I went to find Spike who, it turned out, was in his bedroom. I walked in without knocking the moment I realized that he was in there. I knew that he knew it was me. There was no reason to announce myself when he knew who it was.
The moment I was in the room, his arms where around me, holding me close. I whispered his name quietly and he returned the favor. I loved how he only called me by my name when we were alone.
“I can’t believe I told him to leave,” I whispered.
“Because I loved him.”
Spike looked down at me, and I knew because his fingers were lightly brushing over the skin on my neck that he was not just seeing my face, but the face of the demon inside of me.
He didn’t say anything for a long time, but he continued to run his fingers over all the skin he could reach on me.
“I didn’t like it when he pulled you away from me. I would never hurt you,” he tried to make me understand.
What he didn’t understand was that I already knew that, and I completely trusted him with my life and heart. He just didn’t understand yet, but I was sure that eventually he would believe me when I told him that he was everything to me. For now I could live with him believing that I loved him.
“Can we take a nap?” I asked quietly.
I always loved the time when we were alone together the best. He was always a completely different person when it was just the two of us. I had plenty to talk about, and I knew he had a few things to say. I opened my mouth to start once we were both in bed under the covers, but Spike cut me off.
“How they could leave you, I’ll never understand,” he murmured. I felt his arms snake around me, and wondered if it was possible to stay here forever.
“Edward said he lost interest in me, and didn’t love me anymore. I assume the rest of the family just followed,” I answered.
Spike snorted, and he looked at me as if I was dumb for a moment before his eyes softened. “You’re too damn gullible Bella. That man in there, Eddy, he still loves you. Trust me.”
I shook my head, but didn’t want to argue over it. Edward had brought me enough grief; I didn’t need any more. Besides, Jake was here now. That reminded me of something I had wanted to tell Spike.
“Jake imprinted on Fred,” I told him honestly, sitting up slightly so that I could look down at him.
I had explained imprinting to him a long time ago during one of our late night talks. His eyes widened briefly before a slow smile creased over his lips. “Well this should be interesting. Never really saw Fred as the romantic type. She’s a little too introverted.”
I rolled my eyes and laid back down. A frown creasing my brows. I was worried about Gunn; I knew that he had a crush on Fred. Perhaps it would all turn out okay. The last thing I wanted was to see something happen like the Sam/Emily/Leah triangle. I would feel as if it was all my fault for letting Jake come here in the first place.
I decided that it was best to try and forget all my problems for a while and enjoy what little peace I had. Wesley said that there was something big coming, though he could not tell us what. He was a bit too distracted trying to find everything he could on the demon inside of me to worry about what might be coming right now anyway. But I understood that there was something coming. If Wesley said there was, then there was. I had not known the people in this hotel for very long, but if there was one thing I did understand about them it was that they never caused undue panic.
I looked over at Spike to see that he was already asleep. Well, at least one of use could get some rest. My mind was racing with possibilities and probabilities of what could and might happen.
Taking another deep breath I relaxed back into Spike and closed my eyes. There was nothing I could do right now about the future. What would happen would happen. That was just the way it was.
“Big mistake,” I whispered turning away from Spike’s still body. “Really big mistake.”
The green demon in front of me just laughed, looking me up and down. “What are you going to do about it, little girl?”
I scoffed quietly at the demon, and in my head I could hear my demon also laughing. Little girl
she giggled. I laughed out loud at there. I hadn’t known that my demon had a sense of humor. But my laughter was cut short when the demon reached out and slapped my across the face.
“Do not laugh at me!” he yelled.
I stood slowly, making sure that my head was turned away from him. I wanted to see the surprise on his face when I turned and no longer looked human. I wasn’t disappointed. In fact I was very satisfied.
“No,” he gasped stepping back. “All of you are dead! You’re dead!”
“Not anymore,” I whispered in my double voice. Inside of my head, my demon was murmuring everything I would need to kill this demon and keep the both of us alive. I grinned as I pulled the long dagger from its hiding place under my shirt.
I watched as the demon’s eyes grew wide and he turned. “Another big mistake,” I told him.
The demon inside of me was a bit like any other predator in the world. She chased when something ran. So, immediately we took flight after the fleeing demon. I had nearly reached him when someone jumped on top my prey and ripped off its head. Stopping dead in my tracks, I watched as the man stood and turned toward me.
“Angel! I nearly had him!” I complained.
