To Be LostAuthor:
*checks* Nope, not mine.Written for: August Fic A Day ChallengeSummary: Buffy must face off against her own worst enemy for her freedom.Author's notes:
Set during the episode “Normal Again” for BtVS and before season one for 7 Days.
“Damnit, Summers, I know you’re stronger than this!”
They were dying
. They were dying because they had to, because they weren’t real, and she was watching. No, she was helping them die, she was murdering them
, the only people who cared, the only people she cared about, but it had to be done
. She shook her head frantically, hair flying free at the motion, hair pulled back from her face, and she knew that she couldn’t help them, couldn’t stop this, because they weren’t real, they were traps
! Friends that didn’t exist, fighting for their lives, and she stood under the staircase, in the corner of a white room, her hand gripping at the neckline of her top as if it could save her life, save theirs
, except that it wouldn’t stop the monster. It was a figment of her lost, sick mind, and it would end the other figments because she couldn’t do it herself- and, oh god
, it had him-
“Come on, snap out of it!”
There were hands on her shoulders, shaking her, except that they weren’t and they were all across the basement, fighting the demon. There he was though, glaring fiercely into her eyes, and her own frantic hazel gaze caught his briefly before flicking away, back to the people she loved as a whimper clawed its way up her throat and out her mouth. They were her best friends, her family
, and how could she abandon them to save herself, but she had to if she wanted to be healthy. The monster, the demon that had poisoned her, the demon that would save her from this hell of hallucinations, had her little sister who didn’t exist, had never
existed, and she squealed and whined and she should save her but she couldn’t! Then she was gone, across the floor, her closest friend, the one who was always there, always saving her and keeping her trapped here, was fighting in her place and oh god, the demon had her too, and she was flying
! You can do
this, Summers! Get your ass back here, back to the real world! I won’t forgive you if you let yourself fail here, because you’re better than that. You’re strong. God knows you were the strength for all
of us on the battlefield. You watched out for us, took care of us, and now I’m going to do the same for you. So finish this, now
“Frank- back off buddy. She can beat this, but not if you keep yelling at her. She needs us to support her.”
“Fine, then, you
She knew they were there, waiting for her, counting
on her… But how could she decide? God, she was so lost, so sick, and she couldn’t tell reality from hallucination. She’d thought she knew, when she set things into motion, but if they weren’t real, why did it hurt
so much? Why did her heart want to cry as she watched them fight, watched them die, because they needed to for her to be free? It- It was too much. They were waiting. Tears escaped her lids and slid slowly down her cheeks as she turned her back on it all. It was over, and there they were, the two men watching her, one hand laid gently on her shoulder.
“Buffy, can you hear me?” His dark eyes were trained on hers, so full of concern and fear, and she gulped before nodding slowly. She had won. They were dead. Then, relief evident in his expression, he was hugging her tightly. “I thought we’d lost you!”
“It’s about time, Summers.” As Donovan released her, Frank’s arms wrapped around her, gruff as his voice before he also drew back. She nodded, finally looking at them straight on, wiping her tears away with one hand.
It was over.