(This is set in Buffyverse but Anita’s St. Louis is in the same dimension a couple of states over with different types of vampires.)
There is a loud crash as someone tips over one of Spike’s ceramic vases.’ What the hell, it’s one o’clock in the blinkin’ afternoon. Even Buffy didn’t dare wake him up before sunset. The Scoobies were pushing past limits that even a chipped vampire had. They really needed to remember that he WAS still a vampire. I’m the Big Bad’ he mumbled to himself grumpily.
Nevertheless he undraped the sheet from around himself and rubbed his hand over his face and rumpled hair before reaching down and scratching his stomach idly. He hoped the moron, whichever one it was, had remembered to shut the door to his crypt. He hated tan lines.
Spike blinked in shock. Standing in his doorway was Anya. She was wearing a strappy black leather outfit that even he would have been ashamed to wear and on her face was a look of burning anger she hadn’t worn since her days as a vengeance demon.
“ Hi pet, how’s business,” he said smirking, knowing full well Anya wouldn’t get the double entender.
“ Guess where I’ve been Spike,” Anya said coldly,” I’ve been to St. Louis. I met a lot of vampires there.”
“ Good for you love,” He said nonchalantly,” anyone I know.”
“ I don’t know,” she said, the rage still present in her voice,” but I did meet one hottie named Asher. He had lots of icky scars , but he gave me money and lots of orgasms. He said all vampires who weren’t total losers could do that. You aren’t a total loser are you Spike?”
Spike had no idea what she was talking about, but he had some pride.
“ Of course not,” he said hotly,” I’m the big bad!”
“ Good,” said Anya with a satisfied ring in her voice,” Then you’ve just been holding out on me. From now on I expect you to give me vampirey orgasms on Monday,Thursday, and Saturday nights when Xander is on patrol.”
Spike’s face dropped in alarm.
“ Don’t worry,” she hastened to add. You don’t have to pay me because you don’t have a job. But I will expect jewelry because I’ll kind of be your girlfriend; but we can’t tell Xander. He’d get mad.”
Spike didn’t say a word. His mind was reeling. Giving Anya sex and money was like giving Faith a get out of jail free card. It was sure to lead to abuse and disaster.
“ You can start now,” she stated imperiously sitting on Spike’s coffin baring her neck.
When he did nothing, she turned to glare at him.
“ Well are you going to bite me or do I have to sit here all day,” she whined.
“ No bleeding way,” Spike screamed. He knew what happened when he bit humans and Anya’s status as an ex-demon did not leave her exempt.
Anya’s face took on an unholy light and she pushed him to the side of his crypt.
“ Spike, I swear if you don’t make with the biting, I will summon my best vengeance buddies,” she threatened.
“What the hell,” he thought again. He bent over and bit her on the neck ,hard. No sooner than he felt his fangs sink through the skin of her neck and taste that familiar flavor, he doubled over in pain pressing his temples with both hands. He had almost forgotten how bad that hurt since last time. But not quite.
To top it off, Anya hit him across the back of his head.
“ That hurt,” she screamed at him before flouncing off through the door of his crypt and slamming the door loudly.
“ No shit, duck,” he muttered weakly before sinking to the floor.
‘ God,’ he thought ,’being human really makes you crazy.’