The Merc with the Key
Dawn rolled her eyes as Bullseye watched her. They were currently the only ones in the warehouse as the demons were away, preparing for tonight’s ritual. Bullseye was cleaning his teeth with a dagger.
“You know, I usually don’t take jobs that include magic and all that. To weird for my taste but hey, they had a whole hell of a lot of old jewels and crap. Really worthwhile stuff, not to mention the chance to tango again with Deadpool. Hate that guy, he went soft. But honestly, you seem to be taking this really well. Sorta disturbing.”
Dawn sighs, “Look this isn’t exactly my first time being kidnapped. I’ve become a veteran of it over the years so really, I’ve seen it all. Monsters, demons, dragons, hell I’ve seen as much human corruption as any army person could see. So you not only don’t scare me but this so far as been probably one of the calmer times. So will you just shut up till they come in and kill me? God! Honestly, I can deal with being sacrificed, but it’s the waiting that kills me.”
Bullseye stops and blinks. He then shrugs.
“As I said, you’re weird.” He then quits talking and continues cleaning his teeth
“So now that your house has stopped smelling of tear gas…what sorta weaponry are we talking about?”
“Oh plenty of this, that. Pistols, machine guns, rocket launchers, bazookas, also anything that has a pointy edge, I like those edges, but most others don’t. I just guess other people aren’t real friendly eh my beautiful…” He stopped as he saw a shot gun aimed at his head. Faith was about to say something then remembered the fact that Dawn pretty much pushed Deadpool off on her.
“You know Wade, you’re a stud but I just don’t think we’re a match. Besides, you have someone who’s really into you?” She places some daggers into her belt.
“Awe you sure babe, but really who likes me. Is it Bea Arthur? Has she returned from the grave for me?”
“Umm no it’s actually Dawn. She said you’re such a hottie.” She smirks. Oh she knew she was going to get it from Dawn later but if it meant getting him off her back for now she didn’t care.
“Really, she did? I knew it; she was heartbroken when I went to you. When did she say this?”
Turning towards the writers Deadpool says, “THANK YOU!”
Faith looking perplexed continued, “When she was talking to me while you were out getting us lunch. Oh she loves those chimichangas. She’s just embarrassed with you around that’s all.”
“Aw…Well now, we really have to save my undying love. No evil demon will sacrifice my darling Dawn to any evil god. Not when…” He stands up, looking out side to the sunset and takes a heroic pose.
“DEADPOOL is on the job!” Faith rolls her eyes.
“Uh huh, now then…” She cocks a shotgun.
“Where’s this warehouse at. If we’re going to save yer love…” She has to crack a smirk at that one.
“We better get to it. Tonight’s the deadline and it’s getting dark out. Is that healing factor up to it?”
“Oh yeah. I mean, wanna see a party trick?” Before she can say otherwise he take out a Katana and cuts off his own arm. Before she can say anything he picks it up and pushes it back into position and within a few moments he gets it working.
“I mean I could just grow another one but that takes a few hours and I think we need to be…well armed!”
“First of all Wade, ewwww. Don’t you ever do that around me again and second of all, you are one crazy bastard…” She smirks, a little nauseated but also impressed. She seen plenty of limbs flying in her time but its not usual to see someone stick them back on and reconnect with tissue and bone.
“That’s me, both impressive and vomit inducing! Oh hey did I tell you about the time I came back from a middle finger…”
The demons have returned, once again in their cloaks. Of course this time each demon was checked to make sure he was a member so that this time there would be no screw ups. Bullseye stood in the back corner, sharpening a blade as he whistled quietly to himself just in case any wanna-be hero tried to come and save the girl.
Candles lit the entire warehouse; Dawn was tied to a post this time, standing above the broken dead body of Ben.
“You know I told you guys before. If you kill me I will come back stronger then ever before…”
The demons quickly started looking eye to eye as Bullseye let out a snicker.
“She watches too many Star Wars movies…” He mutters as the demons glare at Dawn.
“And I’ve been with Deadpool and Andrew too long, but hey, worth a shot right?” The demons decide to ignore her as he stands at a make shift alter.
“We, the worshipers of Glorificus, her most beautiful and holy of the hell-goddesses, her Sparkling Luminescence…” He begins.
“Her Bea Arthuriness!” A voice from an upper level calls.
“Her Bea Arthu…hey! Wait a minute…” All they can hear then is a…
“DAMN it Wade!” A female’s voice screams as a knife flips through the air ripping into the speaker’s head.
“Hey, wow, did you get that, a running gag. Every time one of these guys opens his mouth they’re the first ones to die. Awesome…!” Deadpool drops from the second floor scaffolding to the ground.
“DAWN! Your secret love has come at last!” The demons look between him and her.
“No he’s not, good god you demons are imbeciles!” She screams. Meanwhile in the back shadows Bullseye gets ready.
“Mmm finally, some wanted death and destruction. My favorite part of any…” Faith dropped directly in front of him.
“Okay target guy, your mine.” She smiles taking out a knife.
“It’s Bullseye bitch, I so owe you for breaking my nose.” The two start circling each other.
“You know those tights just make you look stupid. You stand out sooo easily.”
