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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628718752,04230 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

School ends, Summers' job begins.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Jonathan Glassner and Brad Wright for Stargate SG-1 the T.V. series.
Check previous disclaimers.

*Mental conversation*

Sunnydale, SRL Main Building.

Summer break for the high school crowd was three weeks old, Stewie was busier than ever getting his financial house in order. The weekend in Hawaii was a nice rest after that little incident with the Master where the hellmouth was thrown open, due to his release. Buffy's brief bout with death and the speed of her recovery made him suspicious about the source of her power.

After talking to Giles about it and going over his data base on the slayer, the conclusion he could come up with was the slayer essence itself. Buffy's death, and recovery led to a closer connection to the slayer essence. Otherwise the loss of blood and the drowning should have left her, as weak as a kitten.

To surge ahead and kick the Master's ass, to become immune to his mind powers, means she had a power up. She was probably, faster and stronger.

'She's not the only one who got that power up. I can detect at least a two percent increase in my own physical structure, that's matched by a similar increase in Xander. Mentally, I have a three percent increase above my own best training projections. I predict a similar ability increase in Xander as well. That just means he's going to be more independent. He has proven more useful than I thought he would. His loyalty to Buffy, and indeed my family as well is above anything I could have forced on him through mind control. I hate to lose a minion of his caliber... Oh well. I guess a promotion is in order for mister Harris. I'll place him in charge of the girls. I wonder what kind of conflict this will generate between him and his girls. Willow might like it, the 'little perv', but Marcie is very resistant. Xander is the only one she was willing to connect with on her own, and Willow, only because she was part of the Xander package.' He studies the power projections between what he and Xander received versus Buffy's.

'I didn't see a marked difference in Hawaii, when I stole her bikini top and left her topless on the beach. She was faster, but then so was I. She should have been able to catch me a lot easier. The end result of the chase matches previous conclusions. She gets me at between forty seven minutes, and fifty two minutes. I was predicting her to catch me at fifteen to twenty minutes. I wonder what's holding her back. Mother certainly wasn't happy with Buffy's short visit with death, when I told her about it. I must admit Buffy turning several shades of grey as I gave mother the news was certainly worth the pummeling I received for that one. Still why is she still worried about her finding out?' he wonders.

He leaves that thought alone for now. 'I need to do more testing and the silly girl is off with her sperm donor for the rest of the summer.' he gets up from the desk and looks outside the glass walls to his office. The last building was complete and production was set to roll off the robot assembly line later on this afternoon. A final surprise inspection by a government team, and a secret open ceremony was set for a few hours later on.

'At least something good came out of the hack job Jenny and Willow surprised me with a few month ago. It gave me a heads up into what I'm stepping into. 'Aliens.' makes sense. How else would the military obtain the miniaturized fusion power plants. Although my own designs, should work out better, now that I know what to avoid, and what works. It cut at least a decades worth of research. I wonder what they'll say when they see the assembly line for that little surprise. Should I start a new aerospace division, or just take over Boeing?' he thinks.

Harmony walks into the office without knocking. He ignores her.

Harmony waits until she has his attention... She doesn't get it. "Stewieeeeeee..." she whines.

"Harmony... What have I told you about whining in my presence... Again?" he asks.

Harmony thinks about it for a minute trying to remember his exact word. "Um... You'll rip out my tongue and feed me to me rectally... And again... Can I just say 'EEEWWWW!' that's just gross."

He sighs softly, but ignores his first experimental subject. All the tampering he's done with the girl, and still she's proven resistant to some changes. In other, she was all too pliable. She was proving a challenge to his intellect. He has decided to try and overcome her resistance, rather than starting all over with a fresh new slate.

"They're here." she says.

"Who's here? Damn it woman! I've told you before... Give me the precise information. I do not want to guess at what goes on inside your head. I am not sure if you know what goes on in that dark and lonely place you live in. Just be glad I gave you a pet to keep you company. I know Mr. Leeks has taken a shine to your company, and likes to visit you. I however am not a Hyena puppy. From now on full disclosure or..." he threatens.

"... No, not that. Please not that." she begs, putting her hands on her chest to protect her assets. "The last time you left them on all night. I couldn't wear anything, but silk padding for a week after that last session." she tells him.

"And who's fault is that?" he asks. "Did I not tell you to use it for an hour, every night, before you go to sleep? You were behind on your quota. I will not put up with such laziness. Have you been a good girl?" he asks.

