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Eureka.... so go shower or something

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Summary: Someone falls into Jack Carter's lap. Season 1 Eureka, Post season 7 BTVS

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > EurekaCrazyDanFR15612,322514348,03721 Jul 0924 Mar 13No

Chapter 4

Eureka was created by Andrew Cosby and Jaime Paglia and currently airs on Syfy
Buffy the Vampires Slayer was created by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
This is a piece of fanfiction and is not done for any profit. It's just an idea that ran through my head the other day.

Chapter 4:

Xander Harris grinned as he got up from his bed. “I have to say that bed is the most comfortable I've ever slept in. Is the new bathroom occupied?”

“It's currently free Xander.” SARAH told him. “What do you plan to do today?”

“I've got the manuals to go through, maybe walk the town a bit. Check out the high school. What's it like outside today?” Xander asked her as he headed out to the bathroom to relieve himself.

SARAH told him the weather and Xander couldn't help but smile. “Nothing like the Pacific Northwest is there?”

“No place like Eureka.” SARAH agreed. “What would you like for breakfast?”

“What have you got stocked that's nearing expiration?” Xander countered. “Better to get rid of the aging stuff first right? I can't tell you how nice it is not to be eating rations anymore.”

“I think I can come up with something.” SARAH told him. “Coffee?”

“Make it a double if you don't mind.” Xander agreed as he stepped into the prototype sonic shower. Wincing a bit as the dirt was literally vibrated off his body, he rubbed his skin down with the exfoliating cloth and ran the specialized brush through his hair. He stepped out of the shower two minutes later and headed towards the mirror and grabbed the razor Sarah provided.

One waterless shave later he snagged a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he headed back to his room to dress. He'd gotten a few pairs of jeans, some comfortable boots and some t-shirts until he knew enough of the manuals to qualify for duty. He got dressed and put on his eye patch before heading downstairs for breakfast.

“Morning Xander.” Jack Carter said as he looked up from his sports section.

“Xander.” Zoey greeted without looking up from her datapad.

“Morning you two.” Xander greeted. “Is there anything you need me to do today boss?” Xander asked Jack.

“Stark wants you to head back to Global. He wants to see if he can clone you an eye. I've already seen a full grown human clone, so they might be able to pull it off.” Jack told him. “Something about the comprehensive health coverage.”

“That and all of us get to be test subjects.” Zoey snarked.

Xander rolled his eye as he got the plate and mug of coffee that SARAH provided for him. He sniffed it. “Oatmeal and an omelet. Thanks SARAH.”

“You're welcome Xander.” SARAH said.

“I don't know why you are so nice to her.” Zoey whined as she sipped her juice.

“Hey, she's a functioning AI, it's better to be nice and pleasant than rude.” Xander told her.

“He's right. SARAH gets mad if she has to postpone dinner without being informed.” Jack told his daughter. “By the way SARAH, if something crops up...”

“I'll put dinner on the back burner. We're having ham and potatoes Au gratin tonight.” SARAH told him. “I'll monitor the police frequencies so I have a heads up.”

“You can... Never mind, you can do that.” Jack sighed. “After you go to Global, stop by the station. Jo wants you to run through some firearms training.” Jack said to Xander.

Xander nodded. “Sounds good. I want to check out the school today too.”

“Why?” Zoey asked him.

“SARAH, exactly how many of the students attending the local schools fall in the MENSA membership range IQ wise?” Xander asked the smart house.

“Based on the current records of the school, eighty five percent. That is not including recent transfers.” SARAH told him.

Xander couldn't help but smirk as Zoey banged her head on the counter and Jack pounded his fist on it.

“I knew it!” Jack said. “We're gonna have to keep an eye on the kids too.”

“Well, I might end up being the rep if we need it.” Xander told him. “I'm used to dealing with crazy teenagers. Teenage geniuses might be a little different, but I think I could do it.” Xander said. “Of course I still haven't earned my deputy badge yet.”

“You will.” Jack grinned. “By hook or by crook. Everyone at Global loves you. Well except for Taggart.”

“Speaking of Taggart, he left a message for you.” SARAH told Jack.

“What is it?” Jack asked with a sigh.

“Lojack managed to unlock the hyena cages. Both the normal and the robotic hyenas have gone missing.” SARAH told him. “Taggart is attempting to track them now.”

“He built robot hyenas?” Xander asked in surprise.

“He wanted to see if he could created hyenas that were convincing enough to pass as real ones.” SARAH told them.

“Well, either way... they're going to find me.” Xander sighed.

“They're not staying here.” Jack told him.

“That's not up to me.” Xander told him. “I'll keep them clean if they show up. You know hyenas like me.”

“Hyenas are capable of being domesticated.” SARAH added. “My air filtration systems are good enough that I could eliminate the majority of any airborne dander if it causes a problem.”

“Is there a reason you're mentioning that now?” Zoey asked SARAH.

The front door opened and four hyenas walked into the bunker.

Jack drained the last of his coffee and sighed as the four hyenas lined up and sat in front of Xander.

“SARAH, call Taggart.” Jack told the AI. “Tell him they found us.”

Xander stared at the four hyenas. “He did pretty good making them.” Xander said as he pointed at two of the animals. “Those two are the robots.”

“I can't believe he built robot hyenas already. You've been here less than a week.” Jack sighed

Xander just dug into his oatmeal while waiting for Taggart to show up. “Think he'll give me a ride to Global?” He asked Carter.

“You might have to ride in the cage, but yeah.” Jack said before checking his watch. “Zoey, school.”

“Fine.” Zoey sighed before getting up.

Xander set aside two pieces of his omelet and waited until Jack and Zoey were gone before feeding the two living hyenas. “So....” Xander said after petting the new arrivals. “I'm going to go brush my teeth. SARAH, don't let Taggart in until I give the okay.”

“All right Xander.” SARAH told him. “He should be here in about five minutes.”

“Plenty of time then.” Xander said before looking at the hyenas. “Stay here.” He told them.

The four animals all began to lie on the floor.

“Good beasties.” Xander grinned before heading upstairs.

Ten minutes later.....

“Come on, it's not my fault.” Xander said to Taggart.

“I'm not talking to you.” Taggart huffed. “It's bad enough you catch the eye of my real hyenas but you go and take away the two I built with my own hands. It's criminal. That's what it is.”

“Again, you're talking like I do this on purpose.” Xander said while rolling his eye.

“How do I know you're not?” Taggart countered. “All that work I put into building a bond with those beauties and you just up and undo everything.”

“There's no reasoning with you is there?” Xander asked him.

Taggart didn't say anything.

“Fine.” Xander sighed. “Be that way.”

Global Dynamics......

“Sir, he's here.” Douglas Fargo said to Stark.

“Good.” Stark said as he got up from his desk. “Do you think he'll let us clone his eye?”

“I think he'll make sure we only clone his eye, but he should agree to it.” Fargo told his boss as they headed towards the entrance where Xander was being given a visitor's pass.

“The hyenas again?” Stark asked Xander as he walked up and offered the younger man his hand.

“Two of them are robotic this time.” Xander grinned as he shook Stark's hand.

Taggart just huffed before heading for the stairs.

“Go with him.” Xander said to the hyenas.

The four barked and followed Taggart.

“You've got a way with them.” Stark grinned. “Taggart has got to be pissed at you.”

“He is.” Xander agreed. “Now what's this about growing me a new eye? Just an eye right? You're not going to clone the whole me are you?”

“Just the eye.” Stark agreed. “How long have you been.... visually challenged?”

“Close to a year and a half.” Xander told him. “That going to be a problem?”

Stark shook his head. “No. Let's get some fresh samples taken and we can scan your other eye to make sure we grow this one to the right size.”

“You guys ever grow a giant eyeball before?” Xander asked with a grin.

Stark and Fargo didn't say anything.

“Never mind.” Xander sighed. “Let's get this over with. We've got like maybe an hour before the hyenas wander off from Taggart again.”

“So how are you liking the accommodations over at Carter's?” Fargo asked Xander.

“SARAH is a very smart house. I don't have any problems with her. Zoey on the other hand is a little leery of living in an AI controlled house.” Xander told him. “Depending on her base programming, we might have problems down the line.”

“What do you mean?” Fargo asked nervously.

“You ever see a Paul Reiser film called 'The Tower'?” Xander asked him.

“No.” Fargo said with a raised brow.

“If it exists here, look into it.” Xander told him. “Let's go get this taken care of. I want to visit the school today and I've got some sort of firearms training with Deputy Lupo today.”

“come on, we'll get this done in my private lab.” Stark told him. “One of the perks of being in charge.”

“Whatever.” Xander said with a shrug.

Henry's garage....

“I say we tell him.” Jack said to Henry.

“Tell him that if he tries to leave, he'll die?” Henry asked him. “Are you sure that's a good idea?”

“He'll deal. I live with this guy. He took to SARAH like it was nothing. Hell I think she likes him more than me at this point. If he knows he can't leave, I don't think he'll try to more than once.” Jack told him.

“I don't know if he could survive the once.” Henry told him. “The resonance. He'd be able to feel it within a few meters of getting close to the umbrella covering the town.”

“Well if that's the case, he'll have the proof he needs.” Jack told him. “I don't want to keep secrets from Xander, not if I'm going to have him working for me.”

Henry nodded. “I'll send SARAH the results I have after hours today. That way you can tell him while he's in a comfortable environment.”

“Thank Henry.” Jack grinned. “Did you hear that Taggart built some robotic hyenas? They showed up with the real things this morning.”

“Do tell.” Henry said with a smile.

Global Dynamics.....

Deputy Jo Lupo sighed as she parked in front of the building. She'd gotten a call from Stark to pick up their newest resident since he didn't have a car of his own yet. The department only had two service vehicles and they didn't have the budget for a third at this point in time.

She got out of her Jeep and headed into the building.

She found Xander being led into the lobby by Fargo.

“He okay?” Jo asked Fargo.

“He's been exposed to some bright lights. He'll be okay in about twenty minutes.” Fargo told her.

“I'm just a little.... blind at the moment.” Xander said. “Some of their scanning equipment could use a warning label.”

“I said there may be some discomfort.” Fargo told him.

“Discomfort and temporary blindness are two different things!” Xander half snarled at Fargo.

“I have to agree with him on this one.” Jo said as she crossed her arms and glared at Fargo.

“Sorry.” Fargo muttered. “He's all yours now.”

“Great.” Jo muttered.

“I heard that.” Xander grinned. He held up an arm with a closed hand. “Lead on.”

“You are so getting us lunch once your sight comes back.” Jo told him as she grabbed his wrist and began to lead him out of Global Dynamics.

“You say the sweetest things.” Xander said just before she yanked on his arm enough to make him become off balanced. He stumbled slightly before regaining his balance. “We're going to have so much fun working together.”

Jo scoffed as they headed outside.

Fifteen minutes later......

Xander blinked as the blurs and fuzziness began to come into focus. “I think the blindness is wearing off.”

“Good. So what were you doing that caused you to lose your sight anyways?” Jo asked him.

“They were scanning my eye so they could have the dimensions right for growing me a new one.” Xander told her.

Jo laughed. “They're going to grow you a new eye? Hopefully that'll go better than Bob's limb replacement.”

“What happened to Bob?” Xander asked her.

“He's got three thumbs now.” Jo smirked. “They don't clone much, instead they use cybernetic artificial limbs.”

“Are there any cybernetic eyes available?” Xander asked her.

“Nope.” Jo told him with a grin. “Still. It's probably your best shot for having depth perception.”

Xander nodded. “So... what weapons do I need to qualify on?”

“Lunch first.” Jo told him. “We'll do a few firearms and then we can call it a day.”

“I think I can see well enough to get across the street to Vince's.” Xander told her. “If you write down what you want, I'll get it.”

Jo shook her head before pulling out a notepad and writing her order down. “Go fetch, rookie.” Jo told him as she handed him the slip of paper.

“Not even in the uniform yet and I'm being bossed around.” Xander sighed. “Typical Harris luck.”

“Just go get us lunch.” Jo told him.

“You got it, sub-boss.” Xander smirked before slipping out of the door.

Cafe Diem....

Xander couldn't help but roll his eye as the restaurant got quiet as he entered the building. “Come on people, just because some of you saw me naked doesn't mean everything has to be weird.” Xander called before heading over to the counter.

“Xander.” Vince greeted “What can we do for you today?”

Xander handed Vince Jo's order and asked for the special for himself to go. “Say, have you got any Irn-Bru? Can I get two cans?”

“Let me check the back.” Vince told him before disappearing into the fridge.

Xander just sat on a stool and waited for the orders to be processed. He ignored the stares as he waited.

“So why Irn-Bru?” Vince asked as he set the cans down in front of Xander.

“I started drinking it because of the quinine.” Xander told him. “I had some friends who were able to send me a few cans a week. I was in Africa at the time and had been exposed to Malaria once. I developed a taste for it.”

Vince nodded. “I haven't got that much of it in the back, but I can increase the order if you want.”

“Sounds good.” Xander agreed. “Thanks Vince. See you tomorrow?”

“I'll be here.” Vince told him as he got the orders out from the cook and handed him the to go boxes. “Have a good day Xander.”

“I'll try Vince.” Xander grinned.

Back at the Sheriff's Office.....

“What are you drinking?” Jo asked Xander as he enjoyed his soda.

“Irn-Bru.” Xander grinned. “Good stuff.” He told her before biting into his special. He didn't know what it was, but it was tasty.

“What is it?” She asked him.

“Scottish orange.” Xander grinned.

“It's orange flavored?” Jo asked.

“Not exactly.” Xander told her.

Jo sighed before walking over and grabbing the second can. She opened it and took a sip. “That is disgusting.”

“It's an acquired taste.” Xander agreed. “So what weapons are we covering today?”

“First and foremost, we're going to cover the standard firearms.” Jo told him before taking another sip of the soda and grimacing again.

“Show me what I need to do.” Xander said as he finished his lunch.

Jo walked over to a wall and pressed a button. A rack of weapons dropped from the ceiling.

“Oh. Nice.” Xander grinned as he stared at the weapons.

“I know.” Jo said with a matching grin. “We're going to start small.” Jo told him as she grabbed a derringer. “Disassemble and clean it.” She told him.

“You got it, sub-boss.” Xander grinned as Jo got out a gun cleaning kit for him to use.

Jo scowled. “Just clean the gun.”

Tesla High School......

“You must be the newest deputy.” The principal said as Xander sat down in her office. “What brings you here?”

“I just wanted to get a feel for the school. If you know anything about my history, you would know how familiar I am with teenage.... shenanigans? Is that a good phrase for it?” Xander asked her.

The principal nodded. “Thankfully, there's no such thing as magic in this reality.” She told him. “So, how can I help you?”

“Well, I'm not going to be profling any troublemakers or anything.” Xander began. “I would however like to tour the school. I'll take a map if you have one. The older the better.”

“Would you like some blueprints as well?” She asked him.

Xander nodded. “That would be nice. I just want to get a feel of the school, it's traffic flows, student groupings, stuff like that.”

“Well, I know it's a little unorthodox but all right. The plans can't leave this office.” She told him.

“I just need a few minutes.” Xander told her. “After that, you can give me the full tour. Sound good?”

She nodded before typing something into her computer. She turned the monitor and Xander got a look at the original blueprints followed by the subsequent add ons. He was impressed with the initial design that allowed for expansion.

“Quality stuff.” Xander told her. “I wish all the architects I built under had half this design sense.”

“That's right, you worked construction didn't you?” She asked with a bit of a grin as he looked through the latest expansions. “Okay?”

“Okay. There's some things that are a little iffy in one section, but I'm sure it's nothing.” Xander told her.

“Really? What?” The principal asked.

“The basement. Part of it was longer on the older blueprint. Could be nothing, could be an old shelter.” Xander said with a shrug.

The principal double checked his findings. “You're right. I'll cross check with records later.” She told him.

Xander nodded. “I think I've got the basics of the school.” He said as a bell rang. “If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check traffic flows. That all right?”

“I'll come with.” The principal told him. “We don't like parents or anyone wandering the halls unescorted.”

“Wow, things are different here.” Xander grinned.

The principal couldn't help but laugh.

Xander and the principal walked through the halls that were crowded with students with large backpacks.

Xander paused outside of one hallway. “What's down here?” He asked as he noticed no students were going in or out of there.

“Our autism wing. Even with our treatments here, Eureka has a higher incidence of autism than the national average.” The Principal told him.

“How much higher?” Xander asked her.

“Five times the national average.” The principal said with a sigh. “Most are high functioning and can attend regular classes, but the rest are here.”

“Hmm.” Xander said. “The price of genius?”

“Something like that.” The principal told him. “Do you have any experience in handling autistic children?”

“I worked at a hospital as a handler for a few weeks, I couldn't take some of the tantrums.” Xander admitted. It had been during his year of many jobs.

The principal nodded softly. “I understand.”

After school....

“Can I catch a ride?” Xander asked Jack as he pulled up to pick up Zoey.

“Sure. You learn what you wanted?” Jack asked him.

“I did.” Xander agreed. “I'm ready to get back to the house if you don't mind.”

“Not a problem.” Jack agreed.

“Thanks.” Xander grinned.

“Anything interesting about the school?” Jack asked him.

“Maybe an old shelter, but it's not a problem.” Xander told him.

“Cool. Say, I need to talk to you about something after dinner.” Jack told him.

“That's fine.” Xander said with a nod. “Anything in particular?”

“Just some readings Henry took. It's complicated enough I'm going to need some charts. He's going to send the data to SARAH after dinner.” Jack told him.

“Oh.” Xander said with a sigh. “I'm still the favorite test subject in town aren't I?”

“You probably will be for a while.” Jack agreed. “It's stuff you need to know.”

“Way to take my mind off things Jack.” Xander grinned.

“I do what I can.” Jack smiled back.

“Can we go now?” Zoey asked. “Can we stop by Cafe Diem for a Vincespresso?”

“No.” Jack told her. “No caffeine for you.”

“What kind of a parent are you?” Xander asked Jack. “Caffeine is an essential part of every teenager's diet. It's an important part of my diet, heck it's part of your diet! Why deny her the joy of a caffeine buzz?”

“Because Zoey is a big enough handful without the extra energy.” Jack said as he started the drive home.

“He's not wrong.” Zoey agreed.

“Still, no caffeine?” Xander asked in horror.

“When you're a parent, you'll understand the horrors of a two year old on a sugar high. The teenage equivalent is just as horrifying.” Jack told him.

“I'll take your word for it.” Xander laughed.

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