Lego Rock Monster
Story Notes: Takes place some time after my Xander/Vi story, Actualization. Modified time line assumes BtVS and WF series ended simultaneously.
Author’s Note: Got inspired by watching all 14 episodes of WF in one weekend and then reading “Countdown” by Marcus Rowland.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associated characters are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, United Paramount Network, and Fox Television. Wonderfalls is property of Brain Fuller, Todd Holland, Tim Minear, and Fox. This work is not for profit, and no ownership of aforementioned copyrighted material implied, nor any infringement intended.
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Hi, my name’s Jaye Tyler. I withheld disability checks from a helpless old lady, conned a Satsuma Indian into believing he was a tribal shaman, and threw Millie Marcus over Niagara Falls. Oh, and I hear toy animals speak. Seriously, if there was a twelve step program for seers, I’d sign up right now...if my friends didn't need my help.
And now on with my life:
We sat around the table in my best friend’s apartment. Mahandra finally convinced my brother Aaron to move out from our parents’ house and in with her. I think having my mom walk in on them during sex was the tipping point. Anyway, that’s why we have meetings at Mahandra’s place now instead of in my trailer. My place is getting WAY too full of stuffed animals, toy animals, and pictures of animals, all of which have spoken to me at some point.
Yes, literally, and no, I’m probably not crazy. The medicine woman of the Satsuma Nation said I had great purpose. I guess she was right, because she’d been dead for a while when she spoke to me. As best my brother and I can tell, The Spirits (note the capitals) send messages to help us fight the forces of evil suckiness. At least it makes up for working day shift in a souvenir shop.
My brother sipped his coffee for a while before he asked, “So what do we have this week?” Aaron was only a little grumpy this morning. His sex-with-girlfriend mellow was a little overshadowed by concern-for-girlfriend-that-is-the-Slayer. I think it’s cute.
Mahandra thinks it’s annoying in a sexist and parochial way, because she can take care of herself. Have I mentioned that my best friend is the Slayer? And can kick anyone’s ass—including vampires, demons, and the assorted forces of darkness? It’s true.
I turned smushed-face lion #8 around on the table. After the original wax lion met a messy end (at my hands) I was cursed with six more. I smashed them all, but stupid tourists kept plunking money in the machine that made more deformed statuettes. I’ve got them strategically located: in my trailer, at Wonderfalls where I work, at The Barrel where my (sigh) boyfriend and Mahandra work, in my old room at the parental’s, and the previously mentioned one at Mahandra’s apartment. And that’s not taking into account my ‘secret weapon’, because a girl never knows when she’s gonna need some cryptic guidance to help her friend and her brother save the world.
However, this time the advice hadn’t come from a wax lion, it was from my Lego rock monster
keychain. Even though his little monster mouth isn’t supposed to open he can still speak (to me, at least). “Rocky said ‘save the girl.’”
Aaron groaned. “That’s it? Even the cow creamer was more helpful than that.”
“Come on, you know how vague The Spirits can be. And terse? These animals would condense War and Peace to a short paragraph.”
Mahandra thumped her head on the table repeatedly. “I still can’t believe I get my marching orders from toys that only Jaye can hear.”
Aaron patted the back of her head and said, “I’ll start the newspaper search for missing girls; I don’t have to lecture at the college until this afternoon.”
I smiled at the cuteness that is my brother and my best friend. “I’ve gotta work, but I’ll try and force some more info out of the toys at the store. Might even sacrifice another wax lion.”
Smushed-face lion #8 looked at me and said, “please don’t.”
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