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Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: After a rough day battling false Gods Colonel O'Neill returns home to find someone waiting for him and this person knows everything about him including things his teammates don't know and Jack really wished they never learn about.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Halloween MemoriesLadyFoxFireFR13511,1322318959,62312 Sep 0910 Oct 09Yes

Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word - ch 1/5

Title: Blackmail Is Such A Dirty Word
Author: Lady FoxFire
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Category(s): Crossover - Buffy the Vampire Slayer/StarGate SG-1
Setting: Buffy - post Graduation Day/ Stargate SG-1 - beginning of Season 3
Summary: After a rough day battling false Gods Colonel O'Neill returns home to find someone waiting for him and this person knows everything about him including things his teammates don't know and Jack really wished they never learn about.
Disclaimer: If I owned either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG-1… Xander would be seen more as the hero he is and Jack would never have left but I don't. All I own is this little fic from which I make to profit even for all the blood sweat and tears I put into it… and insane giggles.
Bad Author Notes: My Muse like to write unusual twists into her work so if Xander appears to be out of character in this fic or you're thinking that 'he would never' I simply ask to wait until as see what she has planned.


Balancing a pizza box in the palm of his hand while keeping a cold 6-pack wedged between his arm and torso, Colonel Jack O’Neill pushed the opened door shut with one foot. Setting the beer and pizza down on the kitchen counter, Jack dropped the keys next to the pizza box before shedding his lightweight coat and dropped in a chair.

After putting the beer in the refrigerator, minus one bottle, Jack grabbed the pizza box and walked into the living room. Hitting the light switch with his elbow, Jack came to a halt as he stared at the stranger sitting in his favorite chair.

“You’re late,” the young man said, his brown eyes sparkling with mischief as he kept his hands in plain sight. “I expected you here an hour ago.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” Jack replied cautiously as he set the pizza and beer on the coffee table, his eyes never straying from the young man. “You do know that breaking and entering is against the law?”

“There was no breaking and entering, just entering,” the young man stated with a smirk. “You know you really need to hide your spare key someplace else. Although I will admit hiding it inside a downspout is a unique idea.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jack growled softly. “Now who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Well for who I am, my name is Alexander Harris,” the young man tossed some papers on the coffee table along with his driver license, “but all my friends call me Xander.”

“So what are you doing here, Mr. Harris?” Jack asked, glancing down briefly at the California drivers' license before fixing his eyes once again on the intruder.

“Please call me Xander,” the young man said with a grimace. “Every time I hear Mr. Harris I start looking for a mean drunk who just happens to be my dad.”

Jack narrowed his eyes at Xander. “As you said your friends call you Xander.”

“I can see us being friends, Jack,” Xander said as he leaned forward and opened up the pizza box. Stealing a slice, Xander sat back into the chair. “After all I know a lot about you.”

Jack raised an eyebrow at Xander. “Oh, really.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yep,” Xander said around a mouthful of pizza. “I know how in sixth grade you would dare girls who were wearing dresses that day to hang upside down from the monkey bars so you could see their underwear. And how you mom paddled you when she found out what you were doing before turning on your dad for encouraging you.”

Jack’s eyes widened slightly as Xander told him something that not too many people knew about.

“And then there was the time you made to third base with Rose Morris under the bleachers while at the football game. I don’t know if you were brave or incredibly stupid to do that there; especially with her overprotective brother who was the star quarterback of the team in front of said bleachers.”

“I was a teenager and Rose was very sweet,” Jack replied as he sat down and grabbed a slice of pizza. "So how is Rose doing? Last I heard she was married with four kids."

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "No clue, never met the woman."

Jack paused for a moment as he thought about what the young man said. "Is that so," Jack finally said around his mouthful of pizza to which Xander simply nodded his head. "So what else do you know, since you seem to know all about me?"

