Detective Beauty Queen II: Headshots

Something possibly controversial this part. Let me know what you think, please.

X X X X X

Buffy, once given the go-ahead, had called Nina Cassady and invited her to a meeting at a nearby Starbuck’s, preparatory to doing the “graveyard stomp.”

It turned out, Buffy was a little bit quicker on the trigger than Kennedy had anticipated, and so was Detective Cassady; Kennedy had asked Buffy to have another Slayer there when they went on the graveyard tour, but the only other Slayer available at the time was Kennedy herself – the rest were patrolling, in pairs – so she had to scramble to get there, asking that Buffy only hold off on the tour until she got there.

Buffy, though, had held up on the big reveal itself until Kennedy got there and settled in. “Good to see you again, Miss Kennedy.” The detective was dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt; not bad attire considering what they were about to do. Half-point to her.

“Just Kennedy, Detective,” Kennedy said.

“Then call me Nina.” Kennedy nodded. “So,” Cassady said, “What’s the big secret? So far Buffy here’s been making’ me guess.” She didn’t actually sound offended, though.

“What’s the best guess so far?”

“She got it right off the bat. Or close to.”

Kennedy’s eyebrows rose. “Impressive.”

“My first guess was something’ like Hogwarts,” Cassady said. “Just more like a witches’ school. But then I figured that really wouldn’t explain why you all’re stronger, faster, and tougher than most other people. Unless the definition of witch isn’t what I thought it was.” She dug beneath her shirt for a moment, and pulled out a cross. “Or unless you guys hunted the witches. But I doubted that. You all didn’t seem like you were on any kind of crusade. At least not a religious one. So then I tried to figure out why you asked me to bring ‘proof of my faith.’”

“You should have been more specific,” Kennedy said to Buffy.

“If she’d brought some other symbol I would have explained then.”


“So,” Cassady said, “I know you’re stronger and you can heal faster than ordinary people. That sounds like you’re some kind of soldiers or something. So my question was, what’re you fighting? Well, what do you fight with crosses? Demons. Devils. Vampires. You guys are some kind of organization of demon hunters. Like those two brothers on that TV show.”

Kennedy closed her eyes. “Nothing like that TV show. But you have the right general idea.”

“Just to note,” Buffy said. “The cross is the only symbol that works. We’re not quite sure why; it doesn’t really seem to have any religious significance. It works for me, and I’m not a Christian; but it works for Kennedy, and she’s – Catholic, right?”

“Right,” Kennedy said. “Lapsed. But Jesus existed and died for my sins, even if I’m not particularly fond of everyone who’s interpreting his word these days.”

“I’m Catholic too,” Cassady said. “Irish. Firm believer. But you say that doesn’t mean anything?”

“Well, not in this context,” Buffy said. “I’m not going to sit here and make comments on anyone’s religion, unless it involves human sacrifice.”

Kennedy couldn’t resist. “Technically –“

“Shut up,” Buffy said.

Then, to Cassady, Kennedy said, “Not many people would be able to make that deduction.”

“I am a detective,” Cassady said, mildly insulted. “Even if I’m not sure how long that’s going to last. I’m more annoyed that I didn’t figure it out sooner. I had all the evidence in front of me.”

“Not all the evidence,” Buffy said. “And you’d be amazed how many people have that evidence do everything but slap them in the face and ignore it. The cops back in Sunnydale wouldn’t have admitted to vampire at gunpoint. There was a run of people being impaled with barbecue forks, or being attacked by coyotes, or something. Anything to avoid admitting the truth.”

“We’ve had a few cases like that in New York,” Cassady said. “Usually we assume it’s the work of some kind of vampire cult. Couple of times it was.”

“That’s another difference,” Kennedy said. “The cops in Sunnydale were ignorant and incompetent. Cops in New York are just ignorant. No insult meant.”

“None taken,” Cassady said. “So, Buffy – you told me to wear comfortable clothes and shoes. So next you’re going to prove it?”

