Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Barrel of Space Monkeys

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

Summary: Xander Harris. Daniel Jackson. Shinji Ikari. New members of the Galaxy Police.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Theme: Heroic XanderspacemanFR18219,9571145,97717 Aug 0912 Nov 09Yes

Episode 1 - Academy Days

Barrel of Space Monkeys

Author: Spaceman
Outline: Jul 07, 2009
Started: Aug 18, 2009
I don’t own Neon Genesis Evangelion, Tenchi Muyo, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Stargate. I don’t own Hayate Combat Butler or Black Lagoon. They are property of their creators and companies. This is a work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. No profit or offence intended. I don’t claim anything.


Galaxy Police Academy - Offices

Xander Lavelle Harris, Daniel Jackson, and Shinji Ikari are now dressed in the comfortable uniforms of Galaxy Police cadets. After a long examination and enhancement process, they look younger and more energetic than they actually are. Xander was in his early thirties when he was pulled into the portal during the End of Magic. He’s only fifteen years old in this time line. The enhancement process Daniel was put through has made him younger, especially after limiters were put in place to prevent him hacking the Galaxy’s computers. As the result he looks the same age as Shinji and Xander.

In the Galaxy Police, the enhancement process and space trees of the Jurai royal family means people could live for centuries, then retire looking like twenty year olds. One of the more interesting cases is Mikami Kuramitsu, Matriarch of the Kuramitsu family and Headmistress of the Galaxy Police Academy who deliberately takes an older form for authority and intimidation, but at an actual age of ten thousand years could retire to a tropical planet looking like her brother’s granddaughter.

The woman in front of them is Airi Masaki, Jurai sector chief of the Galaxy Police, and over seven hundred and thirty years old, but appearing to be a beautiful gold eyed green-haired woman in around age twenty five. All three got warning from other members of the GP to never, ever mention her age. She could literally take out the worst space pirates in the galaxy with her slaps.

A native of the planet Airai, Airi is Crown Prince Yosho's current wife. She first met Yosho when he went to study at the Galaxy Police Academy. Before she fell in love with Yosho she was to be married to a member of one of the Jurian royal houses in order that one day she might rise to the throne. This was because the Airaians wanted to get hold of Tsunami, as they believed Tsunami to be one of "the three lives", the three goddesses known as the Chousin.

She later called off the engagement when she fell in love with Yosho and was pregnant with his child. She then had the fetus surgically removed and put in stasis until sometime later. Later, the child was put back into the womb, was born and named Minaho. She later had another child with Yosho who was named Kiyone Masaki. (Tenchi's mother), which makes her Tenchi's grandmother. However, anyone mentioning the fact that she is a grandmother had better learn to run fast. She never likes to hear that she is a grandmother.

“You’re the new recruits. The famous ones from Earth that stopped Captain Bao.”

Shinji Ikari looks extremely uncomfortable with the attention. In his past life, he lost his mother and was abandoned by his father which left him with problems trusting others. The strange memories that appeared after that battle have also shaken him. He was sent to this word after fighting Bardiel, but he has memories of his friend Kaworu Nagisa, who turned out to the final angel Tabris. In his current life, he has a loving mother, but he never knew his father and finding out he was a space pirate has shaken him.

“Shinji Ikari, son of Masaru "The Dragon" Tatsuki, a member of a Royal Family who became a space pirate. Famous for never taking the lives of innocent people. He also has the largest pirate fan base second to former pirate Ryoko Balta,” says Airi causing Shinji to sweat drop. “Don’t let being the son of a pirate get you down. The grandson of my husband Tenchi is married to several women including Ryoko Hakubi, who was once the galaxy’s most wanted. The famous Seina Yamada is married to several women including Ryoko Balt, a former member of Daluma Pirate Guild. Guess you should be careful around women named Ryoko or you might end up marrying them.”

Shinji’s face turns completely red.

Daniel Jackson wonders for the thirty seventh time how does he keep getting into these bizarre messes. He knows he's curious and moralistic, but he’s currently a teenager again and has joined the Galaxy Police. He joined the Stargate program to find his family and explore the universe, not to save Earth and the universe over and over again. He does have to smile about one thing and that’s that the GP has an archeology section and a first contact section.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Dr. Jackson,” says Ai. “A human from another universe is something new, which is rare with a civilization as old as ours.”

“I’m amazed at how long this civilization has existed and sheer number of humanoid-inhabited planets.”

“There is a theory amongst my people’s religious leaders that so many species were made in the image of the goddesses and made compatible to allow greater interactions.”

“In my universe, I’m part of the second coming of humanity, engineered by the original Alteran race before they ascended to a higher plane of existence.”

“This is fascinating, but I still haven’t met the nephew of the notorious Captain Zan Haris.”

Xander is still more than a little angry with his uncle, Zan Haris. The man didn’t mention that the enhancement process would make it nearly impossible to return him to Earth. The modifications done by the nano-machines have made it so that the average Earth doctor would notice he was not normal. This wouldn’t be a problem in Thailand City of Crime Roanapur, where one can easily buy fake IDs over the years, but his secret would be exposed after the first injury. He could name a dozen people who would sell him to government black ops or crime syndicates to create super-soldiers and other bio-medical items. Uncle Zan has his half-human nephew trapped and he didn’t find out until after the enhancement process.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Airi-sama,” says Xander, trying to be polite and formal.

“Relax. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alexander.”

“Please, call me Xander,” says Xander with a lopsided grin. “I’m a little tense about my uncle.”

“He is an abrasive person isn’t he,” laughs Airi. “Finding out he had a half-human nephew from one of the most violent criminal areas on an undeveloped protected planet didn’t improve his personality. I’m sure you’ll do fine after surviving years in that place. My beloved Yosho knows about that city and how dangerous it is.”

Airi gets up and moves towards the transfer pad, a type of short range teleporter that allows a person to travel in seconds from one part of the Academy to another.

“It’s time to meet your classmates.”

