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Stewie can do better.

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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628718751,85030 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

Back to school.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Check previous disclaimers.
*Mental conversation*



Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy's Room.





Buffy wakes up. She looks through blurry eyes at the thing formerly known as the alarm clock. Now better known as Mister smashed bits. 'Maybe Stewie can put his freakishly large brain to better use and come up with a better alarm clock. May inner Slayer, so doesn't like mornings.' she thinks, as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes.

"Buffy... Time to wake up honey." says her mother standing in the doorway. She notices Mister smashed bits on the desk, on the floor and some of him is even in Buffy's bed. "Oh, Buffy. That's the third one this week... I'll talk to Stewie. I'm sure he can come up with something..." she sighs looking at the mechanical carnage.

"Yeah, maybe he could fit it in his busy schedule. Somewhere between taking over the world one dollar at a time and planning a space invasion against snake-y space pirates." she says getting out of bed, and picking her way carefully to avoid the menace of Mister smashed bits. She didn't like how he was looking at her. Obviously planing on taking revenge for what she did to his relatives.

"I'll get you the broom and dust pan." Joyce helpfully tells her oldest child.

"Thanks mom." Buffy replies sarcastically.

Joyce laughs. "That's what moms are for honey. Don't take too long. Today's your first day back at school." She leaves Buffy and goes to Dawn's room. Her second daughter needs more of an incentive to get up. Maybe a bribe. It's one of the reasons she buy the sugar laden breakfast cereal these days. Since she doesn't have to worry about cavities she wasn't against using sugar to help her get her children up in the morning. They have all day to burn it off at school, before she has to deal with them. They should be off the sugar high by the time they get home, this afternoon.

Buffy makes her way to the bathroom, for her daily ritual. The one good thing of getting up before the terror twins. 'Not waiting for the bathroom, totally worth it.' she thinks.

By the time she's done, Dawn was waiting for her turn in her Jammie.

"Took you long enough. But I guess you need the extra time to remove the ugly." Dawn tells Buffy as she dances from foot to foot.

Buffy smirks and gives her sister an evil little smile. 'Oh yeah. So worth it.' she thinks.

Dawn runs past her. She wants to make Buffy suffer for making her wait, but that was part of the problem. She couldn't wait anymore.

By walks back to her room in triumph. 'It's good to be me.' she thinks.

She walks inside and as sees the broom and dust pan. There's even a note from her mom.

(ENJOY).

There was even a smiley face underneath.

'So that's where Stewie gets it from. I have an evil mother. To slay or not to slay. Hmm. Ah who am I kidding. I wouldn't survive the aftermath. Stewie cheats. He'd make it a Pyhrric victory at best.' she sighs.

She quickly takes care of the mess and gets ready for school.



Sunnydale High School, The Library.





Stewie was not a happy camper. Not at all.

'This is very disturbing. I don't like this at all.' he thinks, as he puts the book down.

Every week he spends an hour, under Giles' supervision. In the library, as part of his training. He was currently researching Slayer. Their short life expectancy was the one thing that was giving him a headache. Only two Slayers have made it over the age of eighteen. That was a staggering number of young girls dying every couple of years. Research also indicates that this was a recent trend. He really didn't care all that much about dead girls. This was history. Water under the bridge. No, his main concern was for his sister. She dies. she should no longer be under the Council's heavy handed thumbs. Another Slayer should have been activated by this time. He makes a note to look into that.

Slayers found over a thousand years ago, were longer lived. More made it, well into their twenties. Some even had children who then joined the Watchers council. Although that was mainly due to young Watchers and older slayers getting married after sharing the daily dangers of hunting the supernatural. 'I really can't see Buffy marrying Giles. There's just no way. although someone like Xander and Buffy... Maybe?'

The main reason he found for this turn around in the death rate, was the longer reach of the Watchers Council. They became more hide bound and their callous disregard for the life of these girls starts to take effect with the rise of the British Empire. 'Giles will not like this conclusion when I bring it up during our next meeting.' he reflects.

Research reveals that, The Cruciamentum test was responsible for the death of most veteran Slayers. This was a test used to boost a Slayers strength, as she becomes older. The English Watchers use it to control the slayers growing powers. As they grew older they become more independent. This does not go well with certain families that control the council. They use the ritual to eliminate any slayer that would not toe the line.

'The Cruciamentum test will take place on Buffy's 18th Birthday. She will not fail. These bastards are going to kill my sister. Oh I don't think so. Looks like I have an after school project that will keep me busy for the next few days.' he thinks. 'I don't think I'll be sharing this information with anyone just yet. Try and kill my sister will they. I don't think so. no one will kill Buffy, except maybe for me, if she becomes more annoying. Ah who am I kidding. That should be when she becomes more annoying. I should make sure to keep an appointment open for her in the sarcophagus. She will certainly need it. She's also going to need some help getting through The Cruciamentum. Those bloody, stupid bastards. Looks like I'm going to have to see what the Watchers Council really does for the slayer and what services they offer the world. If the need to remove them comes up. There shouldn't be a power vacuum for others to exploit. Only I should exploit it. No one else.' he thinks.



Sunnydale High, Quad.




"It was a nightmare, a total nightmare." Cordelia complains to Kate and Aura.

Cordelia and her two friends walk down the stairs and across the quad.

"I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?" she asks.

"Not you Cordy." replies Kate.

"But come on. You have to admit. We did have some fun when we showed up on the Riviera. You shoulda' have seen your face when we walked up the beach and saw up with Rosenberg." Aura tells her with a laugh.

"Yeah. what's up with that. I mean come on, Willow. She's alright, now that I've taken her and Buffy under my wing and made sure to burn 99 percent of her wardrobe. But why are you guys still hanging out with her?" she asks Aura.

"Well, for one: She's our boss. Don't tell anyone." Aura warns Cordelia.

Cordelia does a cross her heat and Aura continues.

"Plus you know Buffy's brother. Stewie wouldn't bring us along without her. And I'm so not gonna go against his that guy. I saw him make Bill Gates cry at a golf course in Malibu one time. I'm not gonna tell him what he can or can't do." she explains.

Kate nods in agreement. "Stewie's scary, but he's also connected to the cutest guys ever. You really should meet Lou and Cameron. They're nothing like the boys at school. It's going to be a come down when we rejoin the dating pool. Still... there are some guys..." she says with a twinkle in her eyes as she thinks about her attack plan to shag Mister Giles behind Miss Calendar's back.

"Bah. Stewie's not that scary." declares Cordelia.

"Maybe not to you. You don't work for him like we do. I for one am not willing to drop the perks that come along with the job as one of his assistants." explains Aura.

"They can't be that good?" says Cordelia.

"Ha! He like took us to meet you at the Riviera during high season and a shopping trip to Paris with an unlimited card. You saw the service we got when Harmony flashed that card around. I felt like a queen." Aura tells her with a snort.

"Okay. I'll give you that one. That card certainly opened some doors even I couldn't get into before. But still... Oh look, it's Buffy and Willow..." she calls the two girls over.

Buffy and Willow see them and walk over.

"By the way. What's the deal with you and Buffy?" asks Aura.

"I'm not sure, but there's like this connection... I'll let you know when I know." she says with a shrug that says it's not that important.

Aura drops it. Buffy and Willow join the three girls and walk inside.


Sunnydale High, Colonnade.




"The first day back. It always gets me." says Snyder.

"Yes." replies Giles, as the two of them walk along the colonnade.

"I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist." says Snyder. They stop, as Snyder looks around, observing the students.

"I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school's principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?" Giles asks the Hitler wanna be.

"Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a gibbering fool." Snyder replies.

Giles spots Jenny coming towards them.

"Ms. Calendar!" he says to get her attention.

"Mr. Giles!" replies Jenny.

"Well, I, uh, um... Hello!" he says.

"You see the way these kids gaze at each other... all moony." asks Snyder. They ignore him. They only have eyes for each other. Snyder might not as well exit.

'I Wish this little git would just disappear.' thinks Giles, as he gazes into Jenny's eyes.

"It's good to see you." says Jenny.

"Yes." he replies. He looses himself inside those bottomless and mysterious eyes.

"You think they're thinking about learning?" Snyder continues, unaware that he was no longer on their radar anymore.

"Uh, were you headed to the, uh, faculty room?" he asks.

"Sounds like fun!" she accepts his invitation with a dazzling smile. *Last night was wonderful. Thank you.* she tells him.

They head off to the faculty room leaving Snyder behind.

"I try and tell 'em about the important things in life. Discipline, responsibility, punctuality. Might as well be talking to myself." Snyder says to himself unaware that the two have already left.

Rupert and Jenny walk through the student lounge.

"How was the rest of your summer?" he asks. "I never got a chance to ask last night. You were a bit demanding when you showed up on my door in a rain coat with nothing underneath." he says.

"I thought you liked that?" she asks with mischievous little smile.

"I did. Very much so in fact." he replies returning her smile.

"Great. As for my summer it was 'Extreme'. I did Burning Man in Black Rock, ohhh, such a great festival, you should've been there. They had drum rituals, mobile sculptures, raves, naked mud dances, you would've just... hated it with a fiery passion!" she tells him with a laugh.

"I can't imagine finding any redeeming, uh..." he says, but stops at the base of the stairs as some thing filters through his reply "...Naked?" he asks.

"Hmm. And you probably spent all that time with your nose in a book." she says.