"Yes." she says in a small voice.

"Will you be shirking you duty from now on?" he asks.

"No." she says in her little girl voice.

"Good girl. There will be a reward in your room tonight when you go to sleep." he tells her.

That brightens up her spirit.

"Now, out with it. Who's here?" he asks.

"Government people." she says.

"They're early. Do they says why they're this early?" he asks.

"Yeah. They have some kind of emergency and they need every working sample." she reports.

"What on earth for? Never mind. Call Xander Willow and Miss Calendar to my office, then send them in." he tells her.

"Okey-Dokey boss." she replies.

"Stop that. Do you want to wind up like that fool Xander?" he asks.

"... No! How can you say something mean like that?" she asks.

"Quite easily if you continue to talk like him." he tells her.

"... As God is my witness... Never again." she swears. She shudders at the very though of being compared to that loser.

"Very well. Get to work." he commands.

"Oke... Um, right away boss, sir, Stewie..." she says trying not to says the first thing that pops up.

"OUT!" he commands.

She runs out of the office, with images of the dreaded milking machine chasing her. She never knew that pleasure could turn to such pain. After a six or seven hours hooked up would turn the pleasure to torture. Her sensitive nerves would amplify the feelings a thousand times to the point where any sensation becomes a torture.

'He he he. She'll be a lot of fun to play with when I hit puberty in a few month.' he thinks. 'I wonder what kind of emergency has come up that would require the government reaching out like that... My services certainly won't come cheap. I wonder what they'll pay for it?'

Sunnydale, SRL Main Building, Reception Desk.

"He's still a little busy, but he'll see you in a few minutes." Harmony tells the government team.

"He does know that we're from the Pentagon..." a man with graying hair asks.

Harmony nods.

"The one in Washington D.C.?" he asks again.

"There's more than one... Pentagon... I mean?" she asks.

"Uh, no." he replies.

"Then why did you say it, like there's more than one?" she asks.

"One what?" he replies.

"Duh, one pentagon." she says.

"I didn't say there was more than one Pentagon." he says. 'This girl is starting to get on my nerves. We don't have time for the chicken shit.' he thinks.

"Then why did you imply it? I'm not stupid y'know." she says in a huff.

"Colonel please. Sir, this isn't helping." says the blonde woman.

"Well duh! Of course it's not helping. When the boss says, 'A few minutes.'... He means, 'A few minutes.' So, yeah. Hold your horses 'Colonel Gramps.'" Harmony tells the group.

"I've never met anyone like... Like..." 'Colonel Gramps.' fumes at the blonde receptionist.

"Uh, uh, uh. Talk to the hand. Can't you see I busy? Jeez." she says. She turns her back to them and starts making the calls, for the people Stewie wants in his office.

"Now see here missy..." says 'Colonel Gramps.'

"My name is not Missy... It's Harmony. See? It says so, right here." she says pointing her chest at him.

'Colonel Gramps.' takes a moment to read the name tag, and the nice looking chest since she was thrusting it at him like that. He sighs again. 'The pervert who hired this dumb blonde, probably did it, just so he could bang her, while she takes dictation... Why do I have to deal this stupidity?' he thinks.

"Hi! Miss Calendar? It's Harmony... Yeah, he wants to see you right away. Are the losers with you?" she asks. "... Yeah them too. Okay. Bye." she says into tiny unobtrusive her head set. "Hi! Aura... Yeah. The slave driver got me doing all sorts of things. So, are we on for tomorrow? 'Kay... Who's going...? The whole gang... What about Cordy...? Switzerland... already... Uh-huh..."

"Hey. Lady. We don't..." says 'Colonel Gramps.'

Harmony growls at him and shuts him up. "Do I interrupt you when you're on the phone?" she asks.

"Um, no." says 'Colonel Gramps.'

"Then why are you interrupting me?" she asks.

"Sir... Let me try... Harmony... Hi. My name's Samantha... I'm sorry about my boss, but this is really important, could you please check with your boss again, may be he'll change his mind." says Samantha.

"Ooh, you're a lot nicer. And I really like your name. But you gotta do something about the hair. You just can't cut it that short and expect guy to take a second look, and you're really pretty, you so could get guys to notice you if..." says Harmony.

"... Harmony please. Could I get you to focus on this for just a minute. It vital that..." says Samantha.

