A Messenger from the Ministry
On August the 31st Twisting the Hellmouth gave Buffy crossover writers a challenge. Write something original, Now I'm not usually one to take up a challenge but if anyone looks over my bibliography I always try for originality. Well I racked my brains and ran a few searches with everything I thought up. Just about everything been done to death.
Then I went to the Pub and had a talk about how actors and actresses these days seem to be chosen because they look pretty and not because of any real talent. Only the rare few shows seem to strike the right mix. Buffy was one of those shows.
However in the 60's there were more than a few shows, now mostly forgotten, that also did it right. As this is going to be a surprise (there doesn't seem to be a section for it on either Twisting or Fanfiction) I'm just going to have to put the disclaimer at the end of the chapter... Enjoy.
Xander looked down at the toy gun, it's bright red cap and tiny handle almost mocked him. There was no way anyone would take him serious with that thing, his whole plan was wasted.
Shoving the toy as deep as it would go in the tub Xander slouched over to Buffy and Willow, who were both eyeing up a frilly pink gown. It looked almost as silly to him as the gun but the way the two girls gushed over it they liked it.
"Find anything Xander?" Willow asked brightly.
He shrugged "Nah. I was going to go Army with some old camouflage uncle Roy found but I can't find a good gun. What you looking at?"
Willow held up a ghost sheet, "An age old classic." She beamed.
"Again?" Every Halloween she wore that thing. With a prang he remembered Jessie's bet with him she'd never change out of it if she could.
"Don't worry Xand. I'll take care of it." Buffy said absently over her shoulder and went back too gazing at the dress.
"Ahem." Someone to one side coughed in an English accent. "See anything you like?" he asked Buffy with a broad grin. Xander recognised him as the man behind the counter. "Here, allow me." He took the dress of the dummy and held it in front of Buffy and pointed her towards a mirror. "Ahh every inch the countess."
"Oh, there's no way I can afford this." Buffy blushed.
"I wouldn't hear of it." he waved her off. "Tell me, are the three of you friends?"
"Urm yes. We are." Willow said, surprised to be noticed.
"Well then I'll do you all a deal, call it a group discount." he opened his arms wide. "Have a look around the shop and if you see anything well talk about price."
"Wow, really?" The three of them said at the same time and looked at each other.
"Really. I'm willing to admit I've already made back enough money for the month's rent and the costumes. Everything else is just profit. I've got nothing to lose." He shrugged.
Xander wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Come on Will. Let's see what we can find." He grabbed her hand and dashed off.
"I don't think he's going to give us anything fro free Xander..." Willow whispered.
"He didn't say free, he said cheap. Come on." Rummaging through prop bins Xander looked for anything that could look interesting.
In the first one he came across there were all sorts of swords, but he pushed them to one side. He could always borrow an better one from Giles after all, he thought when something caught his eye. It was an umbrella with a polished bamboo handle. Pulling it out Xander thought it was a little too heavy to be right. There was also a clasp at the rim that looked sort of solid. With a smile Xander remembered an old British TV show he and Jessie watched repeats of when they were kids.
Twisting the trick umbrella he felt a solid click and pulled the handle, revealing a blunt blade. It was perfect, he even had that old grey suit he had found in a charity shop. Now all he needed was a bowler hat.
That didn't take half as long now he knew what he was looking for. He found it all alone on a mannequin's head between to over blown Cowboy hats. With an evil smile Xander got in character, flicking the hat with the umbrella's handle he caught it with his free hand.
"Xander?' Willow asked, a little shocked at what he had just done.
"I think I have my costume Will.' He smiled, putting the bowler on a little crooked and leaning on the umbrella. "Now we just need to find yours"
Joyce had no idea what her daughter was doing with her friend. It had taken her hours to convince Willow to get into costume, whatever it was. Now she was trying to convince the shy red head she looked fine.
Remembering some of Buffy's more adventurous Halloweens Joyce wasn't even going to guess. One year, when Buffy was four, she had insisted on dressing as Big Bird. Quite why she had never gotten to the bottom of, Joyce didn't think she ever would.
Before the divorce Buffy had been a little more extreme with her costumes and Hank had been furious with some of her more revealing choices. Now she was older Joyce just hoped she had better taste and better judgement than to try and get Willow into anything like that.
There was a knock on the front door and Joyce was going to thank whoever it was for the distraction. Opening the door she was stunned, not recognising the young man standing there.
Gone was the loud Hawaiian shirt and slouch. Xander wore a grey suit a little on the big side but still smart. Under the jacket he wore white dress shirt and had a red flower pinned to his lapel. Then he surprised her even more, snapping his heels together he tapped his hat with an umbrella. 'Mrs Summers, hello."
"Hello Xander, please come in." She stepped back and he winced.
"You shouldn't invite people in around here Mrs Summers.' he said, much more like himself. 'It's not always a good idea. Even if you know them."
Joyce frowned at him. "You know Buffy says the same thing. she won't tell me why." Xander blanched and looked around for a distraction. Joyce wasn't about to let him get away with one, there were far too many odd things in this town. Luck was on his side though because Buffy came down the stairs just in time.
She was in a overblown dress that made her look something of a countess. "Lady Buffy, countess of Buffonia, I am in awe. i completely renounce spandex!" He joked. Joyce had to admit her daughter did suit the dress and it was better than a leotard.
"Thank you kind sir." She curtseyed and looked him up and down. "You know I thought I'd recognise Will's costume with yours but... who are you supposed to be?"
Xander smiled. "I work for The Ministry, of course." He said trying for a upper class English accent again. Leaving them both confused. "I'll explain better when Willow shows herself."
Buffy suddenly grinned. 'Oh you should see her, she looks...' Buffy turned as Willow came down. Well Joyce had assumed it was Willow under the sheet with eye holes and the word Boo printed on the front.
"... just like Casper." Buffy said disappointedly.
"Hey Will. Fine boo you got there." Xander said cheerfully.
"We're already late" Buffy sighed, "There's no time to get changed again, Mind going solo Xander?"
"I told you I couldn't.' Willow explained. 'Sorry but..."
"Hey it's cool." Xander waved off her apology. "You ready Buffy?"
"Yeah. Gotta go." Buffy hugged Joyce before leaving, Xander and Willow following.
Right then, if you don't recognise the crossover I really think you should brush up on your Classic Television. John Steed was the ultimate Gentleman Spy. You can keep your Jason Bournes and James Bonds. Steed will always be the best.
Swordsman, spy, gentleman, connoisseur he's all of these with a dash of aplomb and more than a little cheek. Mrs Peel is his most famous companion and wore a leather cat-suit. While there were other women in The Avengers Peel was perhaps the most fun and the one you should recognise.
If enough people like, or recognise, this I might finish the episode off. I would like to but I don't know if it would be worth it, especially with all my other stories, projects and other commitments.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Mutant Enemy Inc. and Created by Joss Wheadon. The Avengers is owned by ABC weekend Television and was created by Sydney Newman. I am simply celebrating them and make no profit from their use.