"Yes. I suppose you'd consider that frightfully dull. But I also did a bit of research with Dr. Daniel Jackson, on this absolutely fascinating project.

Jenny smiles as she listens to his story.

A few minutes later Willow and Xander come down the stairs. Buffy is not far behind them.

"Giles!" shouts Willow.

"Yo! G-man! What's up?" shouts Xander.

"Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that." says Giles.

"Hi, kids." says Jenny.

"Hi!" replies a bubbly Willow. She still wasn't over her Jenny crush. She got very giddy when ever she was near the woman.

"Jenny smiles as she detects Willow's interest.

*Jeez Will. Dial it back a bit. You're fawning all over the woman in front of Giles and Buffy.* Xander warns Willow.

*Whoops. Sorry Xander. But I can't help myself. Unattainable fruit and all that.* she replies.

*Just be careful and dial it back a little bit will you.* he request.

*Don't tell me you're not interested. 'Cause that would be a lie.* she tells him.

*I'm interested. I'm a walking hormone factory. Hell I'm even interested in Cordelia and she hates my guts.* he admits.

*Not really. I asked her, and she said that she's just going on momentum. She gets a charge out of a good argument and not many are willing to stand up to her like you do. She really likes, and respects that. Keep it up. We might be able to bag her as well.* she tells him.

*Willow Rosenberg! You're such a slut bomb. Did I tell you that I love you lately?* he asks.

*Not in the last hour you didn't.* she tells him.

*Sorry. My bad. I'll make it up to you and Marcie later. By the way, where's Marcie?* he asks.

"Where else... Stewie called, and she went running. she's a lot more dedicated to her job than I would have thought...* she replies.

Buffy arrives and interrupts their mental conversation.

"How are you?" asks Giles.

"Live and kicking." she replies.

"We killed a couple of vampires with Buffy last night." says Willow cheerfully.

They all look around to see if anyone overheard.

"Uh, I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm." Buffy tells Willow.

"Sorry." replies Willow hiding her red face in her hands.

"We've got vampires? I thought the Hellmouth was closed." Jenny asks quietly.

"Well, it's, it's closed, but not gone. The mystical energy that emanates from it is still concentrated in this area." explains Giles.

"Which means we're still the undead's favorite party town." adds Xander.

"I wonder if they're here for any purpose, particularly." wonders Giles.

"You're the Watcher. I just work here." replies Buffy.

"Yes, I-I must consult my books." he replies to her answer.

"Oh, eight minutes and thirty-three seconds, pay up." Xander says to Willow. Willow hands him a hundred dollar bill. "I called ten minutes before you'd consult your books about something." says Xander. He turns to Willow and adds, "Thanks."

The bell rings.

"We better get to class." says Willow.

They all start making their way to their classes.

"Oh, uh, Buffy!" says Giles quickly.

Buffy looks back.

"Uh, I realize you've only just returned, but when you're ready I-I think we should start your training again." Giles tells her.

"I'm ready. I'll see you after school." she replies. She starts to go again, but Giles not expecting that response continues.

"Well, I-I-I understand if, if you want a few days to..." he says

"I'm ready." Buffy tells him firmly. She leaves Giles behind as he looks at her retreating back.

'Strange...' he thinks.


Sunnydale High, Library, After school.




Buffy does tumbling and kicking exercises that take her all around the library. Then they continue training with the quarterstaff. Buffy swings it at Giles' hand pads. He retreats as she hits. He ducks a swing but she continues around with the quarterstaff and knocks him back into the chairs by the table. Next she practices her punches on the wooden punching dummy. She has a flash of the Master and begins to go crazy on it, throwing continuous rapid punches.

"Buffy, that's enough." Giles shouts at the girl, trying to bring her out of her trance.

She keeps whaling on the dummy.

"Buffy!" he shouts.

She kicks it, and it breaks.

"Uh, safe to say you've stayed in shape." he says.

"I'm ready. Whatever they've got coming next, I'm ready." Buffy tells Giles. She was breathing hard. She bunches her hair above her head and adds, "Yeah, bring it on."

"I can't believe you said that Buff. Haven't you learned anything last year?" asks Xander. He and Willow continue with their training. Without Stewie around, it was Xander's responsibility to take over Willow's training. It was a good way to get Xander thinking about his own technique.

When he trains these days, he includes the Jaffa martial arts, Teal'C still teaches him, at least once a week. He's been slipping a bit of it into Willow's training as well.

"Oh your so gonna get it hyena boy. You're next." says Buffy.

She advances menacingly in his direction.

"Gulp! Can't we talk about this?" he asks retreating from her advance.

"Yay Buffy. Kick his butt. He's bein' mean to me." Willow says encouraging Buffy to kick her boyfriends butt. 'I hope she does that bend-y thing where her ass sticks out.' she thinks sitting back and watching Buffy as she chases Xander all over the library.

She's faster and stronger than before so she gets in a few good shots, but he pulls a few good and unexpected moves on her. Still, one to four ratio isn't too bad in her book. Too bad she couldn't whale on Giles like she used to. 'Curse you Stewie, you meddler.' she thinks.




The student lounge.



Buffy is upstairs on a couch, off in her own world. Willow and Xander come up the stairs to her.

"Buffy!" says Xander. He gets no response, he tries again, "Buffy!"

"Fine! I'm fine." replies Buffy back on earth, after taking a look at the space junk all under her own power.

"Good! It's good that you're fine." Xander tells her, as he rubs the rapidly fading bruises on his arms.

"... Sorry." she says a alittle guilty for putting them there in the first place. "I surprised willow didn't offer to kiss the boo boos to make them better?" she asks.

Xander looks at his girlfriend and sighs, "She did, but she gets way to enthusiastic when she play nurse. I so don't wanna add to my colloection pain."

Willow sits on the couch opposite Buffy. She shrugs her shoulders. Xander steps past Buffy and sits on the couch next to her.

"What were you thinking about?" asks Willow as she gets out an apple, and starts to eat it.

"Nothing." says Buffy.

"Oh, c'mon, you can tell us. We're your bosom friends! The friends of your bosom!" says Xander, as he gets a power bar out of his bag.

"Xander." says Waillow

Xander winces at his power bar. Willow frowns at her apple. They toss them to each other over the table.

"I wasn't thinking anything, really." she smirks at her two friends. "I bet you rushed out of her room this morning." she told them with a laugh. It was the first laugh they saw out of her yet.

"What'd you do last night?" asks Willow.

"Mm. Slept. I had weird dreams." she says. "And I know better than to ask what you two were up to?" she adds. She was glad these two finally got together. Now if there was someone out there for her. Maybe a tall dark and mysterious someone, by the name of Angel.

"Dreams are meaningful." Xander tells her, trying to sound wise.

"Tsh! Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, I-it wasn't Xander. I-in fact it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it." she says.

"I bet she doesn't." says Buffy with a smile.

"Are we talking about Marcie?" asks the clueless male.

"Buffy!" Giles says running up to them.

"Giles!" she replies getting up from the comfy couch "What is it? You look worried." she asks.

"This vampire activity, I think I know what they're up to." says Giles.

"Well, we'll deal with it." she says confidently.

"I hope it's that simple." says Giles.

"It is not to worry. Trust me." he says.

"Oh, I don't know. I mean, I've killed you once, it shouldn't be too difficult to do it again." he says with a chuckle.

"What?" she asks, not beleiving his words.

Giles takes a hard backhand swing at her face, knocking her down onto the table between the two couches. He gets on top of her and begins to
choke her. Xander and Willow just sit on the couches and chew away at their food. Willow smiles at Xander. Buffy reaches up to Giles' face and
tries to push him off. She claws at him, and suddenly pulls off a mask, revealing the Master underneath. Buffy stares up at him in wide-eyed terror.

Buffy wakes from her nightmare with a start. She looks around and over at her open window. She sits up and rubs her face. When she looks back at her window again Angel is there, leaning against the sill.

"Hello." she says.

"Mind if I come in?" he asks.

"Be my guest." she tells him.

"How are you?" he asks. He tries to go through the window, but he bounces of an invisible shield and falls off the sill and down into the garden below.

Buffy laughs, but when she sees the hurt look on Angel's face she jumps and helps him up.

"Sorry I forgot... Stewie did some mambo jumbo thing and voila, not much many things are getting into the house, even with an invitation." she explains. "So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?" she asks.

"It's not a social call." he tells her.

"Ah. So, lemme guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home." she says.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had better news." he tells her.

"So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu!" she asks.

"The Anointed One. He's been gathering forces somewhere in town. I'm not sure why." he says.

"That little kidd-y vamp? Guess I'll find out soon enough, huh?" she says.

"You don't sound too concerned." he asks.

"I can handle myself. Besides, I could use a little action anyway." she says sounding bored.

"Don't underestimate the Anointed One just because he looks like a child. He has power over the rest of them. They'll do anything for him." he explains the danger.

"Is that it? Is that everything? Y'know, 'cause you woke me up from a really good dream." says Buffy.

She turns away from him and leans against the wall.

"Sorry. I'll go." he tells her. "I missed you." he adds.

"I missed you?" she replies, but Angel is already gone.



England, London, Main Offices of the Watchers Council."




Stewie and his pet Marcie breathe through to the inner sanctum of the Watchers. He was after any and all information pertaining to 'The Cruciamentum' mostly he wants a copy of the magical serum and instruction on how to make his own, because you never know when you needed to use it.

