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I Never

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Summary: Things get wierd as the season 4 Scoobies play a drinking game.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Cast: Scooby GangserpentladyFR1519924152,02410 Jul 0910 Jul 09Yes
Disclaimer: I do not hold the copy right to Buffy the Vampire Slayerâ„¢ nor do I claim to. All characters belong to their original creators, their publishers, and subsidiaries. I make no profit from the making or sharing of this fanfiction.

A/N: This was just hanging around. I reread it, thought it was funny, decided to post. This is it, there is no more.



It was a celebration for the averting of the apocalypse. Again. Giles had supplied the booze, despite everyone but him and Spike being underage. If you can face multiple apocalypi, you can face alcohol intoxication. At least that was the admittedly shoddy reasoning presented to the Watcher in the fading adrenalin rush. The older man just shrugged it off and rationalized that it was better for the young adults in his charge to get shit faced in a safe environment with a handy bathroom than elsewhere. Joyce was thankfully away for the weekend, and Anya had finally taken off, so the festivities were to be held in Buffy's home.

They all snacked and drank cheap booze and watched TV and gossiped. Then the inevitable, mandatory, drinking games were proposed. Willow suggested "I Never", Giles suggested "Questions" which was quickly shot down, followed immediately by Xander's suggestion of "The Name Game". Everyone knew only he and Willow would be able to play that game. So, I Never it was. Spike just snorted at them all and chugged his drink. Muttering about drinking with idiots and children and couldn't believe.

Willow started. "I never cheated on an exam."
Buffy, Xander, and Giles drank. Giles got funny looks and shrugged.

Xander went next. "I've never. . . umm, looked at Internet porn."
Tara, Riley, and Spike drank. Buffy eyed her man and Tara got a few looks.

Riley's turn. "I've never flunked a class."
Xander and Buffy drank.

Buffy's suggestion, "I've never kissed a non-vampire demon."
Willow however needs clarification, so asks, "Does Oz count?"
"Yeah."
Xander, Willow, and Spike drank.

Giles had the next turn. "I've never been bitten by a vampire."
Buffy, Willow, and Xander drank. A few gasps and some looks greeted Xander.

Spike too a minute to think of something. "I've never. . . bloody hell. I've never worn ladies' knickers."
Tara, Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles drank. Giles and Xander were starting to get some really odd looks. Especially from Iowa. Spike on the other hand was reevaluating the two of them.

And last, but not least was Tara. "I've never been naked in public."
Xander, Spike and Giles drank. Nearly dead sober Riley stared around at all of the Scoobies, finally realizing just how little he knew of them.

Willow's second turn. "I've never been attracted to someone I dislike." She slid a sly glance to Xander.
Xander, Giles, Spike, and Riley drank.

Xander quickly blurted, "I've never kissed Angel."
Buffy and Spike drank. Buffy gave wide eyes to the other blond.
"What? He's m' Sire." He glared at the humans.

Riley was starting to get uncomfortable with all the sexual content, but went with it. "I've never been interested in exhibitionism."
Xander, Giles, Willow, and Spike drank. Willow blushed as red as her hair and refused to look at anyone.

Buffy, still glaring at Xander for his turn, decided to get some payback. "I've never worked as an exotic dancer."
Xander glared at her over the rim of his glass but drank. He was the only one. Spike snorted into his bourbon.

Xander stared off into space, remember the things he had sworn to never speak of. "And I made damned good money too! $100 bucks a lap dance, five grand for a private party. Ah, good times." Spike looked shocked now along with everyone else.

Giles cleared his throat and continued the game, "I've never had group sex."
Spike drank. . . deeply. Xander took a sip.

Spike decided to sart throwing in some obscure words. "I've never done asphixiophilia."
Xander drank. Everyone stared. He gave a one word explanation: "Faith."

Tara dragged her eyes away from the brunette boy. "I've never had sex with a man."
Everyone but her drank. And stared at each other.

Willow was the one to speak up first. "This is getting weird." Nods and agreement noises were made. Spike spoke up next: "What are you talkin' about, Red? Just gettin' ta tha good stuff. Kant stop now!" More nods and agreement noises were made.

Willow was running out of ideas, so threw out a sex/Slayerette combo. "I've never had sex with an obviously physically inhuman demon before."
Spike and Xander drank, followed by a reluctant Giles.

Xander voicied a deeply, deeply buried fantasy. "I've never been to see a dominatrix."
Riley and Giles drank.

Riley, with a constipated look said, "I've never had sex for money before."
Spike and Xander drank.

Buffy stared at her friend, amazed that she knew so little about him. "I've never been given a sexy spanking."
Tara, Spike, Giles, Riley, and Xander drank.

Giles surprised them all, being the seventies rebellious hellion, with his next turn. "I've never indulged in hallucinogenics."
Spike and Xander drank.

Spike tossed one in that he figured no one would have any idea of, a wierd clawing pattern from the Kama Sutra. "I've never worn the peacock's foot."
Giles and Xander drank. Everyone else looked confused. The two older men just looked at the supposed Zeppo. "What? We tried everything in the book."

Tara's next turn was initiated with a blush. "I've never skinny dipped."
Everyone but she and Riley drank. "You know, you and Rupes ain't too bad, whelp." Spike was eying Xander now. Boy had more dimension than anyone gave him credit for.

Willow's next turn was said with a shudder. "I've never thought of a real, unsouled vampire as sexy."
Xander, Buffy, and Spike drank.

Xander came up blank and blurted the first thing that came to mind. "I've never played this game before this night." Everyone stared. "What? I couldn't think of anything else!" Spike, Giles, and Riley drank.

Riley was in the same boat as Xander. "I've never died."
Buffy and Spike drank.

Buffy randomly thought of one to go with the ladies underwear question a couple rounds back. "I've never worn old fashioned stockings."
Giles and Xander drank. Things were really weird. Hopefully they'd all suppress this in the morning.

The End

You have reached the end of "I Never". This story is complete.

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