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Enterprise Dog Park

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Summary: "Leonard may have been a stupidbad dog, but he understood what the other dogs didn't." A total au!crackfic in which most of the characters are dogs. Warnings for a gay dog crushes. Also contains references to animal cruelty.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Star Trek > Star Trek 2009(Past Donor)vinniebatmanFR1313,5920273027 Oct 0927 Oct 09Yes
Title: Enterprise Dog Park
Author: vinniebatman aka batmanvinnie
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Pairings: None, really. Though there are references forMcCoy/Chekov (McChekov? Chekoy? McChek? McCov?) and Gaila/Chapel
Rating/Warnings: Teen for references to animal abuse. And for the fact that this is a total crack AU where they’re almost all dogs.
Summary: “Leonard may have been a stupidnogoodbad dog, but he understood what the other dogs didn't.?
Spoilers: None aside from character traits.
Disclaimer: I so totally own these works. Bow Down! *Doctor's Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claims of ownership toward Star Trek are pure fantasy. No harm is meant. Seriously, it's better than her throwing rocks at people.*
Dedication: This is written for my darling beetle. I love you dear!!!!
Beta: *is embarrassed* _beetle_ Yep, she beta’d a fic I wrote for her. But in my defense, I wasn’t actually going to post it. But she liked it, so I sort just agreed.

* * * * * * * * *

Leonard may have been a stupidnogoodbad dog, but he understood what the other dogs didn't. He knew that when dogs were in the cages for a long time and no one wanted to take them home, those dogs would disappear.

After they disappeared, the humans that took care of them would come back, sad, and clean out the empty cage.

Leonard also knew someday, he would be the dog that disappeared.

When people would come in to look at the dogs, they didn't spend much time looking at him. He was an unsociable, grouchy bloodhound with a tear in his ear and scars on his coat. He was so nervous around humans that he tended to avoid them. So while Leonard may have been a stupidnogoodbad dog, he was smart enough to know he just wasn't what families were looking for.

One day, Leonard heard the main door open, and looked up from where he was curled in the corner of his cage. A human female with light head fur (hair, he reminded himself. They call it hair) walked in and began strolling up the row of cages, looking at the dogs. As she stopped to coo at the puppies, Leonard curled in on himself and tried to sleep. She wouldn't be bothering with him.

* * * * * *
Leonard wasn't sure what happened, but somehow, the human had become his human.

She'd walked into his cage, talking to him in a soft, calming voice, and before he knew it, she was scratching his ears in just the right place. Two hours later, he was sitting in the back seat of her car, getting farther and farther from the cages. The car kept stopping and going, stopping and going, slowly heading out to where it was quieter and he could see more trees. The air smelled so good, like lots of people, cars, trees, flowers and all kinds of food. He stuck his nose out the small opening in the window, and when he started to snuffle and sneeze, his human laughed. Her scent was a combination of flowers and the clean-smell that came after it rained, and it was warm with happiness and affection.

They drove and drove until they reached a house and his human stopped the car. Once they got out of the car, Leonard could barely contain his excitement; his tail was wagging fast enough to shake his entire body. His human laughed again and took his leash, leading him through a gate in the fence and up the front steps of the house.

"Gaila! We're here!" his human called when she opened the door.

Leonard cocked his head; there were two scents inside, his human's scent and another human. The other human appeared almost immediately, smiling. She had curly dark hair, and her scent was a bright and inviting combination of human musk, chocolate, and electricity, overlaid with joy. But he lowered his head and tucked his tail, trying to make himself smaller. What if she wasn't as nice as she smelled? What if she didn't like him and made his human return him to the cages?

"What a handsome guy you are!" Gaila said, crouching in front of him. "Don't worry, sweetie, I won't hurt you."

She slowly reached out and started scratching behind his ears. And though she must have been crazy, calling him handsome, she gave some of the best ear scratches he'd ever had. Leonard wondered: if she lived in the house and his human lived in the house, did that mean he had… two humans?

"Oh Christine, he's so adorable! So big and sweet! You definitely picked out a good boy for us," Gaila said, looking up Christine, her scent changing, becoming fonder.

Us. So he did have two humans! Leonard's tail started wagging again. Taking a chance, he licked at Gaila's hand; she smiled and took the leash off.

"Come on, Leonard," Christine said, giving his ears another good round of scratching. Leonard was sure that he'd never been scratched so much or so well in his entire life as he had in the past couple of hours. "Let's go get you some food."

* * * * * *
The next morning, Leonard woke up confused. He was in a soft bed in quiet room that smelled nice and there were no other dogs.


He stood, stretched, and took a good long sniff. The two most prominent scents were familiar, and his memory returned.

