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Stewie can do better.

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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628618749,96030 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

Angel

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Family Guy belongs to some other Guy. Seth MacFarlane and Fox Broadcasting Company. BTVS belongs to Joss Whedon.


*Mental conversation*


A week later. The Bronze.





Xander was on the dance floor, dancing with Annie Vega. Unlike his past attempts at dancing, his training with Stewie, along with the greater control over his previously spastic body, he was no better or worse than his dance partner. It wasn't Buffy, but he was having fun. The smells coming from all the girls were driving him insane with desire. The pesticides from the annual fumigation the bronze went through from time to time was keeping him from jumping on his dance partner, and taking her right there in front of everyone.

Xander was pretty sure that there was something in the obnoxious chemicals to control the cockroaches from over breeding. It was a mixed blessing. He really didn't want to lose control in front of Buffy. She was his long term goal. His dream, but until she came to her senses and accepted him, he was going to have fun with all the eye candy available.

He saw Jack and Jill running down a roach. Jack was yelling "Get it! Go get it, right there!" at Jill.

"I got it!" Jill yells back. She holds the roach up to the bartender and drops it into his jar. "Free drink, please." she says with a triumphant smile.

The bartender nods his head and goes to get the drink.

He could also hear Willow and Buffy.

"Ah, the fumigation party." Willow explains to Buffy.

"Hmm?" Buffy replies. She really wasn't listening to her friend. Her mind was on something else.

"It's an annual tradition. The closing of the Bronze for a few days to nuke the cockroaches?" Willow continues with her explanation.

"Oh." she says just to be polite.

"It's a lot of fun... What's it like where *you* are?" Willow asks Buffy, trying to bring her out of her funk.

"I'm... sorry, I was just... thinking about things..." Buffy says with a smile to take the sting out of ignoring her best friend.

"So, we're talking about a guy?" Willow guesses.

"Not exactly a guy. For us to have a conversation about a guy, there'd have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about. Is that a sentence?" she says playing the blonde air head routine.

Willow sees through it with ease and smiles. "You lack a guy." she prompts.

Buffy bites and says "I do. Which is fine with me, most of the time, but..."

"What about Angel?" Willow asks, fishing for information. She was living vicariously though her super powered friend. Besides her life was a lot more exciting than her passive stalking of Xander. Although lately he was giving her more hugs. Which she really enjoyed. She really liked the new and improved Xander. He was just so yummy. And hug-gable, with a brand new hard body.

"Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'" Buffy says complaining about her non-existent relationship with Angel.

"He's not around much, it's true." Willow agrees with her friend.

"When he is around... it's like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys?" Buffy continues with her explanation.

"Oh, yeah!" Willow agrees totally with Buffy. She looks at her own love infatuation, currently dancing with Annie Vega. Xander was like her whole life, aside from her friendship with Buffy.

Xander on the dance floor, sees Willow looking at him. He was eavesdropping on the conversation while he danced with Annie. He gives Willow a big smile, and she lights up like a light bulb when he smiles at her like that.

"Hey, Annie! Dino, just leaving!" He tells as he backs away and bumps into Cordelia.

"Ouch! Please get your extreme oafishness off my two-hundred-dollar shoes!" she complains.

"I'm sorry, I was just..." Xander tries to explain, but Cordelia says it for him.

"...getting off the dance floor before Annie Vega's boyfriend squashes you like a bug?"

"Oh, so you noticed." he says with a smile.

"Uh-huh." she replies with a smile just as bright as his.

"Yeah, thanks for being so understanding." Xander tells.

"Sure." she says her eyes gleaming with a hint of steel.

Xander was confused. He could smell Cordelia's interest. It was like she was jealous or something, but that can't be right. It was like she was marking her territory, warning the other girls away, and he knew he was marked, but not for what. He chose to ignore the whole thing. This was Cordelia Chase, no matter how desirable she was, the pain was so not worth the pay-off, not when there were girls like Buffy, Annie, and Willow around.

The last name threw him off. When did Willow make it into the desirable babe category?

He threw a final semi lame jibe at Cordelia "Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That
outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!" he says with a fake laugh and got of the dance floor.

He walks over to where Buffy and Willow were sitting.

"Boy, that Cordelia is a regular breath of vile air. What are you vixens up to?" he asks the two most important girls in his life.

"Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh, look, a cockroach." she says as she stomps the free drink with her shoe.

Buffy lifts her eyes to see and then turns them back down.

"Whoa, well, let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun! I'm dizzy!" he says.

"Alright, now I'm infecting those nearest and dear to me. I'm gonna call it a night." Buffy says getting up to leave.

"Oh, don't go!" says Willow.

"Uh, yeah! It's early! We could, um, dance!" Xander says lamely. Giving it one more shot.

"Rain check? Good night." she says as she leaves.

Xander lets out a breath. Willow holds her shoe up to him. "Want a free drink?" she asks.

Buffy walks out of the Bronze looking bummed. She passes the stairs. Angel is watching her go. Buffy senses something and turns to look. Angel is gone. She continues on her way.

Buffy is walking home. She senses something and stops to look behind her. Again nothing. She continues and walks past an alley. She hears a breath and stops.

"It's late, I'm tired, and I don't wanna play games. Show yourself." she commands.

A large vampire roars and drops down to the sidewalk behind her. She reaches into her coat, pulls out a stake and quickly spins around to stake him. Another attacker grabs her arm as she swings.

"Wuh!" she says in surprise.

The third attacker comes up on her other side and grabs her other arm.

"Ooo! Okay, okay, nice..." she says in a panic.

They pull her into the alley and up against a fence. The first one approaches her.

"Okay, okay... Look, I really don't wanna fight all three of you... unless I have to." she bluffs.

She snap kicks him in the crotch, elbows the third, and tries to punch the second. He blocks her swing and thrusts his knee into her gut, slamming her into the fence. The other two recover and grab her again.
The second one slowly approaches her with death in his eyes. Buffy is terrified and struggles to get away.

One of the vamps, comes up to Buffy, grabs her head and moves in to bite. Angel comes up behind him, grabs him by the hair and pulls him off of her.

"Good dogs don't...*bite*!" he says as he punches the vampire.

Buffy is surprised, but quickly regains her head. Using the support of the two vampires holding onto her arms, she kicks up with both feet and hits them both in the face with a straddle kick. One of them grabs her
again and holds her against the fence.

Xander drops on top of the vampire Buffy kicked and Jabs down with a stick that zaps the vamp, and produces a cry of agony from the vampire. The vampire back hands him and he goes flying face first into a wall. He slumps down to the ground, stunned by the blow.

Angel continues to fight. He punches his target in the face. Xander's vampire pulls a piece of iron bar off of a window.

"Look out!" Buffy shouts.