Galaxy Police Academy - Class 09

A small robot was asked to guide the new team to their classroom for introductions when Airi was called away by a message. Whoever programmed the robot must have had a sick sense of humor since it has a Brooklyn accent and keeps using odd team name systems.

Shinji nearly collapses when he sees who his classmates are, while Daniel and Xander wonder if all their classmates are going to be young.

The first group consists of a tall boy with dark brown eyes and short black hair and a shorter boy with short dark brown hair and dark eyes behind glasses, which is odd since all vision problems are corrected by the enhancement process. The last is one the shocks Shinji the most, a fourteen year old with red eyes and short silver hair. Shinji recognizes the friend he had to kill with his own hands, the seventeenth angel, Angel of Free Will and Alternatives, Tabris.

“Team Fan. Toji Suzuhara, Kensuke Aida, and Kaworu Nagisa. Also known as the Knights of Land, Sea, and Air and Knights of the Otaku.”

“Hey! Those are the guys that captured Captain Bao!” says Kensuke in fan boy mode.

“Shut up, Stooge!”

Shinji turns to see a couple of faces that tear deep into his heart. One is a near-emotionless beauty with red eyes, pale skin and light blue hair, while the other is a very emotional beauty with blue eyes and dark reddish-brown hair. There is also a third woman with a mixture of their features, long dark brown hair tied into an odd hair style and blue eyes behind glasses.

“Our top female pilots. Team Hime - Rei ‘Ice Princess’ Ayanami. Asuka ‘Fire Princess’ Langley Shikinami, and Mari Illustrious Makinami, the Illusion Princess”

“You want a virus, you walking piece of junk!?” yells Asuka.

“You want me to release oil on you, flesh bag!?” yells the machine, pointing to a valve near its crotch.

The next group includes a cute girl with blue eyes and short red-brown hair, a boy with dark eyes and dark purple hair, and a boy with dark eyes and dark brown hair.

“The best engineering team. Team Trident - Mana Kirishima, Musashi Lee Strasberg, and Keita Asari. Three points and only one has talent.”

“Hey!” yell the boys.

The last three are completely unfamiliar to Shinji, but Shinji, Xander, and Daniel all feel hostility coming from the three.

One is a handsome young man with purple eyes and long, wavy dark purple hair. The second is a small, thin man with dark green eyes, dark skin, and long dark green hair done in a style known as micro-braids. The third is a young man with dark blue eyes, pale skin with faint blue markings, and short frost white hair.

“The class snobs known as The Elitists. Tenma Tennan, son of Seiryo Tennan and Kyo Komachi, a bully and descendent of a noble idiot and a space pirate.”

“Worthless junk,” snarls the man at the small robot.

“Aalem Abdel Aziz, an amoral information broker, tomb robber, and thief from a long royal line of spies, thieves, and grave robbers. He’ll do anything to you for enough credits.”

Triple A goes through his palm computer’s list of virus programs, while keeping his face emotionless.

“Masato Murakumo Murakami - the son of a wealthy businessman and near fanatical religious man.”

“Foolish little machines can’t understand the glory of god and His Will.”

“That is your class, boys. For everyone this is Shinji Ikari, son of the Dragon; Alexander Harris, nephew of Insane Captain Haris and Daniel Jackson, an archeologist from another universe,” says robot, while the three wonder what idiot constructed the synthetic jerk. The class begins to whisper since Masaru “The Dragon” Tatsuki is famous like an intergalactic version of Robin Hood and Haris is a one of the most brutal officers to come out of the most militant parts of the Galaxy Police.

“Your team call name is.....”says the robot before making a series of beep and releasing a couple of sparks. “Monkey! You are now Team Monkey.”

Seconds later, the round robot minus its limbs is rolling down the hallway like a bowling ball before smashing into a trash can robot.

Galaxy Police Academy - Data

In a dark room filled with computer terminals and monitors, a group of people work hard while scientists take notes. On the screen are various students including the students of Class 09, sitting in comfortable chairs with eyewear resembling rap around sunglasses and small hair clips in their hair.

“The Top Optimum Performance Hyper Accelerated Teacher (TOPHAT) is the name given to a new teaching method used at the Academy. It uses the enhancements to link the computer to the brain and download the knowledge into their minds. This allows a student to learn at an accelerated rate and be ready for active duty within a fraction of the time. A 108 subject could learn nine years of teaching in a single month. This also gives us time to test possible projects before selecting students.”

“Subject 104 is learning at Ratio 108,” says Kaede Agano, a technician girl with a short pageboy hair style.

“Subject 105 is learning at Ratio 108,” says Satsuki Ooi, a technician girl with .long curly blonde hair

“Subject 106 is learning at Ratio," says Aoi Mogami, a technician girl with dark hair and glasses, before stopping.

“What’s the problem?” says Kaede

“Subject 106 is learning at Ratio 108,” says the shocked technician looking at Subject 108 - Shinji Ikari on the monitor. “This is the subject’s first session. He should only be learning at Ratio 4 at most.”

“Checking system,” says Lt. Maya Ibuki, a computer expert with brown eyes and short brown hair. “All systems reading normal. Connection is stable at forty point eight percent.”

Maya’s fellow computer technicians confirm her readings. Lt. Makoto Hyuga is a man with dark brown eyes, pale skin, and slicked back black hair, while Lt. Shigeru Aoba is a young man with shoulder-length brown hair and brown eyes.

The scientists in the background, two women and one man, look at the readings with interest. Especially the ones registered as Team Monkey. Their facial features can’t be seen in the darkness, but the shiny ID cards attached to their lab jackets are illuminated by the light of the monitors.

Dr. Naoko Akagi, Dr. Kyoko Z Shikinami, and Dr. Katsuragi

New Home - A few days later.

Shinji sits in the back of the hover car en route to their new home. Normally, the groups of three are placed in dorms, but the hundred and eight members of the TOP HAT academy project live in one of the thirty six larger buildings, which are grouped in nine sets. Shinji, Daniel, and Xander’s new home is North Branch Building 36. This is an accelerated project designed to produce a new quality of Galaxy Police officers.

His memories flash through the profiles of his fellow students and how they compare to the people he knew.

Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida haven’t changed much. Toji’s father is working in colony construction for the Jurain people, while Kensuke Aida’s father and mother work for the Galaxy Police as technicians. Toji is still athletic and Shinji winces as he remembers Toji’s mangled form being pulled out of the entry plug after the battle with the thirteenth angel Bardiel. Kensuke Aida is still a military otaku, but instead of Earth war machines and guns he’s now obsessed with star ships and the latest in GP weaponry. What Shinji finds interesting is that there’s a Hikari Horaki, a Jurain science officer who became engaged to Toji after her father, a doctor in this reality, managed to cure a disease ravaging Toji’s little sister.

Kaworu Nagisa is actually from a world that achieved first contact fifteen years ago. Kaworu’s people are peaceful, having achieved unified world government over two thousand years ago and are mostly artists of various media. They only achieved space travel after an alien ship crashed and brought with it music from other worlds. Kaworu’s father is a famous artist and judge, while his mother is a singer and musician, and Kaworu wanted to experience the other cultures of the universe.

Rei Ayanami is a mysterious girl from the same planet as Kaworu. She’s is still known for being a moral and self-sacrificing near-emotionless girl. A woman who’s willing to risk her life to save others and is extremely competent which has earned her her rank in the Academy

Asuka Langley Shikinami is the very emotional daughter of Dr. Shikinami, one of the head scientists for the Galaxy Police R&D division and a descendent from a long noble family known for knights and warriors. She fights to prove her worth as the family’s heir and remove the stain of her father, a noble-blooded space pirate like Masaru, but one that is far more violent and amoral.

Shinji never meet the third princess, Mari Illustrious Makinami, in his first life. According to the files, she is an elite student with rankings equal to Rei and Asuka, and possessing a combination of their traits. She also has her head in the clouds and is extremely positive in the face of destruction, which makes many wonder if she’s related to the Kuramitsu who are notorious for their pervasive or extremely noticeable personality quirks, which are ignored because they get the job done. Mari’s father is a member of the military and her mother is a member of the Galaxy Police. They were able to get her additional training, which allowed her to become the Illusion Princess.

“We won’t be leaving you boys alone by yourselves. Each of the groups has their own trainers to help you control your enhancements and help you study.”

The car stops at a large building with their luggage being brought in by a small flat robot. In front of the building there are three women. One is a young woman with green eyes and shoulder-length blonde hair dressed in a form-fitting uniform with a white lab coat. One is a young woman with brown eyes and long purple hair dressed in a black dress with a dark red jacket. The third a young woman with brown eyes and dark brown/purple hair.

“Misato!? Mom!?” says Shinji, shocked. “What are you doing here!?”

“Hi Shinji,” says Misato with a smile, holding a beer can.

“Can’t you act more professional, Misato?” says Ritsuko.

“You’ve known me since the Academy,” Misato points out.

“Never mind.”

Yui Ikari runs up and hugs her son.

“I’ve finally made it into the galaxy,” says Yui. “You look wonderful son.”

“Wouldn’t this be a conflict of interest?” says Xander, as Ritsuko looks at him like a lab rat. “Detective Katsuragi was the one who recruited Shinji in the first place and Dr. Ikari is his mother.”

“It’s a proving ground for everyone,” says Dr. Akagi. “My mother is the head of Galaxy Police R&D division. Misato’s father is also part of the TOP HAT Project and she recently got demoted.”

“Demoted?” says Shinji, looking worriedly at Misato.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re only half human and very talented, you were still recruited from a protected planet,” says Ritsuko. “Until you graduate, she is stuck as your trainer and if you get high enough marks they may restore her rank.”

“Don’t worry Shinji,” says Misato. “With me and Rits you’ll do fine.”

“Actually, it means our parents are going to be extremely critical of our work to avoid nepotism,” says Dr. Akagi, taking readings on Xander and making the man nervous. “The Kuramitsu family have been accused of that in the past. They have a tendency of having extreme personality quirks and klutzy natures in their youth, but they are also extremely competent at their jobs. The older generation is still emotional, but become more competent with time."

“What about Mihoshi?” asks Misato.

“Mihoshi used to be a genius cop, but she got so over stressed that she had a mental breakdown,” says Ritsuko.

The first thing Shinji, Xander, and Daniel researched were the records about Earth. They know all about Tenchi’s adventures including an extremely detailed report by Detective Mihoshi Kuramitsu, one of the most famous detectives. A woman who while acting like a complete ditz most of time, can be hyper-competent when not stressed out.

“Mom? How did you become a GP scientist so quickly?” says Shinji. “I thought it would take years at the Science Academy.”

“It would have if not for Washu.”

“Washu Hakubi!?” says everyone.

“I encountered her when I was getting started and she overheard me talking about you Shinji. She was once the head of the science academy and licensed as a teacher. She used one of her creations to train me in a pocket dimension.”

“Pocket dimension?” asks Xander with a little disbelief.

“She constructed her entire planet-size lab in subspace, creating a smaller house size dimension was easy,” explains Yui in lecture mode. “The time dilation allowed me to train for years while only a few days passed in the real world and I passed the exams a week ago.”

"That's great Mom! So why...”

“It’s field work. She proved she has the intelligence, now she has to prove she can handle the work,” says Ritsuko. “Everyone here must prove that Earth is worthy.”


Shinji turns and collapses in shock. In front of him is a two foot four, thirty pound penguin with black eyes, black and white feathers, and red feathers around the eyes like eye brows. He also wears a black collar and a set of beads, and holds a can of beer.

“Pen-Pen??” whispers the shocked Shinji Ikari, while Xander and Daniel wonder if their friend is losing it. Shinji wobbles at the fact that even the pet penguin exists in this alternate world.

“This is former ambassador and monk Pensoron Pendairon, also called Pen-Pen. He was a religious man, eh, bird until a certain purple haired detective gave him a beer during a diplomatic meeting.”

“How was I supposed to know that alcohol was forbidden by their order!?” says Misato.