He'd been chosen and now he had two humans of his own, two wonderful humans who gave the best ear scratches and belly rubs.

His tail was wagging even more than it had when he was a puppy─ though his tail hadn't wagged very much even then. He walked over to the bed where Christine and Gaila slept, wrapped around each other and surrounded by the scent of happiness. Then he walked around the room, making sure nothing had changed and that his humans were safe.

Once he'd made sure of that, he nosed his way out of the slightly open bedroom door and explored his new home. There were many other rooms and he turned up many interesting things, upstairs and down. But by the time he was done, Leonard was certain of two things: there were no other people in the house, and nothing here could hurt his humans.

Temporarily satisfied that his humans were safe, he went into the kitchen and out the small door (Gaila said it was his door!) in the big door.

When he'd gotten to the house yesterday, it had made him happy to see all the nice things his humans had for him. There were big, warm beds for him in the kitchen, the bedroom, and the room with the noisy picture box. There was a place in the kitchen with a water bowl and his food bowl, and the food bowl had been filled with the best food he'd ever had. Gaila had said it was "organic." Leonard didn't know that word, but figured it must mean tasty.

The yard outside was surrounded by a tall fence, but Leonard hadn't spent much time in it the night before. Christine and Gaila had taken him on a walk around the houses nearby. Leonard had paid close attention and had learned that his house was surrounded by other houses. Each side of the fence was against another yard, and there were even other yards against the corners. Each yard smelled like a different dog, or dogs, but none of the dog-scents was bigger than the green scent of outside.


It was all very strange, and very different from his first house… a small, cramped place with a tiny dirt yard, filled with broken pieces of metal and junk. The area had been loud, with lots of cars and yelling. There had been three other dogs, two bulldogs and one rottweiler, but they'd been a lot meaner than Leonard─ and they'd disappeared right away after they'd all been brought to the cages.


Leonard hadn’t liked the cages. They were too noisy and smelly with the scent of too many dogs. It was so bad that Leonard had thought he'd go crazy… but he'd gotten used to the stench and noise of the cages. And at least in the cages, they hadn’t put him outside or hurt him, and he never had to go hungry. But he’d lived there for so long, that he'd stopped noticing how much he hated it, and had forgotten how it good it was to be an outside-dog.

After doing his business by a shrub and marking the trees, Leonard walked along the fence and sniffed. As he approached the back fence, he saw digging. Big paws were digging out the dirt, making a hole under the fence, and as the hole grew, the scent of another dog overlaid with dust, dirt and curiosity whuffed through. Leonard moved closer cautiously and used his mean growl.

"Oi, who's that, then?" the dog on the other side asked; his voice sounded strange.

"Stop digging. This isn't your yard and you can't come in," Leonard barked.

"Well fine, then! I dinna even want t' come into yer yard!"

"Then why are you digging?"

"Because it's m' job to know what's what 'round here.”

Leonard tossed his head silently. This dog sounded like an overgrown pup, eager and curious… and unlikely to hurt Leonard's humans. But that certainly didn't mean he belonged in Leonard's yard.

"Well, stop digging! You're messing up my humans' yard!" Leonard barked. He had a deep, loud voice, and that was why he didn't like to use it. Barking too loud made humans mad, and when humans were mad, they hit him. But in this case, he'd risk being hit to keep this dog out of the yard.

"Aye, alright then, alright. Keenser! Where are ya, ye wee mutt? Keenser! Get down from there! Good, now get under there and have a look at 'im fer me!"

Two small, dark paws appeared under the fence, followed by a wriggling body. Leonard backed up, watching as a small, dark, fluffy dog squeezed under the fence.

"I'm Keenser," the dog said evenly, his stance neither timid nor challenging. "That's Scotty."

"Dinna chit-chat with him! Tell me what he looks like!" Scotty demanded, sounding and smelling of frustration, all the while his feet moving as he paced on the other side of the fence.

"He's lighter colored than me. And big."

Scotty stopped, a bit of fear mixing with his scent of curiosity.

"How big is big?" he asked, his voice suddenly a bit timid.

Keenser tilted his head to the side, studying Leonard. It made Leonard uncomfortable the last thing he need was for some dog to start blabbing to all the dogs, telling them about the new stupidnogoodbad and ugly dog in the neighborhood.

"Bigger than you, smaller than Spock," Keenser said matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Well . . . it's nice ta meet ya, then!" Scotty said, his voice squeaking as the fear scent intensified. "What's yer name, fella?"

"Hey, Scotty! What's happening?" a new voice asked. This voice was coming from one of the side yards, and with it brought the smell of food, human sweat, and... cheese and tomatoes?

"Oi, Jimmy! There's a new dog!"