“Oh really, and I suppose dressing with tight jeans and a low cut shirt doesn’t make you stand out at all.” Bullseye counters. Meanwhile Dead pool had the job of dispatching the pack of demons left over.
As he bounces around the alter he hands a sword to the nearest demon.
“Here can you hold this for me?” The demon just stands there, stupidly nodding his head as Deadpool takes out a gun shooting the one attacking him from behind.
“Thanks buddy!” He then takes the sword back. As the confused demon mumbles something akin to no problem, Deadpool cuts off his head with the sword.
“Baby, I’ll be right with you, daddy just has some…” A claw rips through his shoulder…
“Clean up to do!” Dawn just hangs her head.
“God why must you punish me like this? I can deal with the kidnapping, the torture, dying, but you not only save me, you give me him. WHY!” Meanwhile Bullseye and Faith stopped circling each other and have started fighting in earnest, blades clanging against each other.
“Lady, look you don’t stand a chance, I’m a human weapon, I can hit anything I…” he groans as he gets a kick to the chest.
“JEEZES LADY! Oh god, you kick harder then Daredevil AND Cap.” He backs off throwing some stars at her which she dodges all but one ripping into her thigh. She painfully grins pulling it out.
“Mystically enhanced human, I’m made to kill vampires and demons.” She smirks. He’s having a bit of trouble breathing now, that one kick might have busted some ribs and even with the hurt thigh she’s still fast enough to more then match him.
“This crap is why I don’t do mystical crap. I’m done, I’m…” He heads for the stairs, but Faith grabs his leg.
“Oh no…not that easy buddy!” She pulls him back down and punches him in the face, once he lands on his back, re-breaking his nose and putting him out for the count.
Meanwhile Dawn was starting to grimace and wince. One of the demons slammed a knife into Wade’s back after ripping off his mask.
“That’s mine!” That’s when he started really getting into it. The demons that were left were seeing that they weren’t getting any where and started running. Wade though was taking out his anger on the ones left over. Their screams making her wince more.
“Ouch, remind me not to ever get him pissed at me…Wade…your mask is over there…” She points her head to where it fell. He stopped just as he was sitting on a demon about to slam his sword through its head.
“Oh thanks my wonderful sunny…”
“Just get it…” She sighs as he walks over to get it before coming back and cutting her restraints off. She rubbed her wrists where the rope had been biting in as Faith dragged Bullseye over with a slight limp.
“Hey does this guy have a bounty on his head? I mean seriously, if this guys of any importance I can get some new shoes out of him.” She smirks.
“So what are we going to do with him?” Dawn points to the body of Ben.
“Leave that to me!” Deadpool takes off his belt and presses a button, throwing it on table next to the body.
“Wade what did you…” Dawn asks.
“Oh just some high explosive, I mean they’ll make sure…hey where are you going?” Before he can finish both girls hauled ass out of the warehouse, Faith dragging Bullseye knocking him around, left alone Deadpool stops.
“Oh right.” As the girls exit he finally runs following them, getting to the door just as the explosion flings him away.
“AHHHHHHHHH!!!!” he lands burnt and bruised in front of the girls.
“I’m okay, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Well you can if you want I mean I have sensitive skin and all but I’m fine I’m…” And then the girls do something he never expected. They each kiss an opposite cheek of his mask.
“Heh, finally found a way to shut him up eh Dawn?” She starts walking to the nearest police station to turn in Bullseye as Dawn follows.
“Thanks Wade, for everything.” She gives a silly little smile.
“Wow…Your going to call me right ladies?” He asks standing there still in a bit of awe.
“Sureee Wade. When we get a chance.”
“And, and if you guys need anything…” He continues as Faith gives him a wave still looking ahead.
“You’ll be the first on our list. Seeya around Wade.”
Deadpool smiles sitting on the ground looking up to the sky.
“Wow I think I’m in loooove…again.”
A day later Buffy and Faith walked down a hallway of their Cleveland compound.
“So yeah Faith, seems Giles cleared Dawn with her classes, something about she was needed for a home emergency so she didn’t get in trouble with her professors. So tell me about this Wade…” Buffy smirks.
“Oh god, don’t even bring that guy up. I mean, he was amazing, seriously, he fought like a maniac and nothing would stop him but jeeze the guy couldn’t stop talking B.”
“Heh, you finally found a guy that was too much Faith?”
“Too much crazy, yeah, I mean seriously…” As she and Buffy walked down the hallway they passed Xander and stopped. Xander started to wave as she grabbed him and pushed him against the wall kissing him as his eyes went wide and arms went everywhere in surprise.
“Friday, seven. We’re going out. Be there Xan.” He stood there stunned as the two girls talking and walking down the hallway.
It was a bright day as Dawn headed into her afternoon advanced computer course. As she sat down, taking out her books and started to chat with some friends, no one saw a masked guy, his face pressed against the window mouthing; I love you before turning around waving and saying…
“Th-th-th-that’s all folks!!!”
Authors Note: Taking place after season 7 of an alternate Buffyverse. Dawn and co are owned By Joss and Fox while Deadpool is owned by Marvel. Yes there's a sequel in the works.