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Stewie can do better.

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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628718752,04230 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

Life Goes On?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Check previous disclaimers.
*Mental conversation*

Summers Islands, California.


Stewie looks at Brian and raises his eyebrows.

"That can't be good. She stopped her screaming. Now it's just those damn nursery rhymes." says Brian.

"Alright open her up. Let's see what the end result looks like." replies Stewie.

"Why am I working for you again?" asks Brian.

"Because you're man's best friend and you love me?" guesses Stewie.

"... No! That can't be it. And if it is, just shoot me now." says Brian.

"You do know that can be arranged. A bit of foam on the mouth and no one would blame me for shooting, stuffing and mounting the rabid dog. Xander's uncle is a taxidermist after all." he replies.

Brian opens the Tank and looks inside.

Dru hisses at the interruption. She was having such a lovely time. "Close the door. You're interrupting my quality time with the stars." she tells him.

"You, you, you're naked. Why are you naked?" asks Brian.

She looks at him, and appraises his potential.

Brian's nose catches a hint of her interest.

"Oh No! Hell no. No way am I getting involved with an insane woman like you." he says in shock.

"Like you've had better offers..." says Dru.

"Are, are you proposing to my dog?' asks Stewie.

"What if I am?" she asks.

"Will you work for me if he says yes?" asks Stewie.

"WHAT? NO!!!" screams the cyber dog as he hightails it out of the room at his top speed.

"Was it something I said?" wonders Stewie. "Oh well I'm sure he'll come around. So what's your answer?" he asks Dru.

"Can I keep him for ever and ever?" she asks.

"You do realize that you are no longer a vampire and no longer immortal, right?" he asks.

"I foresee a long life with an even longer road." she replies, as he helps her out of the Tank.

"Why did you take your close off?" he asks.

"Silly boy. You can't be born with your clothes on. It's just not done. One must always try to behave properly. Otherwise the Stars will get mad, and miss Edith will have to suffer the consequences." she tells him.

"Why do you single out that one doll?" he asks.

"Because I loved my nanny very much." she replies.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asks.

"It has everything to do with it silly. I've had her spirit bound to the doll so she could always keep me company, that the endless screaming. I just can't bear to part with either." she tells him.

"That good to know." he says with an evil smile.

Dru looks at him and smirks. "I knew there was a reason I liked you from the start. You're going to punish the Stars for me. My own personal avenger. You hear that you silly Stars. My champion is coming for you..." she says raising her fist to the sun. "Are you going to give a puppy now?" she asks.

Sunnydale High, The Library.

Rupert was doing something very inappropriate. He was smooching with Jenny in the stacks. He had to kick Xander and Willow out first, but Jenny was impatient. She couldn't wait.

"Man Giles is too old to get that kind of action." complains Xander.

"... But, sexy Jenny and Giles action..." replies Willow trying to cheer him up.

"... No Wills. I've though about it. Let's get back to the relationship math again. It looks like you need a refresher. Follow me if you can..." he tells her.

"Do I have to?" she asks with a pleading smile.

"It's for your own good. You have to be able to navigate these relationship choppy waters on your own at some distant point in the future when I'm not around for some unforeseeable future reason." he tells her.

"Like next Saturday when you go camping with your uncle Rory?" she asks.

"Exactly! Now. Sexy Jenny is always good. At least an eight on the ten scale. But boring old Giles is a nine on the boring scale. When you add them together you come up with a negative number on the yucky scale..." he explains. He catches her looking deeply into his eyes. He looks into her soul and finds her in fantasy land with Jenny and Buffy. He watches the action for a bit, takes notes and brings her out. "You're so not listening."

"And you're so interrupting..." she replies going back to her fantasy.

Xander sighs and lets her be. She'll channel all those built up juices into Xander lovin' action the next time they get together. Although the Willow on Marcie action is hot, there no body to watch, good for the nose, but not so much for the imagination. It only works in a very dark room with roaming hands.

Xander left Willow to her fantasies. He walks over to the weapons cage and looks inside. Most of the weapons had a specific use. He was sure that sufficient firepower would overcome most obstacles, but some need a specific solution.

Part of his new training regime includes knowing what to use against which demon type, if the firepower was lacking

Work in progress...

The End?

You have reached the end of "Stewie can do better." – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 13 Apr 10.

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