"Really? Oh, that's awesome! Hi, new dog! How are you? Do you like pizza? I love pizza, it's so good!"

Leonard didn't answer─ couldn't, even if he'd wanted to. He wasn't used to talking with other dogs, and he certainly didn't know what pizza was.

Scotty whined. "Aw, Jimmy, you lucky mutt! Pike's lady has him on a diet─ he doesn't eat pizza anymore, just vegetables," he grumbled. "Not a single sandwich in sight!"

Then another dog started to speak with a deep voice, coming from the other side of the yard.

"Jim and Scotty, cease your yipping. Uhura and our humans are still asleep."

"Aw, c'mon Spock, there's a new dog! Aren't you excited?" Jim wheedled.

Leonard slowly began backing up toward the house; it was getting loud outside with all the barking, and he didn't like loud. When dogs were loud, he got in trouble; even if he wasn’t the one making the noise.

Keenser cocked his head to the side and watched as he backed away. Leonard didn't know what kind of dog Keenser was, but he could probably smell Leonard's fear. But all he did was watch Leonard a bit more, then wriggle back under the fence and into his own yard.

"You all are please to be being quiet now, thank you," yet another dog said. This one sounded strange, too, and was barking loudly in order to be heard over the other voices. This one smelled like strange food (cabbage? he mused) as well as sausage and sweets. "My little hoomans are being asleep now!"

It was all just too loud, and Leonard knows from experience the hurt that followed when dogs got too loud. With a high whine, he scrambled though his dog door back into the house. Maybe if he went back upstairs and laid in his bed, his humans wouldn't know he'd been barking, too. Maybe they wouldn't be mad at him.

* * * * * *

His humans didn't get mad at him.

Apparently, the dogs did this every morning, so while his humans weren't happy about it, they weren't mad. Later, Christine left the house, saying she had to go to work. But before she left, she'd scrunched up her mouth and pressed it against Gaila's. They started to make sounds like their tummy's ached, and then Gaila had licked Christine! Leonard grunted, curious; he'd never seem humans do that.

Christine had then crouched down by Leonard, her lips scrunched and aimed for his forehead. With a whuff, Leonard had followed Gaila's example and licked her mouth.

"Eew, I'm so glad I got the first kiss!" Gaila's face had scrunched up again.

So for a few hours, Leonard had played with his new squeaky toys before taking a nap. When he woke up, he was bored. He started sniffing, looking for Gaila. He followed her scent to a door in the kitchen, but couldn't hear her or get to her.

Worried, he paced and stared at the door. What if his human was hurt? She didn't smell hurt, but ... what if she was? He could scratch at the door, but that was bad, and when he'd been bad before, he'd been tied up outside in the cold without food. Leonard whined. Then, much to his relief, he heard walking. The door opened, revealing a room with lots of steps that went down instead of up.

"Hi, Leonard. Did you miss me?" she asked. She smelled like electricity again, but she didn't smell mad. She smelled... pleased. Leonard just moved closer and pushed his head against her hands. "Well, it's work time, but you can sit down here with me if you're good."

Leonard followed her down the stairs, and when they reached the bottom, he saw boxes with blinking lights, and small, skinny boxes that looked like tiny, noisy picture boxes. The room would have been dark, but there were lots of lights and plants and storage boxes.

Gaila pulled a big fluffy something out of a box and laid it on the floor. "Here you go, Len. You can keep an eye on me while I'm fixing computers, okay? And then we'll go for a walk to the dog park."

Leonard wagged his tail. He liked walks.

* * * * * *

Later that day, Gaila put him on a leash, grabbed a ball, and together, they left the house. It was a very nice walk, going up to the top of a hill. At the very top was a large grassy place surrounded by a fence. He could hear so many dogs barking and yipping, along with children shouting and people talking. And the smell... he could smell rain in the air, different kinds of dogs, the sweat of humans, the green, green smell of trees and grass… so many things.

"Here we are, Len, Enterprise Dog Park, the best dog park in San Francisco!" Gaila announced. She looked very pleased with herself, and smelled excited. Leonard just stared. He wasn't too sure about this dog park thing. Yeah, the park was nice, with trees and lots of room to run. But there were also a lot of dogs, more scents than he could memorize in a whole day, it seemed like.

Gaila walked inside, Leonard following faithfully at her heels. But when she unleashed him, he didn't bound off to meet the other dogs. He couldn't imagine anything he wanted to do less. Well, aside from going back to the cages. Or his first home. He knew the other dogs probably wouldn't like him, and even if they did… if he left Gaila, he wouldn't be there to protect her if she needed it.

