Insane trips And Drunk Gods by cwolf
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, or every single cartoon series that spawned this random bit of insanity that doesn’t really belong to any of them.
Xander smiled as he worked on some much needed paperwork.
It was one of the very few slow nights. He hadn’t had any new customers come in with interesting stories. Or old ones with even more interesting ones.
Even most of the regulars stayed home in whatever location they came from, dimension or otherwise.
His staff were cleaning the kitchen.
Andrew was on his laptop.
Pixel was curled up in a cat bed that had appeared out of nowhere one day onto the bar complete with Hieroglyphics which Giles had translated. Nobody was sure they wanted to know the story behind “Thank you Pixel, I loved the fish. I’ll come by and see you again sometime, sexy. Love Bastet”. They were also not sure if they wanted to know why Dennis kept writing “HAHAHAHAHAHA” on the white board every time someone asked him if he’d seen something.
Xander blinked as he stared toward the dart board. How did Illyria talk a contortionist into playing games with her anyway? And how was he still hitting the dartboard while in those positions?
Of course that’s when something out of the ordinary and slightly insane interrupted his musings.
Pixel hissed and snarled as he started to run for the wall. While the wards on everything but the wall groaned then shattered as the closet door slammed open then slammed back and into the closet with only a slight snapping of the hinges.
Things got a little scary after that. Everything started creaking and groaning as the whole building started moving toward the closet, then moving back. Then everything zoomed toward the closet as a big sound of air being sucked in filled everyone’s ears.
Xander was turning toward the wall while trying to get one of the holy objects, when Pixel scrabbled back toward him and latched onto the first thing he could grab. Xander managed to discover that he could sing a very fetching soprano.
Everything and everyone sucked into the closet.
Then it all flew back in with everything including the closet door restoring themselves to proper settings.
“What the hell?” Xander groaned on the floor. He was too shocked to notice Pixel was still holding on for dear life.
Eris appeared at that point and looked down.
“Well, the good news is everything is back to normal. The bad news is your original dimension was about to be destroyed along with everything in it. The lucky news is that a god in an empty dimension passed out drunk after turning everything in his universe into wine. Then he started snoring.”
Xander stared up with a confused look on his face. “Huh?”
Eris pointed to a bedraggled man in a corner. “He’s just now waking up. Be sure to thank him for almost sucking everything in your original dimension down his throat. It saved your asses.” She cackled then disappeared.
Pixel got up slowly then reached a paw through a hole he created in the lower half of the bar and dragged out some catnip.
Xander groaned. “Good idea. I think I’ll have a drink myself.”
”I’ll drink to that!” The un-named god yelled.
Xander yelled back. “I haven’t even served you and I’m cutting you off!”