"Nuh-uh. It's not so vital that he'll chew my head off if I go back in there. You can't make me, and 'sides, it's like only for a couple of more minutes, until the loser nerd team get here. He'll see you then." Harmony explains.

"If he's that bad, why do you work for him?" asks Samantha.

"Can you keep a secret?" asks Harmony.

"Yes. I've been known to keep a secret or two." she says with a warm inviting smile.

Harmony moves closer, and whispers into Samantha's ear.

"He pays you how much...?" she asks flabbergasted.

"Uh-huh, and you wouldn't believe the perks..." she says, as she continues to whisper into Samantha's ear.

A minute later three people walk up to the reception desk.

"Is our 'Beloved Tyrant.' in his office?" asks Miss Calendar.

"Yes he is Miss Calendar. I wouldn't keep him waiting. He was kinda grouchy and mean." she tells her computer teacher.

"Not to worry Harmony. I can handle him." she says.

"Then outside of Mrs. S. you're the only one." says Xander.

"Xander knock it off. You know, he'll get back at you, if he hears you say that." says Willow.

"Meh." he replies walking to the door. He knocks once, opens the door and starts to walk in.

'Colonel Gramps.' tries to walk in with him, but Xander stops him at the door with one hand on his chest.

"Whoa. Where's the fire? Buddy, believe me when I say this. I just saved your life. If you barged in on the little guy like this, you'd be in a world of pain." he tells the older man.

"What's he gonna do? Shoot me?" asks 'Colonel Gramps.'

"No, but the automated defenses will zap the hell out of you. Until you're cleared into the office I so wouldn't go in there without an invite. The boss thinks paranoia is a survival trait. 'If they're not out to get you now, they soon will.' He like lives by that adage.

"Jack, maybe it's a good idea to wait our turn. It's just a few more minutes." says a younger looking Giles type.

Xander can smell the musty smell of books, He has the same book scent that the Watcher has about him.

"Danny. We don't have time for this crap! Y'know what's at stake. We don't have time for these games." says Jack.

"It's just for a few minutes Jack." says Danny. "It is just for a few minutes, right?" Danny asks Xander.

"Is this like money important, or end of the world important?" asks Xander.

"End of the world important." says Danny. They were wasting time, and they didn't have a whole lot of that to waste.

"'Kay. Gimme a minute." Xander tells Danny and walks in. Will and Jenny walk in behind him. The door stays open for a few seconds longer and closes behind them.

A minute later, the door opens on it's own.

"'Kay, you can go in now. The defenses are done scanning you, and can I just say, you have the biggest tape worm inside you I've ever seen. I'd get that checked if I was you." Harmony tells the silent large black man.

"'Bout time." huffs Jack as he leads his team into Stewie's office.

Sunnydale, SRL Main Building, Stewie's Office.

SG-1 enter Stewie's office carefully. If there are defenses that can cripple a man, like the young teen told them, they so didn't need to have Danny set them off accidentally. But knowing his luck, that wasn't something that Jack would overlook.

The same group that went ahead of them were standing around a large table. 'Wow. What a view.' thinks Jack, as he looks outside the Plexiglas wall. The second thing that hits him, is the boy sitting behind the very large desk. 'He looks familiar, wonder where his father 'The Boss' is at.' Jack can see a couple of doors on either side. "So kids... Where's the boss. We don't have time for games." he says.

"I'm sorry, but did you just barge into my office and tell me you don't have time for games?" Stewie asks Jack.

"Your office? Don't you mean your dad's office?" Jack asks the kid.

"No. I meant exactly what I said. The sperm donor has never been in my office, and he's not welcome. Quickly state your business and get out." says Stewie.

"Sperm donor? I'm going out on a limb here and say you don't like your father..." Jacks guesses. "Where do I know you from?" he asks.

"You do look familiar..." he taps on the glass surface of his desk.

"Query?" appears on the shiny display.

"Scan and identify." he types.

"Scan and identify?" Samantha reads on the display. "I don't think you should be doing that..." she says, as she sees the whole room goes red for a few seconds.

"What the hell did you just do?" Jack asks.

"Let's see Colonel Jonathan O'Neill. Oh I say, cousin Jack. I didn't recognize you. You got old." says Stewie.

Jack looks at the kid and then at the name on the desk. It says Stewie Summers.