'Pay-dirt! The fools have put the formula beside the instructions. I wonder what the rest of this stuff does.' he thinks looking around.

The room was full of books on one side and potions on the other.

He uses one of his smaller robotic creations to extract a tiny sample straight from the bottle without disturbing the bottle itself. Other bots get to work on copying everything they can while they're here. Marcie sits in the center of a 'Floating Disk' the both avoid the electronic and magical wards by not touching anything, or creating a displacement field, over an area to bypass it completely. Tiny dust motes travel between the rooms and broadcast what they see back to the floater. Stewie had taken the time necessary to bypass every security measure the Watchers have in place. After fifty five minutes he pulls everything back to the floater. His bots got eighty five percent of the information in this room as well as samples of various potions.

On their way back out of the compound he leaves behind several inert dust motes that would store information under certain conditions, and would wait until an appropriate variably generated time to broadcast what they gather.

They make their way back to the roof top and float up into a cloaked ship packed above the Watchers' building. The ship quickly and quietly makes it's way out of the atmosphere and flies towards Sunnydale. On the way back Stewie's A.I's erase all evidence of his trip around the planet.

Work in progress...




Know who your friends are.
Sunnydale, SRL Building.





Stewie looks through the notes. The Cruciamentum was a deceptively easy serum to make. Absolutely harmless unless a certain ritual was done by a certain person. A person like himself, born of a Slayer or a Potential, like his mother. That individual must also be affiliated with the Watchers Council in some capacity. Like say: An Apprentice Watcher for instance.

The serum was an easy potion to make. Too easy. There was only one way to test it. He checks his monitor and can see that Buffy was sleeping in her room. He presses another button to release an odorless clear gas to make sure she stays asleep.

'Let's see. The instructions say four doses every six hours.' he thinks, as he loads the payloads into a small robot and sends it on its way. There was enough time to get her twice before she has to go to school.

He sighs and goes back to studying his pilfered treasure of Watchers crap. Most of the information was crap, a lot of the potions were barely useful. Like how to poison a Vampire. A Vampire sleeping potion, and so on. 'What the hell do I need a vampire poison for? Much easier to use a toothpick delivery system and turn then into an instant dust cloud.' He checks one of his smaller assembly lines and notes that the toothpick delivery system was about to complete it's first run.

The dart would be shot from a high speed launcher. The dart itself was inside a sabot casing and would fire the toothpick into the target after the dart was in the heart. A tiny scanner would check the position. If the dart was not in the heart it would navigate to the heart and fire the toothpick.

It was a smart weapon, in that it would not be a fire and forget weapon, It would continue on its way to the target, if it could.

It was a toy. Something he came up with while tinkering. Whenever there's an obstacle to his plans, he tinkers. Giving his subconscious the time to come up with a solution while he did something else. It works often enough that his tinkering has produced too many things that had absolutely no market value, unless you were into torture, or maybe even for those in the intelligence extraction business, and those bastards had enough toys to play with, without adding the fruits of his restless mind to their arsenal.


Sunnydale High School, The Library.





Buffy was going all out trying to punish Giles. For some reason it wasn't working. She knew that Giles got the same upgrade, like the rest of her family and friends. But after her short death sentence she was a lot stronger and faster. Almost twice what she was at, before her death. And yet, for some reason she still couldn't catch Stewie, and Xander was still as slippery as ever. But with Xander, all she had to do was play to his fantasy girl obsession, and he would quickly fall victim to her slayer tricks.

Stewie had no such weakness. Curse the tiny fiend. He was still one inch smaller than her, but Dawn was one inch taller. And she was making the most of it. It looks like Dawn was going to be just as tall as Joyce. She sighs at the thought, but tries harder to punish Giles for Dawn's growth spurt.

He was still not going down. 'What the hell is wrong? What's going on here?' she thinks.

She steps back and calls for a stop.

"Oh- Thank- God!" says Giles as he drops into a chair from exhaustion. "I, I'm glad that you're taking your training so seriously... But most you try to kill me every time we spar?" he asks sucking great big gulps of air into his exhausted and abused body.

"Don't be such a baby." she pouts. "There's hardly a mark on you." she says peevishly. She was really trying. "What's wrong with me Giles?" she asks her Watcher.

"Wha, What-What, do you mean?" he asks between gulps of air.

"I, I mean I was like going all slay gal, and you weren't folding like you usually do. You kept me going for forty minutes at my full out pace. Have you been eating you Wheaties?" she asks.

"'It is the breakfast of Champions.' Buffy." quotes Willow with a smile. She was still in a daze from watching Buffy as she whales on Giles. Her body was still glistening with sweat and, and everything. She was so giddy she could hardly wait for Xander to come in, so she could take him to a broom closet, so she could release some tension.

"Gotta admit: You are pretty good for an older librarian guy." confesses Cordelia.

"Um, hmm." agree The Cordettes in two part harmony. They were all giving Giles the look.

'I thought I was done being a piece of meat to the girls when they selected those soldiers as their mates? It must be that hormonal imbalance they have. As the only male present they could 'respect' it would seem they are back as my cheering section. I'm not sure if Jenny is going to like this. In fact I'm sure she's not going to like it at all.' he thinks.

"Well?" asks Buffy.

"I, I, I'm sorry Buffy, but what was the question again?" he asks between semi fake gulps of air.

"What's wrong with me?" she asks again.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with you. In fact Your training is progressing quite well. You show marked improvement..." he explains.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were magnificent..." she interrupts. "But I really should have put you away a lot sooner. Hell the only reason we stopped, is because you didn't fold like normal. So there's gotta be something wrong." she concludes.

"Maybe you've caught a bug, or something. I could check you up later. Come by the office this afternoon, but until then, here I've got a vitamin supplement you could use, if your feeling off." says Stewie. 'Says the spider to the fly. Welcome to my parlor Miss Thing.' he thinks.

"'Kay. I guess it can't hurt. But, wait. Are you sure these are really vitamins?" she asks.

"What? Are you doubting my word, as your family physician?" he asks.

"I always doubt your words. But I guess even you have to stick by the hypno-condriatic oath." she replies.

"Yes. I stand by the the hypno-condriatic oath, one hundred percent. Come here, and pull down your pants." he commands.

"Uh, uh. Not in front of Giles." she cries.

"Oh for heavens sakes." he sighs. Mr. Giles, now that you've caught your breath, could you please..." he requests.

"... Go into my office? Gladly." says Giles racing into his sanctum, as the door closes behind him.

"Uh, Stewie?" asks Willow.

"Yes, Willow?" he replies.

"What's the hypno-condriatic oath?" she asks.

"Willow, how long have you know Buffy the Great Butcher of Legend? No word longer than two syllables will escape her wrath." explains Stewie.

"Oh. Okay." she replies. "So, what your saying is that she means..."

"Ow! That hurts you hack." yells Buffy as Stewie jabs her butt with the needle.

"Stop complaining like a little girl. You're the one who keeps saying 'Look at me. I'm the Slayer.'" he whines trying to imitate his sister. "Act like it." he commands.

"I have to admit. You were whining." says Cordelia with a smirk.

"I so don't whine. And I so don't whine like that." she complains. She rubs her ass, trying to relieve the pain. 'Damn that stings.' "What the hell did you shoot me with?" she asks.

"Like you'll understand anything I have to tell you?" he scoffs. "Go do something useful. Five laps around the library. Chop. Chop." he commands, as he puts away the evidence.

Reluctantly she does, as her brother commands.

"Girls! Join her." he shouts.

The Cordettes' conditioning kicks in and they jump to obey.

Cordelia shakes her head at the way they jump to obey his commands. 'They never jump like that when I ask. What makes the little dweeb so special?' she thinks.

Willow suddenly gets up and sprints to the library doors. She closes the doors behind her and races to meet Xander before he walks in. They have a date with a broom closet.

'Hmm, I wonder what's up with her. Probably looking for a broom closet. Man, could she have been more turned on, or what?' Cordelia thinks with a mental snort.



Sunnydale High School, Broom Closet.




Willow kisses Xander for all he's worth and then some. The 'Willow Slut Assault Attack.' took Xander by surprise, but he recovers quickly. After a few minutes his brain retains enough cells to come back online. 'I wonder what brought that on. Not that I'm complaining or anything.' he thinks.

He enjoys Willow's horny attack for a few more minutes. For any teenager this would have been hard to take. But Xander has been on the receiving end of both Marcie and Willow's sexual depravity, not to minimize his own contributions, but a steady diet of depraved sex, has built up enough stamina for him to think about other things during an assault of passion from either girlfriend. Sometimes, every few minutes, his mind can come up with a completely unrelated thought for a few seconds. This was one of those times.

*So Willow, what's up?* he asks mentally, while he enjoys her wondering hands.

*What are you talking about?* she asks. *Why must anything be up? Can't I just want some quality time with my best ever 'Guy Pal'?*

*Of course not.* he answers. *But the fact that you were practically dripping, and broadcasting your interest to every Giles, Aura and Harmony, and not to mention Cordelia in the place... A guy's gotta wonder why?* he asks.

Willow turns even redder than she was, and sends Xander a mental image. The reason for her assault.

After Xander's brain shuts down from trying to analyze the images that drove for Willow to this state of arousal for the third time, he makes an effort to recover. Willow continues to have her way with him during that time. It adds to the recovery time, but all in a good cause, keeping his Willow happy. But after a few more minutes his brain comes back online.