“It was in the files. According to the rules of his planet, the one who takes a monk from his order must take responsibility. While Misato is living with us, so is Pen-Pen.”

Shinji thinks back to the God of Dimensions and wonders where the guy got that sick sense of humor.

Galaxy Police Academy

Team Monkey as they have been labelled by the malfunctioning robot are going through another long training session, this time against other teams

Daniel Jackson is used to running long distance. Every time the Jaffa attacked the world he was on, he had to run like a madman back to the Stargate to return to Earth. Whenever an alien fleet was about to destroy Earth, he had to race to destroy the ships. He’s never run fast enough to no longer be visible by the normal human eye, except for the one time the Tok’Ra tricked him and the rest of his team into wearing those power enhancing arm bands. Dr. Jackson moves his younger body fast enough that it leaves a dust trail. He makes it across the finish line, seconds after Princess Mari.

Daniel pants from exhaustion then turns to see Elite Aziz standing behind him in third place. Aziz is also covered head to toe in dirt. Aziz pulls off his goggles to reveal his clean eyes which contrast against the layer of dust covering him. Daniel is about to apologize, when Aziz begins to yell at him. Daniel blinks; he’s heard people swear before but not in fifty six languages.

The shooting range consists of dome-shaped chambers fifty meters in radius. The spherical targets appear as holographic and nano-gel units that appear from the ceiling and floor, and range from green to clear in color. The chambers can instantly change weather conditions or put up obstacles. The weapons for training are standard hand held energy blasters, smaller than the average Earth handgun. Xander moves past the walls and hidden wire obstacles and shoots dozens of targets in seconds using the gun-kata he learned from Revy and the soldiers.

Suddenly, an extremely large sphere appears. While the others are half a meter in radius, the new sphere is over two meters in radius with a force field that stops most attacks. The massive sphere lets out a massive blast of energy that Xander barely avoids. The black jumpsuit he wears still registers damage from proximity and restricts his movement in one of his legs.

Despite the restriction of the training suit, Xander runs between a set of walls. The massive orb follows, but Xander gets behind one of the walls and shoots out the supports. After ramming his shoulder into the wall, it collapses onto of the orb. It doesn’t destroy the orb, but it restricts its movements enough that Xander can run up the broken wall and shoots the squeezed orb at point blank range. After six shots, the massive orb shatters into vanishing fragments.

Xander walks out of the chamber as his suit reactivates and allows free movement. He exits chamber 02, while Princess Asuka exits 01 and Elite Murakami exits 03. The score board displays the results - how many enemies killed, how many shots expended, and how many life points they had left on their suits.

Harris, Xander - 300/300 Bonus: 1 Shots: 598/600 - 2500 LP - Survived.
Shikinami, Asuka - 300/300 Bonus: 0 Shots: 598/600 - 0 LP - Killed
Murakami, Masato - 300/300 Bonus: 0 Shots: 599/600 - 0 LP - Killed

Xander is happy with the result. If he got anything less than perfect on a shooting game, Revy would kick his ass and Balalaika would make him ship porno for a week. The bonus monster in the end was where he lost the most points since it was like facing a tank. He then senses a couple of death glares directed at him.

Asuka is extremely angry at losing to another person, but at least the Earthling is famous. She wishes she could punish him for this embarrassment. She considers how to punish him for defeating her, which then goes into thoughts of leather and whips and other things that can’t be shown in T-rated fan fiction.

Murakami glares at both Xander and Asuka, and holds up his blaster with one shot left in the power cell. He goes back and forth, then shoots at Xander’s back. Xander turns and avoids the shot and fires two shots of his own. Asuka also turns and fires her two remaining shots. Two shots collide with Murakami’s chest over the heart, while the remaining two strike him in the face. The training guns aren’t able to kill, but they do work as powerful stun guns and are extremely painful to exposed skin.

Asuka and Xander look at each other, both holding their drained guns, then back at the man on the ground. They both say the same two words at the same time.

“Sore loser.”

In a simulated reality training unit, Shinji Ikari is fighting Tenma Tennan. The machine is like a virtual reality game, in which the players in suits of powered armor face each other in an asteroid belt. The zero gravity combat simulation allows the students to develop new tactics and learn to think quickly.

“Do you really think a primitive Terran can defeat one such as myself?”

Tenman is dressed in Elite gold and black armor with thick armor that generates energy shields and large guns on his forearms. He also has missile launchers mounted on his shoulders and a jet pack that allows him to move quickly despite his mass.

“I am an Elite and you are a mere monkey. All you can do is hide and run away. Why don’t you face me and put this to an end? Do you fear losing that much??”

“Do you?”

Tenma looks for Shinji. He can’t find the boy in front of him or behind him, or to the left or to the right. He keeps turning in a circle, with his weapons fully charged.

“Where are you, monkey!?” yells Tenma, trying to hide his fear with anger.

Suddenly, he notices he’s being illuminated by a light from above. He looks up and his eyes widen in fear. Shinji is standing upside down on an asteroid floating above him holding a sniper cannon. The monkey’s dark purple armor glows as the gun releases a beam of destructive energy. Tenma can’t get out of the way and is hit by the beam and punched clean through the asteroid he’s standing on, creating a giant iron/nickel donut. The beam avoids the shields completely since they were meant to stop frontal, rear, and side attacks. The beam is so powerful that the jet pack explodes into fragments and Tenma goes tumbling into the depths of space beyond the asteroid belt.

Tenma screams in fear as he tumbles through the void, then his armored form glows green and dissolves. Shinji’s form also glows green and dissolves, then the simulated world shuts down. Both the fainted Tenma and Shinji are released from the simulation chairs.

“Impressive Shinji,” says Dr. Akagi. “You managed to destroy Tenma with a single shot. You also showed 3D combat strategy. Most officers seem to forget that in space there is more than a single plane of attack.”

Tenma, who has recovered from his fainting spell, is now shaking in rage. He, an Elite, had been defeated by upside down monkey. His embarrassment only increases when his enhanced hearing picks up the laughter of his classmates and those they informed.