"Stewie? What the hell? Is this your dad's place. Summers Research Laboratories, belongs to Hank?" he asks.

"Sir... You know him?" Samantha asks.

"No. I've already told you. This is my place. If the Sperm donor ever steps inside this building security has orders to rough him up before contacting the local authorities." says Stewie.

"What the hell happened?" Jack asks Stewie.

"My best guess is a mid life crisis, or he's always been a cheating bastard." says Stewie.

"He did what? Y'know... I never really liked him. I don't know what Joyce ever saw in him in the first place?" says Jack.

"Why don't you drop by the house and ask her?" says Stewie.

"I'd love to kid, but we really are on a tight schedule." says Jack.

"Yes Xander was telling me. End of the world situation." he says.

"Again?" asks Jenny.

"What do you mean again?" asks Danny.

"We've had to deal with an end of the world crisis of our own about three weeks ago. As far as crisis go, it was quite mild." says Stewie.

"You have a scale for end of the world situations?" Jack asks.

"Yeah, sorta. We've had to deal with three of them in the last ten month. They do go up in difficulty from one to the last though." replies Xander.

"Yeah, they sure do. I so didn't like the harvest. That was like a shock to the system." says Willow.

Xander agrees with her.

"So cousin Jack, where are you staying?" asks Stewie.

"Pardon my asking, but aren't you a little young to be Jack's cousin?" asks Danny.

"I'm his mom's cousin. Joyce and I were close when we were young, we sorta fell out of touch when she got married to Hank Summers." Jack tells Danny. He turns to Stewie and says, "Come on Stewie. What's going on here?" he asks.

"I was bored. I got my doctorates and had nothing else to do... So I joined Buffy in high school. Except, High School turns out was built over a dimensional weak point. And every now and then, some would be lunatic tries to open it. The last one called himself the Master. He didn't last." says Stewie.

"You took out someone calling himself the Master. Master of what?" asks Jack.

"Master of dust now." replies Xander with a snicker.

"Master of the new order. And while I had a hand in his defeat it was Buffy who delivered the 'Coup de Grace.'" adds Stewie.

"Your sister sounds like a fine warrior." says the large black man.

"Yes. Warrior Buffy. That's her." says Stewie.

"Sir, I would love to stay and find out more about this, but we're pressed for time." says Samantha. 'God it's a building full of D&D Gamers.' she thinks. "Can we meet the head of your reseach department. We need to make slight changes." she asks Stewie.

"I am the research and development. And you're not modifying anything without a telling me why? And, for what?" Stewie tells her.

Samantha Carter blinks at the news. She turns to Colonel O'Neill. "Sir?" she asks.

"Yes Carter?" he replies.

"Is he telling the truth? I've went through the specs for the Anti-Gravity engines SRL sent us. they're brilliant, but I didn't check to see who the was on the research team. We were in a hurry." she says.

Jack looks at Stewie, and he remembers previous visits and conversations with Joyce. "Yeah Carter, he's that smart. You may not believe this, but I think he's even smarter than you." he tells her.

"I knew I liked you for a reason. Looks like you have a head on your shoulders as well. Is there a problem here Dr. Carter?" he asks her.

Samantha Carter blinks and looks at the little boy challenging her.

"Come on Stewie. Let me tell you a story..." says Jack.

Sunnydale, SRL Anti Gravity Assembly Building.

"I see. So, 'Worm like.' parasites infest the host and take over. This sounds familiar." says Stewie.

"It does?" asks Danny.

"Yes. It does." he replies. He looks at Willow and says, "Jenny, please contact Rupert and tell him to the Egyptian diaries."

"You're bringing Giles in on this?" asks Willow.

"Excuse me, but are you talking about Dr. Rupert Giles? The Curator for the British Museum?" asks Danny.

"You know the G-man?" asks Xander.

"Yes I've met him once long ago. He was one of my few supporters." says Danny. "Hi. I'm not sure we've been properly introduced. I'm Daniel Jackson. I'm an Archaeologist working with Jack and Sam."

"There's a lot of need for Archaeologist in the army?" asks Xander.

"Not so much for Archaeologists, but I've also got a doctorate in Languages. I help negotiate with the natives." says Danny.

Stewie takes Jack and Sam, and gives them a quick tour.

Sam immediately spots the fusion power plant assembly line.