"WOW!" he exclaims. "No wonder you were such a horny little girl." he says out loud.

*You know... I think that floor looks pretty inviting...* he tells her.

Willow squeals in agreement, as he takes her down and shows her who's the man in this relationship.

As Cordelia passes the broom closet, she can hear and smell the pair. 'Lucky nerds. It's nice that they finally found each other like that. Looks like they're trying to increase the numbers of the dweeb and nerd nations.' she thinks, as she makes her way to class. The bell rings and it looks like Xander and Willow would be a bit late.


Sunnydale, SRL Building.





After school, Stewie leads Buffy into the medical wing. After giving her the fourth shot, he examines the effects of the serum on her body. He then compares the results against his base subjects. The shots he gave both Marcie and Harmony. He notes that there's no changes in the either girl, but after the fourth shot he could tell that Buffy was weakening rapidly.

The examination table she's on, quickly puts her into an electronic sleep. While he was busy with Buffy in the medical wing. An attempt to steal the fake remains of the Master from the trophy room was underway.

Stewie looks at the monitors and checks the progress of the demon stealing the Master's fake skeleton. He was no fool after all. He had made sure that the skeleton was properly taken care off. It was first crushed into a fine powder, mixed into a batch of cement and launched by one of the Hell-Dog fighters into the sun. There was no way that vamp was coming back. After all 'Paranoia thy name is Stewie.'

The invisible demon makes his way through the display cases with confidence. It was sure that nothing would detect it, unfortunately for it the slightly insane... (Okay, very much insane, would be world ruler.) was able to see it due to all the experiments he did with Marcie trying to detect the girl through her invisibility field. Each experiment adds a layer to his systems ability to detect an invisible spectrum. Der Kinderstood's invisibility field was one of those layers.

The demon in the black trench coat and hat walks to the display case and punches the case as hard as he can to shatter the 'Glass'. But unfortunately for it, the field around the case was made of sterner stuff.

The demon's hand almost shatters on impact. It hops around in pain as it curses the caster of this invisible force field.

It looks around in panic as the alarm sounds. It looks for a way to disable the field. It takes out a rod and touches the field. It creates an opening large enough to remove the skeleton from the case, with some difficulty.

After putting the skeleton, and the rod away it makes it's way out of the building, as fast as it can run. What ever, or whoever cast that shield could still be around, and it didn't want to go against that mage. It wasn't being payed enough to tangle with mages.

Stewie tasks one of the smaller flying observation robots to follow the demon to it's destination. It had ignored everything in the room. It went straight for the skeleton.

'How curious. It looks like someone is trying to resurrect the Master. I wonder who? No matter. I'll find out soon enough. Looks like the observations net I've deployed around the 'Dale is about to be put to good use.' he thinks.

"Donald?" he says outloud.

"Yesss Sirrr?" asks the Robo Duck.

"Have the boys make us another skeleton please." he requests.

"Right away sirrr." replies the slightly volatile A.I.

"Good man that Donald." says Stewie as he gets back to his sleeping sister.




Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy's Room.





Next morning Buffy wakes up feeling a little better. She almost sleep walks through her morning ritual, before her brother and sister wake up.

"Good morning Buffy. How did you sleep?" asks Joyce.

Buffy thinks about it for a minute and says, "Good... I haven't slept like that in a good long time. This was like... The best sleep ever." she replies.

"That's great honey. Here you go. Dig in." she says serving up a huge breakfast dish, with all the her favorites.

"Thanks mom. You're the best." Buffy tells Joyce with a huge smile.

"That's my girl." Joyce replies with a huge smile of her own.


Sunnydale High School, The Library.






Buffy starts with her regular warm up. Light stretching and exercises. Exercises she's done ever since she was a little girl. This was the same routine her cheerleading coach put her on a life time ago. She still did them before every work out.

"Are, are you ready Buffy." Giles asks with a bit of trepidation in his voice.

Yesterdays workout was the best workout he ever went though in his entire life. It felt, both good and torturous at the same time.

"Go for broke Giles." she challenges.

"Very well." he replies. He starts of lightly, testing the waters, a few feints here and there, and then he speeds up and lands a blow to her head dropping her like a rock, to the library floor in one blow. Giles walks back and stares at his slayer. "Um, uh, B-Buffy?" he asks.

Cordelia runs by the Watcher and pushes him out of the way. "Move!" she shouts.

She quickly checks Buffy's head.

Willow is right next to her, checking Buffy breathing.

Giles blinks and stares again, "... Um, Buffy?" he whispers. He drops the staff and runs to his office, and brings out the giant first aid kit Stewie left for, just such occasions.

He drops the box beside the girls and opens it. Willow snatches the box out of his hands and dives in. She knows what she needs and quickly gets to work. Cordelia recognizes that Willow seems to know what she's doing and helps out by carrying out her orders.

'Stewie's a doctor.' thinks Cordelia. "Aura! Get Stewie." she commands her friend.

"Right away." she replies. She gets out her cell and punches the first number on the quick dial to get Stewie on the line. "Stewie! We need you. Buffy's down." she says when Stewie answers his cell.

"What's going on? Report!" he commands.

Aura quickly drops into debrief mode and describes everything.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." he starts to swear. "I'll be there in a few seconds. Help them out." he commands.

"Yes sir." she replies.

The conversation doesn't escape Cordelia's sharp ears.

Aura drops beside Willow and quickly takes out a few diagnostic devices. She attaches them to Buffy and starts to keep a close eye on the readings.

A minute later Stewie bursts through the front doors and lands beside Aura. He was monitoring the girls progress though his PDA. The library was wired after all.

Aura passes the information she manages to record in the last minute and a half.

He takes a quick look and shoos Willow and Cordelia out of the way. He begins a quick scan and than administers an few shots from the first aid kit.

"Looks like we have a sticky situation here old man." he tells Giles. "She's stable for now, but she may not pull through. That must have been some shot you landed." he says.

"Uh, uh, well... Um, g-good lord" Giles stammers.

"Good Lord indeed." he replies.

"What-What could have happened?" asks Giles in bewilderment.

"You hit her on the head with a high powered strike, and it looks like her hard head stopped most of the force you applied, but she's not recovering like a Slayer should. Look here. Do you see this?" he asks pointing at a display.

"Yes. I see. What does it, uh... What I mean is, could-could you please explain it?" he asks.

Stewie sighs. "She's not behaving like a Slayer, because it looks like she's not the Slayer." Stewie explains. "Is there a test you can do to detect the Slayer spirit?" Stewie asks.

"Uh, well, yes, actually there is. One moment please. I'll get a map to and a few things, could you help her... While I, I..." he stammers

"Yes, yes, yes. Go on. I have stabilized her, for now..." he tells the senior Watcher.

Giles runs to his office to get his equipment.

"What's going on here you freak?" demands Cordelia.

"Stewie? Is Buffy going to be okay?" asks Willow with tears in hers eyes.

"Of course she's going to be okay. Do you think I would let something like a little hit to the head..." he stops posturing as the girls give him the look. He sighs and says, "... It's serious." he confesses. "But I think I can help her, but I'm going to need your help Cordelia."

"What do you want me to do?" she replies.

"After Giles does his spell I will need your help. A while ago you were caught in a spell I used to boost the girls. Due to your strong personality, you became the Alpha Bitch. I'll need that 'Bitch-y-ness, to help Buffy." he explains.

"Let me get this straight. You want to use my Bitch-y-ness to help cure Buffy?" she asks not believing a word.

"If you're going to put it that way, of course it's sounds insane. What I need... What Buffy needs, is for you to share your Inner Alpha Bitch to help Buffy heal herself. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to share your bitch-y-ness? Are you willing to use it as a force for good, instead of evil?" Stewie asks.

Cordelia thinks about what the crazy and probably insane child wants to do for a few seconds. She knew she was a lot stronger and faster, and there was that one time she healed a cut at an insane speed. 'Looks like one mystery just got cleared up, and a few more were added. If I'm going to get to the bottom of this thing, I'll need to get closer to this dangerous nut case.' with a deep sigh she agrees to share.

"Good. And here's Giles. What do we need to do? And will it take long?" he asks.

"Uh, no. It's quite a fast and accurate little spell. I was going to teach it to you soon." he replies.

Giles sets up the ritual and teaches Stewie how to cast it, at the same time.

Stewie takes notes.

When Giles chants the final command, a light hovers over the map and it quickly scans Buffy and travels to the east. The light over Buffy disappears and the light over the map quickly makes it out of Sunnydale and flies east all the way to the middle of the Atlantic. It hovers over a remote region in Jamaica.

"Oh dear. It looks like Buffy's no longer the Slayer. How, how could this have happened?" he asks.

"She did 'Die.' Giles. I know that's how the spirit is released. It looks like we have ourselves another Slayer." says Stewie. "Come on. We need to move quickly, if we're going to save Buffy." he tells them.

"How are we going to do that?" Giles asks.

"Watch, and learn." Stewie replies.

Aura and the girls get his ritual casting equipment, and he directs them in their placement of the clear plastic mat. He first erects a barrier to keep the worst of the effects of the Hellmouth out, and casts the ritual with Cordelia holding Buffy's bleeding hands in her own cut palms. Their blood mingles on the plastic cover and pools under them.

"You're so gonna owe me an original dress after this." she threatens.

"Not to worry. How about an all expenses payed trip to Paris for all of you girls sounds?" he asks.