“Well,” Xander mumbled as he wiped his greasy fingers off on his jeans, “I know about the Stargate and how Daniel figured out symbols and stuff. How you traveled through the Stargate and ended up on the planet Abydos and learned about the Gou’alds' and their overblown egos. I also know how you met Teal'c and were able to convince him to join you. Of course I know about the other races beside the Gou’alds and the Jaffa; I mean it's kind of hard to forget meeting a Roswell Grey. I mean when you say Thor you kind of picture someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger not a 4 foot tall big eyes grey alien."

Jack leaned back in his seat. “You watch too much sci-fi, kid,” he replied with a chuckle.

Xander shrugged his shoulders as he leaned forward and stole another slice of pizza. “Maybe. But I also know about your black op missions. I know about the mission in East Germany where Thomas ended up with food poisoning and the team almost had to scrub the whole mission until you lucked out and were able to finish the job. Never thought about how deadly a fork can be.”

Jack sat unmoving as Xander told him of the mission.

"Or how you made sure that Potter got the short straw when it came to escorting the General Thompson's wife to the officer's ball when you just happened to be called away," Xander said. "Not that I blame you, Mrs. Thompson was a bit of an octopus and Potter was a grade A ass kisser."

Jack shrugged his shoulders, refusing to commit on anything Xander had said.

"Oh and there was the time you stole… I mean borrowed the car from… Beanie, Benny, Benji… that the weasel-like guy in Budapest. You know I think he was more pissed at you for borrowing his car than for stealing Rebeka. That was right before you meet Sarah, wasn't it?" Xander said. "I wonder if Benny got his car back or if he really wanted it back after the state you left it in."

"You really have a great imagination, kid. You ever think of writing a book?" Jack said with a smirk. "I'm sure that you could write a best seller."

Xander's smile seemed to match Jack's. "You're right but what would it be classified as? Fiction or non-fiction."

"Fiction, of course," Jack replied.

Xander nodded his head. "I always figured that my life story would be considered to be a horror story."

Jack snorted. "I doubt that, kid. You don't look old enough to have your life be a horror story. And not having a girl to take to the prom isn't considered to be a horror."

Xander chucked. "I don't think many would agree with you once they met Anya. Now there was one scary girl!"

"I've met some scary women in my life, kid. I doubt your girlfriend would measure up," Jack snarled.

Xander chuckled. "I'll let you keep your delusions, Jack. I mean we wouldn't want some of the women you ran into learn they're second rate amateurs."

Jack shrugged his shoulders as he dismissed Xander's words. "So, kid, why did you break into my home? I kind of doubt it just to tell me these wild tales of missions and aliens," Jack said. "I mean even if they were true, no one will believe them. Come on kid… space aliens?"

A smile appears on Xander's face. "You're right about that. No one would believe any of it without proof. I mean a person would have to be able to list dates and time, names of people, targets. I mean even if the general public doesn't believe it, I'm sure some other governments will. Can't image them reacting to well to some of the stuff."

The muscles in Jack's jaw clenched tight as he stared at the kid. "You do realized that blackmail is a criminal offence," Jack stated with a growl. "I doubt you would enjoy spending time in jail kid."

"Whoever said anything about blackmail, Jack?" Xander gave him a smug smile that said he held all the cards in this high stake game. "All I've done was to tell you some tales. I haven't asked for a thing."

"So what do you want?" Jack snarled angrily, knowing that the kid won this round.

Xander stood up. "Now Jack, if I asked for something that would be blackmail. But I'm sure you can figure out something to give me in a couple days if you put your mind to it," Xander stated before starting for the door.

Jack stood up and stepped into Xander's path. "What makes you think I'll allow you to leave?"

"Probably the fact that if I don't contact some people very shortly then all the info I've gathered about you will go to all the news agencies round the world. Of course copies of the files will also be delivered to some governments who might decide that they don't like you very much," Xander replied calmly.

Xander stepped around Jack and said "I'll see you in three days, Colonel." And with that Xander walked out of the house, closing the door softly behind him.

Jack breathed slowly through his nose as he attempted to calm himself. After a few minutes he walked over and picked up the phone. "Sir, we have a situation."
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