Drakey. “Dawn is going to owe me for this one when I get back,” he muttered under his breath, “marrying a Princess. Yeah like that’s going to work out,” he said with a sigh.
“Have fun!” Donkey cried out as Coconuts took off.
“Somehow I get the feeling he’ll be back,” Shrek commented with a chuckle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fiona demanded.
“Oh nothing, just intuition I suppose.”
“It could have been worse,” Puss spoke up stretching out as he spoke, “he could have been Sleeping Beauty’s one True Love.”
“Puss that’s not very nice,” Fiona chastised.
“I wonder how he lost his eye,” Shrek mused stroking his chin thoughtfully.
“And when we get back you simply have to meet all the other Princesses, most of the time they spend time with King Artie, but I’m sure you’ll like them. And there’s a lot we have to do to prepare for the wedding, we’ll need to see the Muffin Man about a cake, Captain Hook will of course make all the flower arrangements and I think the Three Little Pigs would be perfect as the caterers.” Snow continued to ramble on telling Xander all of the plans that they were going to make, with a heavy sigh he simply let her talk, since there was really nothing he could do about it until Giles and the others rescued him.And They Lived Happily Ever After… Or At Least Mutually Contentedly Ever After.