“Secret Mission”

The members of Team Monkey are relaxing for once. The big exams are coming up and most of the students are studying. When they pass those exams they’ll be assigned to a ship and within a year they’ll graduate and become full officers. The tests they went through have proven that Team Monkey has what it takes and have also embarrassed the Elitists. Tenma has used every dirty trick in the book to try and get Shinji and the other members in trouble, but each time his plans have backfired. Xander is the one who noticed the man’s most dangerous plans and put an end to them in a brutal fashion. It’s one of the reasons the snob had to have dental work done last week.

Currently, Dr. Akagi and Dr. Ikari are working late at the lab on special projects, while Misato has gone for a night on the town. Daniel Jackson is sitting before a holographic computer looking through various archeological and history texts. Xander is in front of the television watching one of the several hundred alien channels and Shinji is in the kitchen making a snack.

Suddenly, there is a knock at the door and Shinji answers. The door opens to reveal Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida, both dressed in dark clothing.

“Toji. Kensuke. Why are you here??”

“I was going through some of the academy files.”

“Hacking,” adds Toji.

“I just found out there’s a big secret project going on a lab not far from here.”

“And?” asks Shinji.

“We want to go check it out.”

“Are you crazy!? You want to spy on a top secret project!” says Shinji, surprised that he now has the spine to talk back to his past life friends. “We could get expelled or arrested!”

“We have the right to know what we are involved in,” says Kensuke. “I found those encrypted files connected to our files. This project is connected to TOP HAT.”

Shinji is about to tell them to get lost, when his mind flashes through more memories of things that never had a chance to happen. Rei Ayanami was a clone created from angel and human DNA taken from his mother, used as a pilot and the source of the Dummy Plugs. He watched as Dr. Akagi destroyed them. He remembers the mass production models and Instrumentality. His father’s secret project destroyed the world, reducing its population to red ooze.

Shinji shakes himself from the foreign memories then turns back to his friends.

“OK. I’ll go with you, but no big risks. We are just going to take a look, then get out of there.”

“Don’t think you’re going without us,” says Xander with Daniel.

“I’d rather not go, but I can’t let my team down,” says Daniel. “Someone has to keep you guys out of trouble.”

In minutes the group is ready and take off on their midnight mission. Xander, the most experienced in stealth, leads the group to the project area. They hop over the fence of a large building and use Kensuke’s map of the sensor system to avoid the invisible laser alarms and pressure pads. They use a service ladder to climb the side of the building to the roof, then Xander opens the base of a satellite disk communications array on the roof using his electronic lock picking skills.

“I’m going to access the feed from the security cameras, that way we can look at what’s going on in the labs without having to enter the building. Daniel can you monitor the system for trackers?”

“No problem,” says Daniel, as he connects a cable from his neck to a computer port. “I still can’t believe you talked me into this. I’ve been around Jack and Cameron too much!”

“Bypassing the alarms. Accessing the video feed from the main lab,” says Kensuke. “Decrypting the data. It’s a good thing I developed the decryption program last week, otherwise we would be here for hours.”

The holographic screen displays live video feed from the main lab and it shows something that shocks most of the people on the roof.

A massive metal frame like a skeleton, flesh composed of dense liquid metal and semi-organic nanomachines, armor plates for skin, and cockpits in the chests. The Galaxy Police scientists are creating giant robots, like mecha from Japanese anime. The audio feed is not as good as the visual, but some of scientists can be heard.

“The nano-machines and liquid metal are soft, but can become stronger than battle armor when struck. This flexibility allows the unit to survive the stress despite its massive form.”

“Dimensional coupler. It allows the unit to draw energy from other dimensions. The Light Hawk wings are higher dimensional energy manifested in out dimension, so you can see the potential.”

“The gravity control units are stable. There not as powerful as ones used by Seina’s Mecha, but those are fueled by a first generation space tree.”

“Seina’s Mecha,” says Kensuke going starry eyed. “A giant super-robot that could create black holes and pull ships out of hyperspace, rewriting the laws of physics. It completely decimated the Shank Pirate Guild. “

The other sweat drop as Kensuke goes into full blown fan boy mode. Suddenly, Daniel’s head twitches and he quickly disconnects himself.

“We have to get out of here, now!”

There is a short pause, but soon everyone follows Jackson back to the ladder and slide down to the ground as the alarms sound. Glowing rods rise from the ground and glowing force fields form between them, creating a complete aerial honeycomb pattern. At the same time two meter long security robots float towards their position. There are ten of them, moving side by side like a wall of machines.

“They're going to catch us!” cries Kensuke, looking miserable and defeated.

“No, there’s out way out,” says Daniel using a holographic computer. “When the robots get to us, run behind them to the wall.”

“Are you crazy!?” says Toji.

“Do it!”

As the security robots arrive, the force fields in front of them de-activate, then reactivate a few seconds after they pass. When the security robots pass the students, they run across the lawn to the wall before the fields can reactivate. As they reach the wall, they quickly jump over and take off for home.

“What happened?? I thought we were screwed,” says Xander.

“I downloaded a virus. It caused the security robots to record their own memory files instead of the data from their sensors. As far as the robots are concerned, tonight was no different from a drill they had a month ago. The program erased itself after a few minutes leaving no evidence behind.”

“Pretty clever monkey,” says Xander. “You’ve become good at computers.”

“Computer programming is just another language,” says Daniel. “It’s easy once you understand that.”

“If it’s easy, why did the alarm go off??” says Toji.

“We weren’t the only people spying on them. There was some sort of insect robot connected to the system, which was connected to another hacker. When I saw he was going beyond looking and trying to steal data, I sent the security file to track him.”

“Hopefully, they’ll believe he was the only intruder.” says Xander, as they reach the hidden car. “I wonder who it was.”

A few kilometers away, heavily armed security officers burst into the room of a student. Elite Aalem Abdel Aziz, cracker call name Triple A, finds himself caught in cyber gear with classified files on his personal computer and is arrested for espionage and software piracy.

As the Monkeys get home, they collapse into their beds and fall fast asleep. Shinji’s last thought is

“Giant robots?? Again??”

