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Tales from the barman... Part II

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Tales from the barman...". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Simple premise for anyone to join... Xander has opened his own bar, club by the name of 'Nights', anyway he's the barman there and 'collects' stories off his customers, multiple crossings allowed. Dig in people.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered
Multiple Crossings > Faith-Centered
(Past Donor)Methos + 59 othersFR1596129,42327423403,7539 Aug 0914 Dec 14No

Aliens and Slayers by jezaeiri

Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS, Doctor Who, Torchwood or Nights (this is Methos' baby) I do however lay claim to the plot of Life Past Death which is the universe of the altered characters of this little thing.

Monday nights, they'd been quieter the last time he'd had the bar. Well ok sometimes they were quiet. And currently it was. Casey was in the kitchen, the smells coming out amazingly good and Faith was sitting on one of the stools at the end of the bar flipping through a list of some lesser known demon drinks.

He had a glass in his hand, wiping it down when he noticed Faith's head pop up and tilt to the side.

"You hear that X?"

"What?" he asked, he didn't hear anything except for Casey in the kitchen. At least at first. Then there was a whirring sound.

That suddenly stopped outside with a thud. "What the hell was that?" Faith asked as she got off the bar stool and headed for a window. Xander moved to the edge of the bar to get a look too. Outside in the Cleveland night was a blue box. Like a telephone box.

"What's a police box?" the question didn't get an answer as a dark haired man in a tan coat and a pretty dark skinned woman in a leather jacket came out the open door. So the weird was starting again on the first night. Why wasn't he surprised? The couple were bickering, hands gesturing wildly. A smile started to creep up on his face. They were kinda funny. Especially since he got the impression that whatever it was it was the man's fault.

Then the woman stuck her head back into the blue box and Xander realized that the inside of the blue thing was bigger than the outside. Probably a magic user then.

"What's going on?" Casey asked as he came out of the kitchen, a white towel thrown over one shoulder.

"Not sure but looks like we might have custome...." the words just kinda stopped for a second as three more figures came out. A tall man with dark hair and a fashion sense Buffy would call 'painfully retro' and of all people Buffy and Dawn.

The five were all still bickering and when Buffy had to pull Dawn back from smacking the first brown haired guy Faith laughed. He gave a snort and headed back to what he was doing. If it was the Buffster and Dawn Patrol with new friends they'd come in soon enough.

A few seconds ticked by and Faith still stood by the window. A huge grin on her face as she watched whatever it was they were up to. And then the door opened. "The next time you feel the need to taunt a Carrionite Jack I'm not taking you to Willow to fix it." Buffy was grumbling at the man with the retro fashion sense.

"I preferred him as a lawn gnome." commented the first man.

"Yeah well I'm biased. The little demons tired to kill be a while back." Buffy held the door for Dawn.

"Oh my god!" the dark skinned woman was gaping at him. What had he done? He searched his memory. He didn't remember the woman but he'd met a lot of people since Nights had opened the first time. "Xander?"

"Uh Yeah?" he furrowed his brow and stayed still. He'd dealt with lots of dangerous women before. He knew the drill. But instead of looking at him she turned to Dawn. "Dawn, why is my husband standing in a bar in America and not in the middle Africa with Emma?"

Wait! What? Ok this was a new one. All heads turned to look at him and he groaned. Well it obviously looked like they were back to having the unusual be the usual. And on their first night back open.


Xander looked over the five people parked on stools at the bar. This was a new one. Even for him. Not so much the alternate dimension thing but the other stuff. First there was the Doctor, an alien, a Time Lord, who traveled though time. Then there was Martha Jones, a doctor who was his wife in their home dimension. Not this one because he was sure he'd remember.

Captain Jack Harkness was Buffy and Dawn's dad and couldn't die. Something about fixed points in time and space. He'd completely lost the Doctor in the middle of that Willow like ramble. Buffy had just smacked the Doctor's arm and told him to shut up and have a beer. And Buffy and Dawn were actually half Time Lords as well. Something about Joyce being a Time Lady turned human and a watch that he couldn't quite follow. Actually he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Faith had called bull on that one but two minutes later with a stethoscope and hearing that Buffy and Dawn both had two heartbeats had kinda popped that bubble.