"What's wrong, Len?" Gaila asked, sitting on a bench. Leonard rested his head on her knee, groaning, giving her his biggest, saddest eyes. Almost instantly, she smelled like she understood─ but not like she was annoyed with him. "Too many dogs?"

Leonard sighed, and curled up at her feet. Almost on them, and she laughed, scratching behind his ears. "That's okay, buddy. We can sit here if you want."

Several dogs paraded by, staring at him with friendly, curious; but Leonard refused to leave Gaila's side. Eventually the park began to empty. Once the noise wasn't so loud, Leonard got up and walked circles around Gaila. His circles got wider and wider until he was half-way across the park. Gaila tossed the ball, and Leonard chased it down before returning it to her. But then Gaila threw it again, so Leonard ran to get the ball. After she threw it two more times, Leonard realized it was a game. The game was fun, and they played for a long time.

All the while, a spaniel with short hair and dark spots had watched. Leonard hadn't bothered trying to sort this dog's scent out from all the other scents in the park. And though the other dog's attention had made him slightly anxious at first, when nothing else happened, Leonard simply forgot him.

Eventually, Leonard tired. He walked back over Gaila and slumped down at her feet, content. Once Leonard's caught his breath, the spaniel finally stood up and approached slowly, holding something in his mouth. As he got closer, Leonard raised his head, a warning growl rumbling low in his chest.

But the spaniel didn't seem afraid─ didn't even slow down at Leonard's terse, menacing bark. He stopped quite close to the bench, and dropped his burden at Leonard's feet.

It was dog treat in the shape of a bone.

"Hello!" the spaniel said, his tail wagging excitedly. "You are ze new dog and I have come velcome you to our neighborhood! My treat is for you!"

Leonard stared; he recognized the voice. He sniffed hard, discovering that he knew this scent, too. It was cabbage, sausage and sweets. This dog looked like he was barely weened, and smelled that way, too.

"I am Pavel," the spaniel continued, clearly wanting to move closer and get a good whiff, too, but restraining himself. His tail was wagging faster than ever, though. "I have come here with my hoomans, from Russia. Who are you?"

The pup─ Pavel, looked at Leonard with such a sweet, hopeful gaze that he found himself unable to keep silent.

"I'm Leonard."

"Leonid? Zat is Russian name!" Pavel yipped, dancing excitedly.

Leonard cocked his head. "Well, I don't know about that," he said.

"Yes, it is! You must be Russian too!"

"I'm pretty sure bloodhounds don't come from Russia," Leonard sighed, though he knew it'd do no good. Pavel seemed to be the sort that didn't get discouraged easily. Or ever.

Across the park, a tall, broad-shouldered man whistled loudly before calling out in a language Leonard didn't know, and Pavel's ears perked up.

"Oh, I must to be going now! Papa Rozhenko and I must go home so Mama Rozhenko and I can fetch the little hoomans from their school." Pavel trotted off, then stopped and ran back. "I vill see you here tomorrow, yes?"

"I dunno." Guess so," Leonard rumbled in a way that was meant to be discouraging, but probably wasn't. Definitely wasn't, he decided, since Pavel bounced up in the air and yipped excitedly before moving closer and nuzzling Leonard's muzzle─

─then he raced off, still yipping.

Stunned, Leonard watched as Pavel was placed on a leash and led out of the park. He kept looking back and wagging his tail until he and his human were out of sight.

But Pavel's scent lingered, and Leonard made sure to remember it. Not that he'd ever forget it, now. And upon reflection, he decided that the smell of cabbage was kind of… nice, after a while.

"Aw, looks like someone made a friend," Gaila said, scratching his ears, and Leonard started. He'd forgotten she was even there. But since there was scratching in the offing, he arched up to show how very much he appreciated it, and Gaila laughed. Her scent was bright and light with affection and approval, and….

Maybe this dog park thing wouldn't be too bad, Leonard thought cautiously, settling back at her feet. He nosed the dog treat Pavel had brought him for a good long time. It smelled delicious, like a mix of meat and dog food.

He carried it all the way home.

* * * * *
For the curious, info on the dogs and breeds, including those that weren't shown.

Bones: Bloodhound, 90 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/bloodhound.htm
Jim: English Foxhound, 65 lbs http://dogbreedinfo.com/englishfoxhound.htm
Chekov: Russian Spaniel, 28 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/russianspaniel.htm
Scotty: Scottish Deerhound, 75 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/scottishdeerhound.htm
Keenser: Schipperke, 12 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/schipperke.htm
Uhura: Field Spaniel, 35 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/fieldspaniel.htm
Spock: Great Dane, 120 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/greatdane.htm
Sulu: Akita Inu, 75 lbs http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/a/akitainu.htm

The End

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