Angel turns around, only to be sliced in the chest with the bar. Buffy shoves an open palm into her assailant's chin, pushing him off of her, punches him once in the gut and then slams both fists into his head.

Angel is bent over in pain and is about to be stabbed again. Buffy quickly side kicks his attacker in the face, and he falls back away from Angel. She helps Angel up.

"Run!" she shouts. On the way out of the alley she grabs Xander, just as he gets back on his feet. "Run!" she yells again, and Xander obeys her command automatically. Buffy helps, by dragging him behind her, until his head is clear again.

They come running out of the alley. The Three get up and give chase.

Buffy, Xander and Angel jump over the bushes in front of her house and run onto the porch. The Three are hot on their trail. Buffy gets the front door open.

"Get in! C'mon!" she orders.

She rushes inside. Angel and Xander right behind her. Buffy slams the door on one of the vampire's hands. He struggles a moment, but pulls his hand back out. She slams the door shut and locks it. The vampire looks in through the glass. Another one looks in through the window.

"It's alright. A vampire can't come in unless it's invited." Angel tells them.

"I've heard that before, but I've never put it to the test. Oh... I'll go get some bandages, just... take your jacket and your shirt off." she says as she sees his wound.

"Uh..." Xander starts.

"I know, one ice pack coming up." Buffy replies.

She heads into the kitchen. Xander on her heels. Angel looks out the window one last time and follows her.

He takes off his jacket and his T-shirt. Buffy looks at him from behind and sees his tattoo of a griffin straddling a large "A" below his right shoulder. She brings over the first aid kit.

"Nice tattoo. I was lucky you guys came along." Buffy says looking only at Angel. "How did you happen to come along?" she asks as he begins to bandage him.

"You looked bummed out, so I followed to see if there was something I could do to cheer you up." Xander tells her

"I live nearby. I was just out walking." Angel replies looking into her eyes.

"So, you weren't following me? I just had this feeling you were." she says.

"Why would I do that?" Angel says with a smile.

"That might have been me." Xander says looking down at his feet.

"You tell me. You're the Mystery Guy that appears out of nowhere. I'm not saying I'm not happy about it tonight, but... if you are hanging around I'd like to know why." she says ignoring Xander's reply. She finishes bandaging the wound, and starts putting away the first aid kit. Xander helps her with that.

"Maybe I like you." Angel says ignoring Xander's presence in the kitchen.

'It's like I don't even exist' he growls internally.

"Maybe..." Buffy asks.

They smile at each other. Buffy hears the door open and quickly goes to intercept her mom, Dawn and Stewie. She's also worried about the Three outside. She pulls her mom into the house, and grabs Stewie and Dawn. She then closes the door.

"Hi! What are you doing?" Joyce asks.

"There's a lot of weird people outside at night..." Buffy starts to explain.

Joyce heads toward the kitchen. Buffy, Dawn and Stewie follow after her.

"...I just feel better with you safe and sound inside. You guys must be beat." she continues.

Joyce starts toward the kitchen. Buffy, Dawn and Stewie come after her.

"...I just feel better with you safe and sound inside. You guys must be beat." she continues.

"I know I am. I had to pick up Dawn and Stewie, did the shopping, at work, well we're a little gallery. You have no idea how much..."

"No not so much." Stewie says while Dawn ignores them both.

"Well, then why don't you go upstairs and get into bed, and I can bring you some hot tea?" Buffy says interrupting her mother.

"That's sweet!" Joyce says suspiciously. "What'd you do?" she asks.

"Can't a daughter just be concerned about her mother?" she says just as Angel comes into the living room behind Buffy. Joyce sees him.

"Hi." Joyce says with a bright smile to the stranger in her home.

"Hi." Angel replies. "Nice to meet you." he says.

Xander walks in behind Angel "Hi Miss Summers, Stewie, Dawn patrol."

"Xander!" shouts Dawn as she launches herself at her crush, and future husband.

"Xander, did you forget something? I thought our tutoring session was done for the day." says Stewie. "Dawn do get off the man, if you throw yourself at him any harder you'll..."

"Not now Stewie." commands Joyce. "Hi Xander." she says with a smile. "What do you do, Angel?" she asks.

"He's a student." Buffy explains first.

Joyce gives her a disbelieving look.

"Uh, first year community college. Angel's been helping me with my history, you know I've been toiling there." she continues.

"It's a little late for tutoring. Xander, it's nice to see you again, but We're gonna go to bed, and, uh, Buffy?" she says as they starts up the stairs.

"I'll say good night and do the same!" Buffy replies.

Joyce looks back down at her daughter and nods.

"It was nice to meet you Angel" Joyce says as she ushers her younger children along with her.

Stewie gives Angel an Evil look. Angel sees the look and shivers. 'No human child should be able to do that to a vampire of his age.' he thinks as he keeps an eye on the Buffy's brother. 'I'd better be careful around that one.' he thinks as another shiver goes down his spine.

"Good night Xander. And thanks for helping me out of a bad spot." Buffy says as she gives Xander a warm kiss on his right cheek this time.

"Um. Good night Buffy." Xander says as he walks out holding his fingers to his right cheek. 'I'm never washing this cheek again.' he then remembers Cordelia's threat and amends that thought. 'For at least another day.' he walks home in a daze, as his fantasies take a hold of him.

"Good night! We'll hook up soon and do that study thing!" Buffy says, as she continues to hold the door open.

She closes the door. Angel is still there behind it. They go up the stairs and into her room. She closes the door quietly.

"Look, I don't wanna get you in any more trouble..." Angel begins.

"And I don't wanna get you dead. They could still be out there. So, uh, oh... two of us, one bed. That doesn't work. Um, why don't you take the bed? Y'know, you're wounded..." Buffy says ignoring the fact she sent her best male friend out into the night on his own.

"I'll take the floor." Angel replies. He too ignores the same thing about her sending Xander home on his own.

"Uh, no, that's not..." Buffy tries to argue.

"Oh, believe me, I've had worse." he reassures her.

"Okay. Um, then why don't you check and see if the Fang Gang is still loitering and, um, keep your back turned while I change?" she asks.

Angel continues the charade, he goes over to the window to have a look. Buffy goes to her closet and changes.

"I don't see them." he tells her.

"Y'know, I'm the Chosen One, it's my job to fight guys like that. What's your excuse?" she asks.

"Uh, somebody has to." he answers.

"Well, what does your family think of your career choice?" she continues with her Inquisition.

"They're dead." he tells her.

She has finished changing and comes over to him. "Was it vampires?" she asks

"I-it was." he says truthfully.

"I'm sorry." she tells him.

"It was a long while ago." he confesses.

"So, this is a vengeance gig for you." she guesses.

"Y-you even look pretty when you go to sleep." Agnel says as looks at her.

"Well, when I wake up it's an entirely different story." she says.

They go over to her bed. She hands him the comforter from it. "Here. Sleep tight."

He lays the comforter down on the floor next to her bed. She gets into her bed and he lies on the comforter.

"Angel?" she asks.

"Hmm?" he responds.

"Do you snore?" she asks.

"I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know." he replies. He turns his head to look at her. She smiles and settles in to sleep.

In his basement/Laboratory Stewie looks in on the disgusting scene, between his sister and the Vampire pretending to be a human. He didn't know what kind of game the vamp was playing, but he would keep an eye on it to find out, before he sends it's dust on it's way. He set the house defenses on automatic and kept only three weapons pointed in the vampire's direction. Buffy was a Slayer after all. She should be able to take care of herself.


Sunnydale H.S. Library.





"He spent the night? In your room? In your bed?" Xander asks.

"Not 'in' my bed, 'by' my bed." Buffy replies.

"That is so romantic! Did you, uh... I mean, did he, uh..." gushes Willow.

"Perfect gentleman." Buffy says with a bright smile.

Willow and Buffy smile at each other and the smiles turn to giggles.

"Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book." Xander says trying to derail this Angel Buffy train before it picks up any more speed.

"What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?" she asks.

"Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I-I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath." he says with a fond grin.

"It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor." says Willow backing him up.

"Nothing good will come of this. Mark my words." declares Stewie. He knew that Buffy was a vampire slayer, and not a vampire layer. There was as Willow put it, an ick factor to contend with. As soon as she found out about his true nature, this romance will self destruct on its own, without any help from him.

"Can we steer this riveting conversation back to the events that happened earlier in the evening?" asks Giles as Buffy sits down. "You left the Bronze and were set upon by three unusually virile vampires." he says as he puts down a book on the table and asks "Did they look like this?"

"Yeah. What's with the uniforms?" Buffy confirms.

"It seems you encountered the Three. Warrior vampires, very proud and very strong." Giles informs them.

"How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on." Willow asks Giles.

"Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it." says Giles.

"No, I was sleeping." says Willow.

"Uh, o-obviously you're hurting the Master very much. He, he wouldn't send the, the Three for just anyone. We must step up our training with weapons." Giles says enthusiastically.

"What kind of weapons are we talking about here?" asks Stewie. "Ballistic, chemical, nuclear..."

"Good...Lord. No." Most of those will not work on Vampires, although I'm not too sure about the last. However I fear that might be too much overkill." Giles says cleaning his glasses.

"Bah! There's no such thing as too much overkill." scoffs the evil boy genius.

At this point Giles wasn't sure what was scarier. The Master, or Buffy's brother. "No I was merely thinking about swords and quarterstaves."

"Buffy, you should stay at my house until these Samurai guys are history." says Xander inserting foot into mouth.

"What?" shouts Buffy.

"Ah-ah-ah, don't worry about Angel, Willow can run to your house and tell him to get out of town fast." he adds.

"Angel and Buffy are, are not in any immediate jeopardy. Eventually the Master will send someone else, but in the mean time the Three, having failed, will offer their own lives in penance." Giles explains.

"Oh please. Just let them come. I've a few trinkets I want to test." Stewie says, trying to reassure his sister.

Surprisingly it does make her feel better. Stewie has some very lethal trinkets of mass destruction as she prefers to call them. She just needs to make sure Stewie's pointing away from the house, or the gallery when he fires.


Sunnydale H.S. Later still in the Library .





Giles puts up a sign that reads 'Library CLOSED for filing. Please come back tomorrow.'

Buffy meanwhile is checking out the weapons cabinet.

Xander was getting pummeled by Stewie, who calls it training and Xander rightly calls it minion abuse. Tomato, tomato. Same thing really.

"Cool! Crossbow!Huh. Check out these babies." Buffy says as she takes out a crossbow bolt. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?" she asks Giles.

"Um, nothing. The crossbow comes later." Giles tells her.

He takes the crossbow from her and goes to put it back. Buffy is disappointed.

"You must first become proficient with the basic tools of combat." he tells a bored Buffy. "And let's begin..." he says as he gives a quarterstaff. "...with the quarterstaff. Which, incidentally, will, uh, require countless hours of vigorous training.I speak from experience.

"Giles, 20th Century? I'm not gonna be fighting Friar Tuck." she says as she twirls the staff.

"You never know with whom or what you'll be fighting." he says, as he puts on some protective gear. "And these traditions have been handed down through the ages. Now, you show me good, steady progress with the quarterstaff, and in due course we'll discuss the crossbow. Put on your
pads." he orders Buffy. Who laughs at his order.

"I'm not gonna need pads to fight you." she tells him.

"Well, we'll see about that. En garde!" Giles says as he gets into a ready stance. He makes several thrusts and she parries them all.

She takes the offensive, pushes his staff to the floor and punches him in the face. She comes around with the staff into his back, and again to knock his legs out from under him. He falls onto his back. She stands over him.

"Switch partners." Stewie tells Giles.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let Xander train with her at this stage of his training?" Giles asks the almost eleven year old boy.

"Of course not. You'll be taking over Xander's training. Buffy's mine." he says with an evil laugh.

Everyone in the room shivers.

"Well come on sis. Let's see if all those cheerleader lessons have paid off like my martial arts, did for me." he says with a grin.

"Okay, but only if you promise not to laugh from now until tomorrow." Buffy tells him.

"What if we're laughing at them?" he asks.

"That's alright then. Just make sure you don't over do it. You get a little creepy sometimes." she says agreeing to his terms.

"Agreed. Have at you." he says as he jabs her with a baton that looks a lot like the one Xander used last night against the vamps. If she remembers correctly it had a tazer at one end. But knowing her brother, his probably had them on both ends.

Without much surprise he was a lot harder to hit than Giles. She had the longer reach, but he was better than her, and he presented a smaller target. He was a lot more fun to fight against than Giles. That for sure.


Summers Residence.





Buffy closes the door to her room and looks around. "Angel?" she asks.

"Hey." Angel replies.

"Brought you some dinner. It's a little plate-less, sorry." she says as she turns on her desk lamp. She hands him a plastic bag full of food. "So! What'd you do all day?"

"Uh, I read a little." he tells her.

Buffy looks over to her diary. It's out of place.

"And just thought about a lot of things. Buffy, I..." he starts

"My diary? You read my diary?" she accuses him as she goes to put it in a drawer. "That
is 'not' okay! A diary is like a person's most private place!" I... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your
eyes are 'penetrating', I meant to write 'bulging'." she says angrily.

"Buffy..." Angel tries to explain, but she keeps going.

"And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it stands for... 'Achmed', a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all..." she goes on.

"Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear." he says trying to explain.

She just looks at him. "Oh!" she says. She looks down, realizing what she just said "Oh." she says again.

"I did a lot of thinking today. I really can't be around you. Because when I am..." he says.

"Hey, no big. Water... over the bridge, under the bridge..." she says still looking down.

"When I am all I can ever think about is how badly I want to kiss you." he confesses.

"...over the dam...Kiss me?" she asks.

"I'm older than you, and this can't ever... I better go." he says.

"H-how much older?" she asks.

"I should..." he tries to leave.

"...go... You said..." she says. She notices that he hasn't moved from his spot at all.

They kiss. They kiss again. They kiss passionately. She puts her arm around him. The kiss goes on for several moments. Angel suddenly pulls back and looks away.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" she asks almost in a panic at his rejection.

He turns to face her and growls. She sees he has his game face on and screams. He takes a last look at her and jumps out of the window. He slides down the roof and off onto the ground. Buffy goes to the window
and watches him run away.

Her mother comes running into the room."Buffy, what happened?" Joyce asks her daughter.

She backs away from the window. Her mom takes her by the shoulders. She looks at her mom and shakes her head.

"Uh, nothing. I saw a shadow." she lies.

They both look out the window. There's no one there.


The next morning at Sunnydale High.





The next morning at Sunnydale High. The team is walking up the steps from the street toward the building.

"Angel's a vampire?" asks a surprised Willow.

"I can't believe this is happening. One minute we were kissing, and the next minute..." she tells Willow. "Can a vampire ever be a good person? Couldn't it happen?" she turns to asks Giles hoping desprately that the answer to her question is yes.

"A vampire isn't a person at all." says Giles. He clears his throat. "It may have the movements, the, the memories, even the personality of the person that it took over, but i-it's still a demon at the core, there is no halfway." he explains.

"So that'd be a no, huh?" Willow says simplifying his answer for those who needed it. In this case that would mainly be Xander.

"Well, then what was he doing? Why was he good to me? Was it all some part of the Master's plan? It doesn't make sense!" Buffy asks.

Willow and Buffy sit together on a bench.

"Alright, uh..." Xander says as he sits next to them. "...you have a problem, and it's not a small one. Let's take a breath and look at this calmly and objectively. Angel's a vampire. You're a Slayer. I think it's obvious what you have to do." he says trying to hide his grin and failing.

Buffy doesn't react, so Xander looks up to Giles for support.

"Uh, it is a Slayer's duty..." Giles tries to say

"I-I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right?" Xander asks.

Buffy looks away.

"You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!" he shouts not believing her. She'd rather choose a Vampire over him. Incredible.

"What?!" asks Cordelia.

He looks at Cordelia. She's looking somewhere else, but turns to him.

"Not vampire..." he says clarifies and turns back to Buffy. "How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!"

Cordelia looks back at another girl wearing the same dress she is.

"Where did you get that dress?" she asks, the girl doesn't answer. She chases her. "This is a one-of-
a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a knockoff?" she asks as she checks the label. "This is a knockoff, isn't it?! Some cheesy knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade
agreements!" she says as she chases the girl into the building.

"You think 'we' have problems..." observes Buffy.

"We might." Stewie says as he looks at the two girls as they go into the building. 'That girl's hiding something. I'm sure of it.


Angel's Apartment.





Angel walks into his apartment. He comes through the door and goes to his apartment door. He unlocks it and goes in. There are a bunch of old books stacked along the wall. He closes the door and goes over to turn on a lamp. When he straightens back up he senses a presence.

"Who's here?" he asks.

"A friend." says Darla.

He quickly faces the voice. Darla comes out of the shadows wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform.

"Hi. It's been a while." she says.

"A lifetime." he replies.

"Or two, but who's counting?" she says.

"What's with the Catholic schoolgirl look? Last time I saw you it was kimonos." he asks.

"And last time I saw you it wasn't high school girls. Don't cha like?" she asks, as she twirls in the skirt. Remember Budapest? Turn of the century? You were such a bad boy during that earthquake." she teases.

"You did some damage yourself." he says.

"Is there anything better than a natural disaster? The panic. The people lost in the streets. It's like picking fruit off the vine." she reaches the bed. "Nice! You're living above ground, like one of them. You and your new friend are attacking us, like one of them. But guess what, precious? You're not one of them."

She draws the window blinds open, letting in a stream of sunlight. Angel is blinded, and he stumbles backward to get out of the light.

"Are you?" she asks.

"No. But I'm not exactly one of you either." he answers.

"Is that what you tell yourself these days?" she asks.

She opens the refrigerator and sees the bags and bottles of human blood.

"You're not exactly living off quiche." she says as she closes the fridge. "You and I both know what you hunger for. What you need. Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's who we are. It's what makes eternal life worth living. Mm. You can only suppress your real nature for so long. You can feel it brewing inside of you. I hope I'm around when it explodes." she says.

"Maybe you don't wanna be." he warns her.

"I'm not afraid of you. I bet she is, though. Or maybe I'm underestimating her. Talk to her. Tell her about the curse. Maybe she'll come around. And if she still doesn't trust you, you know where I'll be." she says, as she exits the apartment, leaving an angry Angel behind.

In the Sunnydale library. Stewie sits at his laptop recording the meeting between Angel and Darla. It had left more questions than answers.

Buffy is looking through some books, her, Willow and Xander are helping Giles research Angel.

Giles comes up behind Xander, but he doesn't startles him like he planned. Xander smelled the books on the Watcher.

"Here's something at last." says Giles, sounding a little disappointed for not getting the reaction he was going for. "There's nothing about Angel in the texts, but it suddenly occurred to me that it's been ages since I've read the diaries of any of the watchers before me."

"That musta been so embarrassing when you thought he had read your diary, but then it turned out he hadn't, but then he felt the same way..." Willow tells Buffy.

"I'm listening." says Xander giving her a look.

"There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face." Giles starts his lecture.

"They got that right." says Buffy interrupting.

"I'm not saying anything, I have nothing to say." adds Xander.

"Does this, uh, Angel have, um, a tattoo behind his right shoulder?" he asks.

"Yeah, it's a, it's a bird or something."

"Yes. What she said." Xander adds again.

"Here's a picture." Stewie says printing one out of his laptop.

"Where did you get this." she asks her brother suspiously.

"Where do you think" he says with a sneer.

"So, Angel's been around for a while." Willow says changing the subject before Buffy and her brother start fighting again.


"Not long for a vampire. Uh, two hundred and forty years or so." Giles answers.

"Huh! Two hundred and forty. Well, he said he was older." Buffy says quietly.

"Angelus leaves Ireland, uh, wreaks havoc in, in Europe for, uh, several decades, and then, um, about eighty years ago, the most curious thing happens. He, he comes to, uh, to America, um, shuns other vampires, and, and lives alone. There's, there's no, no record of him hunting here." Giles continues in lecture mode.

"So he 'is' a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and one being someone who's... not." says Willow.

"I say that there's no record, but, uh, vampires hunt and kill. It's, it's what they do." Giles explains.

"Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly." chips in Xander his two bits of wisdom. tranishing Angel's image is the icing on the cake.

"He could've fed on me. He didn't." Buffy says deffending him.

"Question: a hundred years or so before he came to our shores, what was he like then?" asks Xander raising his hand.

"Uh, like all of them. Uh, a vicious, violent animal." Giles answers his question.

End of Part I




Stewie and Angel have a heart to heart.




Part II


Sunnydale H.S. Library.





"Okay, so let's review." says Willow to Buffy "Reconstruction began when?...Buffy?"

"Huh?" Buffy responds as she comes out of her private funk. "Oh! Um, reconstruction... Uh, reconstruction began after the... construction, which was... shoddy, so they had to reconstruct."

"After the destruction of the Civil War." Willow says giving her the right answer.

"Right. Civil War. During which Angel was already, like, a hundred and change..." Buffy's reply tells Willow just where her friend's head was for the last half hour.

"Are we gonna talk about boys, or are we gonna help you pass history?" asks Willow.

Buffy looks up at Willow. She closes the book.

"Boys it is." Willow says as she joins her friend at the table. "Sometimes I have this fantasy that Xander's just gonna grab me and kiss me right on the lips." the smile on her face tells Buffy just how bad Willow has it for Xander.

'No way I'm getting between those two.' she thinks. "You want Xander, you've gotta speak up, girl!" she says, encouraging her best friend to go after her dream.

"No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms." Willow says in a panic. She quickly changes the topic. "Okay, so here's something I gotta know. When Angel kissed you... I mean before he turned into... how was it?"

"Unbelievable!" Buffy says with a smile.

Darla peeks out from behind the stacks. She listens as Willow and Buffy talk about Angel.

"Wow! And it is kinda novel how he'll stay young and handsome forever, although you'll still get wrinkly and die, and... Oh, and what about the children? I'll be quiet now." Willow stops her babble when Buffy looks at her.

"No, it's okay. I need to hear this. I need to get over him so I can..." Buffy tries to fish the sentence, but she can't.

"So that you can..." Willow helps her out by making a stabbing gesture.

"Like Xander said, I'm the Slayer, and he's a... vampire. God, I can't! He's never done anything to hurt me... Okay, no, I need to stop thinking about this. Okay, let's give another half an hour and maybe something will sink in. And then I'm going home for some major moping." Buffy confesses.

From her hiding place Darla smiles and backs away.

"Okay. The era of the congressional reconstruction, usually called radical..." Willow goes back to what she knows best.


Summers Household.





In the the Summers house. Joyce is drinking coffee in the kitchen working on her taxes. She hears creaking on the porch outside and gets up to investigate. She looks out the door window and sees nothing. She opens the door a bit and still there's nothing. She closes the door and heads to the front. Darla looks in, sporting her game face. Joyce
walks slowly through the living room and hears a knocking on the door. She looks out, sees Darla in her human guise and opens the door.

"Hello?" says Joyce politely.

"Hi! I'm Darla? A friend of Buffy's?" Darla introduces herself with a smile.

"Oh! Nice to meet you." says Joyce

"She didn't mention anything about me coming over for a study date, did she?" Darla asks Joyce, trying to convey that she was invited.

"No, I thought she was studying with Willow at the library." says Joyce.

"She is. Willow's the Civil War expert, but then I was supposed to help her with the War of Independence. My family kinda goes back to those days." Darla explains.

"Well, I, I know she's supposed to be home soon. Would you like to come in and wait?" says Joyce, inviting the female vampire into her home.

"It's very nice of you to invite me into your home." Darla says with a smile.

"You're welcome. I've been wrestling with the IRS all night. Would you like something to eat?" Joyce says as she leads the way to the kitchen.

"Yes, I would!" says Darla following her. She looks at Joyce's neck and restrains herself from having a quick snack.

"Let's see what we have. Do you feel like something little or something big?" asks Joyce.

"Something big!" says Darla as she vamps out.

Joyce screams and faints as Darla attacks her.

Outside Angel comes walking up to the house. He almost knocks, but then decides to leave. As he goes he hears Joyce scream. He runs around to the back door and kicks it in. He sees Darla biting Joyce.

"Let her go!" Angel orders his sire.

"I just had a little, there's plenty more. Aren't you hungry for something warm after all this time? Come on, Angel. Just say 'Yes'!" she pleads.

She shoves Joyce into Angel's arms so he can see the bite and smell the blood. He struggles with himself and looks away from the bite. Darla watches with a big smile. Angel looks up at her again with his game face on.

"Welcome home!" Darla says, with a triumphant smile on her vamped out face.

She walks around them and leaves the house. Angel continues to struggle with himself. Buffy comes in from the dining room, and Angel looks up.

"Hey! I'm home." Buffy announces as she walks into the kitchen.

She turns toward him and freezes with fear. Angel bares his fangs and growls.

Angel flies through the living room from the punch Buffy delivers at full strength, and tumbles over the porch, through the bushes and onto the lawn. Buffy comes over to the broken window and looks out at him as he gets up.

"You're not welcome here. You come near us and I'll kill you." Buffy threatens.

Angel just looks at her. She goes back inside. He turns to leave.

Buffy grabs the phone, dials 911 and goes over to kneel by her mother.

"Mom! Mom, can you hear me?!" Buffy asks her mother. Joyce doesn't respond. When the 911 operator responds Buffy says "Yes, I need an ambulance, 1630 Revello Drive! My mother cut herself, she lost a lot of blood! Please, please hurry!"

"Hey, Buffy!" says Xander as he comes in with Stewie and Willow through the kitchen door.

"Oh, my God!" cries Xander.

"What happened?!" asks Willow.

"Who do I need to 'Kill!'" asks Stewie as he goes over and checks on his mother's condition.

"Angel!" says Buffy.


Sunnydale General.





"Do you remember anything, Mom?" Buffy asks.

"Just, um, your friend came over... I was gonna make a snack..." says Joyce.

"My friend?" asks Buffy.

Giles comes into the room at this point.

"I guess I slipped and cut my neck on... The doctor said it looked like a barbecue fork. We don't have a barbecue fork." she tells her daughter. "Are you another doctor?" she asks Giles as he walks in.


"Buffy!" Giles shouts as Buffy goes takes off out of the room. Giles blocks her way.

"You can't stop me. The Three found me near the Bronze and so did he. He lives nearby." Buffy tells him.

"This is no ordinary vampire." he whispers. "If there is such a thing. Now, he knows you, he, he's faced the Three! I think this is gonna take more than a simple stake."

"So do I." says Buffy. "Thank God Stewie is staying with Willow and Dawn. He's going down."



Sunnydale H.S. Library.





In the armory in the library. Buffy loads the crossbow with bolts. She takes a practice shot at an anti-smoking poster and nails the guy in the heart.



Angel's Apartment.





"She's out hunting you right now." says Darla. "She wants to kill you."

"Leave me alone." says Angel.

"What did you think? Did you think she would understand? That she would look at your face... your true face... and give you a kiss?" says Darla. "For a hundred years you've not had a moment's peace because you will not accept who you are. That's all you have to do. Accept it. Don't let her hunt you down. Don't whimper and mewl like a mangy human. Kill! Feed! Live!" Darla says, almost pleading, trying to win him back.

She has pushed Angel to the limit. He jumps up and shoves her against the wall with her arms pinned up.

"Alright!" Angel shouts.

"What do you want?" she asks.

"I want it finished!" Angel tells her.

"That's good. You're hurting me. That's good, too." Darla says with a smile.


The Bronze.





Outside the Bronze. Buffy comes through a hole in a fence and goes toward the entrance, with the crossbow held ready. She hears glass breaking above her and turns to the noise. She looks around as she goes to the wall where she finds a ladder. She starts to climb.


Joyce's Hospital Room.





"She talks about you all the time." Joyce tells Giles. "It's important to have teachers who make an impression."

"She makes quite an impression herself." says Giles

"I-I know she's having trouble with history. I-is it too difficult for her or is she not applying herself?" says Joyce.

"She lives very much in the 'now', um, and, uh, history, of course, is, is very much about the, uh... the 'then'. B-b-but there's no reason..." Giles tries to explain to Joyce with letting anything of importance slip through.

"She's studying with Willow, she's studying with Darla, I-I mean, she is trying." says Joyce defending her daughter.

"Darla? I-I-I don't believe I know, uh..." Giles prompts Joyce for more information.

"Her friend, the one who came over tonight." Joyce tells him.

"Darla came to your house tonight? Sh-she's the friend that you mentioned earlier?" Giles motions for Joyce to go on with her story.

"Poor thing, I must've frightened her half to death when I fainted. Someone should really check and make sure she's alright." Joyce tells him the rest.

"Yes, someone should, right away. I'll do it." says Giles, as he grabs his coat and leaves.

"That school is amazing!" Joyce says in wonder.

In the hall. Giles walks with Xander. "We have a problem." he tells him.



The Bronze.





Buffy comes down the stairs. When she gets to the bottom she quickly turns to have a look around. Angel backs into the
shadows. Buffy hears a noise and pivots toward it.

"I know you're there. And I know what you are." says Buffy.

"Do you?" asks Angel.

Buffy turns to face his voice.

"I'm just an animal, right?" asks Angel.

"You're not an animal. Animals I like." she tells him.

She keeps looking around her. He growls and comes out of the shadows to face her. She trains the crossbow on him.

"Let's get it done!" Angel challenges her.

He growls and begins to run. He jumps onto a pool table. Buffy follows him with her aim and shoots, but misses. Angel jumps up onto the catwalk above. Buffy can't see him in the shadows. He swings down and kicks her in the back, knocking her onto a pool table. She does a standing back kick at him behind her and sends him into the wall. She runs around the table and dives for the crossbow. She rolls onto her back and takes aim at him. He slowly gets up and growls.

Angel stops and gets himself under control. He morphs back into his human form.

"C'mon! Don't go soft on me now!" he says, egging her on.

Buffy launches the bolt. It hits the wall next to him.

"Little wide." he says.

"Why? Why didn't you just attack me when you had the chance? Was it a joke? To make me feel for you and then... I've killed a lot of vampires. I've never hated one before." says Buffy.

"Feels good, doesn't it? Feels simple." Angel tells her.

"I invited you into my home and then you attacked my family!" Buffy accuses him.

"Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends... and their friend's children... For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart." Angel explains.

"What changed?" she asks.

"Fed on a girl about your age... beautiful... dumb as a post... but a favorite among her clan." he continues with his story.

"Her clan?" she asks

"Romany. Gypsies. The elders conjured the perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul." he confesses.

"What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?" she says sarcastically.

"When you become a vampire the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul. That's gone! No conscience, no remorse... It's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done... and to care. I haven't fed on a living human being since that day."

"So you started with my mom?" she accuses him again.

"I didn't bite her." he tells her honestly.

"Then why didn't you say something?" she asks.

"But I wanted to. I can walk like a man, but I'm not one. I wanted to kill you tonight." he says.

Buffy looks at her bow and back at Angel. She puts the bow down on the floor and approaches him. She offers her neck.

"Go ahead." she invites him.

He just looks at her in silence.

"Not as easy as it looks." she says.

"Sure it is!" says Darla coming out of the shadows.

They turn toward the voice and see Darla.

Giles and Xander are walking down a street. They reach the bronze.

"We're near the Bronze. What now?" says Xander.

"Keep looking for her." Giles tells him.

"So I just follow my nose. I have a question: what if we find her and she's fighting Angel and some of his friends? What the heck are we gonna do about it? We should call in some extra help." says Xander as she pulls out a cell phone and dials Stewie's number.

Inside the Bronze.

"Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?" Darla asks.

"Bad hair on top of that outfit?" Buffy quips.

"To love someone who used to love you." she says ignoring the Slayer.

"You guys were involved?" she asks Angel.

"For several generations." says Darla.

"Well, you been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a few ex's. You're older than him, right? Just between us girls, you are looking a little worn around the eyes." she says insulting her to get a rise out of Angel's ex.

"I made him. There was a time when we shared everything, wasn't there Angelus? You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in the Master's court for a thousand years, but you threw that away because of her. You love someone who hates us. You're sick. And you'll always be sick. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die. You don't think I came alone, do you?" she asks them.

"I know I didn't." says Buffy, as she kicks the bow up into her hands and aims it at Darla.

"Hmm, scary." Darla says sarcastically. She takes out two pistols from behind her back, one in each hand. "Scarier!" she says with a wicked smile. She shoots Angel. He staggers back onto a post. "Oh, don't worry. Bullets can't kill vampires. Can hurt them like hell, but..." she says giggling.

Buffy retreats. Darla starts shooting at her. Buffy does a diving shoulder roll over a pool table and takes cover behind it. Cut outside. Giles and Xander hear the shots from inside the Bronze.

"Did you just hear..." Xander says as they run to find a way in.

Buffy reloads the crossbow.

"So many body parts, so few bullets. Let's begin with the kneecaps. No fun dancing without them." Darla says as she caps off a few more rounds, and the pool table takes a few hits.

Buffy pops up with the crossbow and takes a shot at Darla. She doubles over when it hits her in the abdomen. Buffy watches as she straightens back up again.

"Close, but no heart." she taunts Buffy.

She grabs the bolt, pulls it out and tosses it aside.

Meanwhile Giles, and Xander are crawling along the floor.

"We need to distract her, fast!" says Xander.

"Buffy, it wasn't Angel who attacked your mother, it was Angel's sire. Darla!" shouts Giles

Darla turns toward the voice and lets loose a hail of bullets as they hug the floor for cover. Angel pulls the bolt from the wall. Darla turns her attention back on Buffy and hops up onto the pool table. Buffy jumps up, grabs the edge of the table and pulls, knocking Darla onto her back. She pushes the table away and starts to run for cover. Darla fires off a few rounds as she rides the table across the floor. Buffy leaps for cover over a glass case in a dive roll as bullets break it all around her. The pool table has stopped sliding, and Darla gets up to look for Buffy. She hops off of it and advances on the counter while shooting. Giles gets up and messes with the lighting system controls. The strobes come on. Darla looks up at him and stops shooting. Buffy takes the opportunity to change position. Darla sees her move and lets loose another volley.

"C'mon, Buffy. Take it like a man!" she again taunts the Slayer.

Angel comes up behind her, roars and plunges the bolt into her back. She is surprised and cries out in pain. She turns to look at her attacker.

"Angel?" she says at the this betrayal.

She falls to the floor and bursts into ashes. Buffy rises up to see. Angel looks up from Darla's ashes at Buffy. She comes out from behind the counter. He looks at her a moment longer and then turns and leaves. Buffy is speechless and just watches him go.

Stewie arrives just in time to see the end of the fight. He follows Angel all the way home. He's not sure if he wants to take out the vampire just now. 'This development certainly bears watching.' he thinks.

He pulls out his laptop and checks to see what Angel was doing inside his apartment.

'This is disgusting. He's crying. It would save everyone a lot of trouble if I just remove this leech now, before he sinks his hooks into Buffy even further.' he thinks as he gets ready to fire-bomb angel's apartment.

Just as he's about to press the button on his laptop to trigger the hidden Napalm bombs in the building someone else registers on his sharper than average senses.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." says a voice out of the shadows.

"Why Not?" Stewie asks the demon in the fifties suit as he pulls out a hair dryer and aims it at the demon.

"'Cause my bosses would consider it a personal favor if you don't kill their Champion, Mr. Rat's breath at this point." says Whistler.

"Rat's breath. I like that." Stewie says with a laugh. "Who are you? And who are your bosses?" he asks.

"Name's Whistler. I'm a Balance demon. My bosses are the powers that be." he says.

"Well Whistler. I'm afraid that's not good enough. I'm afraid the leech has to go. He's getting too close to my family." says Stewie, just as he's about to press the button to blow Angel's building.

"Hold on!" shouts Whistler.

"Why? What's in it for me?" asks Stewie.

"I can negotiate. I have some leeway." Whistler tells him.

"Very well. What can you offer?" Stewie begins.

"You can choose one person and that person will be untouchable as long as you don't do anything to Rat Breath." Whistler tells him.

"Three." Stewie fires back.

"Three's too many. My bosses will not agree to that. Rat's Breath isn't worth that many people at this point in time." says Whistler revealing a little bit too much.

"Very well. Two. I will not go any lower. At this point I only have your word. Guaranties will have to be provided, before we continue." Stewie demands.

'This guy is too much. At least he reined in that Wild card Harris.' he thinks. "Alright two." he agrees.

Stewie spends the rest of the night nailing down the contract with the PTBs henchman.


Later. At The Bronze.





"Ah, the post-fumigation party." says Xander

"Okay, so what's the difference between this and the pre-fumigation party?" asks Buffy.

"Much hardier cockroaches." is Xander's answers.

"So, no word from Angel?" Willow asks her.

"Nah. It's weird, though. In his way I feel like he's still watching me." she says.

"Well, in a way he sort of is. In the way of that he's right over there." Willows says pointing in his direction.

Buffy looks over where Willow is pointing and sees Angel. She briefly looks back at Willow and then heads over to him.

"I don't need to watch because I'm not threatened. Just gonna look this way." Xander tells Willow.

He and Willow sit at a table with him facing away from Buffy and Angel. Willow watches as Buffy makes her way over to Angel. The crowd is slow dancing to "I'll remember you", by Sophie Zelmani. Buffy and Angel reach each other.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay. And your mother." says Angel.

"We're good." says Buffy. "You?" she asks.

"If I can go a little while without getting shot or stabbed I'll be alright. Look, this can't..." he begins.

And she finishes for him "...ever be anything. I know. For one thing, you're, like, two hundred and twenty-four years older than I am."

"I just gotta... I gotta walk away from this." says Angel.

"I know. Me, too. One of us has to go here." Buffy replies.

"I know." he says back.

They look at each other a moment longer and then close in to kiss. Their kiss becomes passionate. Buffy reaches her hands up to Angel's neck.

"They're kissing. Aren't they?" Xander asks Willow.

"Um..."

"Dammit!" Xander says as he turns around and sees Buffy and Angel Kiss.

Willow just watches and says nothing.

Stewie looks down from the balcony and his blood boils. 'I must do something about this, but what?' he thinks.

"You okay?" Buffy asks Angel

"It's just..." he begins.

"...painful. I know. See you around?" and she finishes. As Buffy walks away. Angel watches her go. On his chest her cross has left a deep burn.

'I have to do something. This bastard is going to brake her heart.' Stewie thinks as he continues to watch the two lovers part.



Much later. That same night. Near Angel's Apartment.





"Tell me again, why we're out, at this ungodly hour?" Xander asks Stewie.

"I trying to do something to help Buffy." Stewie tells.

"I see. And Why am I carrying a shovel?" he asks.

"You don't expect me to carry it. Do you? That's what a minion is for after all." says Stewie.

"Are we going to dig someone up? 'Cause if that's what it is, I'm outtie." Xander asks his slave driving master.

"Oh no. Nothing like that. I just need to make a positive first impression." says Stewie, as if that explains everything.

"With a freakin' shovel." Xander says almost shouting.

"That's no ordinary shovel I'll have you know." says Stewie.

"What else does it do? Besides shoveling I mean." he asks.

"You'd be surprised." he says with an evil laugh.

Xander looks at him and Stewie stops laughing. "Terribly sorry. It's the atmosphere. It brings out the worst in me at times." he tries to explain.

"Uh hmm. I'm working for a cliche." Xander says out loud.

"Hardly." says Stewie.

"Are you, or are you not trying to take over the world?" Xander asks his boss.

"Well at the moment. No." says Stewie.

"But it is part of your plans for the future." states Xander.

"Yes. Well you have me there. But that's still not for a few more years at least. I would have to take over Microsoft first." he explains.

"You want Bill's job?" Xander asks.

"No. No. I need a scapegoat. Everyone hates Microsoft. They'll be the perfect patsy for my power play. When the dust settles, everyone will blame them for all the world's problems. That's when I'll step in. It's a perfect plan really." Stewie explains a little more. "Ah! We're here." he says, as he stops in front of Angel's building.

"Hey. Isn't this where Angel lives?" asks Xander.

"Why yes. Yes it is. Well come. Let's not be tardy. I need to make this impression and get home before mother checks to see whether Dawn has wet the bed yet or not." he says.

"Dawn still wets the bed?" Xander asks Stewie.

"No. Not really. But once in a while, a mysterious liquid spreads beneath her sheets. She swears up and down, that it's not her. But no one believes her for some reason." he says with an evil smile.

"God. Your evil. funny, but Evil!" Xander accuses.

"Thank you. Well shall we go in then?" he says, not waiting to see if his minion follows his command or not. He'd better, or else.

Xander follows the pompous, but lethal little dude into the building.

Stewie goes up the door, but before they reach it he whispers. "Please breathe very quietly from this point on. If you can do without, even better."

Xander ignores the little tyrant, but quites his breathing and enters hunter's mode. All his movements quite down considerably at this point.

Stewie inserts a small box to the keyhole. Xander hears the quite whine of an electrical motor and then the click, indicating the locked door is now open.

"Gotta get me one of those." Xander says quietly.

Stewie gives him a glare promising much pain at the next training session.

Xander winces 'Stupid brain. Stupid slave driver. Stupid Angel.' Xander got Stewie's message of pain later on, and keeps his comments to himself.

They go into the apartment and make their way inside, with the stealth of the predators they've become. The door to Angel's room is open. Stewie goes in and uses the sign language he taught Xander during their training sessions, to tell Xander to stay outside.

Stewie Goes up to the bed. He looks down at Angel's sleeping form. He signals for Xander to throw him the shovel. He catches the shovel with one hand and with all his now considerable might, he brings it down, as hard as he can on Angels head.

Angel vaults out of bed with a savage scream. His face transforms and he looks for the source of his pain. But even transformed his face still bears the imprint from the shovel.

"Oh I see you're awake. Very well then. I'm here to discuss a few things about your relationship with my sister. So please pay attention, or this will go very badly for you." says Stewie.

Angel snarls and charges the small boy. As soon as he touches the child his entire body gets the shock of it's un-life as Stewie's electrically charged jacket delivers it's entire charge into the rudely awakened vampire.

"Now, now. If you keep this up I really cannot guarantee your continued existence. Now Rat's breath pay attention. This is very important to your continued existence." Stewie informs the slightly charred vampire.

Xander stood where he was as quietly as possible. He didn't want to miss a single thing. Stewie was doing everything he wants to do, but can't. And from the looks of it. The little dude was going to get away with it too.

"What the hell do you want?" Angel finally asks. It took considerable effort on his part to take over from the blood demon. It still wanted to rend the little shit into a thousand pieces, but it recognized the fact that it might not survive this encounter, if it went ahead with that impulse.

"You see, it's quite simple. as the only male in my family, I'm here to ask, about your intentions towards my sister. this is what's better known as the shovel talk. Now normally, most people don't go so far as to use a real shovel, but then I'm not most people. And I really want you to take this talk very seriously. Are you?" Stewie asks Angel.

Angel takes a moment to think about his answer, before he replies. His instinct for self preservation tells him, he better take this talk very seriously, or he might not survive this little monster's shovel talk. "Yeah. You've got my undivided attention." Angel says finally.

"That's very good. You see, at first I wanted to go with my first impulse and simply erase you from the face of this earth. But you're friend Whistler managed to talk me out of it. So the next time you see him, remember, you'll owe him big, for your continued existence. With me so far?' he asks.

"You've met Whistler?" Angel asks.

"Really now. This just won't do. Was that all the information you retained? I'm not sure if I want to keep you around, if your going to be this stupid?" says Stewie.

At this point Whistler reappears.

"Hey. we have a deal!" the balance demon shouts with a growl.

Stewie shoots him with an energy beam that comes out of the shovel's handle. "Did I say you could interrupt? I know what the deal was. But if he's going to be this stupid, I'm not sure if I'm going to go through with it."

Whistler gets back up from the floor. His suit was charred, but still hanging on his frame. "Listen Rat's Breath. You'd better pay attention to what the runt is telling you, or..."

Another beam of energy hits Whistler, this time in the ass. "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I heard you correctly. Did you just call me a runt?" Stewie asks the balance demon with the glow-y end of the shovel pointing at his face.

"No sir. Absolutely not." replies Whistler. "I was just calling Angel a punk."

"I see. Very well then. Please go on." Stewie wave for the Balance demon to continue with what he was doing.

"Listen Rat's Breath. Don't piss off the kid, and don't piss off the powers. Listen to what he's telling you, and don't make any stupid moves. Too much is riding on this. Understand?" Whistler tells Angel.

"Yeah, okay, but..." Angel says, but Whistler stops him right away.

"No. No BUTS! You either understand, or you don't. If you don't then kiss your ashes good buy. 'Cause I ain't steppin' between you and the kid again. Got it?" Whistler asks the stunned vampire.

"Got it." Angel says, nodding his head. He didn't know what Buffy's brother did to get this reaction out of Whistler, but from what the kid did with the shovel, it was scary as hell. It finally dawned on his, just how precarious his position was. This kid was a lot more dangerous to him than the master. From this moment on, he'd better treat him like the threat he was. He saw Xander standing in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" he asks.

"I'm with him." is Xander's simple reply. For now it was enough. Stewie might be the smallest person in the room, but he carried the biggest boom stick.

"Are we done?" he asks.

"Hardly. We're going to discuss, what you can, and can't do with my sister and my family. Any deviation from these simple instructions will mean your end. Deal or no deal." he says as he pulls out a few sheets of neatly typed demands. "Please study this after we're gone. Should you have any questions, please feel free to ask my man Xander for clarification. Any communications between the two of us will go though him, unless absolutely necessary, and there's no other way to communicate. Well now that's done. Have a nice evening. Don't bother showing us the way out. We're very familiar with the layout." he says as he leaves the bedroom. On the way out he says "Come minion."

"God I hate when you call me that in public." complains Xander.

"Oh suck it up. Our job here is done. You've done well for your first assignment." Stewie informs Xander.

"But I didn't do anything." he says.

"Yes, that's true. But it's how you didn't do it that counts." explains Stewie.

"I'm confused." Xander confesses.

"Of course you are. It's why you're the minion and I'm the boss of this outfit." he says as they leave the apartment behind.

End of Chapter.
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