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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628718752,07830 Sep 0913 Apr 10No


Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Check previous disclaimers.
*Mental conversation*

Earth Orbit, Klorel's Captured Mothership.

"Enterprise..." says Jack.

"Voyager..." says Danny.

"What's going on?" Sam asks Teal'C.

"They are debating the ship's new name. O'Neill wants to call it the Enterprise, which is a fine name. But Daniel-Jackson wants to call it the Voyager. I would like to call it the Millennium Falcon." Teal'C explains.

"Millennium Falcon... really?" she asks.

"Yes. Jedi Master Stewie-Summers is calling his Ha'tak the Death Star." he replies.

"Teal'C Stewie is not a Jedi Master." says Sam.

"I have seen the recordings. Jedi Master Stewie-Summers displayed all the powers of a Jedi Master in his fight with Apophis. He even wore the correct uniform, as did his troops." Teal'C explains.

"You mean the secretaries?" Sam asks.

"Yes. They fought bravely against Apophis' Jaffa. I would be honored to fight at their side. Major Ferretti has told O'Neill that his sparring partner Aura was hellcat in the sac. I would love to spar with her in the sac as well. The confined space would make for a truly difficult match." says Teal'C.

"Uh... Right... Good luck with that, but I think Major Ferretti has called dibs on all future 'Spars' with Aura. So has Captain Mitchell now that I think about it... And I thought Major Ferretti had a thing for Amy..." she replies.

"I think Major Ferretti and Captain Mitchell have come to an understanding. The Girls told them that they wanted to sample a greater variety of partners, and they can either take it, or leave it. They decided that they could take it. I believe O'Neill called them 'Lucky Dogs.'" explains Teal'C.

"He did, did he?" she asks.

"Yes he did." he confirms.

"Excuse me please Teal'C." she says with a grim smile.

"Of course Captain Carter." says Teal'C with a slight nod.

"Danny, Colonel. Can I have a few minutes of your time. In private please." she commands.

"We still haven't decided on a name for our new mothership yet, Captain Carter." says Jack.

"Please Sam. Explain to Jack that Voyager is a..." starts Danny, but Sam cuts him off.

"... Not now Danny. I need to talk to the two of you. Now!" she says firmly with a growl.

"... But, but..." replies Jack.

She looks him straight in the eyes and releases enough pheromones to choke a horse.

"Jack looks at Danny, and says, "Sure. You. Betcha." he and Danny follow along like whipped puppies.

In a private chamber she reads Jack the riot act, about what he said to Major Ferretti. When she was done, Jack asks, "What's going on Carter?"

"I'm not waiting for either of you two to make a move. From what I've seen, and from what Willow and Jenny told me, we are no longer the same people we were. For better, or worse... We're now different. And I don't like Xander enough and Stewie's too young to notice. That leaves you two clowns. We're better than the dogs, and I don't want to get involved in orgies... I want you both to commit right now. You can both be my mates, or not? Which will it be?" she demands.

"Carter are you feeling...?" asks Jack

"Stop. This is not a joking matter for me. Do you want to be my mates, or not?" she asks straight out.

"... Yes." Jack replies. He could see that Sam was absolutely serious about this, and so can he, when he has to. In this case he has to. He drops the act.

"Good." she replies. She turns to Daniel, "Danny?" she asks.

"Yes." he replies as well, but he lowers his eyes, when he says it.

"Good. I don't care about what the outside world thinks. We'll figure out how to deal with this... somehow, but I want to make this clear. Neither of you is going to be sniffing anywhere else, like... Like those other dogs. Do you understand?" she asks.

"Yes, Mame." they both reply.

"Good. Carry on, oh, we're calling it Prometheus." she tells them, as she turns and walks out of the chamber. Jack and Danny check out her rear openly, now that issue has been settled.

"So..." says Jack.

"So..." replies Danny.

"Brothers..." they both ask together, and smile when they both look up.

"Should be interesting." says Danny.

"At the very least, Danny boy, at the very least. Did you get a whiff of her when she let loose? I thought I was going to take her right then and there." says Jack.

"Yeah, me too. Say Jack do you snore?" Danny asks with a smile.

Sunnydale, SRL Building.

"I can't believe they agreed to those demands. They must really want that ship?" Xander tells Stewie.

