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Stewie can do better.

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Story

Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628618750,97630 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

It's all your fault!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Check previous disclaimers.

*Mental conversation*



Sunnydale High School, Hall.




Buffy is talking to Cordelia through the door. "You know what you were saying before? I understand. Somehow it doesn't seem to matter how popular you are when..."

"You were popular? In what alternate universe?" asks Cordelia.

"In L.A. Th-the point is, I did sort of feel like something was missing." says Buffy.

"Is that when you became weird and got kicked out?" asks Cordelia.

"Okay. Can we have the heartfelt talk with a little less talk from you?" asks Buffy. There's no response. "Cordelia?" says Buffy.

She hears noises inside the closet and some muffled screaming. She tries the door, but it's locked.

"Cordelia!" she shouts.

"Shut up!" Marcie tells Cordelia. The May Queen was putting up quite the fight. Marcie was already stronger than normal, and since joining the pack, she got even stronger. But it looks like Cordelia had something similar going for her. 'I wonder why Willow, or Xander never said anything?' she thinks.

Marcie jabs Cordelia with a syringe that quickly knocks the fight out of her.

She sees Buffy below, as she punches through the door and reaches in to unlock it.

As she comes in Buffy sees Cordelia being pulled through the ceiling.

"Buffy!" screams Cordelia.

Buffy tries to jump and grab her legs, but Marcie pulls her through too quickly. Buffy steps back, takes a running jump up to grab a pipe and swings herself up and through the opening.


Sunnydale High School, Ceiling Crawl Space.




Buffy looks around and finds Cordelia lying there.

"Cordelia!" shouts Buffy, as she kneels next to her. "Cordelia!" she shouts again. She takes her pulse "Oh, my God!"

She's looks around for what to do when Marcie kicks her. She rolls away and falls through a ceiling panel and onto a desk below, smashing it and getting knocked out. Marcie drops a medical bag next to her and opens it. Buffy wakes and lifts her head to look around. Marcie gets a syringe out of the bag and goes over to Buffy. She sees the needle at the last moment as Marcie injects her in the neck. Buffy's vision blurs, and in just a few seconds she falls back to the floor unconscious. "Nighty-Night." says Marcie. 'Willow's right. She's pretty when she's asleep. At least this way she won't get hurt. I so don't need to go against the tiny terror of Sunnydale high.'



Sunnydale High School, Hall.




"She's not answering her phone." Xander tells Willow.

"...We should head to the bronze. She's likely to head there... If she wants to stop the coronation..." says Willow.

"Then... To the Bronze" he proclaims.

Willow swats her boyfriend and then gives him a kiss on his right cheek.

Xander is confused. But he has two girlfriend, so he really doesn't care about the slight abuse. He just hopes he doesn't become a girlfriend abuse addict.


Sunnydale, The Bronze.




Cordelia and Buffy are tied to the May King and Queen thrones. Buffy wakes up.

"Buffy? You're awake?" asks Cordelia.

"Yeah." replies Buffy.

"I can't feel my face!" says Cordelia.

"What do you mean?" asks Buffy.

"My face. My face is numb. What is she doing?" asks Cordelia.

"I don't know." replies Buffy.

Marcie wheels a tray over to Buffy and Cordelia. "Uh, I'm disappointed. I'd really hoped you guys had figured it out by now." says Marcie.

"Well, why don't you explain it? C'mon, Marcie, what are we supposed to learn?" asks Buffy.

"Yeah, what do you wanna teach us!" asks Cordelia.

"You don't get it. You're not the student. You're the lesson." Marcie tells Cordelia.

"What did you do to my face?" asks Cordelia.

"Your face. That's what this is all about, isn't it? Your beautiful face. That's what makes you shine just a little bit brighter than the rest of us. We all want what you have. To be noticed, remembered. To be seen." asks Marcie.

"What are you doing?" asks Cordelia.

"Well, I'm fulfilling your fondest wish." Marcie tells Cordelia. She pulls off the cloth covering the tray, revealing several surgical instruments. Cordelia gasps when she sees them. "I'm gonna give you a face no one will ever forget." she says.