The Dream

Shinji falls himself falling through an endless darkness. His body is translucent and glowing with a faint blue light. As his fall slows, he finds himself floating in space with billions of stars around him. As he looks at each star, they show him a memory from his past. From a few tiny moments of happiness, before his mother died and he was abandoned by his father, to choking Asuka on a beach with red water. It also shows him his new life from early childhood memories to only a few nights ago.

“Hello Shinji.”

Shinji turns at the voice to see the God of Dimensions. He floats next to Shinji, translucent and glowing with a golden-white light that contrasts with Shinji’s blue light.



“What’s going on!? Did I replace the real Shinji? Why is everyone I know in this universe??”

“When your wish was granted, I took your soul and had it reincarnated as a Shinji of this world. I also took Yui’s soul from Unit 01 and reincarnated her as your mother in this world. All I had to do was restore your past life memories when you were on the Yamada. You have always been the same person.”

“Then why do I have memories of other angels after Bardiel!?”

“Your world needed a Shinji Ikari, so I was forced to take your place. My memories were sealed and I was given a copy of your memories and personality so I would do what destiny required. Unit 01 was given a fragment of my own soul, modified to act like Yui when I came in contact with her. When Third Impact occurred, I recovered my memories, fused my soul back together, and made my choice as a god. I transferred all the souls of your Earth to this universe to be given a second start, except for your father and Seele. Those people will spend an eternity together, trapped in one formless body. My Shinji memories were transferred in the process.”

“Why does everyone have the same name? Why do they look the same??”

“When each soul was transferred, reality was altered to accommodate them. You were the original change so the greater the connection they have to you, the more they retain from their past lives. In truth nothing has form until it’s acknowledged by others, it’s an aspect of reality.”

“What about Xander and Daniel??”

“Don’t have a clue.”

Shinji proves you can sweat drop in a dream.

The Library

Team Monkey sit in the massive Galaxy Police library trying to catch up on their studies and using energy drinks to overcome the fatigue of last night’s adventure. Xander is quickly getting bored since in both lives he wasn’t much for studying. Alexander Lavelle Harris spent most of his time hunting vampires and helping Buffy and the others fight demons and other dark forces. Even when he was the exiled Zeppo, he saved Faith from a demon and stopped an apocalypse by destroying a group of bomb-making zombies. Alexander Lavelle spent most of his time learning to survive and being trained by the elite of Roanapur, Thailand. Xander thinks he would have flunked out if not for those TOP HAT training systems, since he’s more of an action man.

Suddenly, Xander hears female crying, a major weakness he still hasn’t managed to get rid of. He follows the sound and sees Mana Kirishima of Team Trident crying while being comforted by Mari of Team Princess. Mari notices someone is watching them and looks up to see Xander’s concerned eyes. Mari doesn’t say anything, but directs her eyes to an electronic newspaper on the table.

Xander follows her line of sight and sees that the front page article is a murder. One of the female students of TOP HAT was brutally murdered a couple of days ago. The apparent work of a serial killer with a religious theme.

Xander hand reaches for his left eye as if feeling the phantom pain. He remembers when Caleb, the misogynist priest of the First Evil tore out his eye with his thumb. Every since then, he has had a distrust of priests, even when they supplied his holy water. In Roanapur, the only church he would ever go to was the Church of Violence, which is mostly a disguised smuggling operation.

He wonders who could be the killer, then his memory flashes back to introductions. He had tried to forget the ranting of the robot since it gave them the embarrassing team name of Monkey.

“Murakami - the son of a wealthy businessman and near fanatical religious man”

He also remembers the incident at the firing range. Murakami hated losing to him, but there was something darker in his eyes when he looked at Asuka.

“No way. No way!” says Xander to himself, as he finds himself in a more private part of the library “It can’t be this obvious. If it is, why hasn’t he been arrested yet? These guys aren’t incompetent and corrupt like the Sunnydale Police. They aren’t completely corrupt like the Roanapur Police. So why wouldn’t they come after an obvious suspect. No hard evidence??”

Late Night

A young woman is returning home late after a late night. She’s a tall woman with gold eyes, dark skin, and shoulder-length spotted dark brown hair. She also has pointed ears, small fangs, and sharp nails. She’s dressed in the uniform of a Galaxy Police cadet. She knows she’s not supposed to walk alone with a killer on the loose, but she needed to get a project done and her friends had already gone home.

Suddenly, a tall figure jumps out of the bushes and lands near the entrance. The woman pulls her hand gun from her holster and takes aim, but the figure doesn’t attack her. Instead, he hits the environmental controls and triggers the lawn sprinklers. She thinks this might be a joke, when she hears a crackling sound behind her. She turns to see a translucent human silhouette with electrical sparks around the edges. She doesn’t get a chance to fire her gun, as the cloaked murderer knocks it out of her hand. He doesn’t stop the tall man who fires his own gun. The flash illuminates the face of Xander Harris and the concentrated plasma energy strikes the cloaked man in the chest twice, and once in the face sending out shards of polymer and glass.

The stealth technology completely fails and the murderer is revealed as a young man with dark blue eyes, pale skin with faint blue markings, and short frost white hair. He pulls off his damaged helmet and grips the knife in his hand. Xander can hear a faint humming and knows the weapon is a high-frequency vibrational blade weapon, a deadly form of bladed weaponry second only to energy blades and harder to track using energy emissions. It clear to see why the woman’s gun is in two pieces on the grass.

“Never bring a knife to a gun fight,” says Xander, the barrel of his energy weapon pointed directly at Murakami’s heart. Xander’s reflexes kick in when Murakami begins to move a millimeter and a blast of energy shoots into the religious psychopath’s chest. Unfortunately a force field stops and disperses the plasma energy a centimeter from impact. Murakami becomes a blur and Xander barely avoids the swipe of the blade, which does manage to tear his shirt .Murakami continues to attack, displaying his skill at knife-fighting.