Angel rolled his eyes, and I turned and ran back to where Spike was still crumpled on the ground. I could hear him groaning and Angel arriving behind me.
“Didn’t know you had left,” he announced from behind me, as I pulled Spike onto my lap. “I had to find out from Jacob.” I rolled my eyes. He was the only one that would not call him Jake.
“Well, we were just having some fun,” I mumbled. The bleeding had stopped from Spike’s head, and now we just had to wait for the gash on his neck and head to close up. I lifted my wrist to his mouth, but he pulled back. “Just take it,” it told him, pressing my wrist to his mouth.
It was something that I had never really thought about doing before, but at the moment I really just wanted to get out of this creepy alleyway and back to the hotel.
“So you agreed to let Jake stay and help?”
“Yes,” Angel answered me. “Why? Do you not wish him to stay?”
“Of course I wanted…ouch!”
Spike’s teeth were sharp as they cut into my skin, but I suppose I should have expected it. I noticed that Spike didn’t flinch away from any pain. Was his chip not working?
I ripped my wrist away and stumbled back.
“Bella?!? Bella,” Spike questioned, getting uneasily to his feet. His gashes were already starting to heal.
I fell to my knees, and for the first time it really dawned on me. I wasn’t completely human anymore. Spike could hurt me without any pain, that meant that I wasn’t human anymore. I clutched a hand to my chest trying to breathe. I was a demon now. I guess it really never hit me until now. I could feel the tears starting and felt like an idiot, but Angel and Spike were both there holding me close.
I could hear them arguing back and forth over where Spike did to me, but in the end they went quite. I couldn’t stop the gasping sobs that racked my chest. Before now I had just been the human girl, clumsy and slow, helping to catch the bad guys. But now, now I was one of the bad guys. Even if I was not evil I was still not human anymore. I knew that not being human didn’t equal evil all the time, but this thought didn’t stop me from panicking.
The only thing that made me feel any better was that I was not alone. By the time I stopped crying I was back at the hotel. I could see Lorne, Jaden, Spike, Angel, and Jake all standing around looking at me. And I knew that I want alone.
It was like Lorne knew what was wrong immediately because he sent everyone else way so that he could talk to me.
“Cupcake?” Lorne asked, sitting down next to me. I did not really know what he was asking, but I felt that he just wanted me to talk to him.
“I’m not human anymore,” I whispered to him.
“No, you’re not.”
“For a long time, all I wanted was to be something more than human. I wanted to join the Cullen family and be like them. But now, now it’s like I didn’t get a choice, and I don’t know if it’s something that I really want,” I told him, truthfully.
“I understand. Well, no I don’t, I was born a demon,” Lorne said in a ironic voice, but I granted him a little smile. “Is it really so bad?”
“No, it’s not bad at all. I haven’t fallen in days, and I can see much better. I don’t need help as much; I can do things on my own.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
“I…I don’t know…I guess it just all caught up to me for the first time,” I whispered.
“Not everyone is as strong as you are, my sweet Bella. Never change,” he murmured, kissing my forehead and leaving me there to contemplate what he had said.
Lorne always gave me great advice, but sometimes I didn’t know what to do with the advice that he gave me. For some reason I felt as if he was giving me advice that I would need in the future. I knew that he had seen my possible paths, and he had said the other day when the Cullens had been here that I was on the correct path.
I trusted Lorne with my life, just as I trusted everyone in the hotel with my life.
Standing, I left the red chair and headed toward where I could hear Gunn and Wesley talking.
“Is she alright?”
“I don’t know, Angel went to his office. I didn’t have time to ask him, and he told me he was busy when I knocked,” Wesley was saying.
“I’m fine, boys,” I announced.
Both men turned to look at me, smiles lighting up their faces. They walked forward to make sure that I really was alright. I pulled them both into a hug. “Thanks,” I murmured into their ears.
“What did we do?” Gunn whispered back.
“When a lady gives you a hug and says thank you, you just say you’re welcome and hug them back, Gunn,” Wesley told him, rolling his eyes.
I laughed at them both and pulled back. “For everything,” I told them.
This time Gunn didn’t say anything.
Two weeks passed without incident, and I began to get anxious. I had been going out with Spike of one of the crew every night on calls or just to patrol the city, but it had been mostly quite. We had saved a few people from flesh-eating demons the other night, and then we had saved a little girl from being killed by a gang of vampires.
I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something big was coming…