"Where di those come from?" she asks. "These weren't in the package we agreed on?" she says.

"Problem Carter?" Jack asks.

"I don't know how to say it, but sir that's a fusion power plant assembly line. Where did you get the plans for those?" she asks.

"That's it. Get out. I will not have you insult me with your acusations every time you speak. I've had these things for years. If it wasn't for that blabber mouth Eisner, none of this would be out, so people like you would come to my place and accuse me of..." Stewie growls at Sam.

"Stewie settle down. Carter's not accusing you of anything. Isn't that right Carter?" Jack tries to calm his cousin's kid.

"Uh, no sir. I wasn't. It's just that they're kinda familiar..." she says. "...Although I do have to admit that they're accutally, smaller than what we got from you know..." says Sam.

"I know where we got them from Carter. Well Stewie..." he asks.

"I'm a business man, and a scientist Jack. I'm also the smartest person you'll ever meet. Part of the contract to sell my drives, was the need to know where they're going? What power source will be used and the type of connections. I was shown a quick schematic, so I could make the appropriate design changes. It was enough to show what I needed to modify my own designs. By knowing what kind of materials I was dealing with helped shrink my design by two thirds. Seeing the overall design, gave me other ideas on how to improve what I have and shrink the size even further. I don't mind telling you that I spent at least three weeks to get the changes just right. I went through five different designs before I got to this point." Stewie explains.

"Carter?" asks Jack.

"Yes sir. Just to make sure here. You've already had your own, you just improved on it?" she asks.

"Yes. What do you think powers these buildings." he asks.

"How much of an improvement are we talking about?" she asks.

"Twice the power for two thirds the weight." he tells her. "Better shielding, for one. I used a micro gravity generator to reduce the materials used, hence the reduction in weight and size, and redirected the heat produced to another generator for a greater power output." he explains.

"Can I see your plans?" she asks.

"Certainly." he says walking to a display monitor, and loading a copy for the fusion power plant.

Samantha looks at the data on the display and after a few minutes she finally gives it a pass. It's beautiful. You do good work." she finally admits.

"Thank you." he humbly replies.

"I see where your design differs from what we have. I presume you're ready to produce?" she asks.

"Have been producing for the last ten days actually." he tells her.

"You were supposed to wait." she tells him.

"Why? You're not my only clients you know. You're not even my best customers." he tells her.

"Who's your best customer?" asks Jack.

"None of your business." Stewie tells him.

"I could shut you down." he threatens.

"No. You can't." says Stewie, with a smug expression.

"Let's table that for another time sir. After all, we may not have to worry about it if we don't, y'know..." she says.

Jack break the stare down with Stewie and looks at Carter. After a moment, what she says sinks in. "Okay Carter. If we get back, we'll continue this..."

"Jack let me give you a heads up. It's another government agency, and then there's Disney. They've already got their first shipment. You can't stop it." Stewie tells him.

Higher Stakes.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive.

Stewie could not believe his eyes. Harmony looks like she was going for an audition on 'Girls Gone Wild', Giles and Jenny make it to his office, just in time to save the Egyptian volumes.


"S-Stewie..." says Harmony like a deer caught in the oncoming headlights of an approaching semi.

"What do you think you're doing... In. My. Office?" he shouts at the girl.

"Um... Aura made me do it?" she says, biting her her lower lip.

Stewie looks at the girls and fumes.

"You two will wait for me right where you are. You do not move an inch. Everyone else, if you're still there when I arrive..." Stewie lets the threat hang in the air.

Seconds later Jack and company can hear the shrieks of girls, and the shouts of the boys as they run around collecting their clothes and running out of the office like the devil was right behind them, 'cause... well, he was.

"That was an impressive display of power to terrify O'Neill." observes Teal'C.

"Yeah. It was. Wasn't it?" replies Jack.

"Just how did you get this government contract anyway?" Jack asks Stewie.

"It all started with a game of golf in Malibu." replies Stewie

Private Malibu Golf course.

Bill Eisner hits the golf ball with all his might... and the ball sails into the air. Stewie was talking to Bill Gates while Lee Iacocca the hidden power behind EV Global Motors was whispering to Steve Forbes the Republican candidate in the U.S. Presidential primaries in 1996.

"I hear you've just bought a huge chunk of Microsoft." Bill Gates asks Stewie.

"Yes. I'm interested in your up and coming small operation." Stewie tells him, as he takes his turn. He smacks his golf ball, and gets almost the same distance out of his swing as Eisner.

"Damn. This Kid got game." Lee tells Steve.

"I can see that Lee, but I think the 'Kid' is more interested in pissing of Gates than his score card. I wonder why he's going after Gates like that?" Steve whispers back.

"I don't know, but ever since this 'Kid' made it to the big leagues, he's been making waves." says Lee as he and Steve move up to take their turns.

Steve swings and gets a good hit, one of his best ever really, but it still falls far short of Eisner's shot. 'Damn it.' he thinks. 'Looks like this game is going to Eisner and the Summers kid.'

"Nice shot Steve. One of your best." says Lee, as he takes his turn as well. His club connects and he too gets one of the best shots ever, and it too falls a bit short, behind Eisner and Stewie.

On their way to the golf carts Steve tells Lee, "Damn it. When did Eisner get his game together like that?"

"I know what you mean Steve. 'Boy's like a shark nowadays. He's got 'BITE!', if I didn't want to meet the Summers kid, I would have turned down this invitation. Gates, is certainly wishing he did. He's not having a good time at all. Those too are hustling his ass." Lee tells Steve as they drive behind the trio.

"What I wouldn't give to get my game in gear like Esiner has. You think Summers had anything to do with that?" Steve asks Lee.

"Maybe? Too soon to tell. I came to see what kind of slice I could get out of the Summers Disney Deal. That pie is growing faster than anyone is able to predict. You might want to get in on that, than worry about your swing." Iacocca advises Forbes.

"You're right, but keep an eye on Summers and Gates as well. Something else is going on there. You think Summers is making a move on Gate?" Steve asks Lee.

"Too soon to tell, but they certainly look like they're getting ready to go to war. Summers got 'Guts' I'll give him that. He's not letting Gates run all over him. Most people would be peeing in their pants when Gates comes after them like that, but this 'Kid' has been in his face from the get go. There might be more than one opportunity floating around if those two get into it." Lee predicts.

"You're right. I'll have my people look into that. Maybe somebody in the current administration should look into this kid?" says Steve as they stop on 16th hole.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive.

"How the hell can a golf game, even if it was in Malibu, do that?" asks Jack.

"You wouldn't believe, what some people will do to improve their golf swing, but then that's a story for another time." says Stewie. "You. Drive faster." he commands Xander.

"Xander drives faster, he pushes a button to change the red light to green as he speeds through the intersection.

"Nice car." says Jack.

"Meh. The good one's in the shop." replies Xander.

"So. Stewie, What are you going to do to that young girl?" asks Jack.

"I will be begin, by giving her a stern talk..." he says.

Xander snorts.

Stewie gives him the evil eye.

"What? It's Harmony. Like any talk will do anything..." he says.

"... True." he concedes.

"You gonna can her ass?" asks Jack. "Not that there was anything wrong with her ass per se, but you don't look like someone who can be swayed by a swaying ass... Just yet."

"Steps will be taken." he says with a low sinister voice.

Xander shivers.

Jack doesn't.

Xander is more sensitive to the tiny terrors moods. He shivers a bit more, but it quickly clears up. 'Why am I shivering? Harmony's the one that's in trouble. Not me. Whew.' he think.

'I wonder why this kid is shivering? Maybe he should turn down the A.C.' thinks Jack, before he could say anything they pull into Stewie's parking spot in front of the building.

They get out. Stewie walks slowly. He knows Harmony can see them coming on the security monitors.

"Weren't we in a hurry to get here?" asks Jack.

"Build-up." explains Xander as they go through the front doors.

"Ah." he replies. "You're like your mother aren't you? She was a drama queen at that age too." he says to Stewie.

Stewie ignores him. 'He's family. He's family. He's family. He's family. He's family.' he keeps the mantra up until they reach the reception area outside Stewie's office.

Jack looks over the devastation. "I'm officially impressed." he says.

"Yeah. I'll give that to The Cordettes. They know how to throw a party, not that I've ever been invited to one mind you, but... I'm. Not. Bitter." Xander says to Jack.

"Sure you're not. Not many may believe you Kid, but... I do... Really." replies Jack with a smirk.

Xander smirks right back. Challenge given and met.

Stewie ignores the two pains at his rear and walks into the office. Harmony was still frozen in the same position he left her in when he told her not to move... Still in her underwear. She still had the same caught in the headlights look.

"Harmony..." Stewie says in a low voice.

"Y-Yes Stewie..." she replies.

"Why did you not ask me for permission...? To hold your little... Gathering... In. My. OFFICE!" he yells the last three words.

"Um... 'Cause... You would have said... no?" she replies.

"That's correct. Because I would have said no. And why do you think I would have said no? Do you know Why? I'LL TELL YOU WHY..." Stewie starts to scream at the terrified girl.

Xander looks at the shivering Harmony, and comes to an important decision. She fought at his side and shed blood during the battle with the Master. She deserves her punishment, but she was becoming one of the girls he put under his protection. He just didn't know when that happened. Damn it. "Stewie... Ease up. At least let her get dressed." he tells his Overlord and Master.

Stewie fumes, but with Jack in the room he doesn't say anything. He works on getting his control back. He settles for glaring at Xander and Harmony.

"Come on Harm. Let's get your clothes back on. I'd bet you're pretty cold by now huh?" Xander says in a calming voice, as if speaking with a small frightened child or a cornered animal. In Harmony's case it was safe to say both.

"Okay." Harmony replies clutching at the olive branch from Xander. At this point she'd do anything he asks. I he wants her on her knees giving him a quickie... she was his. Her panties would hit the floor with a thud, but he wasn't and she so wasn't going to offer. He was a Harris after all.

Xander takes her by the hand and helps her down from the island disguised as a desk, and helps her collect her strewn clothing. He then leads her to one of the private rooms attached to the office to help her settle her nerves.

"Your the bad cop, and he's the good cop..." Jack asks.

Stewie takes a deep breath and lets the tension flow out of his body. He turns to Jack and says, "No. Normally he's the bad cop. But in this case, it's better the devil you know..."

"... And he's a devil she knows... I get it. Did you have to come down so hard on the poor girl?" he asks. "She can't be more than seventeen..."

"Sixteen... And yes. Yes I did. I know her well enough to know she'd do this again in a flash, unless you make strong impression. I wasn't even upset about the party. We have a place she could have held the bloody thing, and no one would have said anything, but there's way too many things in this room that could have been accidentally released that would have been catastrophic if they ever get out." Stewie explains.

"Such as?" Jack asks doing his Teal'C imitation with the eye brow.

"It's above your pay grade Jack. If I have to tell you then..."

"... I get it. Then you'd have to kill me. Jokes a little old Sewie.

"Who said anything about killing you... No there much worse things. As you've already been told, but you have yet to experience. There are much wose things than death..." Stewie leaves it at that.

And so does Jack.

A few minutes later Xander comes out of the room leading Harmony by the hand. "I'm going to get her home. I'll be back in a few minutes." he tells Stewie.

"Alright. Take your time, and make sure she's all right." she says.

Jack gives him a look.

As soon as Xander leaves the office with Harmony Stewie says, "What. She's still a valuble memeber of my staff. Come on. Mother's still waiting..." he says, as he too leaves the offices and orders the security to lock up.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy's Room.

Inside Buffy's room Jack, Sam, Danny and Teal'C were having a private confrence, after Jack came back. They finish the delicious home cooked meal Joyce prepared and SG-1 was having a quick confrence in the Slayer's bedroom.

"How's the girl, sir?" asks Sam.

"She's fine. Stewie did a version of good cop bad cop, and threw one heck of a scare into her. I wouldn't mind sending him against any Goa'ulds we visit next." he tells her.

"You would do that to a little boy... Who's releated to you? By blood, O'Neill." asks Teal'C

"Oh yeah! That's one scary little guy. The Goa'ulds wouldn't know what hit them. Just make sure we're far back enough not to get splattered by all the Goa'uld juice flying around when he homes in on target." replies Jack. "He and that Xander kid are pretty scary. I still haven't forgotten at how easily he took me out. I think he's probably stronger than you are T'. I'm gonna have to ask how he did that. The little guy may have more tricks up his sleave than we've seen so far. What do you think Sam, Magic or tech, and if tech where did it come from?" Jack asks Sam.

"I'm not sure how to answer that, sir. He's obviously intelligent enough to come up with something, but I think you should ask, before we go hog wild trying to guess how he does it." replies Sam.

"'Kay. Time out. Stay here, and I'll go ask." says Jack leaving the room.

"Sir, i, I didin't mean... now." she says to the closed door. "I hate when he does that." she says.

"Indeed." agrees Teal'C.

Danny smirks. It was vintage Jack after all.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Dinning Room.

"Hey Joyce. You see Stewie around?" he asks.

"yes Jack. He's in his lab." she tells him.

"He went back to the SRL building?" he asks.

"No, no. He's in the basement. That's his lab away from his lab. Did that make any sense?" she asks with a smirk that matches Jack's.

"Yeah. It did. Thanks Joyce." he tells her with a kiss to her cheek. He goes to open the basement door.

"Jack don't open his door without asking... for permission." she finishes to late as Jack gets a shock when he touches the door nob.

"OWWWW!! For Cryin' out loud! Joyce!" he yells.

"Sorry Jack, but you were too quick. Always was. I though after all this time you'd know better." she says with a light laugh tacking his hand. "Here. Let me look at it." she says. "Hmm, not too bad. This should help." she says getting up, and pulling him behind her.

He follows reluctantly. She was stronger than he was. 'And what's up with that?' he thinks. "You've put on a bit more muscle? Hitting' the gym a little hard lately?" he asks.

She laughs again. "No, nothing like that. Ask Stewie. He might help you out. You are family after all." she tells him. She takes out a tube and spreads a clear gel over the shocked area. The tingles subside right away.

Jack looks at his hand and says, "Neat."

"It is. It's something Stewie came up with for Buffy. You wouldn't believe how often she comes home needing something like this. Thank god Xander patrols with her almost every night. He never let's her go out on her own, anymore." she explains.

"What's going on?" Stewie says, as he opens the door and walks in on the scene of his mother holding Jacks hand with a tender look on her face.

"Jack took a jolt from your booby trapped door. And that's it, you're turning that thing off when we have family, and guests over." she tells him.

"I beg to differ mother. That is the best time to keep them on." he disagrees.

"Stewie..." she starts.

"No..." he replies.

"Uh, can we not get into that now. I need to ask Stewie a few questions. You too Joyce." says Jack, breaking up the argument between mother and son, before it starts.

"Alright Jack I think I know what you want. come on down into my lab and we'll talk." he says inviting Jack into his lair.

"I want him back in one piece." Joyce warns Stewie with a laugh.

"Ha freakin' ha Joyce." Jack replies.

Joyce burst out in laughter at his nervous look.

The moment the door to the basement lab closes behind jack, the lights go out. Stewie does explain, or say anything. Jack feels a jab to the back and within a few seconds he falls over.

Inside Buffy's room a silent gas has taken out the rest of SG-1. They fall unconscious to the floor.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Stewie's Basement Lab.

Stewie and his minions spring into action. He knew what Jack wants and what he's into. He wants to help, but only on his own terms.

Xander and The Cordettes bring the bodies into his lab and line them up on the circle to begin the ritual. Halfway through Stewie feels a resistance. He could feels the Goa'uld larva inside Teal'C resist the spell.

"Xander take him out of the circle." Stewie says Pointing at the Jaffa.

Xander takes Teal'C out and puts him on a cot in the corner.

Stewie begins the ritual all over again. He grumbles at the energy he had to waste, but it was better to get this right the first time out.

Stewie adds three more people to his Hyena Pack. He sends Xander and the girls out.

Xander goes to take Teal'C with him, but Stewie says, "Leave him."

Xander shrugs and leaves the Jaffa on the cot.

"Now the real fun is about to start. He says with an evil laugh. No one hears it. The lab was warded for many things, a silence ward, was just one of those things.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, beneath Stewie's Basement Lab.

The next morning. SG-1 wakes up in the hidden guest rooms that Stewie had his robots build under his lab.

"Oh God. I feel... not bad." says Jack in wonder. His knees weren't even complaining like they usually do in the morning.

He spies Danny and Sam through the open door. He gets up and follows them. "What's going on kids?" he asks.

"We were wondering the same thing ourselves, sir." Sam says giving Jack an sniff.

"Carter?" he asks, he then gets hit by her scent and almost takes her right there. He holds it together, long enough to see the same reaction on both Danny and Sam. "I'm thinking something changed..." he says.

"Yes it did. welcome to the pack cousin Jack." says Stewie walking into the small room.

"Pack of what?" asks Jack.

And Stewie explains.

End of Chapter.
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