Xander has survived vampires and demons in his former life. He also survived mercenaries, pirates, and the criminal world of Roanapur in this life. He’s become extremely good at avoid death and his Galaxy Police enhancement has only boosted that ability. The problem is that Murakami’s own enhancement has made him a better killer.

Suddenly, Murakami is shot in the back, which, while stopped by the personal shield generator, knocks him off balance and allows Xander to fire five more times into his chest at point blank range. The shield strains, then collapses, but Murakami turns and throws his knife. The knife pierces the woman’s shoulder and causes her to collapse. He then draws a pair of guns from holsters strapped to his arms and with flicks of his thumbs activates them and de-activates the safeties.

“Women. Treacherous, back-stabbing vermin.”

“You got a problem with women preacher boy?”

“My world has only achieved First Contact in the last few years. When we were alone, our world was ruled correctly and our women were controlled. A woman’s purpose was to serve the men, while the men protect the home and serve the people. My father was one of the richest men on our world and the high priest of our supreme deity. One day, I would have bought a wife and became the next priest of our world, continuing a cycle that has lasted a thousand years.’

‘Then our world made contact and we were polluted. The galaxy had strange ideas of women being equal and they became cowards before women like Lady Seto. Women should never have been allowed to achieve such power. They even had other religions that depicted the supreme creator of the universe, not as a man, but as three women. My mother did the forbidden and left my father and took my sister with her, which ruined my father’s order. If a High Priest couldn’t control one disobedient woman, how could he guide the souls of the dead to him? Over the years, the men lost more of their power as more of their women escaped to join the others of the galaxy and I learned my sister had become part of the Galaxy Police. The final insult was when she arrested my father for trying to retrieve the escaped women and charged him with kidnapping, slavery and trafficking of sentient creatures. I became a GP student to obtain power and punish the vile women of this galaxy. Their blood will paint my path.”

“Thanks for the rant, preacher boy. You just sealed your fate.”


“While you were ranting like a cliché comic book villain, the girl managed to get out of range and I managed to activate my communicator. Your speech starting at ‘thousand years’ has been recorded by the authorities.”

The misogynist lets out an insane cry and opens fire with his twin guns, but Xander is already moving. Xander is a blur as the psychotic continues to fire from both barrels. Xander fires his own gun as he moves around his opponent and one of the bursts shoots one of the guns clean out of Murakami’s left hand and causes it to explode. The lethal game continues for several seconds, with each concessive shot getting closer than the previous. Murakami’s last shot grazes Xander’s shoulder, while Xander’s final shot pierces Murakami’s shoulder. Both guns click and their lights fade indicating that the batteries have been completely drained.

“Another cliché.”

Xander drives his fist into Murakami’s jaw, followed by two more vicious punches. He then rams Murakami’s bloody face into a knee strike; delivers two more punches, then does a spin kick that nearly folds Murakami in half. Murakami collapses to the ground, but he pulls himself to his feet and swipes at Xander’s face. A dagger hidden between Murakami’s fingers cuts Xander’s face, but quick reflexes prevent the strike from reaching the eye or going beyond the skin. Xander grabs the control unit on the stealth suit and pulls Murakami close enough to deliver one final, brutal punch. Murakami spins in the air from the impact before falling to the wet grass.

The final insult is that, with the control unit torn off in the process, Murakami is electrocuted when the exposed circuitry comes in contact with sprinkler-soaked grass. Murakami survives, but he’s helpless as two security officers, one of them a woman of his own species, arrests him, cuffs him, and hauls him into a patrol car.

“So ends the Priest M case,” says Xander. “I’m going to get some sleep.”


Xander turns to see the woman he saved.

“What’s your name?”


“My name is Hana.”


The Top Hats, minus the disgraced Elitists, are having a meeting. With one member arrested for espionage and another arrested for multiple murders, the once great Elitists are disbanded. Its pompous leader has been reassigned and ordered to receive psychological testing.

“Many of you may have wondered why the Galaxy Police started an accelerated training program. The main reason is not only have we encountered many new worlds in the past twenty years, which has increased trade activity and attracted greater numbers of pirates, but we have also encountered a new threat,” says Airi Masaki on the podium.

The screen behind her lights up and displays many scenes of destruction. A massive fleet of destroyed ships, a shattered space station, a red-brown planet covered in destruction, and even a shattered moon slowly falling out of orbit and setting another world ablaze with each impact.

The screen then shows various creatures. The various creatures resemble various forms of animal life including fish, birds, lizards, insects and spiders, but they all have the same features. Their skin is smooth ranging from white to grey to black with many patterns of intricate glowing blue lines running through their bodies.

“We don’t know their true name, but we call them the Pattern Blue. They're a form of bio-mechanical life form that most of our scientists believed were originally a weapon system. These life forms possess the ability to adapt to various environments and threats, becoming stronger with each generation. They reproduce by absorbing bio matter from planets, ships, and anything else they encounter. Their most impressive ability is the ability to absorb energy from higher dimensions and use that power to manipulate gravity and electromagnetic forces, which is how they were able to cause such immense destruction and travel through hyperspace.”

Shinji feels his heart drop and in his mind begins to curse the God of Dimensions. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

“We have developed new technology to combat the Pattern Blue along with space pirates and other threats. This technology is a combination of ancient technology recovered from Seina Yamada’s famous light hawk warrior robot and Washu Hakuibi’s own brilliant designs.’

‘Each of your Team ships have been specially designed for fighting the Blue and also contain powered armor and larger piloted bio-mechs designed to manipulate electromagnetic and gravitational forces similar to the Blue. The TOP HAT system was used as a basis for the control systems for these machines. You’re also the only pilots possessing the needed training to fight the Pattern Blue.”

The screen shows a map of a section of space divided into a hundred and twenty units.

“Each of you will be assigned three sections, but when the other classes are trained the assigned areas will decrease to one each. The biggest problem will be the space that was going to be assigned to Team Elite. That will have to be shared by Teams Monkey, Princess, and Fan since you’re the closest.”

You just have to kick us when we are down, thinks Shinji, Daniel, and Xander.