"Marcie, you can't do this." Buffy tells Marcie.

"What are you gonna do? Slay me?" asks Marcie.

"Marcie, you know this is wrong." says Buffy begging the girl to stop.

"You should stay outta my way. Y'know, I, I thought, I thought you would understand my vision, but you're just like them." says Marcie. She controls the impulse to punch Buffy. She takes a scalpel from the tray and swings it at Cordelia's face.

"Please don't do this!" Cordelia tells her, as she watches the blade float in front of her. "Nooohohoho!" she screams.

"You should be grateful. I mean, people who pass you in the street are gonna remember you for the rest of their lives." says Marcie. Buffy struggles to reach for the tray while Marcie concentrates on Cordelia. "Children are gonna dream about you. And every one of your, your friends who comes to the coronation tonight will take the sight of the May Queen to their graves."

"Wait!" shouts Cordelia desperately.

"No, we really have to get started. The local anesthetic's gonna wear off soon, and I don't want you to faint. It's less fun if you're not awake." Marcie explains. "Let me see. I think we should start with your smile. I think it should be wider."

"Marcie, I know you think I don't understand, but I do!" begs Cordelia.

"Yeah, I'll 'bet' you know how I feel. I'm sure you can just be with all your friends and feel so alone 'cause they don't really know you. You're just a typical, self-involved, spoiled little brat, and you think you can charm your way out of this, don't you?! ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU THINK?!" screams Marcie.

"Yeah, that's gonna leave a mark." says Xander as he walks in with Willow.

"Yep. I'd say so..." agrees Willow.

"Are you two here to stop me?" she asks her boy and girl friends.

"Nah'. We're here to make sure Buffy's okay, and you too. 'Cause Stewie is so gonna make you pay for what you're doing to her. We just wanna make sure you survive the experience." says Xander , as he takes a seat to watch the show.

"You mean you're here to support me?" she asks not believing her ears.

"No. No. No. Support is too strong a word. We're here to minimize the damage." explains Xander.

"He can't be that bad..." says Marcie.

"Oh yeah. He can... I've got one word for you. Barbies and The Cordettes." says Buffy.

'Damn. That's the last thing I want. To wind up like those stuck up bitches.' she thinks. "Okay. You can have her." she says freeing Buffy.

"Stay away from me." shouts Cordelia.

"How will you know if I do, or not?" asks Marcie next to her.

"I'll find a way. Hey, you're wearing a vanilla scented perfume. I'll know you as soon as you get near, just from that. I'll scream my head off until Sheriff Buffy here comes running... And you know she will." says Cordelia.

"'Kay. For now. But remember, you were begging for your life, and I let you go. 'Cause no one was going to stop me from scarring that pretty face. Stay nice, or... Ta-Ta for now." says Marcie leaving the threat hanging over Cordelia's head.

*So you really came for me?* she asks Xander.

*Yeah. I want to make sure my girls are around when I'm old and grey.* Xander tells her.

*You really think you can keep me as your girlfriend for that long?* she asks.

*Girlfriend... No. Wife... I hope so, but that will be up to Willow. We'll have to ask her permission." Xander explains.

Marcie laughs at his semi-proposal. 'Why not. That's the best offer I've ever had lately.

The laugh unnerves Cordelia. She jumps, as if someone jabs her with a needle.

"What are you two talking about?" asks Willow.

"Later." Marcie and Xander tell her at the same time.

"'Kay." says Willow. She's glad that Marcie's still able to laugh like that. Xander will let her in on their conversation later on. In bed.

"Is Stewie really gonna be that mad?" she asks her friends.

"Oh yeah." replies Xander.

"Big time." confirms Willow. "He warned you to stay away from his family. You should have listened. We'll put in a good word for you, but somehow, or someway you're going to pay."

"I don't like it, but if you two are willing to stay by me through thick and thin, I guess I can do the same. Thanks for pulling me back from the edge." she says, kissing both of them. "So... Wanna stay for the coronation, or we can go and have a party of our own..." she says in a very suggestive voice.