“We don’t have to,” Buffy said.

“Hell, no. I’ve come this far, I might as well go all the way.”

“Good,” Buffy said. “Let’s go.”

“One thing we want to make clear,” Buffy said as they walked down the Manhattan streets. “You’re along as an observer. If a vampire comes towards you, run. Hold up the cross if you have to; it repels the young ones and slows the older ones down. Vampires are stronger than you and faster, and they can’t be affected by bullets.”

Cassady said, “Not at all?”

Buffy thought. “Not where police normally shoot them. It’ll hurt them, maybe knock them down, but it’s not going to kill them.”

“What does?”

So they went through the ‘what-kills-a-vampire’ speech on their way to the graveyard. Cassady had none of that on her, and they weren’t going to give her any; she didn’t seem gung-ho to kill vampires, but still, better to be safe.

That’s why Kennedy had insisted on going along. One Slayer plus one non-Slayer and the Slayer would be paying too much attention to keeping the normal human safe – always the priority, of course – but with two, one could be keeping most of their eye on the person while the other took care of the vampires. (Also, of course, they had that second Slayer around in case things went directly to hell.)

“So none of that Anne Rice stuff comes close, huh?”

Buffy laughed. “I’ve run across a half dozen vampires who called themselves L’Estat and a couple who went by Jean-Claude. Basically, yes. On the entire planet, there are two vampires who can be trusted even partway, and you’re not likely to meet either of them.”

“On the other hand,” Kennedy said, “Dracula’s real.”

“No shit?” Cassady asked.

Buffy sighed. “No shit. And he’s not far from the hype, but you really don’t want to be running into him, either.

“I’d think you wouldn’t want to run into him because he lived up to the hype,” Cassady said. “I never got the romance of that kind of thing.”

Nodding, Buffy said, “Good. Keep that in mind.”

“One thing, though,” Kennedy said. “Not all demons are evil. A lot of them are. But we don’t kill someone just because they look different. And we prefer not to use the word “devil.” Too much baggage.”

“Got it.”

They talked for about ten minutes about what a vampire was, and could, and couldn’t do; and the same thing with a Slayer. Eventually, they ran across a graveyard. There weren’t a whole lot of active graveyards in Manhattan any more, but there were a few. This was one of them, attached to a synagogue.

“This is trespassing,” Cassady said as they scrambled over the fence.

“If you want,” Buffy said, “On the off chance someone catches us you can show your badge and say you caught us.”

“Like hell,” Cassady said without hesitation. “I wouldn’t screw you over like that.”

“Just giving you the option,” Kennedy said, though she liked, and believed, Cassady’s answer. She doubted there would actually be a problem, unless someone ended up covering Buffy or her with a long-range gun. Cassady's badge wasn't quite a get out of trouble free card, but it would do in a pinch.

They got to the graveyard. Helpful thing about victims whose families were reasonably observant Jews: they were buried within 24 hours, per Jewish law. Meant fewer medical examiners and morgue attendants getting killed by suddenly lively Uncle Dave. Also meant busier graveyards, but by the time a rookie vampire dug his way out of a grave he was hungry and a bit tired: easy pickings for most Slayers.

Three such vampires were scheduled to come up tonight.

Buffy set Cassady up so she wasn't close to any of the gravesites and positioned Kennedy close to her; Kennedy didn't mind, because this was supposed to be Buffy's show anyway

"Over here!" Buffy said within about thirty seconds from just out of sight. "This one must be hungry."

"Follow me," Kennedy said. "Keep your distance."

"Wasn't planning to join in." Kennedy did notice she kept positioning her hand by her weapon; well, if it made her feel better.

Within a few seconds they came to Buffy, slugging it out with a rookie vampire, in full game face. After a brief scuffle, Buffy decked the vampire, then picked it up and made sure Cassady could see it full-face.

Cassady was muttering the Hail Mary, but she wasn't flinching. She wasn't stepping in to touch the vampire, either. Good instincts.