"... it's a step in the right direction. We'll talk after this." she says.

"It's a deal then." he says quickly before she raises her price.

The ritual doesn't take long. The hard part, was in creating the symbols and preparing the plastic sheet, and that part was already done.

Giles watches in fascination as lightning envelopes Cordelia and Buffy's hands. The energy quickly envelops the pair. When it completely covers both girls, it gets absorbed back into the two bodies. The energy that makes up the two girls, gets shared by the two girls. Equally.

The spell dies down and Stewie steps back. Cordelia is the first one, to recover, and a few minutes later, Buffy regenerates the damage to her head. She moans. It was the first sound she makes since the blow to her head put her lights out.

Stewie checks her progress, every few seconds. A few minutes later she opens her eyes.

She sees Stewie looking down at her. She blinks a few times. Her head still hurts, but she was aware of the people around her. She raises her hand to wipe her forehead and smears blood all over her face.

Buffy looks at her bloody hand. She then looks at Giles. "What's going on?" she asks her Watcher. She so wasn't about to ask her brother. He has a bad habit of playing with the truth.

"Well, um, you see there was a bit of an accident. I, I, I-we were sparing and I hit you on the head. With-with the quarterstaff and I am deeply sorry I hurt you. It wasn't my intention, but, but..." Giles explains, but before he could go on and bore her to death, she holds up her hand to stop him from explaining further. She point to Cordelia.

"He hit you. You did a swan dive. The menace did some hocus pocus and linked you and me in some kind of inner bitch sisterhood bond thing, and now you're all better." explains Cordelia.

"We, we're sister?" she asks.

"You got it. We're the sisterhood of the Alpha bitch." she declares.

"Oh boy." replies Buffy.

"Welcome to the club." says Cordelia with a mega watt smile. "Wow I feel like a million dollars. I thought I was going to be wiped.

"Uh... Giles?" says Willow.

"Y-Yes, yes Willow?" he replies.

"What does this mean?" she asks pointing at the map.

Giles looks at the three lights on the map. Two in Sunnydale and one hovering over the tiny island in the Atlantic. "Oh. Dear, oh dear, oh dear." he says.

"What is it?" she asks.

Stewie looks at the map and laughs.

"What's going on?" asks Buffy.

"Looks like I just made me another Slayer. HA!" he replies with an evil laugh.

"You did what?" shouts Buffy.

"Well what did you expect me to do? Let you die perhaps. You may be a pain, but you're still my sister." says Stewie.

"How?" asks Giles.

"It's quite simple. Buffy's a Slayer, just not the Slayer. Your spell confirms it. Whatever made her this weak, and I will find out. You have my word on that." he promises Buffy. "Couldn't stop her from being a Slayer. It looks like once a Slayer, always a Slayer. The Slayer Spirit that powers the potentials, looks to have moved on to greener pastures. Combining Cordelia and Buffy's powers turns them into, for lack of a better word, enhanced Slayers. The Slayer spirit has moved on, otherwise it would have fought the ritual to combine the two into one." Stewie explains.

"So, so then Buffy, while still a Slayer, is no longer 'The Slayer.'" guesses Giles.

"Looks like. I wonder why the council hasn't sent us word about the new Slayer?" asks Stewie.

"Does this mean I'm out of the Slaying business. Can-Can I chuck this whole slay festival out the window?" asks Buffy.

"And what about me? Sure the powers are a rush, but no way am I going out to fight the undead. I need my beauty sleep." says Cordelia.

"You two are Slayers. And you still have everything that goes with being one. You'll still get the itch to go out and kill things, and you're still targets for all the evil creatures that can sense you, and want to add a Slayer notch to their belts." explains Stewie.

"God! I hate this crap. Even when I die I can't get a freaking break." Buffy shouts in anguish.

"B-Buffy?" says Willow running to give a hug.

"It, it's too much Will. I can't keep taking this crap. It keeps coming after me, even death can't keep it away. What about you guys? What about my friends? Will you all die too, because, because of this crappy deal that never ends?" Buffy cries on Willow's shoulders.

Cordelia gives the two girls a hug. She feels all the pain and anguish pouring out of Buffy though their new soul link. She still doesn't understand what just happened to her. She didn't understand that she just got a huge target painted on her back in big neon letters that says 'Slayer.'.

Giles gets out of his funk and looks up from the three lights on the map. He says a few words to dismiss the ritual. He goes to Buffy and joins the girls giving them a hug.

Stewie does the same thing. He didn't want to be left out. He raises his hand and waves to the girls, that they should join the group hug as well. He didn't want them to stand out.

When Xander enters the library and sees the group hug, he joins in as well. He makes sure to pick a spot with out a Giles, or a Stewie in it, and enjoys the feeling of being surrounded by all the gorgeous teen girl flesh that would bleed a lesser man unconscious.

When the group hug breaks up. Giles takes Cordelia aside and explains what happened to her, and what her new life would mean.

"OH! NO! HELL NO! No way are you going to turn me into the queen freak. Girls we're leaving." she screams.

The Cordettes follow their queen out of the library. After all, she was still the Alpha Bitch. Her and Buffy, and Miss Calendar, but she wasn't here. And Buffy didn't say anything to contradict Cordelia, so the command was clear. They followed without a problem.

"What just happened?" asks Xander.

Willow takes him aside and explains. When she was done he looks at Buffy and gives another hug. "I'm sorry Buff. If I could I'd make all your pain go away." he tells her.

Buffy starts to cry all over again. 'Damn it. When the hell did I become emo girl.' she thinks.

"What I still don't understand, is what happened to Buffy's slay powers? Can they just go away on their own like that?" he asks.

"No. She's still a Slayer, just a de-powered Slayer." Willow quickly replies.

"How do you de-power a Slayer?" he asks Willow. He turns to Giles and says, "I thought that once a Slayer always a Slayer. Is there like, Slayer Kryptonite out there or what?" he asks.

"There, there are certain drugs, and rituals that, that could suppress the Slayer spirit for a short while. As well as certain illnesses... I really must consult my books to be certain... Buffy how did you feel this morning? Did you notice anything strange when you woke up?" he asks.

"I, I was feeling great this morning. I've had one of the best sleeps, in like... Ever." she replies. "Yesterday, was kinda yucky, but after Stewie gave me those shots I was okay, but..." she didn't know how to explain it.

"Looks like you got a bug that brought you down." says Xander. "Hey I thought Slayers were like indestructible. That they didn't get sick like the rest of us mortals?" he asks Giles.

"Don't be silly. They're not one of your silly comic book heroes. Slayer are still human girls, true, they are more resilient, but still human girls none the less. Subject to much the same weaknesses frailties, that the rest of us mortals, as you put it, have to bear." he explains.

"Wow. Bugs of Kryptonite. What's next?" he asks.

"Well if you're going to put it that way... quite right. It's one of the Slayer's few weaknesses." says Giles.

"So we're like hitting the books? You know to research what happened to Buffy?" asks Willow hopefully.

"For me and Stewie yes. For the rest of you..." he says as the bell rings. "... You have to get to class."

Buffy, Willow and Xander leave.

Giles and Stewie hit the books.

'At the very least I have the location of another Slayer. I think a midnight visit is in order.' thinks Stewie. 'I can hardly contain myself. What should I with her first. If Buffy and Cordelia are Slayers, could I create more? Will I be able to put them under my control? Oh life is good. I can't wait until night falls on this sleepy, but horrifying little hamlet.'

To be continued...


New Toy!
Sunnydale, SRL Building.





Stewie was giddy. He just went out and got himself another Slayer to play with. She was a young Jamaican girl, by the name of Kendra no last name. He was bouncing off the walls. The first thing he did after getting back from his misadventure was to put girl on his lab and get her stats before he killed her. He made sure to administer the four shots to de-power the girl, before he did that.

Kendra was in the Sarcophagus at the moment. While in there he added a few touches to her DNA, like changing her skin colour slightly and giving her an oriental look.

He then casts the spell he learned yesterday, from Giles, to detect the Slayer essence.

"YES!" he shouts in triumph as yet another Slayer is called. The lights hover over the map. three hover over Sunnydale and one on the east coast in Boston. 'Should I... Or shouldn't I?' he thinks about grabbing the new girl. He decides against it. For now.

The mystic shields around his building will block anyone from locating his latest acquisition.

when the Sarcophagus is done. Stewie helps the girl out.

"What c'n I do fer you Master. How c'n I serve?" she asks.

"Oh no. That accent will just not go with that face. Come a long Kara. We have some more work to do. I think a Cali girl accent will do for now, and we'll add a bit of Japanese language in the mix while we're at it." says Stewie.

Kendra who from this moment will forever be known as Kara follows her master.

"In you go." he commands.

Kara enters the newly created reconstruction chamber, mark I. Inside Stewie dials up the program and starts to add a bit of this and a bit of that to Kara mental matrix. when he was done he takes the girl out and puts her through the ritual to add her to his Hyena Pack. He has big plans for the girl. She would be a henchmen. Even better than Xander.

His A.I. creates a new identity for the girl, and a history that has her as his personal assistant, just like Harmony, but unlike Harmony, she would be competent and follow every command.

The Harmony mark I model still has many flaws, but it was a work in progress. He will not admit defeat. If he has to put the girl through every conceivable experiment, then that's what he'll do.



Sunnydale High School, The Library.





