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He’s The King And You’re The Stable Boy

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This story is No. 9 in the series "10 Encounters That Spike Never, Ever Talked About". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Nothing ever seems to change Spike’s opinion that it’s all about him, not even after an experience just after World War II.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Godzilla(Recent Donor)ManchesterFR1511,551021,39020 Aug 0920 Aug 09Yes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Toho Studios characters are the property of their original owners.



Spike was down in the dumps.

Even contemplating the prospect of a nice, gory massacre of innocents, or even mildly tarnished souls, couldn’t cheer him up, so he dealt with his depression the best way the vampire knew how.

He stole an immense amount of alcohol and went off to get ratarsed.

Some time later, Spike was lying on his back at the end of a small wooden pier jutting from the shoreline of an Asian coastal city, and in between pulls from his jar of sake, the vampire was ranting at the sky.

“The….the….entire bleedin’ human race should consider it an honour” (Spike was drunk enough to start speaking in actual English english) “to be murdered at the hands of yours truly! I can torture, mutilate, and maim with the best of them! I’ve raped my way through entire countries! But does that get me any respect whatsoever? NNNNOOOOOO!!!!”

At the end of that self-pitying whine, Spike howled up at the clouds his answer to this, throwing his now-empty jar off the end of the pier, with it landing with a splash an impressive distance away in the calm waters.

Ordinarily, despite the late hour of the night, all of this would have attracted others’ attention at the baka gaijin on the pier, yet right now this boat dock was strangely deserted. Not only the pier, but the entire warehouse district around was totally devoid of people. Spike was too sloshed to care or wonder about this.

Grabbing another container of his current tipple, Spike bit off the top of the sake jar, not caring the slightest about the prospect of splinters, and guzzled deeply, before snarling out the name that had brought all this on.

“Angelus! ‘Hey, Spike, where’s Angelus?’ ‘Spike, is Angelus coming along later?’ ‘Oi, Spike, is there any chance of Angelus showing up so we can all fall to our knees and kiss his alabaster arse?!’” The last of the sake in the jar went down Spike’s throat, as the vampire now really let loose his feelings.

“Sorry, lads, but dear old Angelus can’t come out to play due to a little thing like getting a soul! Like that would have stopped me! If I’d just had the chance, I would have been better at chaos and carnage than that Irish sod ever was! I’D BE THE BIGGEST MONSTER EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THE EARTH!”

Rolling onto his left side to put himself just a few feet away from the pier edge, a furious Spike lifted his right arm holding the empty sake container, about to hurl this into the water below, only for his entire body to abruptly freeze, keeping his hand still grasping the sake container high into the air, as if he was toasting someone.

An eye was looking back at him.

Twenty feet away from the dock, and about the same depth below the water, invisible to anyone without a vampire’s heightened senses, an extremely large round white orb with a black dot in its center was unquestionably examining the unmoving vampire, who now squeezed shut his own eyes in sheer shock. An instant later, Spike gingerly opened his eyes a slit, to peek out once more.

The eye was still there, and Spike dazedly estimated it to be undoubtedly bigger than a wagon wheel, and having a diameter well past the demon’s outstretched arms. While thinking that, Spike involuntarily let his fingers gripping the sake jar relax, and the container now came loose from his hand, dropping onto the pier surface, and shattering when it hit.

As if that had been some sort of signal, the eye started….rising.

The water above this eye started churning and splashing, as what looked like a jagged, black rock suddenly emerged from the depths, with more and more of this object revealing itself in coming out of the water, with ever-growing waves causing by this rushing away from the enormous object. When it at last completely showed itself, it was indeed huge; at the very least the size and shape of one of the original London red double-decker buses that Dru had adored riding so much that she’d gone into her one of her rare coherent moods and had firmly forbidden Spike from eating any of the conductors and drivers.

Spike really, really wanted this to somehow be one of the buses, instead of what it actually was.

It was a head.

A blunt muzzle showed at the front of a cranium of some sort of lizard/ape combination of a monstrous creature that had fangs longer than Spike’s entire body set in its jaws that were gaping open a crack, with a steady whoosh! of breath rippling the water below. The rest of the head was a low skull curving back to the top of its neck, with two bulges at the sides of the head that might have been ears, and finally, with two deep-set eyes under a brow ridge.

These eyes were the worst. An actual intelligence lurked there, and the beast now gave the English vampire such a look of cold malevolence that the demon did something it had never before done in its entire existence.

Spike shit his pants.

It was totally inconceivable that this specific action could have had anything to do with the next events, yet the beast now turned its head away, to gaze at the shoreline of the city that as yet knew nothing of what was to come.

That was about to change.

Once again, the beast lifted itself further into the air. As a neck the thickness of a mature sequoia tree appeared, even bigger waves were created, to smash into the pier hard enough to make the entire dock shudder and quake. Spike ignored the mess in his lower clothing, instead promptly lunging out to grab a piling that was next to him and wrapping his arms around it, embracing the piling as hard as he could.

Which was fortunate, as now-monstrous waves were striking the pier, overflowing it and covering Spike completely under the rushing waters that seemed to go on and on. The vampire just shut his eyes and hung on, unable to do anything else. From the way the entire pier was now shaking, it would only be blind luck keeping the whole wharf from collapsing into debris and Spike being washed away. The vampire had only one thought in his mind at this moment, that at least he didn’t need to breathe and couldn’t drown.

After endless minutes, the waves finally ended, with water now flowing off the battered pier and revealing a drowned rat that was called Spike, who was at this moment not particularly grateful that he’d been washed well beyond clean.

Instead, with bulging eyes, the vampire was examining what had completely revealed itself.

A 300 foot tall bipedal beast, completely covered with rough, bumpy, charcoal scales, stood on its legs just beyond Spike, showing at the top of the creature the head that was the least of this monster, the massive neck that led down to wide shoulders with arms that ended in clawed hands, an enormous torso that had a spiked dorsal fin running down its entire back, immense legs, and finally, a long, snaky tail that was waving gently back and forth across the still-disturbed surface of the water. Spike really didn’t think that last action was due to that….that…whatever being friendly and wanting to play fetch.

Indeed, the creature that had come from the sea now opened its mouth, and roared a blast of pure challenge that shattered windows throughout the entire city of Tokyo, as Godzilla, King of the Monsters, announced his presence to humanity.

A former example of this species had his own problems at this particular moment. While still bellowing, the incredible creature had taken a step forward towards its prey of all that existed on dry land, and as it moved towards to spread doom and devastation, it had almost absently given a casual swat with its tail against the end of the pier.

This now burst apart into a million splinters, of which a particular piece of debris was blasted away by the impact, shooting through the air in a flat arc so rapidly that not even punching through three separate wharf warehouses with their sheet metal walls, including whatever was in the warehouses that Spike struck along his flight, did anything much about slowing his most painful journey. Unfortunately for him, the vampire never fully lost consciousness at all, even when he finally managed to stop by colliding head-first into a massive water tank, with its two-inch thick steel walls retaining a dent on its side that was the image of a grimacing adult European male’s face.

Sliding down the sides of the tank, to collapse in a heap of quivering agony, Spike the vampire, ever one to care solely about himself, ignored the absolute chaos taking place elsewhere in the city as Godzilla determinedly tried to eradicate the entire place, and whimpered to himself, “Blimey, I thought it was “Pride goeth before a fall’, not ‘Pride goeth before being walloped by a soddin’ giant lizard the size of a cricket pitch!’”

The End

You have reached the end of "He’s The King And You’re The Stable Boy". This story is complete.

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