"I vote with the invisible girl." says Xander.

"Ditto." agrees Willow raising her hand.

They leave together with Marcie in the middle holding their hands. Buffy stays behind to help Cordelia.

"I won't forget this." Cordelia promises Buffy.

"Thanks. You don't have to... But it's nice to be appreciated for once." says Buffy.

"Since your friends have left, wanna hang with me tonight. I could use a friend..." says Cordelia, to the one person that put herself on he line for her. No promises given, and no questions asked. She doesn't like this lonely feeling, and Buffy is someone useful to have around.

"... Sure. That would be nice." replies Buffy.



Sunnydale High School, The Library.




"I brought you the Codex." says Angel, as he hands the book to Giles.

"Th-Thank you." replies Giles.

"We're not alone." says Angel.

"No we're not." agrees Giles. "Stewie is in the stacks going over the Watcher diaries." he explains.

"You're letting him have access to the Watcher diaries?" Angel asks, surprised at the Watcher's decision.

"Yes, Well I made a deal with him. He's my apprentice. The council agreed to the decision. His sister is the current slayer, his mother was a potential. He has the right family connections. The council wants to bring his family back into the fold, so to speak." he explains.

"Do they have any idea, what they're getting themselves into?" asks Angel.

"No, no. Of course not. He's my ace in the hole, as it were. I think I'll let him soak up all the training, and when the time comes to butt heads... Well there you have it." he replies.

"It's true. You really were the Ripper, weren't you?" asks Angel.

"Y-Yes. I was, but that was a long time ago." says Giles.

"Not from where I'm standing." says Angel.

"I'll do whatever it takes to protect my Slayer." says Giles.

"Yes. I've sorta got that message. First: From her brother, and now from her father. I'm just not sure who's worse..." says Angel.

"Really..." asks Giles.

"... You're right. He's much worse." admits Angel.



Sunnydale High School, Hall, Next Day.




"I just can't believe how twisted Marcie got." Buffy says to Willow and Xander. Buffy can also smell Marcie's vanilla perfume. 'Cordelia's right. that's one way to keep track of her, but what do you do if she stops wearing it...' she thinks.

"She's going to be a lot better now. She knows that she has us for support, and we're not gonna let her back slide." says Willow. "Right?" she asks.

"Right." floats the answer from behind the group.

Cordelia comes down the hall toward them at a fast walk. "Hi." she says.

"Hey!" says Buffy.

"Look, um, I didn't get a chance to say anything yesterday with the coronation and everything... but, um, I guess I just wanted to
say thank you, all of you. We're on for the weekend?" she asks Buffy.

"That's funny, 'cause she 'looks' like Cordelia." says Xander not believing his ears.

Buffy elbows him in the chest. "Yes. We're on." confirms Buffy. "Willow, you wanna come with...?" she asks.

"Where are we going?" Willow asks Buffy.

"An all expenses payed trip to Rodeo drive." Cordelia says with a huge smile. It was Stewie's bribe for her to stay quiet. like anyone would have believed her. "You really helped me out yesterday, and you didn't have to. So, thank you." she tells Willow.

"Listen, we were gonna grab lunch in a minute if you wanted to..." says Willow.

Mitch comes up behind Cordelia, "Whoa, whoa. You're not hangin' with these losers, are you?" he asks.

Marcie growls.

"Knock it off!" she tells Mitch. "Buffy was there for me when I needed a friend. You don't toss out your friends. Is this going to be a problem?" she asks.

"No. No problem." he tells her. 'God! If she didn't have such a great body I would have dropped her like a sack of potatoes. But she's such a freak in bed that she's so worth it.' he thinks.

"Good. I'm not saying we have to hang out with them, but we can at least be civil. Come on." the dog pack Alpha commands her boyfriend.

'God she's so sexy when she's like this. She's also insatiable when she puts her foot down. Mop closet here we come.' he thinks.

End of Chapter.
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