After about two seconds-- the vampire was still struggling and was understandably in no mood to be anyone's life-size model -- Buffy threw the vampire back on the ground and bent down and staked it.

"Amen," Cassady said.

"What's going on here?"

A male voice, from behind them. They turned around and saw a man, about forty, coming towards them. "Did you just kill that man?"

"Sir," Cassady said, pulling out her badge, "Please stay back. This is a crime scene."

The man kept coming forward.

"Sir!" Cassady said, drawing her gun. "There is an active investigation in progress. Stop moving." She, for her part, was moving backwards, continuing to face the interloper.

That was no innocent bystander; that was a vampire. Buffy had come to the same conclusion, and they were both moving forward.

Cassady wasn’t faster; but she shot faster.

She fired, twice, and both bullets went through the attacker's forehead. All of a sudden the just-vamped out vampire stopped where he was, and fell to the ground. Not that Kennedy could blame him; half of his brain was already leaking out through the two holes in his skull. Buffy staked him, but honestly, any five-year old could have done that. Pretty much all he was doing was quivering and twitching, anyway.

"Risky," Buffy said.

"Calculated risk," Cassady said. "I was a lot closer than you two were and I could hear you moving before I shot. If I missed, if it pissed him off, you'd have been there." Kennedy knew they would have gotten to the vampire first. "Also," Cassady continued, "I was moving away like you said to do. I didn't to get him suspicious by turning and running."

"What were you thinking?" Buffy asked. The question wasn't hostile.

"I was thinking this. You said that vampires weren't particularly affected by bullets to the area cops usually shoot at. We're trained to shoot at the chest because that presents the largest target. So I figured if I had to shoot, I would aim at the head. They might not have to breathe, but from what you told me they do have to see, and think. I didn't know if a shot to the head would scramble a vampire's brains, but I figured it wouldn't be able to shrug one of those off. If I was wrong, if it kept going, you guys were there.”

“And if we hadn’t been?” Kennedy asked.

“I wouldn’t have been out here if you hadn’t been,” Cassady said. “Don’t get me wrong. I believed everything you said. Vampires are stronger and faster than I am. Check. Don’t fight them unless I have absolutely no choice. Check. Leave it to the professionals. Check. Bullets won’t kill them. Check. But they’ll apparently slow them down. Check. I’m not going to start a career in vampire hunting. But if I know they’re out there, there’s nothing wrong with seeing whether I can protect myself if I have to,” Cassady said.

One other thing confused Kennedy, “How did you know he was a vampire?”

“Dirt in his hair,” Cassady said. “Dirt all over his clothes. Gravediggers aren’t that sloppy. Plus, he was wearing a formal suit.”

“Another risk,” Buffy said.

“No risk at all. I wouldn’t have fired the shots if there’d been any chance I was wrong. I would have run straight off.”

Buffy nodded. “Okay.”

Killing the third vampire was an anticlimax, after that.

When they were done, Buffy said, “So. You’ve seen our world. What do you think?”

“I think I’m glad there are people like you out there,” Cassady said. “I think I’m happier knowing about, than not knowing about it, because now I can defend myself, and others, if I have to, even if getting the hell away is the first option.”

“Good,” Buffy said. “Want a job?”

Simultaneously, Cassady and Kennedy said, “Huh?”

X X X X X

I know, I know, fan canon seems to indicate that vampires shrug off bullet wounds. And that makes sense, if the bullet hits the chest area. It hurts, yeah, but unless you break a rib that won’t do more than slow it down for a second.

But vampires think. They see. They walk. They can be knocked unconscious; they can break their limbs.

And there’s nothing about the metal of the bullet that makes it magically shruggable; Slayers use all kinds of metal weapons to attack and hurt vampires.

So I think “guns can’t hurt vampires” is overstated. “Guns can’t kill vampires,” fine. But a vampire with its brains scrambled by bullets seems likely to be easy pickings to me. And one with a bullet through the kneecap will probably have trouble walking.

Questions? Comments?