Eureka... so go shower or something.... (working title)
Eureka was created by Andrew Cosby and Jaime Paglia and currently airs on Syfy
Buffy the Vampires Slayer was created by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
This is a piece of fanfiction and is not done for any profit. It's just an idea that ran through my head the other day.
“Hey now, get back here!” Taggart called as the two hyenas pulled hard and fast enough for him to lose his grip on their leashes. He watched the two spotted hyenas rush over to the man on the bed and...
“Oh my god what is that smell?” Jo cried as she pinched her nose.
“They're.... I've never seen this before.” Taggart said amazed. A hyena will evert it's anal pouch to a more dominant one in an act of submission. They've never done this to me before.”
“Well get them to stop.” Jo said. “This is worse than Chili and Beer night back home.”
“He's waking up.” Allison said.
“The guy or Fargo?” Jack asked.
“The guy.” Allison said as the door to the medical bay opened up again with Nathan Stark coming into the room.
“Listen, what's with this genetic sample you guys sent down? It looks like a retarded spider monkey went crazy with a gene splicer simulation.. oh god what is that smell?” Stark asked
“The Hyenas.” Taggart said with an air of wisdom about him. “They really like the new fella.”
“That's great. Get them out of here.” Stark told him.
“But I really want to see this play out.” Taggart whined.
“Then get them to stop... stinking.” Stark said. “Now what is with this genetic sample you've been cross referencing with the DOD database?”
“What's wrong with it?” A new voice asked. “And where the hell am I?” The man in the bed demanded. “Better yet, why am I restrained?”
“You're not going to ask what that smell is?” Jo wondered.
“No, I can see the Hyenas just fine. Am I still in Africa?” the man asked.
“Nowhere close.” Jack said. “Who are you?”
“Where are my clothes? I had my identification in them.” The man said.
“You fell through a shimmering something in the ceiling of a restaurant in town naked.” Jack told him.
“I came out naked? What is it with portals and nudity? I swear it's all Cameron's fault.” The man muttered. “I'm Xander Harris. Who are you people, and if I'm not in Africa, where am I?”
“What do you mean being naked is Cameron's fault?” Stark asked.
“James Cameron, the guy who directed Terminator. Nothing dead can go through rule.” Xander said. “Where am I?”
“What's the last thing you remember?” Jack asked him.
“Falling through a portal. Duh.” Xander snorted. “Before that I was enjoying a nice breakfast of roasted bat in a guano bowl with a very hard to find tribe.”
Just then Fargo sat up. “Did I? He's here? Oh god!” the young scientist screamed.
“What's his problem?” Xander asked.
“He know who you are.” Jo told him. “Whatever that means. Your fingerprints don't match with our database, which is as complete as it can get, but your face registers as a near match with two actors.”
“Two people look like me? Neat.” Xander said with a grin.
“Not when those two people played you in a TV show that ended back in 2003.” Carter said as he read some more details about the show.
“What year is it now?” Xander asked.
“2006, you're not concerned that you're a fictional character?” Allison asked.
“Believe it or not, this isn't all that weird for me.” Xander told them. “Though the guy in glasses looks like he's hyperventilating though.”
“Someone get Fargo a bag or something.” Jack said. “Look, do you know how you got here or how to get back?”
“Not really my field of expertise.” Xander shrugged. “So I was in a TV show? How long did it last?”
“Seven seasons and two networks.” Jo told him.
“Really? Not bad. Wait... Spike didn't get a spin off did he?”
“No, but there is a related series called 'Angel' that lasted for five seasons.” Jo said.
“That's almost as bad.” Xander sighed before crinkling his nose. “Look, those hyenas aren't going to stop doing that until I greet them, can you undo these straps? I'm not going to go crazy or anything.”
“Promise?” Jo asked and Xander nodded. “Damn.” She muttered before securing the snap on the holster on her largest sidearm.
She and Carter undid his straps and Xander gingerly got down off the medical bed and greeted the hyenas. A few moments later thanks to the miracle of modern air purification in the lab and the lack of a source, the smell went away. “The Hyenas can go back now. Sorry about that. They really like me.”
