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Un-united Nations

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Summary: oneshot for the 'Tales from the Barman' and 'To Boldly Go' challenge. Do not let anthromophic beings get drunk.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > OtherJediClaireFR151692111,1033 Sep 093 Sep 09Yes
Un-United Nations by JediClaire

Disclaimer: I own no countries, no fandoms, no money. I just think that this idea is mine, though I might be wrong. I tell you the fandom at the end, but if you know it already, wow! Well done!

Warning: British Swearing, one of the characters has a potty mouth when drunk!


Xander had seen many strange beings, odd persons and occasional weirdos come into his bar, but he had no idea who or what these two were. It was a very busy night and they had come in though the closet, showed no surprise, sat down at the bar and started to drink beer. Xander had been at the other end of the bar at the time, but had been able to hear Faith say welcome and after she served them, he wondered what made him so aware of them.

"Wow, you don't invite me out to drink often."

"From time to time, it's fun to do this kind of thing."

They both blond but that was it. The shorter one, introduced as Arthur, had short blonde hair, green eyes. His eyebrows were rather thick too. Also he was British, more British then Giles, which Xander hadn't thought was possible. The taller one, with short blond hair, blue eyes and glasses had shaken Faith's hand and said "My name is Alfred F. Jones, and it is great to meet you!" He reminded Xander of BBQ's, Riley and Burgers.

Several hours later

It was near last calls, and England's cunning plan, Get America stinking drunk and coax info out of him, seemed to hit a snag. He had thought he could still drink the little whippersnapper under the tasbl, tablet, table that's it. But his little one had become independent from him, so he was the one pissed. Pissed drunk, not pissed angry. Ungrateful little bastard. It was all LaFayette and Kosciuszko fault.

"Damn you, LaFayette. Damn you, Kosciuszko. AND DAMN YOU, VOLUNTEER ARMY!!"

That one-eyed yank had come over again, asked him if he was alright. Pah, stupid Americans.

"He always gets like this when he's drunk."

Oh, by Queen Mab, he did not say that. THAT'S IT!!


When Xander looked back, he said that this is what happened next:

1. The drunken and angered man rised from his seat and said that Alfred sure is talking big when he (Arthur) is the one who raised him and made him a man.

2. Giles arrived with Spike, and both of them stared in horror at the ranting blond, for both recognized him, and really wished they didn't.

3. Alfred, looking very shocked and embarrassed asks if he is still really going on about that, but Arthur ranted that he took pity on him for being bossed around by France and that he was a fool to think that they would be friends for fighting against France.

4. The Closet opened again and man who looked like he was in his 20's with shoulder-length blonde hair and blue eyes came busting out, saw Arthur ranting and said something like "Suit a law!"

5. Arthur collapsed onto the bar bursting into tears, repeatedly yelling "stupid". Giles and Spike went up to the sobbing man and tried to calm him down, they still looked scared. Arthur looked at them and hugged them, crying something about 'my people'.

6. Thats when the new person, who kept swearing in French punched the shell-shocked Alfred, yelling " Why did you get the Cherie Drunk!!" And that made every person born in America in the bar, including the demons faint.


Giles was quiet about it the next morning, so was Spike and a couple of the young slayers from England. They had a very bad headache, and whenever they saw an American they glared. The Americans who were near the bar all had a sore jaw. That afternoon Giles said something very strange.

"Don't let anthropomorphic beings get drunk, especially if they are near a hellmouth."

"Okay, but what is an anthropomorphic being?"

The end, for now...

Authors note: So who managed to get it? Here presented was the wonderful England, America and France from Hetalia: Axis Powers by Hidekaz Himaruya. It is a brillant story, which originated from a web comic, about anthropomorphic beings that represent the nations/countries of our little blue world. It is very funny and is considered treason in South Korea!

The End

You have reached the end of "Un-united Nations". This story is complete.

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