"Of course they want it. When I took the ship I made sure not to break anything important. They'll be another six month, before the other Ha'tak is ready for action outside this system. At least they managed to get the hangar bays working, and the shields back up. Although they've lost eighty percent of all the Death Gliders and only half the Al'Kesh are in working order. Where as My ship is fully functioning with a full compliment, and the A.I.s that took control of the ship made sure that the Jaffa didn't get away with anything. Not like Klorel's Jaffa. A full third stole half the Al'Kesh and got away with those ships. I hope they tell their friends. I don't feel like hunting those parasites all over the galaxy. The SS-JS will be the only galactic ship I control. The government has tasked all our current output for Hell-Dog fighters. They loved how wee they did, and since the production line was already up and going they want our entire output. The two squadrons they've bought so far will pay for the cost of producing the other ten squadrons they want by the end of next year." he explains.

"Yeah, but they're paying good money for those. What I can't believe is how you got them to agree to giving you the Channel Island off the coast. Declaring it as the fifty first state, and sovereign territory at the same time, that and to never ever pay taxes, ever as long as there's a planet earth." says Xander.

"I have very good lawyers. They even scare Wolfram and Hart." explains Stewie.

"I thought you were joking when you told me about those demon lawyers, but somehow that makes sense. By the way, does that no tax thing cover me as well?" he asks.

"Of course. Every single one of my personal servants is covered, My personal assets are covered, but not my public holding. My lawyers are good, but no one's that good. We got away with it because, it's payment differed into the future, it's income that's not going to be generated for a long time. My personal fortune will be spent on expansion, our new factories will be based on the island, and since they'll all be underground or underwater the government was more than willing. It's not money they could get their hands on, but my public holdings are another thing. Five billion dollars in investments, they want their cut." says Stewie.

"Can I ask for a raise?" Xander Jokes.

"Certainly. I actually happy with your performance. I'm doubling your trust fund and I'll even spring for a fifty dollar allowance a week. I'm also promoting you to head Henchmen." he replies.

"I thought I was your only henchmen?" Xander asks Stewie.

"No. I've had some words with Jack. As long as I can keep working with SGC, and helping them out from time to time, and as long as it doesn't interfere with his duties, he was willing to become a henchmen in training." replies Stewie.

"He's barely a henchmen. I bet he won't even take orders from me." says Xander.

"Nor should he. He's got important things to do." Stewie tells Xander in a stern voice.

"Great. I get promoted into a position that has no power." Xander grumbles.

"Boo hoo. I just gave you a ten million dollar bonus and an allowance. How greedy can you get?" asks Stewie.

"... Says the guy, who'll never ever pay taxes as long as he lives. Just how the hell did you get the people on the islands to take you on as their Governor." he asks.

"Weren't you listening. Every personal asset or servant will never ever pay any taxes. I bought their land and they can live on it for free, as long as they or their children live and work on the island. Unto the final generation." he explains.

"Yeah all ten fisherman and the town quickie mart." says Xander in derision.

"Fool. That's ten fishing households, the quickie mart and the bed and breakfast as well as the town's single prostitute." Stewie corrects him.

"There's a bed and breakfast?" Xander asks.

"Yes. It's pretty good from what I hear. You should take the girls there before school starts in another couple of weeks." says Stewie.

"Man you're cheap." replies Xander. "Your taking Harmony and the Cordettes to Paris on an all expense paid holiday, and all I get it the cheap-ass bed and breakfast?"

"What do you think Willow and Marcie will prefer? Paris and it's crowds, or the 'World Class' bed and breakfast, on a private island where they can't be disturbed?" he asks.

"... You really are a manipulative little bastard. You know that?" he replies.

"...And don't you forget it." says Steiwe.

Senator Kinsey's Residence.

Stewie and Marcie clear the electrified fence. They bypass all the security as if it wasn't there. Stewie has a rig on Marcie that extends her invisibility field anywhere from three to ten feet. At the moment it was set at the maximum setting. They breeze through the electronic defenses, and when the dogs come running, when they catch their scent, Stewie's growl puts them in their place.

Stewie and Marcie walk into Senator Kinsey's bedroom. The man was snoring in peace. Without a word the two of them walk up to the edge of the bed and Stewie puts his mind control machine on the Senator's sleeping head.

Senator Kinsey wakes up, but a whack to the head from Stewie's invisible 'Shovel' puts him out like a light. Stewie stays with the Senator for most of the night. He had quite a bit of work to do on the back dealing, word breaking cheat. By the time the sun comes up Stewie's work is done. He types a command for the Senator to come to his L.A. offices. Not a word is uttered in the room.