“From your DNA I can see why.” Stark commented. “You've got active parts in your makeup that are normally dormant. Some of this stuff is normally only seen in fish while others is really close to that of Hyenas. I don't understand why you haven't regressed though. What the hell happened to you?”
“Field trips and the school swim team.” Fargo gasped into his bag.
“What he said.” Xander told the bearded man. “Now where am I?”
“You're in Global Dynamics. It's a research facility.” Allison said. “You're our first fictional visitor. Let's just hope you're our last. Last thing we need is for one of the people here to figure out how to do this on a regular basis.”
“That would be great!” Fargo said into his paper bag.
“Doctor Doom” Xander said.
“That would be terrible.” Fargo said with a depressed tone.
“Get him out of here would you? He reminds me of a guy I know.” Xander asked.
“Fargo, come on.” Taggart called as he realized his hyenas weren't going anywhere.
“So you're a fictional character.” Stark said.
“I guess. Doesn't mean I'm not hungry though. Roasted bat just isn't all that filling.” Xander said with a grin. “So I've never heard of Global Dynamics. It's my turn to ask a question. Are there any large law firms called Wolfram and Hart here?”
“Not that I've heard of.” Jack told him.
“So it's not in a directly connected dimension then. From what I've learned over the years is that my reality and the large cluster of the ones around them all have ties to one particular trio of demons.” Xander said with a sigh. “No vampires or anything of the supernatural here?”
“Just some crazy scientists.” Jack told him.
“Freeze rays, robot girlfriends or Jekyll and Hyde and Frankenstein style?” Xander asked.
“Little of both from what I've seen.” Jack told him.
“Great.” Xander sighed. “So now what? Technically I don't exist here.”
“Which means we need to set you up with a legal identity while you're here. This means full testing to see if you'd be employable here at Global Dynamics or somewhere else in Eureka.” Allison said. “I'm sorry but due to the circumstances of your arrival, we can't let you leave.”
“I get it.” Xander said. “I do. So about that food? And maybe some kibble for my new friends.
“You can't keep them.” Taggart told him.
“It's not really my choice here man. Hyenas like me. I mean really like me. I had one follow me through four countries once.” Xander told him.
“I really need to see this show don't I?” Carter asked.
Xander shrugged. “You and me both man. Wonder if they put me in a good light.” He mused.
“Can we run some more tests on you?” Stark asked. “I'm really curious as to why you haven't mutated like your DNA says you should have.”
“Like I've really got a choice.” Xander told him. “Just don't put a chip in my head okay? Really don't need that kind of hardware.”
“No chips.” Stark promised. “Well no cranial ones, we may need to give you a tracker.”
“Great.” Xander sighed.
“We'll get you some food. Any requests?” Allison asked.
“Not bat.” Xander told her.
“Gotcha.” Allison said before the whole group left the medical wing leaving Xander alone with the hyenas. “Now what are your names?” He asked them. All he got were some whines. “Let's get those muzzles off you.” He said as he undid them. “No biting.” He told them. Both Hyenas huffed slightly.
“I need to study him.” Taggart and Stark said to Allison.
“Really. He's a human being.” Allison said.
“But his DNA.” Stark said. “It's worth studying.”
“The hyenas... they don't behave like that in the wild.” Taggart told her. “I want to know how he does it.”
“You're jealous.” Jack said with a flash of insight.
“I am not.” Taggart protested.
“You so are.” Jo said with a grin.
“I don't have to listen to this.” Taggart said.
“What are you going to do turn off your hearing aids?” Stark asked. “Wait in line. I'm the new head of research here. We look at his DNA first.”
“Fine. I also want a full psych evaluation done on him. If he's stable, we need to find something for him to do. No one lives here for free.” Allison said.
“Psych eval will be the first thing done after we study his genetics a bit more.” Stark told her. “He'll get the full spectrum of tests done. Educational level, aptitude, IQ. The works.”
“Good.” Jack said. “Hopefully he won't be any more dangerous than anyone else in this town.
“But he can be.” Fargo said.
“I really need to watch this series.” Jack said. “Or I could order my deputy to...”
“Don't. Even. Start.” Jo told him.
“Fine.” Jack said. “Maybe Zoe's seen it.” He mused.