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Tales from Atlantis

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Tales from Atlantis". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Sometimes Evan Lorne was fairly certain he didn’t deserve this.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > General > General: AtlantisJadedFR1375137,25282784439,84129 Sep 091 Apr 10Yes
CoA Winner

Doctor Jones

Author: Jaded
Story: Tales from Atlantis
Ficlet: Doctor Jones
Disclaimer: I own the idea only; Joss owns Buffy and SyFy owns Stargate. No suing please!
Story Summary: Sometimes Lorne was fairly certain he didn’t deserve this.
Ficlet Summary: Rodney’s in a mood and its affecting the city. Lorne and a new recruit stumble upon why.
A/N 1: May be the start of a collection of ficlets, hence it not being completed.
A/N 2: Ficlet title comes from the Aqua song, Doctor Jones.

Doctor Jones

It had started slow, a few vicious stabs at John, the marines, even Teyla and Weir (which had not ended well). Everyone thought McKay would get over it, whatever it was, but it had just gotten worse. He’d had gotten to the point where he was yelling at the marines he usually tried to avoid, he and Weir weren’t talking, and Teyla had taken to bantos sparring with Ronon instead of Sheppard so Sheppard at least would be able to continue walking (not that the colonel had actually told him that but you didn’t get to be a major without learning to observe).

The only one who seemed to be immune to Rodney’s ire was, oddly, Ronon. Usually, Ronon was one of the first people to feel McKay’s wrath when he was in a mood and reciprocate but this time, Ronon seemed to actually understand McKay’s attitude. Once he’d realized that, Evan had started watching them, keeping an eye on their comings and goings and knowing his CO and Teyla were doing the same.

That was how he realized it usually got really bad when the weekly data-burst would come from Earth. Some subtle chatting of the group who de-compressed everything told him McKay had been getting periodic emails from a bunch of different people at a server called and that they’d recently increased.

Then, through a bought of sheer dumb luck, he accidentally stumbled upon McKay and Ronon talking in one of the labs. Lorne had been showing the newest member of his team, Graham Miller, around the city. Miller was a special ops vet and had spent a month at the SGC before requesting a transfer to Atlantis where he could be "put to good use." Mitchell had put a note in Miller’s file for Evan and Sheppard that the Army Ranger had some powerful friends but was a damn good soldier and he was sad to see him go.

“It’s not like I don’t understand, I do, cause, hello, my love life’s not the best either,” McKay was saying as Lorne froze outside the door, the new team member beside him. Lorne held up a finger in the universal be quiet signal and Miller nodded. “But Jeanie’s met him and doesn’t like him, Dawn’s met him and doesn’t like him, and Spike’s met him and doesn’t like him. Which isn’t unusual because Spike doesn’t like any of the boyfriends or girlfriends they bring home but usually Willow or Xander side with Buffy against him but not this time. Willow’s too hesitant to really say anything but she’s fairly certain Buffy is being manipulated and Xander apparently took one look at him and said he was evil. Buffy nearly decked him.”

Evan glanced at Miller when he choked, his eyes wide. Thankfully, the super-hearing Ronon either didn’t notice or didn’t care and Evan wasn’t able to ask what had set the fairly unflappable guy off when Ronon spoke. “What about Giles?” he asked quietly. Evan peeked and saw McKay throw his hands in the air, nearly hitting Ronon.

“He said he knows Buffy well enough to know when to intercede and when to stay away so he doesn’t get hit,” McKay huffed. “Which is sheer cowardice if you ask me! She may be freakishly strong but she loves the idiot Brit and would never hurt him. On purpose anyway.” McKay frowned and then swelled again. “And that’s not the point! They’ve apparently decided it’s up to me to find out if she should stay with the guy or not! It’s not like I don’t have enough to worry about anyway, now I have to help my little cousin deal with her love life! Which, if I hadn’t told you this before, it sucks worse than Sheppard’s!”

“I didn’t think that was possible,” Ronon said, tone even but with a touch of amusement. McKay threw him a dirty look.

“Her first boyfriend tried to kill her after they had sex and thank you Jeanie for telling me that! Her second was an idiot Army Ranger who couldn’t handle that his girlfriend was stronger than him, her third was Spike, her fourth was trying to get to Dawn through her, and her fifth was some idiot from Russia which I told her from the start was never going to work out cause the guy is a communist and Buffy likes her shoes, thank you very much. And since I was right, she’d decided I’m her new fairy god-fucking-mother of dating!”