Higher Meeting

“Do you think they are ready?” asks Airi Masaki, “This is the first time we have created units for the purpose of exterminating a hostile species.”

“They have potential,” says Lady Seto Kamiki Jurai, also known as the Devil Princess of Jurai. She is a beautiful green-haired woman feared by space pirates and the ruler of the Jurai Empire with the Emperor and his Queens. “The final class has the most potential.”

“Their readings were the highest, it’s as if they were born for the job,” says Dr. Naoko Akagi, as she emerges from the shade. “Misato’s group of Earthlings are promising.”

“While I believe Team Princess to be the best, I will admit those from Earth are surprising,” says Dr. Kyoko Zeppelin Shikinami, showing support for her daughter Asuka. “Dr. Jackson is a genius, skilled in linguists, computers, and cultures. Mr. Harris is a combat expert with a frightening amount of experience. I studied the records we have of Earth and I was amazed how violent a pre-faster than light civilization can be.”

“I have to admit that Earth, while a little primitive, is one of the most worn torn worlds in galaxy,” says Lady Seto. “It has produced a world of survivors.”

“Even Japan, homeland of Tenchi, Seina, and Shinji has a violent history including another country wiping out two of their cities with primitive thermonuclear weaponry,” adds Dr. Shikinami, causing several Jurains such as Tenchi’s sister Minaho Masaki to pale.

“I’m interested in Misato’s favorite, Shinji Ikari,” states Dr. Dr. Katsuragi, as he appears next to Dr. Akagi and Dr. Shikinami. “He displays an extremely high synch rate as if he was trained in bio-feedback piloting long before he became an Academy student. That doesn’t make sense since Earth doesn’t have the technology to make an agile mecha and can barely create a land walker, so it must be pure talent. I’ve also recorded strange readings coming from him, similar to the energy of Jurai.”

“Masaki, Kamiki, Amaki, and Tatsuki make up the four Royal Houses on Jurai,” states Dr. Akagi, if talking to a child. “The space pirate Masaru was of the Tatsuki Clan and part of the nobility.”

“That’s true, but the energy I registered on occasion was only *similar* to Jurai energy. The same way Ryoko’s power is similar. It doesn’t match the divine energy of Tsunami, Washu, or Tokimi, but it appears to be some form of divine energy. Any explanation?”

“I don’t know,” says Dr. Yui Ikari. “My son has never displayed any unique abilities beyond some musical talent. Nothing that appears supernatural or divine in nature.”

A man emerges from the shadows. He’s a tall, thin man with red eyes behind shiny glasses, pale skin, and short silvery hair marking him as the same species as Kaworu and Rei. He’s dressed in a white bodysuit covered by a long white lab coat and white gloves. It’s strange how a man dressed in pure white could hide in shadows.

“Most talent isn’t revealed until the subject is stressed. It took a near death experience to awaken Lord Tenchi’s powers to control the wings of Light Hawk. He could only use them afterwards in near death situations. I imagine that any special ability your son possesses Yui will reveal itself with the stresses of piloting.”

“Perhaps, Dr. Araragi,” says Lady Seto, looking at the man with a faint amount of suspicion. “We can only hope that hidden talents are not needed.”

Planet Hama. D-Day.

Planet Hama is a small semi-tropical planet used by several humanoid species and one non-humanoid species as a resort planet. Most of the planet is ocean with hundreds of atolls and mangroves, and many artificial islands and luxury cruise ships. It’s a planet of sins, where people come for food, entertainment, and sex. It’s only problems have been with prostitution, rape, recreational drugs, and occasional accounts of piracy Otherwise the planet is a peaceful, decadent world for vacations. The fact that the planet is on the outer rim allows them to get away with most things.

Suddenly, there a bright light in the sky as a large number of objects emerge from hyperspace. These objects turn out to be a swarm of creatures resembling insects with beetle and hornet features. They all have dark grey and black armored bodies and their armor is covered with glowing blue patterns of energy.

A security ship arrives and, after communications fails, opens fire on the bugs. The high end energy beam weaponry of the small space ship fails to pierce the translucent barriers of each insect, but the insects respond. They generate pulsating spheres of black energy between their mandibles, crackling with blue lightning, then shoot them like cannonballs at the enemy ships. The black spheres accelerate to speeds approaching light speed, creating distortions with their gravity, and going straight through the space ship. The gravity wake carrying space particles moving at near light speed causes the ship to implode and warp at the same time, creating an elongated “spiral” of metal in space, before the severe warping and heat causes it to completely disintegrate.

The swarm then descends on the planet of Hama and millions of black spheres descend as a rain of destruction. Unlike the shots fired at the space ship, these spheres act like high energy bombs. Each sphere has an explosive energy of eighty nine point nine terajoules, which is equivalent to twenty one point five kilotons of TNT-equivalent energy. Each bomb may be small by Earth nuclear weapons standard, but each one is more powerful than the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The millions of black bombs set the planet on fire, darkening the skies with steam, smoke, and ash. In seconds the planet’s small population of one million tourists and luxury ship employees is annihilated.

Then the Pattern Blue insects descend on the world of fire and water and begin to feed.

End of Chapter 02
Next. The Cabbit Sisters!?

Author Notes
This story is a fusion/crossover of Tenchi Muyo Ryo-ohki (OAV), Tenchi GXP, Neon Genesis Evangeleon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Stargate Sg-1, but will have many cameos and original characters.
Please Review. Praise is good and help is very good. No flames or stupid comments.

Character Ideas are appreciated I need more crossover cameo ideas. World of Naruto? Gardener Harry Potter? Teen Titans lost in Space? Mutants in Space? Planet Pokemon? If you send a review or private message, I’ll see if I can include them. It doesn’t matter if the series in question is an alternate earth, high technology or high magic.
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” Arthur C Clarke
"Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology." Niven’s Law
Washu, Sesami, and Tokimi are the Supreme Goddesses of the Tenchi Universe, but there are Multi-verses and the Omni-verse is Infinite.

The End

You have reached the end of "Barrel of Space Monkeys". This story is complete.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking