And now, for a surprise entry, heeeerrrrrrrrre's SPIKE! Yes, he's back from the dust-pile he left behind in LA (more on *that* in the story, once I start writing it, but let's just say, it wasn't *his* idea, or the Scoobies, or even the PTB's).
Subject: Re: Questionnaire
Alright, Watcher, here's my bloody response to your bloody request that I fill out this bloody farce. I answered as honestly and truthfully as I could... except when I didn't bloody feel like it :).
1. DO YOU SNORE?
Undead here, so of course not, you bloody git.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Ask Buffy :).
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
That I'll be trapped in an un-escapable room with Geek-boy and the whelp (damn bloody soul won't let me kill either of them, although I'd be doing a bloody public service in Geek-boy's case and saving my own neck in the whelp's).
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Considering that Lego's weren't even bloody invented until the latter half of the 20th century, I'd have to go with a big fucking "no".
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
Watching you bloody mortals humiliate yourselves in front of the entire bloody planet is some of the best comedy I've ever seen :).
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
Real vampires don't use straws, they drink straight from the tap, so to speak (but not me anymore... one of the things I gave up getting this soul...).
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Most beautiful baby ever. Take my word for it :).
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
Turn the thumbscrews a little tighter, won't you, Ripper?
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Only if there's a bird in there with me, then I'll likely be singing me bloody head off while I get off :).
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Bungees are for tossers like the Great Poofter, real vampires just jump :).
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
None that I'll tell you, Watcher, and besides, your Slayer already knows a few of them :)
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
The south of Mexico, the beaches are fantastic, and so are the birds :).
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Undead here, so HELL YES! SPF 3,000,000 won't save my arse, or anyone else's, either, if it goes away.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
Ask the Niblet.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
That was Dru's thing, in her semi-lucid moments.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
A few times, back before that damn bloody Bin-Laden idiot decided it'd be a good thing to crash a couple of bloody airliners into a couple of bloody buildings and make it damn near impossible for something like me to get past the mindless idiots at the security checkpoints without killing the lot of them!
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
Manual, of course, they make such good torture implements (not that I torture people anymore, but back in the day... :))
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Great fun :). Oh, were you talking about hunting animals?? Only if I'm desperate.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
It'd be kind of difficult for someone in my situation to get married, wouldn't it?
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Wooden stakes, holy water, decapitation, sunlight, tweed-wearing Watchers, one-eyed whelps.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
And meant it? Ask Buffy (hint: 6 years ago)
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
Talked to him just last week, reminded 'im he still owes me for creating his look.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Now, now, Watcher, I apologized for the Suvolte egg incident years ago, still holding a grudge over it?
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Not looking forward to the Slayer using my testicles for castanets, so of course the answer is no.
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Wherever the bloody hell it ends up!
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
2 in the morning (great time of day, all that lovely night life :).
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Spike (I'll not dignify the rest of 'em by even mentioning them)
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
Not my cup of tea, gimme a bucket of spicy buffalo wings and a liter of *good* beer (not this swill these bloody Yanks call "beer").
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?
Last week, with the Slayer, the Niblet, and Faith, on our way to dealing with that nest of demons in Detroit.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Helped you lot scrag his bloody arse last year, or is old age catching up with you, Watcher?
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
I much prefer to be the one doing the kissing :).
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
I should bloody hope not, it should be the dark is afraid of me :).
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Blood (donated or animal these days, Watcher, the soul won't let me drink from the tap), me Morley's, and the Slayer.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Yes, loosens me neck up right before a bloody fray :).
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Drove one a few times, Dru wanted delivery.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
Twice so far, no one likes blood breath.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
For you humans, I'd say yes.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Undead here, Rupes.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Look into them, and tell me :).
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
My life? No. My un-life, now? It's had it's moments :).
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
A few of each, as your Slayer could tell you :).
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
That was Dru's thing, Rupes, not mine.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
Bloody pretentious git, was Salinger.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
Trying to get me to dust myself by impaling myself through the heart with a tree branch, Rupert?
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Depends on if any women are in the area :).
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Be kind of silly of me if I said no, now, wouldn't it, Rupert?
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Undead here, so not a subject of interest to me.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Who do you bloody think taught Jackson to do it? :)
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?
The list is longer than War and Peace
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
Not to me.
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Some O-positive and Wheat-a-bix (relax, Watcher, the blood was contaminated, I got it from the disposal bins at a hospital, not looking to get staked here).
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
I've been known to, from time to time.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
Ask your Slayer about my kissing :).
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
That bloody Billy Mays git who keeps on yelling at me as if I were deaf! Rupert, are we sure he's not a demon?
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Nah, no good leather gear there :).
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
Sex Pistols (I miss Sid, those were the days...).