In beginning Joss created Buffy and JK created Harry...
title: the Dropverse Sessions
part: 1 of 54
disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Whedon and Rowling. Save Echo. She belongs to me.
summary: What would the characters used in 'Drop' think of the universe created there?
spoilers: Thru Order of the Phoenix. Thru the end of season 7 BtVS.
shout: This is for anyone who's ever read and loved 'A Drop in the Ocean'.
notes: This is a parody of my own work. The original fic is in the [[[ ]]].
start session 1
The very large group assembled before the giant white screen shifted in their seats waiting for the presentation to start. A certain blonde had already claimed the clicker.
Draco: When is this going to start?
Spike: (twirling the remote) You babble more than Red, you pillock. Shut it.
Tara: Shhh! Look!
[[[ A Drop in the Ocean by echo]]]
Snape: Isn't this one really... long? I have people I could be scowling at.
*Willow elbows Snape*
[[[So this is what it is.... Hogwarts gets some new teachers for Harry's fifth year. That is VERY general and in no way does justice to the epic that is this work of fiction.]]]
Snape (muttering): Epic is right. Isn't this soddin' thing about fifty chapters?
Sirius: Fifty-one. Fifty-four, if you count the smutalicious interludes.
Draco: (perking up) There's smut in this? Am I involved?
Willow: Not in this one, sweetie. But you should try "A Bit of the Dark Sinister" when you're older.
*Draco folds his arms in a pout*
Snape: (glaring at Sirius) What in the hell are you doing here?
Sirius: I'm her favorite character. I'm in the fic. Naturally.
Spike: Don't go mumbling too hard, Morticia Addams, you've the chit's muse.
Spike: She don't write about me anymore. It's you. You're her muse. Dogboy has her heart. Mini-me is her soul. Her call of the wild goes to the wolf, and everything else, she says, goes to that Dorian Gray blighter from that shitty League movie with Connery in it. She only likes him because his shirt got ripped off. Also, he's being played by the same twat that took up Lestat in the Queen flick. Which, by the way, is a travesty to the fine work that is the book Queen-
Draco: You're just jealous because you aren't her number one boy anymore.
Spike: She still loves me.
Draco: (snorting) I have her soul though... what part's yours again? Oh right. None of her.
Spike: She don't say, but I have her mind... her beautiful steel trap of a mind.
Draco: So says you.
Spike: Listen, you little-
Ginny: Do you guys mind?
Spike: Sorry, red number two.
[[[It's rated PG-13 for all kinds of swears.]]]
Spike and Draco (fists raised, argument forgotten): Yes!
[[[ I love foul-mouthed Ron.]]]
Ron: I get to swear? Excellent.
Ginny: You better hope Mum's not reading.
Hermione: Ron, don't swear.
[[[He's almost as great as cursing Malfoy.]]]
Draco: You see that? Almost as great. She likes me better.
Harry: Prat. Of course she likes you. She PLAYS you on Fawkes RPG.
Spike: Yeah, mate, you didn't know? She's got you shagging red number two.
Tara: Children... please.
[[[And the disclaimer goes a little something like this... Not mine. The BtVS stuff is Whedon's.]]]
Willow: We love you, Joss!
*Snape rolls his eyes*
[[[The Harry Potter characters belong to sweet, sweet JK Rowling who we all pray will write faster. ]]]
Sirius: Sweet, my dead-in-order arse! The bitch killed me! Sweet as a pit viper, that one!
Tara: (patting Sirius's knee) You know Echo'll never let you die. Nobody ever really dies with her. You should read "Brothermine". It's all about you being not dead.
Sirius: Great. (sarcasm) I get to live on in fic.
Tara: Well, I got shot.... then my girlfriend went all 'Kill Bill'. Then I go to an alternate reality in "Souls Like Butterflies" where I shag Draco apparently. Do you hear me bitching?
[[[Author's notes... I'm back. My exile from the den of evil is over.]]]
Draco: Den of evil? Is she talking about the Slytherin common room? Cos that's not very nice.
Spike: Fanfiction.net, prat.
[[[FIC STARTS HERE...]]]
Giles: We haven't started the bloody fic yet? Dammit.
[[[*~* Begin at the Beginning *~* ]]]
[[[ "Wait!" Tara turned around to face the person hailing her. "Why?" "I..." "Suddenly speechless?" She shook her head. ]]]
Spike: This is boring. Fast forward.
Tara: I'm dreaming about YOU.
[[[ "She was a drop in the ocean compared to you." ]]]
Draco: I'm confused.
[[[Tara shot upright in her bed with a gasp. Why did she keep having that dream about Spike? What in the hell was going on with her? The last line. She always awoke after that last line. It made her feel tingly to hear it. Even in a dream. ]]]
Spike: Ohhh, I give you the tingles.
Draco: You make her have to pee?
Anya: Hey! Mini-Spike! That's MY line.
Spike: I'm BORED. Where's the sex? Where's the bloodshed? (fastforwarding) She gets up. Blah blah blah. Giles's place. Drink. Freakish bird with a note. We want you to teach even though you've never been a teacher before-
Spike: Dumbledore's off his nut.
[[[ Tara looked at the owl. She looked back at the parchment. She looked at the owl again. "I should reply now and send this with you?" ]]]
Spike: And oh look, she asks the owl a question. Glenda's off her nut.
Tara: Shut up, Spike.
Snape: Can we skip ahead?
Spike: Skipping... oh look, it's Shabby the wolfboy. I thought Red's mongrel dressed bad, but there you are. What are you doing hanging about the Watcher's Council, Lupin?
[[[ It looked sort of like a college campus. She had no clue where she was going, so she tapped the arm of a man who seemed to be rooted to one spot reading. He wore a long robe that was almost threadbare and seemed very rickety. Like he might fall over. ]]]
Spike: And reading? Standing there reading? What a ponce.