"So we're married?" he asked Martha. She was sipping a rum and coke while Buffy and Dawn played rock paper scissors for the last taco Casey had made. Apparently tacos were considered a precious commodity.


"Well, the alternate dimension version of you.." the Doctor began.

"Shut up Time Boy. You're supposed to be finding a way to get us home without cutting me open." Dawn shot at the alien. Now in the bar he could see differences between his Dawn and this one. This Dawn's hair was darker and her eyes were a brighter blue.

The Doctor, a funny man with a tweed land accent, and how did an alien get that accent he wanted to know, just grumbled and kept jotting things down on a napkin.

"Huh." there wasn't much else to say though he was kinda proud of his alternative self. Martha Jones was pretty, smart and was obviously used to the wierdness.

"He's just a cute in this dimension as in ours. Can I keep him?" Jack winked at him and he shot Buffy, though not his Buffy a look. She just rolled her eyes. "Ignore him. He's harmless." her brow furrowed. "Well kinda."

"And he so beats you on the non human chick scale." Dawn added.

"Men too." came Martha's voice.

"You mean anything that moves." muttered the Doctor.

He'd just been hit on by Buffy and Dawn's dad. Huh.


It took the better part of the whole night for the Doctor to figure out a way for them to get back home. Close to ten hours.

But in that time. Well stories about alien invasions, time travel, rifts in time and space, alien pregnancies during weddings, lawn gnomes, space demons, lizards, years that folded back on itself, and whole new worlds killed the time pretty well.

Faith and alien Buffy even had some fun sparring and then trying to drink each other under the table. This Buffy was definitely different than their own. More like Faith only scarily smart. Faith still won the drinking contest though and Buffy'd given the dark haired slayer this little strange looking stake. A Sonic Stake she called it. The wood would never rot and the two of them had sat in one corner with Dawn going over what the thing could do. He was almost scared to ask.

"So it looks like it's time to go." Buffy stood in front of him. Not his Buffy but still. Buffy. He smiled at her. She seemed happy. Aliens, insanity and all. It was good to know that even in other dimensions things turned out all right.

"I got it." Dawn came through the door with a round black rock in her hands the size of a softball. She walked up and handed it to him. He looked down. It was shiny and he could see his face in its reflection.

"What is it?" he asked looking up at mirror images of two people he considered family.

"It's called a Super Ball. Me, you, well other you, and Faith named it after a drunken night in Russia trapped in the airport playing games." Buffy had a fond smile on her lips as she glanced over to where the dark haired Faith was helping Casey clean up after the mess their customers had made.

"It's protection. In our dimension we use them to protect all the Slayer Bases. It has to be keyed to a specific location and left there but once it's in place nothing with ill intent can get in." Dawn grinned at him.

"It's also got some other nifty stuff but you'll figure it out." added Buffy.

"And with it here we now have a fixed point in time and space in this dimension if we want to come back." Dawn went on.

"Cause the Doctor is such a bad driver." Buffy finished. Dawn leaned forward and gave him a hug and then hooked her arm into Buffy's and they turned to walk away. He just smiled after them. They weren't his friends and they were different but still.

"Hey Xander!" Jack called out and Xander only just managed to catch the key on the long chain that was tossed at him without dropping the black rock. "If you ever make it to Cardiff look us up."

And then the five of them were gone out the door. Xander looked down at the black stone in his hands and smiled. It looked like Nights was really starting to be on it's way again.

He wandered back behind the bar and sat the Super Ball on the shelf. That's when he noticed the picture the had been taped to the trophy wall. Six faces smiling back at him with the word Torchwood on the wall behind them. One was Buffy, the other Jack. He looked at the writing at the bottom of the photo.

Tosiko Sato, Owen Harper, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper. Saving the world. A LOT.

He smiled. Maybe he would find his way to Cardiff some day.

A high pitched sound cut through the bar and he winced. He turned and groaned.

"Hey X! Check out what my new toy can do!" aww man. If he ever got his hands on alternate dimension Buffy he was gonna.....refuse to let Casey feed her. Yeah cut off the taco supply. He wasn't stupid enough to do anything else.

****Again the characters come from my crossover Life Past Death. With some spoilers. I just wanted to stick the Super Ball in Nights. :)

And Everyone is free to use the Super Ball.
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