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Stewie can do better.

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Summary: Stewie gets disgusted with the first season BTVS.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Family Guy
Stargate > Xander-Centered > Theme: Humor
RafMereCFR1534171,628618751,18530 Sep 0913 Apr 10No

There's no 'Business like Stewie's 'Business'...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Family Guy belongs to some other Guy. Seth MacFarlane and Fox Broadcasting Company. BTVS belongs to Joss Whedon.


*Mental conversation*



Dream-scape.





"Mine! Stay away from her. Do you hear me? She's mine." says a young Power That Be.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" asks Stewie. "I say, this is a dream, isn't it?"

"Yes. But this is the only way we can communicate privately." says the angry Power That Be.

"Alright then, we're communicating. What do you want? Why are you disturbing my sleep?" he asks.

"Stay away from my Cordelia!" she commands.

"Why should I? Besides she's the one who's challenging me. I was happy with what I had, but she went and threw down the gauntlet. I have no choice, but to teach her the error of her ways." explains Stewie.

"Stay away you monster. You've done enough damage already." shouts the young Power That Be.

"I see you're very passionate about this. Tell me? Are you willing to negotiate?" Stewie asks.


Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive.





"Good morning mother." says Stewie.

"Morning dear. Did you sleep well?" asks Joyce Summers with an affectionate smile.

"Not well, but it certainly was productive." says Stewie stifling a yawn.

"Do you want me to write you a note for school?" she asks.

"I don't think so, but thank you for the offer mother." he says.

"Anytime dear. You are my baby after all." she says embracing him.

"Really mother Dawn is only fifteen minutes older." he protests.

"That's true, but you're still the youngest of my children." she tells him placing a kiss on his cheek.

Stewie sighs, but deep down he's happy that his mother still gives him a little bit more attention than she gives Dawn.

"By the way Stewie. Did you pay the mortgage on our house?" Joyce asks her youngest.

"Yes I did. You're quite busy these days. I wanted to remove some of your stress. I thought this would be the best way to do it." he explains.

"Thank you." she says simply. "Are you behind Summers Development corporation as well?" she asks.

"Yes I am. I saw an opportunity and took it. The entire area is extremely under valued. I'm surprised that you didn't buy the place yourself?" he admits.

"I wasn't sure if I was going to stay with the place. I was planning on buying it later on, but I've been busy." she explains.

"What can I say. You snooze you loose." Stewie tells his mother.

Joyce growls in response.

"Oh no. You may be the Alpha in this family, this however is business." says Stewie standing up to his mother.

Joyce calms down a bit. "Alright I guess I can understand that, but why did you have to raise my rent by ten percent?" she asks.

"I didn't just raise your rent. I raised everyones rent. You don't want preferential treatment just because your my mother. Do you?" he asks.

"I guess not." she replies with a sigh.

"By the way, your rent is almost overdue. You don't want me to turn off your utilities do you?" he tells her.

Before Joyce can respond, the door bell rings and she gets up to see who it might be. As she gets near the door, her nose gives the answer.

"Your breakfast is on the table, and tell Dawn to hurry up." she says as she reaches the front door. "Good morning you two. You're a little early, we're sitting down for breakfast, would you like to join us?" she asks her visitors.

"Good morning Mrs. S. looking lovely as usual." says Xander with a flirt-y smile.

"Good morning Mrs. Summers." says Willow as she digs her elbow into Xander's side with enough force to make him wince. "I told you we were early. I bet you want to pig out on another breakfast." she whispers.

Joyce hears her and laughs. "That's alright Willow. You and Xander are family. Come on in. Stewie's in the kitchen, you can join him there, and help yourselves." she says as she grabs her purse. As she passes the pair her nose gives her the entire story. She gives them a light chuckle on her way out.

Willow and Xander join Stewie for breakfast. Although they've already eaten, Willow has no problem filling up her dish. Xander the pig piles it on like it was the last meal on earth. "Hey. Leave some for Dawn and Buffy." she says giving him a smack.

Stewie looks at them for a moment lets out a satisfied sigh. "I know, you couldn't wait until you got your hands on him, but take a brake before you get her pregnant. Not that I would care what my underlings do in their spare time, but do you know what you two smell like?" he asks them.

"Yep. Nice isn't it?" Xander says with pride. He dodges Willows smack, as he digs into his dish.

"So does this mean now that your boinking your brains out, that you're all over your obsession over my sister?" he asks the older teen.

"Over this obsession yes." Xander says between bites. "But Willow talks in her sleep..."

Willow's smack gets through his defense this time, mostly due to the fact he was concentrating on his food, more than her. She knew he gets like that from time to time. But now that he was finally hers, she wouldn't trade him for anything. "Hey... You promised." she says.

"Out with it." Stewie commands.

"Sorry Wills, but he's the boss..." he says with a twinkle in his eyes.

Willow sighs, but she doesn't say anything. Xander was right. She accepted this willingly, and Stewie delivered.

"...Like I said. Wills talks in her sleep..." he takes another large bite out of a sausage and gulp it down.

"Chew you pig." Wilow says in disgust.

"Why?" Xander asks.

"Enough." commands Stewie. "Willow, let him finish. You stop eating long enough to finish the damn sentence."

"Okay. It turns out Willow has a thing for Buffy..." says Xander

"...And..." prompts Stewie.

"And she wants to add her into the mix, like the creamy filling in a golden delicious Twinkie." he explains.

"So really, nothings changed. You still want her, but now you have support in your campaign to climb Mt. Buffy. You know where I stand on this. Like I've already explained to your mate, when it comes to my family, you're on your own. sink or swim, its up to you." he tells them.

"That's fine." says Willow.

"That's my bisexual partner in crime." Xander says with a lopsided grin.

Willow smacks him again.

Dawn comes into the kitchen wiping the sleep out of her eyes. She sniffs the air, looks at Xander and sighs. "Your a pig. Why could you wait for me?" she asks Xander.

"Aw come one Dawn-y. Your still my favorite underage Summers." he tells her.

"When I'm old enough, I'm so going after you." she threatens.

"That my Alpha cub." Xander says ruffling her hair.

She lets him get away with it. At this point she'll take anything she can get. ' I'm so pathetic." she thinks.

"Where's Buffy?" asks Willow. Ever since she got her new senses she couldn't get enough of her friend. Just being near her was enough to drive her crazy, and send her into bliss.

"She's still getting ready." Dawn says getting her own dish. "So Angel's a vamp..." she says letting her sentence hang as she emulated her Xander's eating habits. She almost inhaled her food, as fast, as the glutenous teen did his. She was so busy she missed the shocked looks from Xander and Willow.

When she came up for air she saw their looks. "Wha'...." she asks.

"Um...Uh...How do you know that Angel's? You know..." asks Willow.

"Oh please. She reads Buffy's Diary." Stewie says dismissing his twin.

"Like you don't. As if." replies Dawn. "Last time he came by, I smelled him, and he didn't smell right, it was all icky and hair gel and stuff, but mostly hair gel. The smell of a dead person under all that turned my stomach." she explains.

"Yeah, he turns my stomach too." Xander agrees.

Another smack from Willow lands.

*Man ever since you added her to our Pack, she's become very bossy for a Beta Bitch.* Xander complains.

*Man up, you she bitch. When she figured out what was going on. I had to meet her price. I have yet to regret it. She's one of the more intelligent people in my organization.* Stewie explains.

*I still can't believe her price was to join the pack.* he says.

*That wasn't her price you fool. You were.* Stewie explains.

*What? But You never said...* Xander begins

*I never had to. As soon as she could smell your interest in her, you were sunk. It's all about the pheromones after all. And I've regretted the decision ever since. The two of you smell like a whore house all the time now. Harmony and the Cordettes cannot stand to be near you. But since you're rarely in the same room as they are, it hasn't become a problem yet. Not that it ever would for me, but they can make your life a living hell. Either they'll try to seduce you... You are the only available Alpha male around, or they'll take out their frustrations on you. I'm not really sure if it was the right decision to make their spirit animal a Dog...* Stewie explains.

*What about Cordelia? You haven't specifically said that you've turned her into a 'Barbie.' You didn't. Did you?* asks Xander.

*No. She the Alpha of her Pack of course, but she hasn't been added to our gladiatorial stable. Nor will she if a certain party keeps her bargain.* he says projecting a sinister smile.

*You know, you really creep me out when you do that.* says Xander.

*Tough. You're the minion. Live with it. Besides, you've never had it this good.* says Stewie.

*True. By the way. Your mother checked both me and Willow out on her way to work.* he tells the evil man child as Buffy finally walks in.

"Morning Wills, Xander. Ah smell that delicious breakfast." she says, but she regrets it after a second when her slayer nose tells her the rest of the story. "Not to rain on your parade, or anything Wills, but could you guys do something about, ya know..." she asks.

"What do you mean?" asks Willow not wanting to admit to anything.

"She says and I quote 'Could you stop boinking Xander twenty four, seven. You guys are driving us crazy.' end quote." says Dawn happy to translate.

"Thank you Dawn. You put that so delicately." Buffy says sarcastically to her younger sister. "Did you have to turn everyone in the family into a freak like us?" Buffy asks her brother.

"Yes I really did. After you let the leech into our house, and it's friend bit our mother, and sucked her blood... I. Really. Really. Did!" Stewie tells her, looking her straight in the eye to make sure she understands how serious he was about this matter.

"Stop calling Angel a leech." is her lame come back.

"Make me!" he challenges her.

"Guys. Not now. We're going to be late for school." says Willow the peace maker, breaking up the argument, before it escalates between her best girl friend, and object of her new fantasies, and her new boss. She really liked having total access to CRD, or Summers Research Laboratories (SRL), as Stewie renamed it.

"Okay Will, but this is so not over." she threatens her brother.

"Bring it on Slayer. You may terrorize the undead, but I know where you sleep." he threatens right back.

Willow eeps and drags Buffy out of the kitchen. She gives Buffy half of her sandwich on the way out. Buffy looks at the offering, then looks at her friend. She shrugs and takes a bite.

"Willow. Don't forget our meeting with Disney this afternoon after school." Stewie shouts as the girls leave a head of them. "Come on Dawn, get off the trough, or you'll hit four hundred pounds by the end of the week at the rate your eating."

"Ewwwwww." says Dawn spewing her egg sandwich all over her brother. "Take that back Stewie! I'm not fat!" she says continuing to shower her brother with her breakfast.

"Come Dawn-y. Let's get you ready for school. I'll walk you." Xander offers getting Dawn out of the kitchen, before Stewie recovers.



Sunnydale High School, Auditorium.





Cordelia is singing "The Greatest Love of All" off key. Giles in the seats looks like he's in pain watching her.

"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. I decided long ago...never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least...

"Thank you, Cordelia. Tha-that's going to be lovely." says Giles interrupting her assault on his ears.

"But I didn't do the part with the sparklers!" Cordelia tells him

"Um, w-we'll, um... save that for the dress rehearsal." Giles says anxious to get rid of her. "Uh, Lisa! Please!"

"Uhhh!" says Cordelia, as she puts the microphone back on its stand and leaves the stage as Lisa sets up with her tuba. Lisa begins her solo. He rubs his eyes. Buffy, Willow and Xander come down the center aisle.

"If it isn't the great producer!" Buffy says mockingly.

They go into the seats and sit around Giles.

"Had to see this to believe it." Xander chips in.

"Oh. You three." he says

"The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment?" Buffy asks sarcastically.

"Our new F├╝hrer, Mr. Snyder." he explains.

"I think they call 'em 'principals' now." explains Willow.

"Mm. He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but, uh, he would have none of it." says Giles.

"Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny." she tells him in mock seriousness.

"If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped like Stewie."

"Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!" says Buffy, as she takes joy in mocking her Watcher.

"And mock!" says Xander.

"And laugh!" chips in Willow.

They all laugh.

"O-kay. I think maybe we better leave our Mr. Giles and my geeky brother to this business he calls a show.

The three of them get up and start back up the aisle. Principal Snyder is waiting there for them.

"Principal Snyder!" says Buffy.

"So. We think school events are stupid, and we think authority figures are to be made fun of." says Principal Snyder.

"No! No, we don't. W-unless you do." says Buffy quickly.

"And we think our afternoon classes are optional. All three of you left campus yesterday."

"Yeah, but we were fighting a demon..." starts Buffy

"Fighting?" asks Snyder.

"Not fighting." says Buffy, as she notices Stewie walking up behind the new principal.

"No, we, uh, left to 'avoid' fighting." says Xander.

"Real anti-social types. You need to integrate into this school, people. I think I just found three eager new participants for the talent show."

"What?" asks Buffy

"No!" says Xander in horror.

"Please?" whimpers Willow.

"I've been watching you three. Always getting into one scrape or another." says Snyder.

"Well, we're really, really sorry, but about the talent show, pleeease, you can't make us..." says Buffy trying to get out of it.

Snyder interrupts her "My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in 'my' world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time." he threatens them.

"Can I just mention, that detention is a time-honored form of punishment?" Xander tries to give Snyder another option.

Buffy nods vigorously in agreement.

"I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At." he says.

Stewie standing behind him lets loose with a Hyena laugh. Snyder jumps out of his hide. He turns around to face whoever, dares to do that in his presence.

"Hello Principal Snyder. I want you to read this very carefully." Stewie tells Principal Snyder giving him an envelope.

"What's this?" asks Principal Snyder rudely snatching the envelope from Stewie's hand. He takes out a paper and some photos from the envelope. He looks at the photos and his face turns white.

"Read." Stewie says menacingly.

Principal Snyder reads. The blood drains from his face. His hands trembling. The stench of fear wafting off the man is nauseating to those who can smell it. "Wh...What d...do you want?" he asks in a trembly voice.

"How about I come by your office later, when your not quite so busy with your duties to discuss it." Stewie asks.

Principal Snyder only nods. He doesn't have the strength to do more. He leaves as fast as he can. Stewie keeps watching his retreating back until he's gone.

"What did you give him you little monster?..." Buffy asks. "...And where can I get some?"

"Don't worry about that my dear sister. First: It's none of your concern, and second: I'll deal with our new Principal Snyder my way."

Buffy spaces out and moans. Stewie's not going to help her out. He's still holding a grudge over Angel. She goes back into Giles' row, sits next to him and looks to him for sympathy. He has none to give, and tries to hide a smirk. The tuba solo is over. Willow just stands there with a big frown on her face.

"Thank you!" Giles says to Lisa when she's done.

"I think I'm next on your list old man." Stewie tells Giles.

Giles looks down and he confirms that the next act is Stewie and the Cordettes singing back up.

"I see. You're next. Stewie and the Harmonys. Really that's what you call your band?" Giles asks with a smile.

"Are you mocking my girl her her friends Watcher?" Stewie asks with the menace returning to his voice.

"uh, um...No. it's a great name. Please go ahead and dazzle us with your performance." Giles says retreating from the challenge.

Stewie, Harmony and the rest of the Cordettes set up and Stewie does a good Job signing Sinatra's Witch craft.

"He, he's surprisingly good." says Giles astonished by the future evil Overlord's talent. "Surprisingly good voice as well, and the Harmonys aren't bad at all." he says with a smile. Things were definitely looking up.

When Stewie and the girls were done. Giles claps his hands. "Bravo. That was very good Stewie, girls. You did a very good Job. Let's save the rest for the rehearsals." he tells them.

Stewie was mollified by the honest praise and he forgives Giles for his jibes.

Giles for his part feels the chill leaving him.

The girls squeal laugh and jump around congratulating each other and Xander sits watching them bounce and jiggle. Willow smacks him, she was watching the jiggling as well, but it felt right to smack her boyfriend for some reason she couldn't understand, even though she was, just as guilty as he was of ogling the scantily clad girls.

The next act sets up. It's Morgan with his dummy, Sid.

"Ewww, dummy!" complains Buffy.

"Dyow! Mime!" Xander growls, as he sees a mime and jumps in his seat.

"I think dummies are cute. You don't?" says Willow, getting close to Buffy to whisper in her ear.

"Uuuhhh. They give me the wig. Ever since I was little." says Buffy not paying attention.

"What happened?" asks Willow.

"I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there." says Buffy, who just noticed Willow breathing into her ear and making her hair stand and her body tingle. She looks at Willow, and Willow winks.

"He's about to start." she says distracting Buffy.

"Hi. I'm Morgan." he introduces himself and moves the dummy's head, "And I'm Sid!" says the dummy.

"He is an awful ventriloquist." says Stewie as he joins them.

Giles winces. Buffy raises her eyebrows and stares in disbelief. she decides to talk to Wills later.

"Hey Morgan, would you like to tell some jokes?" Morgan asks the dummy.

"Would I!" says Sid. "As a matter of fact, it is! It's also a wood nose, and a wood mouth!"

Willow can't believe his act either. Morgan laughs nervously for Sid. Buffy looks at Giles. He takes off his glasses.

"I didn't sleep at all last night." says Morgan, as if it's Sid.

"Alright, time out. Let's stop this before someone gets hurt." says Sid "Kid, you are the worst. Even I can see your lips move."

Buffy starts to giggle. Giles looks up again and puts his glasses back on, intrigued now that he sees he may have another good act.

"C'mon, Sid. You're spoiling my act. I worked on these jokes for weeks." Morgan tells Sid.

"You call those jokes? My jockey shorts are made out of better material." Sid tells Morgan.

A few students have gathered at the edge of the stage to watch Morgan's act and laugh.

"And they're edible!" Sid adds.

More laughs from the students. Buffy, Willow, Xander and Stewie are into it now, too.

"There, you see? I'm sure you three can come up with something... equally exciting." Giles tells them.

Sid smiles.



Sunnydale High School, The Girls' Locker Room.





In the girls' locker room. Emily is changing back into her regular clothes. She puts her ballet outfit and shoes into her locker and closes it. She hears a noise.

"Is anybody there?" asks Emily

She walks to the end of the row of lockers and peeks around the corner.

"Hello?" she asks again.

She walks around to the next row of lockers. No one's there. The demon exhales as it watches her from low to the floor.

"Hello?" she says again.

She continues down the row toward the showers. The demon comes up behind her. Emily turns and screams. Harmony and the Cordettes come running out of the shower in the nude. Soap and shampoo hiding very little. They see the demon and they charge. The demon senses that something isn't quite right with these humans and decides to run. The Cordettes take Emily and comfort her. They quickly convince her it was some kind of prank. Harmony offers Xander's name as a possible offender. The other girls convince Emily that Harmony was just kidding around, but they promise her that they will get to the bottom of this mystery.



Sunnydale High School, Auditorium.





The talent show tryouts continue.

"I reach into the hat, and out... comes..." he says as he lifts the hat and looks around frantically. "Has anybody seen a rabbit?" asks Marc.

He begins to search along the floor. Elliot walks in, as he juggles past Marc toward Lisa.

Xander, Willow and Buffy practicing a dramatic scene. Xander poses with his right arm in the air to begin his line.

"I can't do this!" he says in surrender.

"Xander, come on." pleads Buffy.

"I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!" he admits. He goes over to the steps at the side of the stage to sit. Willow follows him.

"A dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through the talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent." Willow tries to convince him.

"But we have talent. We can do stuff. Buffy, uh..." he tries, but Buffy interrupts him. She sits next to him "What am I gonna do? Slay vampires on stage?" she asks.

"Maybe in a funny way!" Willow tells her with a dazzling smile, she moving into a new area in trying to seduce her friend.

"Willow, you can do stuff. Uh, the piano..." he says letting his girlfriend continue in her campaign to win the heart, or at least the body of the the girl of their dreams.

"You play?" asks Buffy.

"A little." Willow admits.

"Well, that's cool. You can accompany us and we can 'attempt' to sing." Buffy says trying to come up with a new act.

"Oh, i-in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play..." says Willow.

"Whatever happened to corporal punishment?" asks Xander.

Sid whistles at the girls. Xander, Buffy and Willow look at him and Morgan.

"Mm, mm, mm. Look at the goodies!" says Sid the dummy.

Morgan looks embarrassed. Willow gets up and goes over to him.

"Morgan, you're really getting good! Where did you come up with that voice?" Willow asks Morgan.

"It's kind of an imitation of my dad." Morgan confesses.

"Sounds real!" says Buffy.

"It is real. I'm the one with the talent here. The kid's dead weight." says Sid. "How about you and I do a little rehearsin' on our own, honey?" Sid asks Willow.

"Uh, hey!" Xander protests the moves Sid the wooden dummy is putting on his girl.

"You know what they say: once you go wood, nothin's as good!" Sid continues ignoring Xander's protests.

"Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy, ha, ha, it's very funny, but you might wanna consider getting some new schtick. Unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log." Buffy threatens the dummy.

Morgan and Sid exchange a look.

Principal Snyder and Giles come in through the doors at the back of the auditorium. They slowly walk down the aisle.

"Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten." says Synder.

"I, I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um..." begins Giles.

"This place has quite a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion... You can't put up with that. You've gotta keep an eye on the bad element." Synder continues ignoring him. "Like those three." says Snyder pointing at Buffy, Xander and Willow. "Kids. I don't like them. From now on you're gonna see a very different Sunnydale High. Tight ship, clean, orderly, and quiet."

A girl screams loudly when she discovers a dead body. Everyone freezes.

The paramedics prepare the body for transport. Giles comes out of the backstage into the hall. He ducks under the yellow
police tape and goes over to the team.

"It was Ginger.

"Ginger. Juggler girl Ginger?" asks Willow.

"Oh, man! I hate this school." says Xander.

"Uh, it must have happened just after, uh, dress rehearsals. There was a cross-country meet at Melville. She, she, she and Emily never showed up for it."

"Vampire?" asks Buffy.

"Um, I think not." says Giles.

"Giles, share! What happened?" she asks.

"Her heart was removed." Giles tells them.

"Yikes!" says Willow.

"Does that mean anything to you? Besides ooooooo?" asks Buffy, as she shudders.

"Uh...There are various demons which, which feed off human hearts, but..." They all look to see a knife being put into an evidence bag.

"But demons have claws. And teeth." says Buffy.

"They got no use for a big old knife." adds Xander.

"Which more than likely makes our murderer..." Giles begins

"Human." and Buffy finishes.

"Did I mention that I 'hate' this school?" Xander says again in disgust.

"So Ginger was killed by a regular human person." says Willow.

"The evidence certainly points that way." says Giles.

"No, wait. I-I'm not buying, you guys. Remember the Hellmouth? Mystical activity is totally rife here. This to me says demon." says Buffy.

"I'd like to think you're right. A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um, it's more complex." says Giles gently.

"The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! It's not, though." says Willow, as they all look at her.

"Uh, demon or no, we have some investigating to do. I suggest we start with your... your talent show compatriots. One of them may have been the last to see her alive. We need to start looking for Emily." he says.

"Why Emily?" asks Xander.

"Well she's missing as well. She too didn't show up for the meet..." Giles tells him.

"That's because she was supposed to be the first victim. Harmony and the girls were able to scare off her assailant. Whom she's unable to describe clearly." says Stewie interrupting him.


Sunnydale High School, The Band Room.





Buffy is interviewing Lisa.

"I didn't know her too well. There's none of that dancer/band rivalry like we have with Emily, y'know?

"I've heard about that." says Buffy.

"But I did speak to her a little the day that... yesterday." says Lisa.

"How did she seem?" asks Buffy.

"Okay, I guess." answers Lisa.

"Well, Morgan's just strange. He's always rubbing his head a lot and moaning. Especially the other day."

Buffy concludes her interview after a few minutes.



Sunnydale High School, Outside.





Giles is interviewing Marc as he shuffles a deck of cards.

"She was happy. I guess. She was psyched to be doing the show. She was a really good Juggler. Here, pick a card." he says presents the cards to Giles.

"Uh, um..." says Giles, as he reaches for a card.

"No, wai-wai-wai-wait. Not that one. Pick this one." says Marc, making sure Giles takes the right card.

"Do you remember the last time you saw her?" says Giles, as he takes the card.

"She was talkin' to someone." says Marc.

"Who?" asks Giles.

"Morgan, he seemed kinda paranoid... Lookin' around at everyone..." says Marc



Sunnydale High School, In a Classroom.





Willow and Elliot come in.

"That smart guy. The one with the dummy. What's his name?" asks Elliot.

"Morgan?" aks Willow.

"Yeah, that's it. He was actin' kinda strange." he tells her.

"Strange how?" Willow asks him.

"And I think I saw him arguing... with his dummy." adds Elliot.



Sunnydale High School, Outside at cheerleader practice.





Xander is talking to Cordelia.

"It's just such a tragedy for me. Gina was, like, my best friend." says Cordelia.

"Ginger." says Xander.

"All I can think is, it coulda been me!" says Cordelia

"We can dream." says Xander.

she growls ending the conversation. Xander backs off.

"Down girl" he says backing away slowly, without turning his back to her.



Sunnydale High School, The Auditorium.





Buffy comes in through the front side door. She looks around and walks over to the stage. She sees Sid on a stool, facing the curtain.

"Right now you and me gotta be on the lookout. Figure out who's gonna be next." Sid tells Morgan.

"How are we supposed to..." asks Morgan, but he stops when he sees Buffy. "Oh, hi." he says.

"Hello." replies Buffy.

"I was just working on throwing my voice." says Morgan.

"Uh, Morgan, did you notice anything weird going on around here yesterday?" Buffy asks the teen.

Weird? What d'you mean?" Morgan asks as, he picks Sid up. He goes down the steps from the stage.

"With Ginger. Did she say anything to you, was she arguing with anyone?" asks Buffy.

"No. She was Juggling. Sid and I were talking." Morgan says, as he goes over to Sid's case.

"Talking." asks Buffy.

Rehearsing." Morgan corrects himself.

"So, you didn't notice anything weird at..." Buffy starts to ask, but Morgan holds his hand to his forehead in pain and sits down.

"Ohhh!" Morgan says, as pains lances through his head.

"Morgan, are you okay?" asks Buffy.

But it was Sid that answers her question, "Look, sweetheart! He answered your question. Now leave him alone!"

Morgan's pain has subsided, and he looks up at Buffy.

"Okay, Morgan, how 'bout talking to me yourself now?" Buffy questions Morgan.

"He said all he's gonna say." says Sid.

Morgan looks nervously between Buffy and Sid. He gets up.

"It's okay, Sid. We're done." Morgan says, as he puts Sid in his case.

"I'm sorry. Look, I didn't mean to make you mad." Buffy appologises.

"No! I'm....It's him!" he says pointing at Sid's box. "He's..." he closed the box. "We have to go." he grabs the case and leaves.

"Cute couple." says Buffy to herself.




Sunnydale High School, The Auditorium.





Willow, Buffy and Xander walk in together

"Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor." says an angry Xander.

"I think I had a bit more luck. Everyone I talked to seemed to point their fingers at the same person." says Willow.

They all walk into Giles' office.

"Morgan?" says Buffy.

"Morgan." agrees Willow.

"We have a winner!" decides Xander.

"I fear I was led to the same conclusion." adds Giles.

"Well, what do we do? We don't slay him, right? We wanna bring him to justice." asks Xander.

"We could set up a complex sting operation where we get him to confess!" says Willow.

"Uh, I should wear a wire!" says Xander.

"Whoa, hey, you guys, all we know is that Morgan is a grade A large weirdo. That doesn't lead directly to murderer." says Buffy.

"Guy talks to his puppet!" says Xander.

"And for his puppet." adds Willow.

"Well, yeah, but what about the whole 'it's a demon' theory?" asks Buffy.

"I'm looking into that, but, uh, my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater." says Giles.

"Uh, priority check, Giles? Talent show, murder." she says as she weighs the two with her hands.

"Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it!" says Xander.

"Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on." explains Giles.

"This is so unfair." says Buffy

"Buffy, you, uh, watch Morgan. Check his locker, see if there's anything there." requests Giles.

"Like a heart?" asks Willow.

"Or something." Giles replies.

"Alright." replies Buffy.

"I'll pull up his locker number." says Willow as she hacks the schools computer network.

"Can I still wear a wire?" Xander asks Giles.



Sunnydale High School, Hall.







Buffy quietly comes through the doors from the stairwell, looking around to see if anyone's there. She passes a door. It opens, but Buffy doesn't see it, only hears the sound. She twists around to look behind her toward the sound, but doesn't realize it was the door that's now ajar. She goes back to looking for Morgan's locker and finds it. She starts to work the combination.

"Okay... Two to the left, three to the right..." Buffy says.

She looks in both directions again, and then slams her palm into the lock. When she takes her hand away there's a clean hole. She reaches in with her fingers and undoes the latch. She looks around in the locker, and is about to take Sid's case out when Principal Snyder grabs her hand from behind, startling her.

"Principal Snyder!" asks a surprised Buffy.

"What are you doing?" demands Principle Snyder.

"Uh, looking for something." she says.

"School hours are over. You, therefore, should be gone." he tells her.

"And I'm going any minute now." she says with a nervous laugh.

"There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking." Principle Snyder.

"Well, I don't do any of those things. Not... ever." says Buffy.

"There's something going on with you. I'll figure it out sooner or later. Do you need something here?" Snyder asks suspiciously.

"Oh! Yeah! Right! Um, a friend wanted me to get something... out of his case!" she says looking into the locker.

She pulls the case partially out of the locker, opens it and is surprised to find it empty. She quickly closes it and looks at Snyder.

"He must've taken it and just forgotten to tell me." she says.

"Mm-hmm." Synder hums.

Morgan and Sid see what's going on from behind the door.

"Get along home now. It's late." he orders her.

He turns and heads down the hall. Buffy watches him go.



Sunnydale High School, The Stage.







Sid is in the chair. Morgan paces.

"No, I can't do it!" says Morgan.

"It's the only way." says Sid.

"I don't want..." Mogran says

"She's the one." replies Sid

"But..." Morgan tries again

"You saw what she did, how strong she is." Sid tells him

"I know, but..." says Morgan

"She's the last! Just this one more, and I'll be free." Sid tries to convince him.

"I won't." Morgan refuses.

"I will!" says Sid.



Summers Residence, 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy's Room.





Joyce knocks on the door and comes in.

"Hi, hon. How's it, uh, going with the talent show?" asks Joyce.

"It'll be over soon." says Buffy.

"It can't be that bad! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act." syas Joyce letting out a laugh.

"Seeing? I-in the sense of actually attending?" asks Buffy.

"Of course!" confirms Joyce.

"Uh-uh! No, Mom, y-y-you can't! And, I mean, if I know you're out there watching, I'll freeze up, stage fright." says Buffy trying to stop her mother from attending.

"But I wanna support what you and you're brother are doing!" says Joyce.

"Look, Mom, if you really love me, and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away." says Buffy.

"Honey, is there, uh... Is there something bothering you? I-I mean, besides your fabulous debut." asks a concered Joyce

"Nothing. There's just a lot going on right now." says Buffy.

"Excuse mother, but Buffy, grow a spine. I'll be sitting next to mother the entire time. Who do you think would dare lay a hand on her with the both of us around?" Stewie asks Buffy.

"Stewie, What's going on?" Joyce asks.

"There's been a murder at school. They're keeping it hushed up, but..." Steiwe starts to explain, but Buffy explodes out of the room and chases Stewie to shut him up.

Stewie takes off, not becuase he was afraid, but because he hasn't had his normal workout training Xander and Harmony.

"Buffy Anne Summers! Stewart Peter Summers! Stop right this minute." Joyce demands.

The two fools ignore her and Joyce gives chase. Dawn sees that her twin and older pain in the but were about to get into trouble. She runs after her mother, to see what she's going to do to the pair when she catches up to them.

To be continued...
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