Author: White Werewolf
Spoilers/Timeframe: Post “Chosen”
Disclaimer: Buffy: the Vampire Slayer is owned by Whedon, Fox, UPN, and ME. Saturday Night Live is owned by NBC and Michaels.
Summery: Xander comes home to a bachelor party.
Xander walked down the hallway to his new apartment. Within the last few months, many things have gone well for Xander Harris, but there was something always missing.
Anya was a very important part of his life until that day of the first evil. She died in saving Andrew from death.
Throughout the last few years, Anya has grown from a person who depended on him a lot and never left his side, to a very liberated person who had a job. She made a great transition as a demon that recently became human.
But with friends like Buffy, Willow, Giles, Faith, Dawn Andrew, and Wood, Xander was able to heal some of his wounds. True, the scars will always be there, but he leaned that he had to move on.
And that's what led him to his fiancé.
Two months ago Xander came to a realization. After thinking about the past eight years, there was only one person who ever had his heart. She rejected him at the end of sophomore year, but he never gave up. The young man even tried to move on with his life with Cordelia, Willow, and Anya.
But he wasn't successful.
He didn't realize his true feelings until he met that demon at his wedding. He showed him a possible future with Anya as his wife, and whenever the woman was mentioned, he felt for her still. She was always a top priority in his life, and that vision proved it.
And when she had to fight his best friend she told him that she loved him. True, it was only in a platonic way But she did say those words, 'Y'know, I love you, right?'
During the summer, the two of them grew close and they created a little family between her, him, and Dawn. But, as soon as Spike came around, she lost all that she gained within those first months. Spike brought out the bad in her, and she lost more and more of her humanity.
When Spike died at that battle along with Anya, the two of them leaned on one another. They rebuilt their friendship, and things were finally on their way to recovery.
Together, they went through counseling and helped each other whenever they felt alone. Him and his friend became inseparable. They relied on each other to get through the day, that it only seemed natural for dating which in turn led to marriage.
Then it happened, a month ago. Xander took a deep breath and asked the one woman that held his heart, "Will you marry me?"
And without further hesitation, Buffy Anne Summers became his fiancé.
Xander went to the door, and took out his key, and placed it in the door and opened it to reveal a dark room. He closed the door behind him and flipped on the lights.
Xander looked around him and saw all his male friends from work, Giles, Wood, and Andrew.
"Congratulations!" Everyone shouted.
He was shocked. "I can't believe you did this."
The former Watcher approached him, "Well, this is your bachelor party."
Wood came up from behind them, "And it's your last day as a free man."
The Cyclops stated, "Yeah, and you know what? I'm not going to miss it. Buffy's the kind of girl that make everything feel better—even a visit to the dentist."
Giles chuckled, "Dear lord. You do have it bad, don't you?"
This time, the groom to be chucked, "You better believe it."
"This is bachelor party! Where's the stripper?"
The four of them turned to see one of Xander's coworkers.
The former librarian answered, "I believe Andrew was in charge of that."
Andrew smiled, "Don't worry, guys. I got the best stripper."
Xander sighed. He knew what that meant. Throughout the last few years that Xander has knew him, there have been subtle hints about his sexual orientation.
"Tell me you didn't, Andrew. Tell me you didn't."
The blond showed a confused look, "Tell you I didn't what?"
"Tell me you didn't hire a male stripper."
He winced, "You won't be disappointed, Xander. This guy's the best." With that, he turned around, and yelled, "Bring in the cake."
Two men left the room, and came back a few seconds later carrying a big white cake. It was five layers covered in vanilla frosting and blue flowers. On the top read, 'Congratulations, Xander.'
Soon, the cake exploded and out came a man who had black hair, sideburns that curled at the end, and wore a pink outfit along with a pink beanie. "Hello, everybody."
The geek boy smiled, "Everyone, this is Mango."
"So, where's this Xander Harris man?" The stripper asked.
Xander stared at this man. He was absolutely struck by his beauty. He tried to say something witty, but his throat went dry. The engaged man gulped a few times and raised his hand slowly. After finding his voice, he whispered, "I'm Xander. Who are you?"
Mango walked over to him and whispered, "I am the Mango."
Then the stereo started to play. The song was 'Everything But the Girl',' by the group, 'Missing.' He then started to dance seductively—very seductively.
Buffy Summers became a memory as Xander Harris continued to watch this man.
Stop N' Shop
Mango is walking down the cereal aisle holding up a box of Trix. He chuckled to himself, "Silly, Rabbit. Trix are for Mango."
All of a sudden, his cell phone rang. He opened it and placed it to his ear. "Hello? Arnold Schwarzenegger? I don't care if you stopped seeing woman and started seeing men because you're now the Governor of California. Stop calling me."
He hung up the phone and turned it off. "I just hope these calls terminate soon." A smile was made, "Ha, I made a funny."
Within the next second, someone bumped into his cart. He turned around and saw a man in a black tux. "Who are you? And I think you bruised my mangos."
The man approached him, "Mango, it's me, Xander Harris."
The stripper's eyes widened, "Xander Harris? Aren't you getting married to that Muffy girl?"
He shook his head, "I don't want her. I want you. I want the Mango!"
Mango sighed, "Can you take the red out of the fire? Can you take a full body of water and place it in your pocket? No! And such is Mango."
Xander was worried, "But, I work construction. I can build you your own strip joint."
He gave it some thought, "That will never work. Leave."
Tears started to glaze over his eyes, "Mango! Please!"
"No. Get out. I hate you."
Xander turned away, and the stripper reached out for him.
He turned around. "But, it's just…"
"No! You can't have the Mango!" Then he spanked himself as the other man headed out the store.
Xanderr sighed, "Goodbye, Mango.'
He smiled sadly, "Goodbye, Alexander Harris."
Xander stopped outside the store and yelled into the daylight, "MANGO!"
Xander and Buffy's Hotel Room
Xander was lying in bed thinking about Mango.
Buffy snuggled up to him, "Xan?"
She smiled sadly, "Xander, baby."
He turned around face her, "Hmm?"
A smile was made, "Make love to me."
Tears emerged in his eyes, "I can't. I'm sorry, but not now."
Buffy kissed him on the cheek after getting an idea. "I'll be right back. I just got to find something more comfortable."
She entered the bathroom, and came back a minute later wearing a pink outfit and pink beanie.
"Mango." He said with tears running down his cheeks.
Buffy walked seductive to the bed and said, "No, you can't have the Mango, but you can have the Buffy."
He said in a loud voice, "I don't want the Buffy. I want the MANGO!"