Remus: (growling) I was waiting for Tara.
[[[ "I'm sorry to disturb you, but can you tell me where I might find Rupert Giles?" ]]]
Draco: Let's just ask the random hobo where to find him.
[[[ "Ah yes, and you are...." ]]]
Spike: Like you don't know. She's your DAUGHTER, prat!
Willow: Spike! You're giving away the plot!
Spike: Everyone's read the damn thing anyhow.
Ron: I haven't.
Draco: I didn't know you could read.
[[[ "Tara Maclay." ]]]
Spike: Rocky Horror roll call! Sound off! Janet! Doctor Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Aaay-dree-unnn!
Harry: You see how she said it though? It was more like Bond. James Bond.
Draco: Draco. Draco Malfoy.
Spike: William. William Malfoy.
Spike: Oh Echopet won't mind. I'll just prance about shirtless and sing a little ditty by our boys the Ramones. She'll forget all about that plot nonsense. I'll have her eating out of my undead hand.
Echo: Oh really, Fang?
Spike: (under his breath) Shit. (louder) Echo... luv, I, ah, didn't see you sitting back there.
Echo: I'm aware.
Spike: You know I was just messing about, pet. (pauses nervously) Right?
Echo: (arms folded across her chest) What I know is someone's going the right way for a smacked bottom.
Draco: Oh like THAT'S going to deter him.
Draco: Right. Sorry.
Spike: I'll behave.
Spike: (looking back at the screen) What'd we miss?
Snape: Odd hand holding, unsolicited advice on how to manage the students... and Lupin being suspiciously knowledgeable about where to find Mister Giles.
[[[ "Thank you." Tara couldn't pull her hand away fast enough. Something about him was making her want to quiver in fear. ]]]
Remus: Thanks, Echo. My own daughter's scared of me.
Willow: Plot, Moony! She doesn't know she's your daughter yet.
[[[ "Tell Harry Potter that Moony sends his regards." ]]]
Draco: Because that's in no way creepy.
[[[ "Oh ok." She turned and started to walk off. Tara stopped. "Wait..." She turned back, but he was gone. She looked around. How had he gotten out of the courtyard so quickly? He didn't look like he could have moved that fast or at all really. ]]]
Remus: Thanks again, Echo. Feeble old Remus.
Sirius: But you get to shag Tonks in "Strange Bedfellows". That's got to be exciting.
*Harry makes a strangled noise*
[[[ Tara sighed. "Who's Harry Potter?" ]]]
Draco: That's what I'm always saying. Who in the hell is Harry Pothead?
Harry: Bite me, ferretboy.
Spike: Wrong Malfoy. I'm the one that bites people.
[[[ Rupert Giles looked up when someone tapped on the frame of his opened office door. ]]]
Giles: At last. Here I am.
[[[ Then her eyes landed on the person sitting across from Giles. "Willow?" ]]]
Snape: Because no Potter crossover is complete without Willow. Can we skip to the end of this part? This is irritating.
Spike: (fastforwarding) Let's see... We're both at Hogwarts... as professor's assistants... DADA and History and Lore of Magical Creatures... Echopet, you made up a class. Willow questions her ability to teach... as well she should-
Spike: You did skin a bloke, Red.
Willow: Not in this alternate universe!
Spike: Whatever. Giles is going too! He's their professor. It's a party. Willow gets huffy because she wasn't in the 'know'.
[[[ "I was waiting for Tara to arrive." Giles smiled. "Well, it says that you are supposed to meet a fellow named Rubeus Hagrid at a place called the Leaky Cauldron. Best we be off then." ]]]
Draco: Flimsy excuse, Giles.
Giles: What? It's not like I came up with it myself. Talk to the girl whose soul you own.
[[[ "Yes we. As if I would really leave the two of you to roaming around London by themselves to meet some stranger in a witch's pub." ]]]
Spike: Especially Willow. She might skin someone.
[[[ "Witch's pub?" Willow asked. ]]]
Draco: No, bitch's nub.
*Ginny reaches over and swats at him*
[[[ They sat at a table in the corner of the pub. People in there were dressed so strangely. ]]]
Remus: Thank for making fun of our culture through the clothing, Echo.
Sirius: Will you just give her a damn break?
Remus: You just like her because you're her favorite.
Echo: I can hear you, you know.
[[[ "I will go inquire about this Hagrid fellow." Giles offered and made his way to the bar. ]]]
Draco: You can't miss him. Just look for the biggest, hairiest oaf in the joint.
Hermione: You shut it about Hagrid, you beast!
[[[ Willow leaned over to Tara. "This is kinda cool, huh?" ]]]
Spike: Not yet it isn't, but if one of you birds wants to get naked, it could.
Snape: Can we not hurry this along?
Spike:(fastforwarding) Blah blah blah... let's just be friends...
[[[ Willow and Tara looked up. It was a giant. A huge man with more hair on his face than either of them had on their heads. Willow was betting he stood well over seven feet. ]]]
Draco: See? Great hairy oaf.
*Hermione dives at him*
*Ron grabs her about the waist*
[[[ "I'm Tara M-Maclay. This is W-W-Willow Rosenberg." Tara found herself mumbling. "We aren't professors though. Just assistants." ]]]
Harry: You certainly stutter a lot, Tara.
Tara: Echo likes my stutter.
Snape: Skip to the end!
Spike: (fastforwarding) Right. He's Hagrid. Giles, we found him.
[[[ Giles looked at the man standing next to Willow and couldn't help his jaw dropping. ]]]
Draco: Because he's a great hairy oaf.
Snape: Do we get a break before part two?
Willow: Why? You need to go eat another lemon?
*Snape scowls*end session one