Pairing: Pre-Slash for now, Xander/?? Have to figure that out yet
Disclaimer: Buffy and company belong to Joss Whedon, House and characters belong to Fox
Author Notes: Take one warped mind (mine), add one fic a day challenge, and insane list sibs whirl together and this is what you get.
Word Count: 1,519 Words (Per MS Word)
"So kid, got a name?"
Glaring up at House, who his father had pointed out to him, Xander resisted the impulse to smirk and chose instead to play some games with the older man. "Yeah, and you?"
"I'm Doctor House, and that implied with my first question that I was interested in what your name was, or didn't you get that point?"
"Oh I got it, but what you asked was if I had one, not what it was. See that's a tiny, but significant difference. So are you asking what my name is then Doctor House," Xander was inwardly rolling on the ground laughing in his mind, while outwardly he kept a bland, neutral expression.
"Yes I am. So what is your name kid," House asked, growing more impatient with this joker by the moment.
From nearby Chase watched the scene with Wilson, both men working hard to keep from bursting out in laughter.
"First off it's not 'Kid' or 'You'. The name is Xander, I'm sure it's an easy enough one to remember or call out..." Xander offered trailing off suggestively.
"Uh huh, not quite my type kid," House shot back. "Although I'm sure your too young for me either way."
"Not from what I heard Doc. I heard you like them a bit older and had an eye on a certain doc in Oncology," Xander shot back with a smirk of his own.
Wilson was forced to lean against Chase at that point, as he could barely stand for fighting back the impulse to laugh.
"Any chance we should interrupt them, before there's bloodshed," Chase asked softly of Wilson, as he could see House getting quite red in the face by that point.
"Nah, Xander's just winding him up so that he'll speak without thinking and he can score more points," Wilson offered just as softly. "Besides which how often do you get to see someone outsnark Greg?"
"Good point," Chase replied after a moments consideration.
"As your generation would say 'kid', whatever. I would be more likely to think that about the person you mentioned, as you seem to be hanging off of and around him almost all the time the last few days. Plus your not a patient as far as I know," House shot back, leveling one of his patented glares on Xander.
"Told you old timer, it's not 'kid', but they say the memory is the first thing to go, though in your case it looks like the cane might have come first. And as for being around Wilson... well that's between the two of us. If you're all that curious why not ask him yourself. He's supposed to be meeting up with me here any minute now."
"And why should I ask him, when your right here in front of me Xander?"
"Because unlike others, I respect the privacy that people are entitled to," Xander shot back point blank. "IF Wilson wanted you to know who I was, he would have introduced us. As it is, he did point YOU out to ME. So what does that say about you?"
"Xander, sorry I'm late, I got held up with a last minute emergency," Wilson called as he and Chase walked into view, deciding he had better difuse this situation before House litterally exploded.
"Not a problem, I was just enjoying a battle of the wits with House here. Of course I did take unfair advantage of him."
"Why you little..." House started to say before Wilson cut him off.
"Greg, Chase, this is Xander Harris," WIlson said quickly, "Xander you're already met Greg, and this is Dr. Robert Chase, a former student of Greg's. Now I believe we were headed out for lunch. Chase care to join us?"
"Glad to Wilson, after all I did need a bite to eat."
"What exactly did you think you were doing to House, Xander," Wilson asked patiently, once they'd gotten in to his car and headed out for a quick bite to eat.
"Playing with him. After all, he's of the sarcastic bend, like me. Plus he was being annoying. I think I managed to hold my own though," Xander replied with a smile. "Don't worry, I won't break him, that wouldn't be fun at all Dad."
Wilson let out a soft sigh at that. "Please, please just don't let that slip yet. I haven't brought it up with him, even though we are very good friends, simply because I haven't wanted to deal with the snark. He'd be enjoying it way too much."
Xander let out a chuckle at that. "Don't worry Dad, I have other plans for him instead. After all, I survived Cordy, if you remember what I told you she was like. He's a walk in the park in comparison."
Wilson forced down the shudder that thought caused. "Xander...son, please, please don't tell me that your considering him that way. Please...." Wilson said, nearly begging at how horrible a thought that was.
"Well I do need someone who could keep up with and appreciate my sense of humor...plus an older lover who could serve to calm me down at times...."Xander said after a few minutes of silent contemplation. "I don't know that he'd be interested though. He seems a tad too normal to handle what I've dealt with in the past. Now Chase....for some reason, I think he knows a bit more about that type of thing."
"Son...even if either of them were that way, which I don't know if they are, it would be just a tiny bit stressful to look at a co-worker who was dating my son. Although with Chase, I wouldn't complain too much if you two did hit it off. Just please, please don't go for Greg."
Xander just nodded at that, a hint of a smirk playing across his face. "I promise you this Dad, if something does happen, I won't tell you any details. How's that?"
Wilson did shudder at that. "Fine Xander, as long as I don't have to hear about the details, I really don't care. Just don't let the rumor mill get started on it either, please."
"So Xander," Chase said once they'd sat down to eat and had placed their order, "mind if I ask what brought you to PPTH to visit Wilson?"
Xander shot Wilson a questioning look and recieved a shrug in reply. "Personal reasons Chase. If Wilson is willing to trust you not to spread it about, I could tell you or he can."
Shooting Wilson a puzzled look, Chase waited for his decision.
Heaving a put upon sigh, Wilson just shrugged in defeat. "Fine Xander, I trust Chase not to repeat this to anyone else, but especially not ot House. Since he'd never let the subject go, if he heard about it."
"Wilson's my Dad," Xander said simply, waiting while Chase choked on his sip of water before continuing. "I found out about it a year or so ago and it took me a while to track him down. Short version of the story is when my parents died, I inherited their belongings including my Mom's personal diary. Seems she and Wilson had a fling, way back when and she ended up marrying who I thought was my father. Since their both dead, I decided to track him down and see what he was really like."
Glaring at Xander, Wilson shook his head ever so slightly. "What he left out is that I never knew about the fact that she was pregnant, or the fact that his parent's stupidly moved to Sunnydale."
Chase froze at that, staring in shock at Xander.
"Ah, I take it you've heard of my lovely little town then Chase. Yep, I was technically born and lived there till I was in my early twenties."
"That's.... that's impossible," Chase managed to stutter out. "How...."
"Simple, in my sophmore year, I became friends with a certain blond, yappy thing. If you know who I'm talking about? I figure you should since you know what Sunnydale is."
Chase's eyes went even wider at that, as he shuddered once the implications sank in fully. "No....no...no that's so wrong. No wonder you were picking on House like that and didn't seem to care."
"Yep, tis me, tis me. I've survived far worse than him, including two of my ex's," Xander said shivering as he recalled the terrors of dating Cordy.
"Yeah, let's not go there with who and what all he's dated in the past Chase. I don't want to spend another night having to get drunk so I don't have nightmares."
"Aw, it's not that horrible Dad. After all, I could be drawing Cuddy, then you'd know for sure if she was evil."
Both men shuddered at that thought.
"So Chase," Wilson asked once they both had taken a drink, "care to take Xander out on a date, that way he goes out with someone who's normal and sane, instead of evil and insane?"
“Excuse me?!?!” Chase replied at last once he had finished spluttering and choking on his water.