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Door Number Two

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Summary: Written for the August 2009 Fic-a-Day Challenge. Kirk, Spock and Bones get a lesson in irritation from Q; with some unexpected surprises.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > Star Trek 2009FiveOfFiveFR1311,078172,3795 Aug 095 Aug 09Yes
Title: Door Number Two
Author: FiveOfFive
Rating: FR13
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the Star Trek franchise
Crossover: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Trek 2009 and Star Trek in general
Word Count: 1090
Timeline: Post Chosen for Buffy; After new Star Trek movie.
Note: I know I’m late to the fic-a-day challenge, but I just got back from vacation so…hope y’all don’t mind.



Jim Kirk, Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, took a shaky breath and glanced over at his disheveled First Officer and his pissed off and disheveled Chief Medical Officer…they looked ridiculous. He wasn’t sure why his men were wearing unitards and tutus but it was disturbing. As were the color combinations of the outfits, that train wreck of taste would haunt his dreams for years to come, and he was sure he’d never stop hearing the color’s screaming at each other for mercy.

Wincing he looked down at his own ensemble, if the crimes against sight that Spock and Bones were wearing were horrific, his was even worse. The mixture of pinks, blues, reds, greens, oranges and yellows in every shade known to man, and more then one not known, were beginning to make him feel ill the longer he looked at them.

The two humans and the Vulcan had been jumping through hoops for the amusement of some sadistic stranger for the last two days for the most part with their eyes closed in an attempt to minimize the damage to their mental state that looking on such hideousness would surely cause...okay so maybe not. But the point still stands that this was by far the worst away mission he’d ever been on, and that includes missions where he got married to a asteroid prince, had his manhood temporarily “borrowed” for the purpose of enriching some moon’s gene pool, and switching consciousness with a hamster.

The cause of their suffering suddenly appeared before them, the lingering sound of snapped fingers echoing faintly in the air. The bizarre entity had appeared on his ship much the same way two days earlier, only then he was accompanied by a blinding flash of light. The first thing Jim saw as his eyes cleared was a wide grin that promised no good. As the rest of the stranger’s features came into focus, the smile lingered brighter then the rest before settling into his face.

Jim lunged tiredly at their tormentor, falling on his face as the man vanished and reappeared with his foot on Jim’s head.

That is not fair!” Jim sputtered into the dirt, waving his hands about awkwardly in an attempt to dislodge his foe.

“I know Captain,” Q said with a wicked grin. “But it was funny.”

Q allowed Spock and Bones to assist their Captain into a more vertical position before continuing with his original reason for snapping in.

“It has come to my attention that some members of the Continuum have been…less then pleased with my “out of the box” style and are seeking my immediate imprisonment. So I’m afraid that our time here has come to an end mon amis” Q clasped his hands before him sadly looking sideways at the unitard clad, tutu wearing men in front of him.

The past two days hadn’t been kind to any of them, Jim and Bones especially needed a shave and all of them could do with a long sonic shower. The colors on their uniforms however remained in pristine condition, despite the fact that Captain Kirk had spent twenty minutes the first day attempting to rub dirt into the fabric so that he might dull down the garish garment.

“As a reward for your exemplary service to the alleviation of my melancholy I’ve got a present for you!” Q quickly deduced that their lack of outward excitement was due to the fact that they’d been flabbergasted by his extreme kindness.

Q snapped his fingers and three freestanding doors slammed down in front of the Star Fleet officers. Each door came in its own pastel of pink, blue, or green and had a large brass number emblazoned in the center.

“So which shall it be gentlemen?” Q asked gleefully? “I’m afraid you can only pick one door to look behind for your grand prize.”

Kirk stepped forward, placing himself squarely between Q and his friends.

“And which door leads to us going back to the Enterprise?” He demanded.

“No, no, no Captain, I’m afraid you don’t understand me. You’re all going back to your blessed ship, but just as soon as you’ve humored me one last time, and picked a door.”

Kirk clenched his jaw and turned to confer with his shipmates in hushed whispers.

“Ideas? Theories? Clever notions? I’ll take anything,” Jim looked pleadingly at them.

“Captain, I’m afraid the only course of action is to do as he says. This Q has already demonstrated himself to be superior in both technology and ability,”

“The hobgoblin’s right Jim, I don’t see any way out of it,” Bones growled.

“I don’t like it,’ Jim scowled. “Anything he’s so maniacally happy about can’t be good.”

“You’ll get no argument from me there, but what else can we do?” Bones asked reasonably.

“Live on this planet forever and survive off of berries and various mushrooms?” Jim said hopefully.

“That hardly seems like a feasible plan Captain,” Spock began.

“Shut up and pick a door already Jim,” Bones said at the same time.

“Why do I feel like I’m about to get screwed with my pants on?” Jim sighed, the decision made.

“Wishful thinking?” The doctor winked at his captain before spinning the younger man around to face their fate.

“Well Captain?” Q asked barely able to contain his excitement.

Kirk gulped once before answering. “Door number two.”

Q gave them a grin that would put the Cheshire Cat to shame before snapping his fingers and vanishing as the second door swung open.

Two confused looking women in their pajamas came stumbling out the door, exclaiming in a confused jumble of words and questions.

“What the hell?!” “Who the what now?!” “How did we?” “Who are?” “Why am I in my PJs?!”

Jim looked over the blonde in the yummy sushi pajamas and her redheaded companion who was in t-shirt commanding all to “Do the Snoopy Dance!” as a dog and some sort of yellow bird blob seemed to do just that all over the matched bottoms, appreciatively. This might not be enough compensation for the last forty-eight hours of hell…but it was a start.

The End

You have reached the end of "Door Number Two". This story is complete.

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