Stewie tugs on Marcie's leach to get her moving. The ball gag in her mouth keep her from replying. The two make their way out of the Senator's mansion, as his staff start to wake up and go about their day's work. He has an appointment to keep with the Senator, in L.A., They both board one of his personal Hell-Dog fighters. It was custom made with a bigger Marcie rig, to turn it invisible. 'If I can only analyze how her damn field works, then I wouldn't need her for these missions. The less she knows the better.' he thinks.

The Hell-Dog goes straight up into L.E.O. and swings down at the apex towards L.A. South Cali. The entire trip takes half an hour at best. The new and improved space fighter lands on the roof of his recent acquisition. He disables the force field before moving the fighter into the the Penthouse hangar.

"Other CEO have helicopters, only you would insist on using a space fighter to get around." says Xander.

"It's much faster." he replies.

"If it's so fast, then why did I beat you here from Sunnydale, driving the Viper." Xander asks his Lord and Master. 'Damn tiny tyrant.' he thinks.

"Got held up in traffic." he replies.

"..." Xander blinks, but before he replies, he remembers, that not long ago, traffic was murder in L.E.O.

"Anything else?" asks Stewie.

"We have any new unwanted visitors?" he asks.

Stewie sighs, but says "No. Nothing major that I'm aware off. Do you want to call Jack and check?" he asks. 'That should keep him busy for a few minutes.'

He reaches out with his mind, and locates Marcie. *Keep him busy. You know what you want. Have fun.* he tells her. He goes inside to get ready for the Senator's visit.

The Cheyenne Mountain Complex in Colorado, SGC, Briefing Room.

SG-1 and Skarra were getting ready to go out on a mission through the stargate. Skarra received the same treatment as SG-1 and was now a member of the Hyena Pack. He had undergone the same basic augmentation as Harmony, with a lot of implanted skills thrown in to make it easier to pass through the SGC testing.

His status was now the same as Teal'C. He would be one of their native guides, so to speak. The information he had from Klorel was copied into Stewie's data banks. He was also able to use, as Stewie like to call them, the family Jewels.

Stewie gave Apophis' 'Jewels' to Sam, who could use them, some what. Thgey were kept at the SGC, for study and safe keeping.

Apophis' skinned body was floating a in a fluid that kept him alive. Stewie had used dark magics to skin the Goa'uld and keep it alive. He kept good on his threat. He gave Jack, both the host, who was stablized, and the parasite, minus it's skin. Stewie made sure that Apophis was awake for the entire painful procedure. It was a fun night. He learned a lot. Apophis' mental babble would have pout Willow to shame. Too bad Stewie didn't care about what he was offering. No one insults his mother like that and gets away, without a bit of payback.

When Jack came to take charge of Apophis, he looked at the skinned Goa'uld and said "Sweet."

General Hammond walks up to Jack, before they walk up the ramp.

"You got everything you need Jack?" he asks quietly.

"Yes sir. We're good. The new equiupment Stewie sent for us to test out is packed and ready.

"So are we." says Louie.

The three Ducklings were Stewie's gift to the SGC. they replaced some of the functions of the MALP.

They were dresses in the same uniform as SG-1, but the weapons they carried were made for much bigger game.

"C'mon boys. Move out." says Jack.

"Oboy, oboy. We get to be space ducks." shouts Dewey in glee as he races through the gate.

"He he. It's his first time..." says Louie as he follows his brothers.

"Good luck Jack. SG-1." says General Hammond.

"Yeah, thanks. I have a feeling we're going to need it." he replies. 'Man I don't think I'm fully recovered from last night. Sam is one wild girl when she lets loose. I don't think that Danny's all there either. Man she chewed him up like a rag doll.' he thinks as he walks through the gate.

Sunnydale, Kendall Residence.

"Harmony. How was your trip?" Peggy Kendall asks her daughter.

"It was the best trip ever mom." replies Harmony.

"Why is your voice muffled like that dear?" she asks, as she looks up from her book. "Harmony...?" she asks, the walking pile of boxes and hanging bags.

"Yes mom?" is the muffled reply.

"Couldn't you get someone to help you with those dear?" she asks.

"Nuh' uh! No one's touching these babies." she replies.