Evan didn’t know whether to be horrified at the men this woman had dated or amused at the idea anyone would go to McKay for relationship advice.

“And it’s not just her!” McKay continued, apparently oblivious to Ronon’s quiet chuckles. “Dawn wants to know if the clone of Jack O’Neill can handle her, Xander was hoping I could introduce him to a quote ‘woman who can handle the weird and isn’t trying to kill him’ unquote, Spike apparently thinks Sheppard’s hot enough he’d be willing to bend over for him, and Willow wants to know if I think Sam Carter would be willing to have lunch with her! Sam Carter! Willow babbles worse than I do! And she’s a woman!”

Evan was too hung up on the idea of Carter and Sheppard in same-sex relationships to realize Miller was walking into the room until it was too late. McKay and Ronon both stopped and stared at the man who casually leaned against a desk.

“Point him to Vala and I guarantee Xander will never ask you to introduce him to anyone again,” Miller told him easily. “Either they’ll get along like a house on fire or he’ll be too traumatized. Since this is the man who nearly married Anya, I’ll take a shot and say it’ll be the former.”


Miller steamrolled right over whatever the dumbstruck physicist was about to say. “As for Willow, tell her about Andrea Carlson, a lesbian scientist working in the mountain who, as far as I know, is single and fully aware of the nightlife. I’ve never met the clone of Jack O’Neill but I think he’d probably have a field day with Dawnie. Not sure a relationship would work but they’d definitely be friends. As for Spike, tell him if he starts fantasizing about Sheppard to Riley I’ll send him twenty bucks. Fifty if he can get a picture of the expression on Riley’s face when he first does it.”

“You know my cousin?” McKay finally asked and Miller smirked.

“Riley was my CO in Sunnyhell,” he shrugged. “And I agree, Riley was an ass who didn’t realize what he had. Buffy’s great.”

“You were part of the Initiative,” McKay said and it sounded accusing. Miller nodded.

“She saved my life when that went SNAFU,” he agreed. “I worked part time on Earth as their Liaison after Sunnyhell fell. Now I’m here. Last I heard, Riley said Buffy was dating some new guy no one liked, himself included. Dawnie told me that besides boinking the idiot, she was also quote ‘bored out of her fucking mind’ unquote. Apparently she’s not seeing any action with all the mini’s trying to outdo her record.”

“That’s what Willow and Faith said too,” Ronon offered and Evan nearly gave himself away; how had Ronon met people from Earth? People McKay and Miller knew?

“You know them?” Miller asked, surprised. Ronon nodded, pointing a thumb at McKay who was frowning, apparently deep in thought.

“Found his laptop and the email his cousin sent. I snooped, gave her advice on some idiot boy at her school.”

“Dawn knew immediately I hadn’t written it even though he signed it as from me,” McKay told the Army officer absently. “They started talking and next thing I know, Ronon’s pen-pals with half my cousins’ friends. We had to set him up his own email address and everything.”

“So you know about…” Miller trailed off and Ronon nodded again.

“McKay explained,” he shrugged, grinning. “Want to meet em.”

“And I told you, Buffy will have turned herself gay before I introduce the two of you face to face cause I know the moment you two meet you’ll go at it like bunnies.”

“Did they ever tell you about the time Buffy and Riley got stuck in the frat house going at it and didn’t realize how long until Xander and Anya broke down the door?” Miller asked, a wicked glint in his eye as Evan choked. McKay moaned, slapping a hand to his face as Ronon perked up.

“Thank you for giving me that horrible image of my baby cousin!” he shouted. Miller merely smirked and Evan sighed. Apparently his new recruit had no sense of self-preservation.

“Or what about the time Buffy got drunk on Bad Caveman Beer and drew stick figures on her dorm wall in lipstick? Xander told me she got angry when the tiny people in the TV box wouldn’t come back and be her friend,” he revealed, eyes crinkled in amusement.

“Okay, now those,” McKay said, eyes lighting up. “Those are the kind of stories I want to hear! Tell me more.”

Evan sighed and wandered off. Let Miller help McKay deal with the physicist’s insane family—apparently he was good at it.
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