Buffy was again training in the library. This time she was the trainer. Giles walks around the two girls assessing the new Slayer's progress.

"Cordelia, keep your right hand in the guard position. Stop flapping about like a dead fish. Alright Buffy, once more please." he says.

"Oh-Come-On. I've been at this all morning. I need a break." yells Cordelia.

"I wouldn't mind a break myself." adds Buffy. "Come on Cordy, let's go get some snacks. My mom made made cookies... Share?" she asks.

"... Share." Cordelia agrees. Ever since the spell yesterday, she has energy to burn like no one's business. On the plus side: No more worries about her waist line. Fabulous Hips for life, so a plus. The down side: Demon target for life, it was a toss up. she wasn't sure it balanced out, but it was darn close.

Willow and The Cordettes were going through their own routine. they were so far ahead of her. 'God, even that wallflower Rosenberg is doing better than I am. There's no justice. I'm a cheerleader. I'm so much better than her.' Cordy checks her body against Willows. She has to admit that while she was the better woman, Willow wasn't that far behind her.

'What can I expect. I mean I do good work, and she's one of my better projects. Still... That creep Stewie better deliver on that shopping trip like he promised. Maybe willow can bring Xander along to carry our bags. we'll need a porter, and lucky her, she already has one. I so need a boyfriend, but the choices are so lacking this year. those damn vamps keep killing all the best material.' Cordy munches on the surprisingly good cookie. But then Joyce Summers has that June Cleaver thing going for her. 'She's got everything. A great mother. An Okay sister, and a creepy younger brother. she has it all. All I get is a trust fund and the occasional buy out for my affections when the 'Rents are fighting.'

She looks at her friends again. 'When the hell did they get so good at this crap. They're out just as much as I am. Maybe I should ask them... but I don't want to look weak in front of them. Those girls would tear me apart at the first sign weakness.' She finishes the cookie and decides on a course of action.

"Aura. Come here please." she commands.

Aura stops beating on Kate and comes over. "Hey Cordy. What's up?" she asks.

"How did you guys get so good. I mean sure I'm picking it up fast and everything now that i have that extra edge, but how are you guys able to keep up?" she asks.

"It's all thanks to Stewie. He trains us personally. You should see what he's done with Harmony and Xander. Now those guys are scary." Aura tells her with a wide smile.

"Yeah. I've seen what Harmony can do, but Xander?" she asks.

"Oh yeah. Xander's like wicked scary. He can keep up with Buffy sometimes, and you know how that is." says Aura.

"Yeah... I know how that goes." she confirms.

"Looks like break time's up." Cordy tells Aura, as she gets back to work.

"Alright girls. Let's try that last exercise again, this time I want to see it at twice the speed as the last time." Giles tells her and Buffy.

"'Kay." replies Buffy.

'Here we go again. The things I do to stay alive.' thinks Cordelia.


Sunnydale, The Bronze.





Buffy walks into the Bronze. Angel sees her come in and goes over to her.

"Hi." she says.

"Hi." he replies.

"So, is there danger at the Bronze? Should I beware?" she asks.

"I can't help thinking I've done something to make you angry. And that bothers me more than I'd like." says Angel.

"I'm not angry. I don't know where that comes from." replies Buffy.

"What are you afraid of? Me? Us?" he asks.

"Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no 'us'. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living." she explains.

She heads over to Willow and Xander's table. Cordelia watches her go by, and wonders about her attitude.

"Hey!" says Buffy to Willow and Xander.

"Hi." replies Willow.

"Hey." repeats Xander.

"What's wrong with Angel?" asks Willow.

"You mean beside the fact he's dead?" asks Xander.

Willow glares him into silence.

He mimes zipping his mouth shut, but the smile never leaves his face.

"Beats me." says Buffy. "Let's dance." she says to Xander. She pulls him to the dance floor, Willow follows.

"Ooo-kay." he says as Buffy pulls him, by his shirt.

Buffy and Xander begin to slow dance. Her movements are very sensual. Willow joins in.

Buffy turns around and spoons in against Xander, pulling his arms around her waist. She grinds her hips and shoulders against him.

She reaches up with her hand and strokes his face. Angel looks on jealously. Willow watches in disbelief. Buffy continues her grinding.

Buffy turns to Xander and tilts her head up to his, close enough to kiss.

"Xander? Did I ever thank you... for saving my life?" she asks.

"Yes." he replies.

Buffy slowly slithers around him, making sure not to lose contact with his body.

"Don't you wish I would do more?" she asks.

"What the hell? Buffy what are you doing? Why?" asks Willow.

She breaks off, leaving them standing there. Xander and Willow aren't sure what to make of it all, but they know, that they don't like it.

Buffy goes back to their table and retrieves her jacket.

She walks past Cordelia as she makes her way out of the Bronze. Angel follows her with his stare.

Xander is still standing on the dance floor, upset and unsure how to react. Willow grabs him and plants a deep kiss that brings him back to her. He looks into Willow's eyes and they start to dance together. Without looking at anyone else in the club. 'Buffy can go hang for all I care, for tonight, all my attentions are for my real girl.' he thinks.

Buffy walks out of the Bronze and walks down the alley at a quick pace. Cordelia follows her out.

"Buffy." she yells. "You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?" she asks.

"As defending champion, you nervous?" she asks.

"I can hold my own. You know, we've been getting close lately, which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much before, but... you have on occasion shown some promise, so I'm gonna... do you a favor." says Cordelia

"And this great favor is..." asks Buffy.

"I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it. It's about damn time. I'm in the same boat you're in right now, get over your funk. I'm going to need you. Buffy the 'Friend.', not Buffy the 'Bitch.'" says Cordy getting into her space.

"Excuse me?" asks Buffy taking a step back, but Cordy stays with her.

"Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're going to loose me and you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now." Cordelia tells her.

"I think it's about time you start minding your own business." Buffy replies.

"It's long past." says Cordelia still in her face.

Turns to leave

"I'll just see if Angel feels like dancing." she tells her.

She is suddenly grabbed by two vampires coming out of the shadows and try to drag into an adjacent building. Cordelia smiles and starts to scream. She let's out all the frustration that has been building and beats the crap out of the two vampires. Buffy comes running and the two of them make short work of the helpless vamps.

"So you do care." says Cordelia.

"Shut up." says Buffy fighting her.

"You wish." says Cordelia. she was so juiced from the fight that she grabs Buffy and gives her a deep kiss. Buffy fights her off at first, but as the kiss goes on, she gives in. She was sinking fast and Cordelia was the only one throwing her a life preserver. The two girls get deeper into the kiss, and then their link flares to life unexpectedly. They fall under the influence of their combined passions. Unable to break off, they move on to greater heights of passion and they get even more physical with each other. They tear at each others clothes, and lose themselves to the desperate link.

From the shadows an tiny robot records everything it sees.

In his lair Stewie watches this latest developmenet and plots.


Sunnydale High School, The Student Lounge.





"She's possessed!" Willow tells Giles, as he gets a soda from the vending machine.

"Possessed?" asks Giles.

"That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy." says Willow.

"Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me?" asks Xander. The looks he gets from the others make him concede. "She's possessed."

"Possessed by what?" asks Giles

"Aaaaa possessing thing!" says Willow

"Well, that narrows it down." Giles tells her sarcastically.

He takes a sip of his soda and winces at its sweetness.

"Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened." says Xander.

"That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?" asks Willow.

"Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out." says Giles.

"A bitca?" asks Xander

"Not surprised by Xander's misunderstanding, Giles says, "Yes. I suggest that, uh, the explanation for her behavior may be something more, more mundane."

The bell rings and the students around them begin to leave for class.

Giles sits, "She may simply have what you Americans refer to as issues. Uh, her experience with the Master must have been extremely
traumatic. Well, she was, for at least a few minutes, technically dead." he explains, as Buffy appears in the door. "I-I don't think she's dealt with that on a conscious level." Xander notices Buffy as Giles continues his explanation "She's convinced herself that she's invulnerable... for the very reason that she feels..."

Xander interrupts Giles, "That's a very interesting point about trout, you just brought up now." he says.

Cordelia appears behind Buffy. The two girls walk up to them. Hand in hand.

"..." Xander.

"..." Giles.

"..., Uh..." Willow.

"Hey." Buffy and Cordelia say together.


"..." Xander.

"..." Giles.

"..., ..." Willow blinks. 'Nope. Still holding hands.' she thinks.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" he asks both girls.

"Like a rock. Master's gone." says Buffy.

"I'm sorry?" says Giles.

"The Master. We went by his grave last night, and they have a vacancy." says Buffy.

"It was way creepy." adds Cordelia still not letting go of Buffy's hand.

"Good God!" says Giles.

"What would somebody want with Master bones? Didn't Stewie like take those?"" asks Willow.

"Yeah he did. They in his trophy room. They're like this horrible conversation piece." explains Xander.

"They're gonna bring him back. They're gonna bring the Master back to life, and I seem to recall you telling me he was history." says Buffy on the verge of panic. Cordy reassures her, and calms her down through their strengthened link.

"Buffy, I-I-I've never heard of a-a revivification ritual being successful." says Giles.

"But you've heard of them? Thanks for the warning." she says.

"You know, I didn't see the skeleton in the trophy room this morning when I went for my early morning training. I thought Donald took out to polish it, or something. That crazy duck, I wouldn't put anything past him. He may even have sold it on the black market so he could feed his illicit habits. Mark my words." says Xander.

"Xander. He's an A.I. What kinda habits do you think he has?" asks Willow in exasperation.

"I believe some of us have class? And some of us have jobs." says Snyder interrupting them. He too stops and looks at Buffy and Cordelia holding hands. "Uh... Um..."

"Y-yes, well, I'll, uh, I'll see you all, uh, in the library later. We'll, we'll continue this discussion." says Giles. 'Thank God for the little troll's lack of a sex life. I do believe the girls have short circuited whatever little evil, obnoxious brains cell he has left. I really should talk to them about that... Later.' he thinks.

The kids leave. Snyder watches them go. His eyes glued to Buffy and Cordelia's hands.


Sunnydale High School, The Library, After School.





"Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something. It's Latin, so bear with me. Uh, to revive the vampire they need his bones, uh... w-which according to Stewie they have, and, um, the blood... this is very unclear, of the closest person... uh, someone connected to the vampire." Giles explains

"That'd be me." says Buffy.

"Perhaps." says Giles.

Highly unlikely." adds Stewie.

"We were close. We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness." says Buffy.

"Oh get over yourself. You're a spent bullet. move on." Stewie scoffs.

"Hey! Take that back you freak." Cordy threatens Stewie. But Buffy pulls her back to her side.

"Well, is there anything on when the ceremony might take..." says Xander trying to break up the fight before it starts.

A rock comes crashing through a window.

"Whoa!" says Xander.

"Aura check the security monitors. where did that come from." Stewie commands his minions.

Buffy catches the rock in her hands. It has a note wrapped around it and kept in place with a bracelet.

"This is Miss Calendar's." she says. She takes off the note and reads it. 'Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal.'

"They're gonna cook her dinner?" asks Xander. He gets looks from everyone. "I'll pretend I didn't say that." he adds.

"You should have stayed silent to begin with. What have I told you about speaking in public?" asks Stewie.

"... To think before I open my big mouth?" asks Xander.

"No. I would prefer it that you don't. Every time you say something stupid like that my I.Q. drops." says Stewie.

"That's crazy talk. I so the English, good I speak... it..." says Xander, willow stops him from continuing by placing her palm over his mouth. He licks her palm, and she goes red in the face, but she doesn't give it away.

*So Buffy and Cordy...* he asks.

*I still haven't been able to think about it. The moment I do... my brain freezes at the mental image, and I'm not sure if it's because it's too hot, or too icky.* she explains.

*I'm going to go with 'Hot'. It was all I could think of all day.* he admits.

"What do we do?" asks Cordelia.

"We go to the Bronze and save the day." Buffy tells her girlfriend.

The Cordettes ran interference for them all day. anyone that dared to say anything was put in his place. The girls were out in force. By the end of the day it was a foregone conclusion. Buffy and Cordelia were the hottest couple in Sunnydale.

"I don't like this. But what choice do we have?' asks Xander

"Nor I!" says Giles barely keeping the rage he felt inside. but British repression helped him keep a lid on the boiling hot magma that was the Ripper about to come out and play.

"It goes without saying that this of course is a trap." says Stewie.

"Well Duh'!" Cordelia tells him.

Stewie gives her the look that says if you weren't my sister's new heart throb, (and anything with a pulse at this point is better than the walking undead advertisement for hair products.) You would have a table reserved with your name on it in my lab. That and the deal he made with a certain power.

"Get over yourself. Come on Buffy. We have a sister to rescue." says Cordy.

"Right behind you." replies Buffy.

"Since when did Cordelia become our fearless leader?" asks Xander.

No one answers his question. They were all still visiting, that lovely little river in Egypt.

To be continued...



He so ain't coming back.
Sunnydale, Alley Outside The Bronze.





The Stewie gang converges on the Bronze. They split into teams to cover all exits.

Angel can see all the action from the shadows.

A small robot watches the watcher.

Stewie along with Buffy and Cordelia walk close enough to his hidden position, that Stewie's senses alert him to the danger. A small beep on his PDA is the second warning. The third is from Brian, the cyborg dog.

"We're being watched." says Brian.

"Tell me something I don't know." replies Stewie.

"This is way too freaky. Your brother has a talking dog. And I'm still with why?" Cordelia asks Buffy.

"Let me see? 'Cause you can't resist me?" Buffy answers.

"No. That's not it." replies Cordelia with a smile.

"Oh, you're so gonna pay for that." threatens Buffy.

"Promises, promises." the threat doesn't impress Cordelia.

Stewie ignores the chatter between Buffy and her 'Girlfriend' (Take that you lousy cheating power and smoke it.) he has a good idea of what to expect, but he has appearance to keep up. "What is it Brian?" he asks.

"We have stinky, over gelled undead at three o'clock." reports the cyborg dog. "By the way Stewie, thanks for the upgrade. I can now lick myself and feel it. Thanks buddy."

"Anytime Brian. What are friends for?" replies Stewie.

"EWWWW!!!" reply the girls.

"Oh grow up. Like you haven't licked your friend there already." snorts the dog.

"You know, he's got you there. Even I can smell it. Do you think you're fooling anyone. We can all smell it. Even Captain Hair-gel over there can now smell it. You might as well come out. I promise not to hurt for tonight if your helpful." says Stewie. 'Much.' he thinks.

"You've hurt my Angel... When you lousy little...?" begins Buffy, but a growl from Brian keeps her back.

"Hey! Don't you growl at my girl..." Cordelia threatens Brian with her taser.

"...Buffy... You and Cordelia...?" asks Angel.

"How about it big boy? Wanna joins us for some quality time?" asks Cordelia with a lecherous grin.

"Cordy!" exclaims Buffy.

"What? Like You think I'm going to let you hog dark tall and salty all to yourself. Since your my girlfriend now, it's share and share alike." says Cordelia.

"..." Angel has nothing to say. As his brain shuts down at the possibility of scoring with the two gorgeous girls.

"Oh look you broke him. Well he's no good to us now. Might as well dispose of it Brian." says Stewie.

"Right you are Stewie. One puff cloud coming up." agrees Brian.

"Don't You Dare!" screams the girls.

"But girls, look at him. He's obviously defective. He's not even trying to put up a fight as Brian..." says Stewie, when he notices Brian trying to hump Angel's leg. "Brian! Get away from there you bad dog. You know where he's been." Stewie commands the cyborg dog.

"G-Get away from me you mutt." yells Angel.

"It was the fastest way to bring him out of his funk." says Brian explaining his actions.

"An electric shock from the taser would have done the same thing." says Stewie.

"Well, yeah, but it wouldn't have been as much fun. Did you see the look on his face?" he asks with an evil chuckle.

"You really are a bad dog. There'll be a bonus for you at home." Stewie whispers to Brian.

Since everyone in the alley has enhanced hearing they can all hear Stewie.

The two girls growl at Stewie. Not at all happy.

"Oh grow up. He's an undead vampire. They've got no rights. He's fair game. Just thank your lucky stars he's not keeping company with a dust buster."

"Could we try and get back on track here. There's been a..." starts Angel, but Buffy interrupts.

"We know. Miss Calendar got kidnapped." says Buffy.

"No. Not that. It's a trap... Did you all come along?" he asks.

"Yeah. Everyone wants to keep me company. Sorry I was a bitch to you. I had issues, but Cordy helped get me through them." says Buffy.

"Hey, that's what girlfriends are for." Cordy tells her. "So Angel, are you up for a threesome."

"Slut." says Brian.

"Shut up you obnoxious turd." Cordy tells Brian with a waive of her taser.

"Make me." says Brian challenging her. "Mine's bigger by the way." he says, as his tail lengthens and the end starts to spark.

"Put that away Brian. You too Miss Chase. We have more important things to do." commands Stewie.

"Who died and made you boss?" asks Cordelia with a snort.

"Cordy, it's okay. As Guiles' apprentice, he's like supposed to make suggestions." says Buffy.

"They're called orders." clarifies Stewie.

"In your dreams." reply the girls.

"Hey guys. Remember the trap?" asks Angel.



Sunnydale, The Bronze.





Buffy comes in and looks around as she slowly walks through an empty Bronze, Cordelia was on her left with Stewie, Brian and Angel bringing up the rear. She comes upon a girl crying in a corner. She stops.

"That's not Miss Calendar." says Buffy.

The female vampire laughs and turns around.

"Miss Calendar couldn't make it." says the Vampire.

"Where is she?" demands Buffy.

"I'm not supposed to tell." says the Vampire.

"I don't like this." says Angel.

"Then move over. I'll make the bitch talk. Just give me a couple of minutes with her." promises Brian.

"Oh I'm so scared of the talking doggy." mocks the vampire.

"Don't like what?" asks Buffy ignoring the obnoxious mutt.

"There's the bait. Where's the hook?" asks Angel.

The vampire attacks, and Buffy flips her over onto her back on the floor and pins her down with her foot.

"You're right. Why would they send just one?" she asks.

"Let's find out?" says Stewie.

"You do that. I'll let Giles and the other know." says Buffy.

"I'll come with. That was a let down by the way." Cordelia tells her. For some reason she was looking forward to busting some demon ass. 'Maybe I'll score a different kind of ass tonight.' she thinks walking behind Buffy. 'She's so damn cute when she's acting all butch.'



Sunnydale, Warehouse.




Collin carries a black case past the Master's skeleton, which has been laid out on a table. Absalom takes it from him.

"Begin." commands Absalom.

"But what about the rest?" asks Collin.

"They'll have to do." says Absalom, pointing at Jenny and Harmony.

Another vampire starts pulling on a chain, Harmony and Jenny are moved along an overhead conveyor to hang upside down and unconscious above the Master's bones.

"Behold, these two mortals." says Absalom.

Buffy with the rest of her commandos behind her, enter the warehouse through a side door. Angel, Cordy and Xander follow her in. Giles Willow and The Cordettes go left, Stewie, Brian and Kara go right.

"Witnesses to our Master's wretched demise. They will breathe their last this night. The blood that pours from their throats will bring NEW LIFE to the old one. We gather for his resurrection. For the dawn of this new hell." continues Absalom.

Buffy looks up at Harmony and Jenny hanging upside down.

"Come on, You three are with me. Giles and the girls will get Harmony and Jenny down." says Buffy

"We need to distract the vampires." says Angel.

"Right." replies Buffy.

"Leave that to us." says Stewie.

"Who's she again?" Xander asks Stewie.

"I've already told you. Her name's Kara Sune. she's my new henchmen." explains Stewie.

"Does that mean I could give her commands and as head henchman she'd have to obey me?" asks Xander.

"Only if she wants to, and it doesn't contradict any previous command I've issued." says Stewie.

"Like you can command me later after this handsome. My place, or yours?" asks Kara.

"You do know that Willow's gonna kill you for this?" asks Buffy.

"Not if she gets first crack at the new talent she won't" replies Xander.

"You're such a pig." says Cordy in disgust.

"Kettle, meet pot." replies Xander.

"Would you guys keep it down. those are vampires with heightened senses." says Angel.

"They're too busy with their silly ritual." replies Stewie.

"It's so not silly, scary yes. Never silly." hisses Buffy.

"Come on you too. let's leave miss cool and her friends, and go do our thing." commands Stewie leading Kara and Brian.

"I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them." says Buffy.

Absalom, holding a Kuhkri, waves the long, curved knife around.

"For the old one. For his pain. For the dark." he says.

"For the dark!" reply the Vampires.

Absalom kisses the blade.

Buffy stands behind a Vampire and swings her 'The Sword' and beheads a Vampire. It explodes into dust. Angel, Cordy and Xander on either side do the same.

Absalom looks at them in disbelief and then roars. Four vampires begin fighting them. They easily keep them at bay. Giles and the girls seize the opportunity to climb the ladder to the platform above to get the others off of the conveyor. Buffy and her team continue to fight the vampires.

Absalom takes Collin and ushers him out of the warehouse. He comes back in and sees Giles and the girls pulling on the chain, bringing the others back over to the platform.

"The sacrifices! Stop them!" yells Absalom.

The vampires responds to Absalom's command and run to the ladder to the platform. Giles and Willow reach Harmony and Jenny. The Cordettes meet the rushing Vampires and lay down a barrage of blaster fire that knocks all the vamps back down.

"Are you alright?" Giles asks Jenny.

"Yeah, I'm okay. They took us by surprise." she replies.

"Get me outta here." screams Harmony.

"Hold your horses." Willow tells Harmony.

"No. Not you. Him. get me outta here." she commands.

"You-Will-Shut-Up!" Willow says with a growl. Channelling a bit of the Alpha.

"Eep." Harmony shuts up and does as she's told.



"ENOUGH!" yells Absalom.

Buffy turns to look at him. The other vampires back away from her and go after Xander, Cordy and Angel.

"Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you and your friends into a 'sticky' paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face." says Absalom.

"So, are you gonna kill me or are we just making small talk?" she asks.

Absalom raises the sledgehammer in indignation and yells as he begins his attack. A few other Vampires rush to join him. Buffy takes a ready stance and swings her sword at the charging vamps. Stewie, Kara and Brian jump in to help her out. She presses a button on 'The Sword' and it ignites into a blue flame. the Absalom runs into the burning end and is set ablaze. He backs up and screams as the flames spread over
him. He makes a last desperate attempt to get Buffy and raises the sledgehammer over his head, but is too late as the flames engulf him and
instantly burn him up. The sledgehammer falls to the floor with a loud clang. Buffy looks over at the Master's skeleton. Stewie and his helpers join her.

"It's over." says Willow as she walks over with Harmony.

"No, it's not." Xander tells her.

Buffy bends down and picks up the sledgehammer. She slowly walks over to the Master's skeleton and looks at it a moment. Then she swings the hammer back behind her and arcs it directly into the Master's skull, shattering it to pieces. She keeps whaling on the Master's skeleton as Willow, Xander and Giles look down from above. Angel and Cordelia come up behind her and watch her continue until there's nothing left on the table. She stops and bursts into tears, dropping the sledgehammer to the floor.

"It's okay. It's okay." says Angel. Cordy grabs her, and gives her a crushing hug. She looks up at Angel and asks, "Well?"

He joins the hug.

"How sweet. Two vampire layers. Maybe they should form a union?" says Brian.

"Brain!" shouts Stewie. "Good one, but not now." he whispers.

"Yeah... I see that. I'll keep it to a bare minimum." Brian agrees.



Sunnydale High School, The Quad.





Cordelia and Buffy walk across the quad hand in hand. Everyone keeps staring at them.

"What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?" asks Cordy.

"What? Brian's wet nose in the back of your legs?" guesses Buffy.

"It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgment day, you are living with those stains." explains Cordelia.

"Yeah that's the worst part of hunting vampires: the stains." replies Buffy deadpan.

"You're making fun of me. I can feel you, remember?" says Cordy.

Giles, Jenny, Willow and Xander come walking from the other side of the quad.

"I don't think I can face them." Buffy tells Cordy.

"I know, I don't want to face them, but they're your friends." says Cordy.

"They must think of as some emo girl on speed." replies Buffy.

"You were. But I'm hopping you get better." Cordy says with bright smile.

"Thanks. You're like my pillar." says Buffy sarcastically.

"Hey. that's me. Supporto Gal. I'll stand by my girlfriend anytime. So are we like meeting Angel at the bronze tonight?" asks Cordy.

Buffy gives her the look.

"What? I know you want to..." says Cordy, but stops as Buffy's friends reach them.

"Hey, Buffy..." says Willow "...Cordelia" she reluctantly adds after a deep breath.

"Hey." replies Buffy, Cordy doesn't reply. But she waves after an elbow dig from Buffy.

"There's a rumor going around that, uh, Mr. Cox is the most boring teacher in the entire world. Like, I think he won a belt or something." says Xander.

"Like, yes." replies Buffy.

"Oh yeah." says Cordelia.

"Well, I hear he nods off a lot. So that's a plus." says Willow.

"So, we Bronzin' it tonight?" asks Xander.

"Wednesday, it's kinda beat." replies Willow.

"Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night." says Xander.

The two of them give Buffy and Cordy big smiles. They smile back.

"Hey, I got a plan: how 'bout miniature golf." suggests Xander.

Cordy snorts. "What?" asks Buffy.

"Can you imagine Angel at a miniature golf... Ha ha ha." she bursts out in laughter.

"But there's no course here." says Willow.

"Okay, uh, miniature tennis! A very tiny form of tennis that we could invent..." Xander tries again to come up with a group activity.

They make small talk until as they walk to class.



Sunnydale, Warehouse.




Collin surveys the damage Buffy has wrought. He looks all around him at the pieces of bone strewn all over the place.

"I hate that girl." he says.



Sunnydale, SRL Building.





Stewie, Brian and Kara watch him through the remote camera from Stewie's robot surveillance system.

"We really have to do something about that cliche." he says.

"What? He's stealing your Tiny Overlord thing?" asks Brian.

"No you cretin. I mean the warehouse." he says to Brain. He looks at Kara and says, "Kara, be a dear and get me my real estate broker."

"Right away 'Hon.'" replies the brainwashed and body altered Slayer.

"Sheldon on line six Stewie." says Kara.

"Sheldon. It's good to hear from you." says Stewie.

"Uh, Stewie you called me..." replies Sheldon.

"... And so I did. I want to put operation buy it all and damn the consequences into play." says Stewie.

"Are, are you sure Stewie. That's going to cost beaucoup bucks man." asks Sheldon.

"Oh i am positive. I want to buy every piece of commercial property that's up for sale. Every abandoned lot and Warehouse. Hell I even hear that the Magic Shop is up for grabs. Everything Sheldon." orders Stewie.

"Stewie we're talking about hundreds of millions of dollars here man." says Sheldon.

"I have one word for you Sheldon. 'Commission.'" says Stewie.

There silence on the other end of the line, but they can all hear Sheldon still breathing and keys tapping as Sheldon was putting the numbers through his spreadsheet.

"Yeah okay. I so on board now. So if it ain't nailed down, steal it?' he asks.

"No. If it's nailed down, buy it and buy the nails that hold it down as well. I want everything. Put it through shells and dummy corporations if you have to, but by the end of business day I want to own every single Warehouse that's up for grabs, by the end of the week, I want every single Warehouse. Period!" commands Stewie.

"You got it. I'll get your Law Firm to give us a hand. I gotta go if I'm to pull this thing off..." says Sheldon.

"Then what are you waiting for... Go man. Go!" says Stewie hanging up.

"Your one loopy kid you know that?" comments Brian.

"And your a talking cyborg dog. What's your point?" asks Stewie.

"Just checking." says Brian.

End of Chapter.
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