"But dear..." she tries to point out that no one was going to take her stuff.

But the whole bag and box creature starts to shake. "No!" it screams and runs to it's room.

"James!" she shouts.

"Yes... What is it dear?" asks her husband.

"Could you check on Harmony for me?" she asks. "She was acting strange." she says.

"Why me?" he asks.

"You're the only one who gets anything out of her. She's too much a daddy's girl these days." she explains.

"... Okay." he replies with a big sigh. 'Every time I talk to the girl, I feel lucky if I get out of her room in one piece. She so darn territorial these days.' he thinks.

James Kendall walks up to his daughter's room like a Christian about to be introduced to the cranky lions at a roman circus. He lets out a heavy sigh and knocks on her door. He gives her a few seconds, before he walks in.

"Harmony... What's going on?" he asks. He looks around, but finally sees the girl, as she emerges from the huge pile of boxes and bags. "What's all this?" he waves at the pile.

"Stewie took us to the Riviera and lent us his unlimited credit card for a shopping trip in Paris. Isn't he like the greatest thing ever..." she says unable to come with anything.

"... Yeah great... Why are you going out with an eleven year old boy again? And how many girls does he go out with? And why do you accept being a third wheel?" he asks.

"One: He's fun to be with. Two: He takes me places, oh like Paris, the Riviera... And way out there..." she says unable to utter the words outer space. "Three: He took the office staff to the Riviera. All the girls work for him. It was a group thing." she explains.

"Isn't he a little young?" he asks, still not comfortable with the idea of his little girl, and her gold digger, cradle robbing ways. 'She so turning into her mother.' he thinks with another sigh.

"The President of the United States calls him." she tells her dad.


"That's what I thought." she says triumphantly.

"Why do you work for him, if he's such a good boyfriend?" he tries another track.

She gets out of the precious pile with a great reluctance. She hasn't even put her precious into categories yet. She walks over to her desk and picks up a pen and writes down a number and gives it to her dad.

James Kendall looks at paper in his hand. He studies the numbers for a full minutes while gears start to turn, and ideas start to form. 'God will damn me, for what I'm about to do. I'm about to prostitute my little girl.' he thinks. He looks up at her and before he can say anything, she beats him to the punch and says...

"... That's without the performance bonus, the trips to every exotic location the world over, and the free use of his unlimited card..." she says trying to defend her... 'Boyfriend' and mind controlling master.

"... Enough. Enough... I get it. Um, Harmony honey...?" he says.

"Yes daddy?" she asks.

"Do you think you can get Stewie to throw a couple of construction contracts my way...?" he asks in a low voice.

"... Sure Daddy. I'll pester him until he gives in." she says with a brilliant smile.

"That's my Harmony." he says. 'Dear Lord I fell like a pimp, but her mother is going through the Kendall family fortune faster than I can rebuild it.' he thinks with a heavy sigh. He wasn't totally clueless to what was going on in Sunnydale. He's been reading the financial papers and the young man's portfolio was rising like a runaway rocket. This was one way to stay ahead of Mayor Wilkins loan sharks. The Mayor even asked him about the young man. Somehow he knew, before he did that Stewie was going out with Harmony. Sometimes the Mayor could be such a gossip monger, worse than Harmony and her friends.

'You never know, he may even be willing to lend me enough money to buy out my loan with the Mayor...' he thinks as he leaves Harmony, as she dives back into the huge pile of loot, and attacks it like a screaming Banshee.

L.A. CA, SRL Towers.

"Senator Kinsey. I am honored to have someone like you dropping by to visit our humble offices." says Stewie.

*You're laying it on way to thick boss.* Xander warns Stewie on their private mental connection.

*No such thing with this slug. He's like those space parasites we had to deal with. He wants to be worshiped by the little people, and to him, I am so a little people, you on the other hand are a pee on, be prepared to take it, until I get through with him, them he'll be your butt monkey you want. Personally I wouldn't want anything to do with the slug, but we deal with vampires and demons all the time. What's one more human slug?* says Stewie.

*I hear you. And don't you mean Peon?* he asks.

*No I said it right the first time.* Stewie replies by sending him a mental image Senator Kinsey peeing on Xander.

*Ewww! Stewie that's gross man.* Xander tells Stewie with a twitching nose. Senator Kinsey notices the nasal gymnastics, and marks Xander for future retribution.

*Eh... It is, what it is. Don't worry. The 'Good' Senator will be properly taken care off. Did you remember to tell the girls that I wanted a sickly Chihuahua?* he asks.

*Oh yeah. I even threw in the word 'diseased' for good measure.* he confirms, giving the Senator his best smile.

The Senator's answering smile, says he couldn't care less.

'Oh. Yeah. Butt Monkey.' thinks Xander, with a genuine smile on his face this time.

"Thank you for having me... Is Mister Stewart Summers around?" he asks.

"I'm Stewart Summers." replies Stewie.

"I meant Summers senior." explains Kinsey.

"To my knowledge I am the only Stewart Summers in my family. I am also the CEO of SRL. I. Am. The. Boss! The buck stops here Senator!" Stewie explains to the odious man.

"You're saying that you control all this? I find that hard to believe. Come on little boy, get your father out here so the grown ups can talk business." says the self important irritant.

"..." Stewie starts to go red in the face. Xander reading the signs correctly takes several steps back. Then steps completely out of the room.

He hears several loud screams, zaps and can smell the odor of charred meat as it drifts through the door. He peaks through the door to see the Senator and his smoking party twitching on the ground.

"You get it all out of your system?" he asks.

"Just about..." he replies with a sigh and zaps Senator Kinsey one more time out of peevishness. "... Why couldn't he be a tad more reasonable? Now I have to do this the hard way. Come on. We now have to get their short term memory wiped and go through that idiot introduction all over again."

"Say boss. Could you put something in his head that says you've already met?" asks Xander.

With a sad sigh Stewie replies, "Unfortunately the technology is not quite that developed yet. I'm working on it. I think I'll put in even more time to get online, just so I don't have to deal with this... This... waste of a good condom!"

"It's alright Stewie. I'm sure you'll get it going in no time at all, and then you... Can start... Mind wiping, and... " Xander drops Senator Kinsey as it hits him. Senator Kinsey, hits his head hard on the highly polished marble floor. "You really are going to take over the world. Aren't you?" Xander asks seriously, as for the first time it hits him. 'OHMYGOD! He can take over the world. and there's no one to stop the little git. OHMYGOD! I thought of the word 'Git' all on my own without the G-man around. I'm infected. I need anti-Brit-biotics. Hey is that even a word? I'll asks Willow. She knows everything. Especially all the best Internet porn sites. Man she can be such a freak. Marcie's, almost as bad. Wow, I really liked that bad witch outfit she had on, last night. I think Marcie was supposed to be punishment girl, she was supposed to stand in the corner and watch. I can't remember how long she stayed, after a while Willow's needs must be met, she can be so greedy in bed sometimes...' a hit to the back of the head brings him out of last nights orgy.

"Dolt. Be careful where you drop the trash. Now we have to explain how he got that bump on his head." Stewie tells Xander. He was still fuming. Xander could smell the smoke coming out of his ears.

'Oh wait no. That's the sweet smell of charged meat from the much zapped Senator. All I can say better you than me Stewie's future bitch. Oh who am I kidding. I'm Stewie's current bitch. If it wasn't for the constant sex I would hate my life. Maybe when I'm out of my teen years I'll feel different but for now... Man... I'm like making out with two hot chicks at the same time... Sure, one's invisible, but you can feel the hot body. And her picture in the year book was that of a hot chick.' and again he goes to visit the drool fairy, but self preservation prevents him from dropping Senator Kinsey again.

"It looks like we're going to have to put them in a sarcophagus to heal up all the damage." says Stewie.

"If you had better control..." Xander leaves the sentence as is. That way Stewie was less likely to retaliate if you don't tell him what to do. Let him supply his own answers.

L.A. CA, SRL Towers, Hidden Sub-basement, A Few Hours Later.

The healing was done, and the ritual to turn Senator Kinsey and his party into a Chihuahua possessed dog pack that would be subservient to even Harmony, was over. If Harmony ever got around to giving the Senator a command, like fetch me a soda, or something like that, then the Senator would have to do just that. He'd grumble and complain, but he'd still do it. He was a Chihuahua after all.

The party goes through the same greeting again, and this time a growl here and there puts the Senator in his place.

Xander sighs. 'One less charred corpse to dispose of. We're so making progress. I hope we get through the day without Stewie torturing this guy over an open flame. Stupid Apophis for giving Stewie that idea. The man smells bad when he's burning. He really should stop threatening people with that. And by people I mean me.'

Unfortunately for Xander there would be more 'Zap Training' in his future, as Stewie looks at it as stress relief for him. 'Stupid regeneration factor. although love the stamina, as he once again visits every teenagers most traveled destination, The porn fantasy factory.

Most of the meeting goes by in a blur for Xander. Once in a while a lively exchange between Stewie and Senator Kinsey breaks up the monotony.

By the time Senator Kinsey and party, left. Stewie knew everything there was to know about Senator Kinsey and the people he dealt with. The Senator, didn't know why he told Stewie, everything he wanted to know, he just did.

"Damn! I think if you don't take over the world, we're so 'F*CKED'. I didn't think there were scum that would make vampires look like girl scouts, but these guys... This Trust... If you're going after these guy, I'm so your go to guy." promises Xander.

"Of course I'm... We're going after these guys." he says. 'It's better to get this boy pointed in the right direction on his own. I couldn't come up with a better motivational tool if I tried.' he thinks.

"Let's make sure there's a lot of pain in their future. Man those guys just burn me up..." he says unable to express his feelings, so he lets out a growl that makes every secretary on the floor pee in her panties, and quite a few giving him second looks as he and Stewie enter the elevator.

"Did you hear... Mister Summers aid growl?" asks one of the girls.

"Uh-huh. It looks like I've got my secret fantasy for the night. How about you Doreen?" she asks.

"I'm so there already girlfriend. Yumm. Do you think he's got a girlfriend?" asks Jean.

"A guy like that, he's probably doing it, with at least a couple of girls at the same time. Lucky girls..." says Doreen.

"You said it. Say would you like to come over tonight?" asks Jean.

"... Eight alright with you?" she replies.

Jean smiles and nods, "Excuse me, but I think I'm going to change my panties."

"Hold on. I'll come with."

The two women, along with a few others in the office, head to the ladies room for a break. For some, needed to go, a bit more than others.

To be continued...

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy's Room.

Buffy was unpacking and putting her clothes away. The new shoes went into the closet. She has a hard time stuffing the new clothes into her closet. 'I need more closet space.' she thinks. She looks at the size of her closet and then looks at the size of her room. 'Maybe I should switch. The room could be a walk in closet and the closet could be the new room, knock down that wall, put a door right into the bathroom. Should work. I'm sure the little pain can do it, If I ask him nicely. But do I want to owe him that much. He'll collect on this for years.' she thinks.

She takes out the new designer jeans from her suitcase and gets knocked onto the bed from behind by a squealing Dawn. She was shouting and babbling like Willow on a triple chocolate mocha caffeine high.

"Whoa. Slow down. What are you trying to say Lassie. Timmy's in the well..." she gets hit by a seriously strong punch to the shoulder for her comment by Dawn. But it stops her sister from continuing her babble attack.

"Okay I give, but dial it back." she tells her with a smile to take the edge off.

"I was just saying it was nice to have you back you, you poop-y head. I've got all the hot news and gossip you've been missing, and if you're not nice to me I'm not gonna tell you." she says with a serious expression on her young face.

Buffy smirks. She knows it's an idle threat. She couldn't withhold juicy gossip if her life depends on it. The little tattle tale looks like she's about to burst any minute from the pressure to keep her gossip inside her. She makes with I will not interrupt wave and sits down on her now messy bed.

Dawn sits next to her.

"Buffy you missed everything. You missed cousin Jack, and this hot girl he's dating came along, and we went into space. 'Cause cousin Jack is fighting these space aliens and they got Stewie 'the little boil' to help them build a space ship, and we all went into space, and Xander even went to a whole different world with cousin Jack and his friends, but he won't tell me anything about it..." Buffy puts up her hand to stop the information overload, before it becomes too much to take.

"Breathe... Good Girl. We have a space ship... and there's aliens?" she asks.

"Yep. Mom went with, and got threatened by this space pirate, or snake, or something. But you know how Stewie is with Mom. He's such a mommy's boy..." she quickly looks around, doesn't see the monster in boy form and remember to edit the security footage for the room before he comes back fro L.A.

"Which is it? Pirate? Or space snake?" she asks with a smirk.

"Stop it." she says, as she punches her older sister's shoulder, but this time she pulls her punch. She knows that she's much stronger than she used to be.

"Just teasing my little sis. I can't do that anymore?" she asks the smile still on her lips.

Dawn smiles right back. She was glad Buffy was her older sister. She always took her side against the 'Icky slime monster from the bottom of the toilet.' she shivers when she thinks about her twisted evil twin. She then tells Buffy all about her space adventure.

Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Kitchen.

Buffy walks up to her mother. she was preparing supper.

"I hear that cousin Jack came by for a visit?" she asks.

"Yes he did." replies Joyce as she takes out the huge pot roast from the oven. The smell of all that cooking goodness hits Buffy like a two by four, she remembers that she didn't have anything to eat on the plain. Even with a Slayer's constitution, Buffy and airplane food were not a mix-y thing.

"That smells yummy." she tells her mother with a bit of drool starting to form.

"Thank you." Joyce replies, she notices the drool forming and smiles. "It won't be long. Do want to help me set the table. I know it's not your turn, I could call Stewie, but he's not here at the moment..."

"Sure mom. Here, let me get that." she says taking the pot roast from her mother and leading the way to the dinning room. She helps out and makes small talk about her trip with her father.

Joyce listens with one ear to Buffy's story and with the other she pays attention to the other dishes simmering on the range.

"Um, mom?" asks Buffy.

"Yes honey..." replies Joyce waiting for her daughter to ask about what she was dancing around, at her own speed.

"Dawn says you guys went into space and got into a fight with a space snake pirate?" she asks, trying not to sound like a insane out patient.

"No dear." says Joyce.

Buffy sighs in relief.

"It wasn't a space snake pirate at all. It was a space parasite infested human. Some how Jack got dragged into this thing with the Air Force and now he gets to play space ranger like he used to pretend when we were young. I was always the space princess, otherwise I wouldn't have played with him. He was so cute in his space ranger outfit. I used to wear..." Buffy steps int to cut her mother's visit down memory lane a little short.

"... You mean you really did go to space in a spaceship built by Stewie?" she asks, not believing she's having a conversation with her mother with the word spaceship in it that wasn't about a movie.

"Yes. He even named it after me. It's such an honor. the first human spaceship in space is named after me." she replies with pride at her little boys accomplishments.

"Unbelievable. Where was I?" she asks.

"Why you were with your on your summer vacation with your father? Don't you remember?" she asks teasing her.

"I remember. But I'm the slayer. You guys should have told me. I would have so come and helped out with the space snake pirate." she replies.

"Oh that's so nice of you Buffy. you're always thinking of other. But Stewie handled that awful thing without much trouble. He even gave him to Jack, so they could properly incarcerate him." says Joyce.

Sunnydale, the Bronze.

Buffy walk in to the bronze and again for the second time in one she gets hit by a human missile. This time the missile had red hair. Again with the babble attack.

Buffy puts her finger on Willow lips. It gets the job done, but when she takes her finger away from her lips, it was wet. There was a sparkle in Willow's eyes, but she doesn't says anything else.

"Hi Willow." says Buffy with a genuine smile. She misses Willow, like no one else.

"Hi Buffy." replies Willow.

Buffy could tell, that Willow, like Dawn had a lot of news, and was already at the bursting point. She was so going to put Stewie on a rack, and ring out the real story from him. All her friends were going to tell her, was what they went through, not what was going on behind the scenes.

'How the hell did the little terror get so connected so fast?' she thinks. 'A few more month and I won't be able to call him little anymore. He and Dawn are growing way too fast. They're almost my height already... Almost.'

"Buffy! You're back. How was your vacation?" asks Cordelia. She was dancing with Devon, when she spots the tiny 'faux-blonde' girl from the dance floor. She left Devon dancing with some other girl, as she joins Buffy and Willow at the couch. "Hey Willow. It's nice to see you too." she says with a smile. She and Buffy had a connection that last horrible day, she was also losing touch with her flock. They were becoming bitches and were no longer to be called sheep. But she was still the top bitch in Sunnydale and they came to heel when she cracks down.

They sure as hell, were a surprise they all showed up on the Riviera like that. Hell even Willow and she was pretty sure that psycho Marcy came along. Still it was better to be the top bitch over a wild pack of predators than over a flock of sheep. Even Harmony was getting better, not that she could haven gone down any lower. She was well on her way to becoming the football teams slut. 'I got to admit. Stewie's good for her. He keeps her grounded. Too bad he's such an un-natural demon child.' she thinks.

"Wow. Cordelia's you're still being nice. and like there's no school yet, so I know you don't want anything... are you on the level?" asks Willow.

"... Yeah I guess I am." Cordelia replies after she thinks about it Willow's question for a second.

"Good." says Buffy. "I want my friends to able to get along, and, and y'know, not try to kill each other, 'cause that would be bad... You guys can stop me from babbling any time now..." she begs.

"You can stop babbling Buffy. Willow and I came to an understanding when we went shopping in Paris. We buried the hatchet, and like not in each other's backs." explains Cordelia.

"... Paris? Where was I?" asks Buffy.

"You were with your dad." answers Willow. "Stewie took all us girls on a spree for a job well done." she explains.

"You were in on that thing...?" asks Buffy.

"What thing?" asks Cordelia.

"It's a thing. all us girls that work for Stewie were invited..." says Willow.

"All of you?" asks Buffy and Cordelia at the same time.

"Jinxes." says Willow with a laugh.

Cordelia sniffs the air and gets Marcie's scent. Her eyes narrow, but she doesn't say anything. So long as Buffy's around nothing bad was going to happen, and until she could deal with the girl permanently, she so wasn't going to let her know she could tell when she was in the room, or not. 'And yet another reason to make Buffy my best friend. She's not bad I guess, but damn, does she ever have her uses. At least she's not handicapped with a bad fashion sense. But she could so use a refresher course on power shopping.' she thinks as she stops thinking about the invisible stalker.

To confirm her suspicions a fry floats from the dish and disappears. Both Cordelia and Buffy notice the disappearing fry. Buffy shrugs and grabs one herself. Cordelia wouldn't touch a fry on that dish, at gun point.

"I guess we'll talk in the library. For now, it's good to unwind with good friends." she says. "Um, say, has anyone seen Xander?" she asks.

"He's in L.A. with Stewie." replies Marcie. 'God how I hate them.' she looks at Buffy and Cordelia, all she can think about is how to kill the two girls. 'Too bad I have to answer all the questions she's cleared for.' she thinks.

"Uh, thanks Marcie." Buffy tells the floating fry. Everyone else ignores the fry as it disappears into Marcie's mouth. No one was going to stand out, and admit to seeing it happen. Sunnydale syndrome in effect at it's best.

"Wanna dance?" Buffy asks Willow and Cordelia.

"Sure." says Willow, jumping at the chance.

"Why not?" replies Cordelia.

The three girls get up as a group and walk over to the dance floor. Marcie stays where she was eating her fries. If it was Willow, no problem, but she so wasn't going to get any closer to those two.

The three girls dancing creates a kind of commotion. Buffy goes wild and does her impersonation of a stripper with Cordelia and Willow as her stripping poles.

Willow loves it, but Cordelia is ready to drop kick Buffy into next week. But when she looks closer at the girl, she could see the pain in her eyes. she grabs Buffy by the hair and pulls her off the dance floor.

When Willow tries to follow them. Cordelia stops her with a look.

"Stay." she commands. "You are so coming with me." she tells Buffy dragging her into the girls washroom. "Spill." she shouts.

Buffy looks her straight in her eyes and tries to bluff her way out. "What are you talking about?" she asks.

"What the hell is your malfunction. First: I am no a stripping pole, and second: You so are not Demi Moore. What's going on?" she asks

"Just trying to have some fun." she replies.

"Right. And I'm the Queen Bitch of Hell. What the F*CK is wrong with you. I thought we were starting to be friends?" she asks.

"We are..." Buffy says in a rush.

"That's not how friends behave with each other." Cordelia tells her. She keeps her gaze at full intensity until Buffy breaks down and explains why she did that. Why she was trying to drive her friends away. At that point Buffy breaks down completely and starts to cry on Cordelia's shoulder. The other girls in the washroom look on and some giggle.

"Shut the hell up. All of you get out!" Cordelia tells the girls with a growl.

"... But I have to pee." says one of the girls.

"Do it in your panties. I don't care. Get out now!" she growls.

The girls run out of the washroom, as if they just got threatened by Jack the Ripper. No one stays.

Cordelia gathers the still crying girl to her bosom and holds her as she lets it all out.

'Great. When the hell did I become the one who cares?' she thinks, as the emo girl's tears stain her one of a kind blouse. Pierre had created it just for her. She takes out a hanky and gives it to her. It might stop her from doing further damage.

End of Chapter.
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