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Hell Hath No Fury...

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Summary: Crowley enlists Anyanka's help to avoid Armageddon. Written for the Fic A Day challenge

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Sir Terry PratchettgrundyFR151546021,40917 Aug 0917 Aug 09Yes
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss. Good Omens is Sir Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's. I'm just borrowing a few of their characters for a bit.


Anyanka sighed happily and stretched out in the sumptuous bed to enjoy her post-coital haze. It was rare to find a demon who really knew how to give a girl a good orgasm. That thing he could do with his tongue… Of course, it helped that this particular demon was one of the originals. Even if he claimed he actually hadn’t been all that involved, he’d still been there when it all started. And from the sound of it, he was going to be there when it all ended, too.

“I really don’t see what you’re worried about,” she told him. “You’re a demon. One of us. Well, technically I guess in this dimension we’re subordinate to you, but that’s not important. The main thing is, aren’t you supposed to be in favor of bringing on the end of the world?”

Crowley- who really was pretty naked, it helped to be able to choose your human form- shook his head in annoyance. He was lounging on his side tracing a finger on the sheets. Anyanka hoped he’d be up for another round once they cleared up this little problem. She lived for vengeance, but orgasms were pretty high on her list, too.

“Come on, Anyanka! I thought if anyone would get it, you would. Aside from Aziraphale, I mean.”

She pouted slightly.

“You know, it’s a good thing you’re referring to an angel. Most girls don’t like to hear about someone you like better than them, especially not when they’re in your bed.”

An exasperated hiss greeted that statement.

“You know perfectly well I don’t do this with other girls. It’s just that the angel is the only other one who really appreciates my position. I mean, we went on an all-night bender after we found out, for Lucifer’s sake! Together!”

“But why aren’t you on board with this? I mean, you must be in pretty good with the forces of evil. They tapped you to deliver the Antichrist.”

“Yes, that’s great, but I’d really rather he not destroy the world. Think about it this way, Anyanka- what would you do if there was no more vengeance? No more scorned women wishing for justice. No more broken hearts crying out for revenge. No more people. Just endless heaven, or endless hell, depending on who wins.”

“We’ll win,” Anya declared confidently. “After all, we’ll play dirty.”

“I wouldn’t count on it, the other side plays pretty dirty by times,” Crowley told her darkly. “And anyway, if we were so bloody sure we’d win, we wouldn’t need to actually have a last battle, would we? Heaven could just concede now and we could get on with turning the earth into hell.”

Anyanka paused. She’d never really thought of it that way before.

“You really think there wouldn’t be vengeance anymore if we won?” she said finally.

“Nope,” Crowley replied morosely. “Doesn’t matter who wins. No more vengeance. No orgasms, either. Maybe not even sex at all. One side thinks it’s naughty, and with our lot, once it’s not a sin anymore, what’s the point? It’s fun, and we’re all about torment.”

No vengeance was bad enough, but no orgasms? No sex? That did it.

“You’re right. Armageddon is a bad idea. We have to stop it.”

The End

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