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Summary: Family connections are sometimes supposed to be an advantage, but there are some that some times are better not mentioned or called upon unless you really have to. An eight year old Xander is about to encounter another branch of his twisted family.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Addams' Family, TheLilNezumiFR18724,87346547,7345 Aug 0913 Oct 09No


Disclaimer:  See Chapter one for all disclaimers & warnings.

Speech Legend from now on:

(…Demon Languages…)


 Chapter Seven


Spike was having a lay down in his room.  It was down in the basement of Xander’s bungalow shack house.  ‘Isn’t that a strange thought,’ the vampire contemplated.  ‘The kid owning his own house, plus an apartment elsewhere and some other bits of property on the far outskirts of town, kinda makes me want to meet that weird family connection that he’s been telling me about.

Xander had moved Spike into the windowless storage room of his little two floor bungalow house on the day the vampire had been shunted into his care.  It was the house that he had been renting until he was able to buy it with the money from the rental units and houses from Xanton Ridge, which was located somewhere within the vicinity of Death Valley National Park (…i…). 

He had purchased an apartment when he had gotten involved with the ex-vengeance demon, Annyanka, whom he was still seeing for now.  He didn’t want the girl to know about his house, his money or his other activities.  When she was a demon, she may have known about them, but since she never brought it up, Xander chose not mention it either.  Besides she was beginning to read too many Cosmopolitan, New Bride and Bride magazines for his comfort.

Xander let Spike know about a few of his different points of view and that was one of the things that Spike was thinking about while he was chain smoking.  He had explained that the Addams’ side of his family was very different from normal humans.  The boy did have a unique outlook to life because of it.

The kid gave me this room freely, no questions asked.  He loaded it just for me.  A frig full of human blood, a microwave, bed and stuff for it, a T.V., a satellite hook-up and the latest game system with a never ending stream of controllers,’ Spike thought.  He snorted to himself regarding the controllers.  If the game was especially violent or action packed, the vampire tended to break his controllers.

Xander had gotten tired of the near daily phone calls from Spike complaining about the weak game controllers, that he showed up with twenty of them.  Them and the phone number of a magician that could re-enforce all to withstand the strength of an Osis-Thurg (...ii...) Demon and anything less.

He was busy flipping through the latest mail of College and University acceptance and rejection letters, when suddenly noticed that three were for demon plane learning facilities.  There were two from inter-dimensional Universities with a huge time difference to this one and five were within the local area of about a thousand miles, including the one underneath L.A. 

How does Xander bloody Harris even know about these places?’  He was curious about the subjects, but he had learned a very hard and uncomfortable lesson about the boy’s need for privacy and especially his personal mail.  He had taken to looking through the boy’s mail everyday and he had fun sending off the dumbest answers to product surveys.  Those bits of mail were the safe ones, those and the normal bills.

Spike had unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your point of view, opened up a few packages that were from some outer demon planes.  However, because he was a vampire some of the contents had strange and adverse effects on him.  Spending three weeks in bed due to boils in sensitive areas like the between his toes, the webbing between his fingers (he couldn’t smoke because of it), behind his ears and any other crease or crevasse on his body.  It was painful and inconvenient.  The boils had no cure due to the fact that they were a magical version made to affect demons.  They eventually went away after three weeks, but it was a lesson well learned.

He put the school acceptance packages aside and contemplated the events of night when the boy had taken him in.



The Scoobies had gathered around one evening and it wasn’t long before there was a minor dispute because Giles wanted Xander to take Spike home with him.  Xander wasn’t ready for anyone to figure out his current living situation, the one where he’s not living with his parents.  He just didn’t want the others to know that he’s been on his own for longer then they realized.  He had things that he couldn’t tell them about and there was a couple that he never wanted them to find out about.

“Xander,” Giles said.  “I think that we’ve been pretty understanding of Spike’s, uh, situation, but please see it from our stand point.  Besides I’m asking you to take him in as a favour to me.  I really would like to have a quiet peaceful night without him in my apartment.”

“He wants to invite his bird over for a cocktail and doesn’t want her to be around the nasty best that I am,” Spike said with a sneer.  The others looked at him with contempt, but Xander didn’t.  He was thinking about what Giles wanted him to do.  “It’s true,” Spike continued.  “The nose never lies.”

Xander just looked at the vampire. He was taking note of all the differences that he could detect in the blond Englishman’s appearance.  The vampire was skeletal thin and looked severely undernourished.  He was bruised up and he also looked like he hadn’t slept for months.  He couldn’t blame the creature because some psycho humans interfered in the vampire’s natural order of things. 

He didn’t like that Spike was being shunted onto him, but he knew that the vampire would be better off with him than with Giles from now on.  So shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fine then.”

He acted in a put upon manner for show and it was working.  He looked and acted like the average, badly dressed, petulant loser that they had come to know.  “So, I’m guessing that there’s nothing on the books tonight and we’re free for the rest of the night.”

“Well, yes,” the older man said.  “I suppose one night off won’t make that much of a difference.  It might be best if everyone just patrols on their way home.”

Buffy was practically wiggling for a chance to get away and have a normal night at home.  She was looking forward to spending time with her latest and greatest toy, her new boyfriend.  She was looking forward to dinner and dancing and she really didn’t want to deal with the mess that Spike had gotten himself into.  She didn’t want to admit that it was her boyfriend and his pals that messed up the vampire. 

Sure the bleach-job blond was a vampire like Angel, but Angel was not like any other vampire.  She loved Angel and she hated Spike.  That meant that she felt justified to blame Spike for anything she didn’t like and it was a bonus that he was now controllable.  Only she knew better then to mention something like this, as there seemed to be one or two who felt that it was horrific to control a vampire to such a degree.

Xander looked at everyone in the room and then he looked at Spike. He came to a decision and said, “Come on Oh, Fangless One, we have some things to take care of.”

Spike growled at the nickname and then sighed, hoping that the boy wouldn’t begin to pester him too much about it.  There was something off about the kid anyway, so he played along.  “Whatever, let’s go Harris.”

Stepping out into the crisp night-time air, the two young men left the self-proclaimed Scooby group behind.  Spike took out his pack of cigarettes.  He noticed that he was running low, but just lit up to take a drag of the cancer stick that would never affect him because he was already, technically dead.  He was thinking the boy and his actions.

Well, I gotta say he’s more of a young man really because Harris is growing up, but there’s something different about him tonight,’ he thought.  He looked in the direction of the still-in-the-teenage category of life, youth and observed the seeming differences.

Every time Xander left the group he stood up straighter, made sure that his clothing was slightly looser for fighting or hunting or whatever struck his fancy for the evening.  He strode with a purpose through the streets and had a maintained air of ‘Don’t mess with me’ which exuded naturally from his being.  The things that go bump in the night did not mess with this person whenever he was alone or in the company of someone who was not known as the Slayer. 

They never attacked him and that was something that Spike was just now taking note of.  He saw several species of demons walk away from them.  Some were ones that he knew like feasting on human flesh, but still they left this human alone.

“Oi, Harris,” the blond said trying to get the young man’s attention.  He wanted to point out the strange behaviour of those demons or maybe to get an explanation.  That’s when he noticed that the boy had taken out a cell phone and was talking into it.  His scarred brow rose when he realized that the boy was talking fluently in one of the more or less common demon languages.

(… … yes, I said human…) Xander was explaining.  (…No, I don’t want amplified mastodon blood and I don’t care if it tastes almost like human blood.  I want the stuff that the blood bank in my town throws away.  Better yet I want the names of at least six people in this town that the blood banks refuse to take blood from due to some type of disease…)

(…Master Harris that will cost you…) the disembodied voice whined so clearly over the phone that Spike was able to overhear most of the conversation.

(…This is not a debate, this is an order…) Xander said.  (…We can discuss possible blood substitutes later, but right now I need at least six humans willing to donate a pint or two.  Better yet get me the names of three or four that can disappear.  You have one hour to get me that information or I won’t let you touch the Slayer’s Mr. Pointy…)

(…Yes, Master Harris…) The voice said in a tone of utter respect with whining acceptance, eager anticipation of touching the Slayer’s favourite wooden spike although fully knowing that it was never going to happen.  (…I will ping the coordinates to you within the hour…) 

There was no word in this demon’s language to translate human words like text message or email.  They used the word ping instead, which means the sound that they associated to sending and receiving the like.

(…Do it…) The human said forcefully and he hung up, not giving the demon on the other end a chance to whine about its task. 

It might have been considered rude to hang up like that, but this was one race of demons that understood the ruder you were the more respect that you should be given.  This was especially true if that race somehow found out that you had access to lots of money.  The fact that this human owned a whole town had gotten out and well... now rudeness was expected of him.  His Addams relations had explained this when he had called to complain about these tiny twisted dark-elf like demons.

Spike was watching this guy, blinking and wondering just how in the hell could Xander Harris, the one that Angel had offered up as a Sire’s Gift, could possibly have garnered the Right to Rude.  This was a strange custom of Rudishnin (...iii...) Demons.  You needed a lot of money to even begin to obtain petitioning for the Right to Rude.  As far as the blond vampire knew, this kid was broke.

“Oi, Harris,” Spike said again, this time actually gaining Xander’s attention.  (…How’d you ever come into contact with the Rudishnins?…)

“That is a story for another time,” Xander said.  “We need to take care of a few things and then I’m going to lay down a few ground rules.”  Spike was about to protest, but Xander stopped him by saying, “Easy there, the very first one is that whatever you find out about me, you can never tell another being about, especially not them.”  He pointed back at the direction that they had just come from.  “I may have to spell you to keep your silence in this matter, but it won’t hurt you much.”

Spike’s eyes were huge.  “No way are you doing any spells on me.  It’s bad enough that I’ve been bleedin’ chipped by you humans, you ain’t going to spell me.”

“I will do what I have to in order to keep you safe from Buffy and the gang,” Xander said.  “It will also protect you from the soldiers in the future, but for now your word should be good enough, until I’ve researched for the proper spell.  We’ll do this together and you can choose the spell.  I’m going to have to do something about that chip too.  It’s unnatural to mess with the feeding patterns of other species.”

The vampire sensed that this was something that young man was very adamant about and he had to admit to a certain amount of curiosity about everything.  “You have my word,” he said standing straighter than he felt like at the moment.  Spike re-confirmed his vow because there was something that he sensed about this human.  He said, “You have the word of William the Bloody.”

Xander smiled, liking the title that this vampire had.  It was better than just the Scourge of Europe that Angel had and it was also better than just being known as the Right Hand of the Scourge of Europe.  Yes the title of “William the Bloody” was way better to Xander’s Addams frame of mind, which was what he was going to have to use in order to get Spike interested in keeping his word.  That’s one of the reasons that the human had intentionally let slip some of his darker secrets.

Twenty minutes later, they were in a bar discussing a few non-essential things when Xander was pinged with the email address of four easy to miss humans.  There was a note attached to the message indicating that one was a revenge contract that needed to be taken care of and the others were sociopaths that were living in this town for the sole purpose of hiding from the law.  It was perfect.

They were not connected in any way to humans that would miss them.  Therefore Xander could chose when and where to use them for Spike’s meals.  They discussed which order to start from and together they chose to go after the revenge one last because as with all forms of revenge.  It is sweeter if the subject is harassed quite a bit first. 

Therefore their first victim was a man convicted of being a pedophile.  He had escaped from his probation officer from another state.  He hadn’t started anything yet in this town.  That’s what the demons selling him out knew, but Spike told Xander that the man’s past deeds would be there in his scent.

Xander was glad that there was no possibility to make a mistake about this person.  He never minded doing what needed to be done, but he did have his humane limits.  He often told some of the demons that a reason of ‘Just because’ was not enough for him to act in their favour.

Outside of this person’s trailer house, the human put on a set of rubber surgical gloves and then he pulled on a set of black form fitting leather gloves.  He didn’t want to keep these gloves.  Pedophiles gave him the wiggins more than any other demon he had ever encountered.  Cannibals too were strange to him, but pedophiles won out on the creepiness factor.

Spike observed everything that Xander was doing and took note of the boy’s instructions.  He acted like the monster he was and shifted into game-face.  He snapped and snarled, smelling the increased fear that the other man in front of him was exuding.  He sniffed the air exaggeratedly and grinned evilly.  He nodded to Xander to let the boy know that the demons were not lying about this man.

This criminal knew that he was facing death in the yellow eyes of the creature in front of him, but it was the man that had walked in with it that for some inexplicable reason scared him even more.  The dark gleaming eyes with green firelight inside and the wide grin with too many teeth was enough to him to know that the man was different for some reason. 

Xander strode forward, grabbed one of the dingy kitchen chairs from the small kitchenette area and swung it at him.  There was nothing that the criminal could do to avoid the knock out.  The boy quickly trussed up the unconscious man with the rope he had just bought from the local store.  He then asked his vampire companion, “So, how should I hang him to get the blood to flow nicely for you?  Where do you want to drink from?”

Spike shifted back to his human face.  His blue eyes were wide at the questions coming from this ‘White Hat’.

“I know,” Xander said excitedly.  “Upside down so the blood gushes to his head and you can feed from the neck.  The blood will positively spray from there.  What do you think?” 

The vampire looked contemplatively, while Xander thought, ‘Next one I’ll have to make that I have my kit for more fun.  This ceiling wouldn’t hold up much.  I wonder if Spike would like to do this in that rundown barn near the abandoned mines.

“I think that you’re cracked,” Spike said.  “But you’re right.  The blood will flow quite loverly from there.”  He pointed out the location on the man’s neck.

The young man nodded and then proceeded to fix the rope in a very tight manner around the ankles of the runaway criminal.  The man was, of course, completely gagged for this entire process.  He was still unconscious for the whole process, but was zapped awaked by a very low voltage Taser gun that Xander had altered especially for this kind of purpose.  It caused an annoying pinching sensation while zapping the victim awake.

It was one the things that he always carried with him along with a several daggers and a couple of short swords strapped to his back in an X, with the handles near his lower back.  They were securely strapped and had a spring release that activated by the motion of reaching back for them.

He always had gloves in his pockets and a couple of vials of fluid that even Spike didn’t know about, yet.  He was very careful to cover his tracks whenever he did something of this nature.  His Addams relatives told him it was more important to never get caught by stupidity.  So the vials contained something to set a place on fire.  Fires were common in Sunnydale and no one ever suspected an arsonist.

“Let me tenderize him a bit and then we’ll see if you can bite him,” Xander said.

“I can’t bite him,” Spike said.  “I’ve gone to a suck house and I couldn’t bite the human that was offering to let me.  I had to kill him to keep his silence, but that near killed me from the pain of this bloody chip.”

“All right then,” Xander said.  “Let me do this and then I’ll cut him for you.”

Spike was agog with the fact that this White Hat was ready to do something like this for him.  ‘Why would he do this for me?’  His thoughts were fizzing in his mind as he was observing the way that Xander was working the other man over, a punch here and a several cuts there to get the blood to flow. 

He’s very different from the others.  Why would he even care how I’m feeding now?  Gonna have to get to know this one’s secrets because I’m betting that he’s got a few.’  He snorted to himself and then thought, ‘Of course he has some, that’s why he wants me spelled to keep the secrets.  I just might let him, after this.  It might be good to get on this one’s good side.’

“Spike,” Xander said calling his name.  “Come here and tell me where you’d like him to be cut.”

“Here,” Spike told him.  “Can you make the cuts happen around the vein without cutting the artery?”

“Sure,” Xander said.  “Better than that I can remove the skin only so that you can have access to what’s underneath.”

“Yeah, pet,” Spike said with a happy sigh.  It’s been a while since he’s seen something like that.  He watched in happy anticipation.  Xander pulled out a utility knife from his shirt pocket and used it to surgically remove a large section of skin from the area that Spike pointed out.  He tossed it away behind him, not caring where it landed.

“That should do it,” Xander said.  “Try thinking that you are not the one that hurt this man and maybe you can bypass some of the chip’s programming.”

“Not a problem there,” Spike told him.  His eyes were locked in the exposed pulsing vein.  “I’m already thinking that.”  He leaned forward to lick the blood of the wound.  The chip didn’t notice a thing.  The human was in already so much pain that this action didn’t register.  He vamped out, lunged for the open wound and bit into thick vein.

Oh honey from the source,’ Spike thought.  ‘It’s been so long since I had something like this.’  He drank everything quickly, sucking the blood from the vein like pop from a straw.  The wounds that he’d been carrying around for a while were healing rapidly.

Xander watched him begin to feed.  After watching for a bit, he began to spread the special oil into several sections of this house.  It was a good thing that this was actually a trailer house.  The oil was made specific to only burn up one residence at a time.  Good thing too because this man had neighbours.  However, he did have a lawn poster ready to place in front of the burning building, so that everyone, including the cops and firemen would know just what kind of monster used to live here.

He did that in order to get the people aware that there was more out there than just the demons.  It never worked because the attacks by wild dogs and the gangs on PCP stories were still persistent in the Sunnydale papers. 

His work here would become just a sound bite on T.V.’s, ‘Unsolved Mysteries’, (...iv...) ‘America’s Most Wanted’ and a few other shows like that.  It’s what happened before a few other times.  The only thing that these kinds of shows would ever say is that it was a mystery.  They speculated on how they died and why, but that for now ‘Americans can rest easy knowing that this person is no longer a threat to society.’

