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Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Be In PPTH...

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This story is No. 2 in the series "So A Blonde Walks Into A Hospital...". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” Louis L’Amour. How will Buffy fair at our fav fictional hospital? How will the hospital fair? T'will be secrets and surprise visits and demons, Oh my! FR18 tbs.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > House, M.D. > Buffy-CenteredSincerelyPinkPantiesFR1819812163,5761 Sep 091 Sep 09No
Title: In Which Buffy Meets the Twins
Summary: Secretarial duties, Cuddy the Wicked Witch, and everyone lies (of course).
Word Count: 929 Words
Disclaimer: Really? This stupid question again? S’not mine, even if I *do* wish it was.
A/N: Sorry this one’s so short. I had doody duty (aka: babysit le monster child) and a small-ish bit of muse troubles. Planning on the next chapter being longer. I promise!




Dr. Lisa Cuddy prided herself on knowing all of the almost-five hundred employees in her hospital by name. This is why she was shocked when she threw Wilson’s office door open, looking for House, to find a small blonde woman standing precariously on a swivel chair, dusting off the books in the top of Wilson’s bookcase.

The girl turned to look when the door opened and stared at the intruder in confusion for several seconds before coming to some conclusion. “You must be Dr. Cuddy. I’m Buffy, the new secretary,” she offered. When Dr. Cuddy just continued to stare at her blankly, she said, “You now, she of the answering phones and fixing appointments? I’d shake your hand, but I’m a bit, uh, hand-less.”

Cuddy finally shook off her shock. “Uh, hi. That’s fine. How’d you know who I was?”

“House described you to me,” Buffy said with a shrug and continued to dust.

Cuddy snorted. “Probably with a warning to run in the opposite direction, right?”

Buffy smiled. “Something like that. Wilson was the one who gave me your actual name. House just kept calling you the Wicked Witch of the Hospital,” she answered.

Rolling her eyes, Cuddy said, “While I’m not surprised about that, I am a little surprised about you. Wilson usually tells me when he hires a new secretary.”

“House hired me actually. For Wilson, but maybe Wilson assumed that House would have told you,” Buffy explained. Finally finished dusting, she jumped off the chair and returned it to its rightful place behind Wilson’s desk. Cuddy snorted. “Right. I take it neither you nor Wilson would ever assume that House would do something responsible?”

“Yeah. He avoids responsibility whenever he can. He’s probably allergic to it,” Cuddy answered.

Buffy laughed and began rearranging the things on Wilson’s desk.

“Was there a particular reason House hired you and not Wilson? Did he also conduct the interview?” Cuddy asked curiously. She hadn’t even heard that Wilson’s last secretary was fired.

“A bet,” Buffy said.

Cuddy’s brow furrowed. “What kind of bet?”

Buffy shrugged. “Not sure. It has something to do with hiring me. He wasn’t really all talk-y about the specifics, and I didn’t really care enough to ask.” She stood back from Wilson’s desk and surveyed her work. Nodding to herself she moved on to Wilson’s filing cabinets.

Cuddy made nodding motions. Right. There was something off about this girl, but Cuddy just couldn’t put her finger on it. She shook her head, dismissing those thoughts for the time-being. She still had yet to find House and it was time for him to do his clinic duty. “You wouldn’t happen to know where House is, would you? Or Wilson?” she asked.

“House was here about twenty minutes ago. To check and see if Wilson was “imparting all his ridiculous morals on me” or something. He said something about an Uncle Algy place,” she answered absently, flipping through Wilson’s files.

“Uncle Algy?” she asked. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Oh! You mean Oncology?” she said a couple seconds later.

“That’s the one,” Buffy answered. She was moving files at a very fast pace and Cuddy wondered if she wasn’t just doing House’s bidding and trying to confuse Wilson by un-arranging the files.

“Thanks,” Cuddy said and reminded herself to mention something to Wilson.

Buffy smiled and waved. “If you find him, you didn’t hear it from me,” she said and was back at the files.

“Right,” Cuddy said and backed out of the office, closing the door behind her.


She found House in the Oncology lounge watching t.v., his feet propped up on the table. “House, get your ass down to the clinic,” she told him.

House turned at her interruption. “Oh look! It’s the twins!” he hollered. “Did Summers snitch on me? After I warned her about the Wicked Witch and everything.”

Cuddy rolled her eyes. “No, she didn’t snitch on you. You’re just predictable,” she told him.

“So you did meet her, then?” House said. “What do you think of her?”

Cuddy shook her head. “I don’t know. Does it matter? As long as Wilson has no complaints, she’s fine with me. Now stop trying to distract me. You’re not getting out of clinic duty.”

House used his cane to get up off the couch and limped over to where Cuddy was standing. “Of course it matters, Dr. Hooters. You’re the administrator of this fine hospital and, more importantly, an outside opinion,” House said with a put-on British accent.

Rolling her eyes again, Cuddy said, “I don’t know, House. She seems nice enough to me." At House’s “yeah right” look, she sighed. “It just seems like there’s something off about her. I don’t know what it is. She just moves too….fluidly or something. And she seems really unflappable, like it’d take a monster or something to even get her to react,” she added.

“Maybe she’s Canadian,” House whispered conspiratorially.

Cuddy sighed heavily. “You know what? Just go do your clinic hours,” she said and stomped off.

House watched her go with a contemplative look on his face. Buffy was strangely fluid in her movements. And she was hiding things, he was sure. She’d opened up to him a bit, but Cuddy was right. There was something just off about her. House shook his head and limped out of the room. He’d bounce his ideas off the ducklings later. Cuddy would probably eat him if he skipped clinic duty again. With that he smirked and put Buffy out of his mind for a while.

The End?

You have reached the end of "Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Be In PPTH..." – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 1 Sep 09.

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