End Flashback


Morticia had decided to mail some college application forms on be-half of her grand nephew.  It was the least that she could do after all of the things that Alexander had learned with her family.  He had enough education in order to pass equivalency requirements for these placements.  She was hoping that he would consider one or more of the courses that she submitted applications for under his name.

“Tish,” Gomez said.  “What are you doing?  You know that Pugsley and Wednesday are not ready to attend any of those schools.”

“Oh, these are not for our children,” Morticia said.  “I’m sending these on behalf of my grand nephew, Alexander.  He needs to further his education.  Besides I know that he is not aware that everything we do here is considered to be adequate homeschooling in order to be eligible for these particular dimensional demon schools.  You remember how he hated going to high-school.  Just think how miserable he’ll be going to one of these Universities.  I’ve already sent out a few dozen, he should be receiving replies soon.  This is going to be the last batch.  I can’t think of anywhere else to submit these post-secondary applications.”

“You’re so right mi amore,” he said.  “He needs the challenge.  He was educated by the best of us for the longest time.  What courses are you submitting as his interests?”

“Coroner, medical examiner, embalmer, taxidermist, you know one all of the fun ones,” she said.  “He already has a lot of knowledge in these areas, especially with the work harvesting all the goodies from the Hellmouth, for Mama and Wednesday.”

“Go idea,” he replied.  “We could always use one of those in the family. “

“Of course,” she said.  “It’s a lot better than that butcher’s course he did.  It was too imprecise and he needs to learn the refined art of properly using a scalpel.”

“Well had gotten a lot better at using a finer knife after that one Halloween,” Grandmamma said coming into the room with a tea tray, complete with afternoon snacks of half-fried scarabs.  Half-fried meant partially dead, they were cooked this way so they squeak while being chewed.  There was also live slug twists and blue mould mini-buns.

“That’s true,” Uncle Fester said walking into the room looking forward to some tea.  “Wednesday suggested that he go as Hannibal Lecter  (...v...) from the semi-autobiographical fiction story.  I wonder how he actually dressed up?”

“Little does the world know that it was a fourth cousin, once removed that wrote those,” Gomez said.  “It seems to me that the author’s last name was Harris too.  I wonder if he is related to Alexander’s father some way.”

“The dark whispered to me that Cousin Alexander would be possessed one last time before Grandmamma could successfully integrate the possessions,” Wednesday told them.  “That is why I told him to go as Hannibal Lecter or as Jack the Ripper.”

“Both were very good suggestions,” Morticia said.  “When can we do the integration spell Mama?”

“It’ll have to be before he goes to College or University in any of those dimensions,” the gray haired lady said.  “Why don’t you see if he’ll come to us this summer?  It has been a while since he last visited.”

“I want to see him again too,” Pugsley said.  “Ask him to bring his pet vampire.  That should be interesting.”

“The vampire won’t come here unless we can guarantee that he would be safe from the sun,” Fester said.  “I’ve talked to him.  He does have a nice British accent.  Let’s see what Cousin Itt can do, he knows a lot about those kinds of vampires.”

The family agreed to wait for their next visit from their Sunnydale cousin.  Hopefully this time Xander would allow Grandmamma to finish the ritual for him.  They were finally able to the left arm of The Judge and they were harvesting portions of it for various potions and spells.

Gomez had once remarked on its wonderful re-generational quality.  They would eventually have to dispose of it, but they could wait.



(…i…)   Death Valley exists, but whether there are cities or towns within it, this author doesn’t know and truly doesn’t care to know, as the name seemed perfect for someone with Addams blood in their veins.
(...ii...)    Osis-Thurg Demons – made up name and race
(…iii…)   Rudishnin Demons – made up name and race
(…iv…)  Real T.V. Shows therefore:  Disclaimer - All publically shows, television series, and etc… are the property of their respective owners. This author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise to the major components within this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
(...v...)  Hannibal Lector - Disclaimer - All books (written by Thomas Harris), movies, and etc… are the property of their respective owners. This author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise to the major components within this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

Season & Episode referred to in this chapter

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”
Season 4

Episode (no specific episode, but this is the season of the ‘Initiative’, obviously I’ve twisted the tale)

The End?

You have reached the end of "Family Connections" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 13 Oct 09.

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