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Portal Girl and the Science Lady

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This story is No. 1 in the series "The Redheaded League". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Portal Girl and her dear minion, Buffyguard, meet Science Lady and her intrepid companion on their last evening in Vegas. Things will never be the same again. Or even the next morning.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Multiple Pairings(Moderator)acsFR18628,9321610427,81919 Nov 091 Oct 14No

There's a Portal for That

Disclaimer: This is a derivative work. All recognizable characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox Television (Buffy), and others (Stargate is definitely owned by somebody else.).
Summary: Two portal experts and their boon companions meet in Vegas.
Spoilers: All seasons of BtVS. Stargate - Thru Season 7 'Heroes' (It's sort of a 'Heroes' fixit - if you squint hard enough.)
Author's Note: I wanted to write a PWP but I don't write sex scenes. But this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So, think of this first ficlet as a PWP with the 'P' removed. And not just Without Plot, but full of bonus plot holes.
Word Count: 4,242 (1 of 1)



Buffy groaned into her pillow. There were some things a slayer metabolism couldn't protect you from. The pounding headache, an after effects of what must have been a bucket of Long Island Ice Teas mixed with Dawn's portal magic, was one of them. It was at that point that she realized that her pillow wasn't actually a pillow and that she was wrapped around someone who, while obviously in good shape, was definitely female, older, and a redhead.

"Dawn's so gonna get it," she grumbled, hoping she hadn't made a fool of herself as a result of another little known effect of Dawn's special brand of magic on close relatives, such as herself, who happened to be slayers. Not that she could deny the evidence of her nose even if no one else, with a few notable exceptions, would be able to detect the faint odor of sweat and sex.

"Good morning," her pillow murmured, stretching languidly in Buffy's arms.

"Can we pretend we're still asleep?" Buffy asked softly. "Haven't been this comfortable in bed in years."

"Sam and I have to catch an afternoon flight," her pillow said.

"So do we," Buffy said. "Sam?"

"Tall, blonde, and skeptical?"

"Ugh, now I remember," Buffy said, letting go and rolling over onto her back. "Dawn had to go and prove to her that magic exists. In the flashiest way possible."

"That sounds about right," her pillow said, sitting up and leaning over her. "Need an aspirin?"

"You don't seem freaked about the magic," Buffy said, looking up into her deep brown eyes. "Or waking up in some stranger's bed. And aspirin would be wonderful."

"You don't remember my name, do you," brown eyes said, laughing. Hopping off the large bed, she returned a minute later, dressed in a robe, with a glass of water and several tablets.

"Um, no," Buffy said, feeling herself blush as she took the tablets and glass.

"Janet Fraiser," she said, winking. "And one of my favorite writers once said 'Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.' Some of the things Sam works with can seem like magic, so if I squint hard enough, I can pretend your sister's demonstration last night has a logical explanation."

"Sam didn't think so," Buffy said, wondering if a hot shower, not necessarily by herself, would help her memory. "I think."

"Ah. Well, in a past life I worked with the CDC," Janet told her.

"CDC?"

"Center for Disease Control," Janet said.

"You're a doctor?" Buffy giggled nervously. "Didn't we do this backwards?"

"Backwards?"

"Take an aspirin, see you in the morning?"

"Yes, we did, didn't we," Janet said, taking back the glass and placing it on the nightstand. She frowned for a moment. "I do have one advantage over Sam. I recognized your name from when I worked at the CDC."

Buffy looked at her in surprise. "My name?"

"My team was part of the containment unit when a black project blew up. They brought us in to make sure nothing biologically dangerous was left behind."

"What kind of project?" she asked.

"A classified military project," Janet told her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Military?" Buffy winced. It wasn't that she had a phobia, but there were two things she tried to avoid, doctors and the military. And here they were, wrapped up in one sexy package old enough to be her mother. Who featured extensively in what she was beginning to suspect weren't dreams.

"Air Force," Janet told her. "I'm C.M.O. at the base Sam and I are assigned to."

"C.M.O.?" Buffy thought for a minute. The acronym sounding almost familiar. "Top doc?"

"That's one way to put it," Janet said.

"Which explains something you said last night," Buffy murmured.

"You remember last night?" Janet asked. "There's something I know I should remember but don't."

"Parts of it. Some really fuzzy parts, some clear bits, some missing bits, and some parts I'd like to do again if we had the time," Buffy said, blushing. "You and Sam are very close friends, but not that close?" she asked.

"Yes. Like sisters," Janet said, shrugging.

Buffy wondered about her sad expression, lasting just barely long enough to notice. "You said Dawn was safe with your Sam," she asked.

"Very," Janet said. "Sam is... an amazing person. Funny, smart, tough, but surprisingly innocent."

"Should I apologize now?" Buffy said with a groan.

"Apologize for what?"

"For any negative influence Dawn has on her?"

"They'll be fine," Janet said, laughing.

"Still can't remember why I agreed to them going off together," Buffy said, wrapping her arms around a pillow. "But at least it isn't a Tuesday."

"Tuesday?"

"That would be our regularly scheduled 'Someone Kidnapped Dawn' day," Buffy explained. "And I'm not kidding."

"Oh," Janet murmured.

"And I don't remember any of us getting married last night so that's good,"

"Hmm..." Janet shook her head like she was still trying to remember something important.

"And you can't tell me about that project," Buffy said, bringing the conversation back on track. The last time she'd been involved in a military project, Maggie Walsh had tried to kill her.

"Not without clearance, no," Janet said, "though you already know about part of it."

"What did it have to do with me?" Buffy asked, dreading the answer. Only her lack of clothes and Janet's calmness had kept her from panicking and bolting from the room so far.

"In my experience, mad scientists like to keep records of their experiments," Janet said with a grimace. "Especially when they seem to be trying to create their own Frankenstein. It's an ego thing."

"If we're talking about Maggie Walsh," Buffy said, finally connecting the dots, "I didn't participate in any of her experiments. That I know of anyway."

"Maybe not, but she certainly had plans for you and someone called Faith," Janet explained. "She had samples of blood from both of you and a complete genetic makeup."

"Don't remember donating any blood," Buffy said. "Who knows about Faith. She was in a coma for months back then. Plenty of time for someone to do all sorts of things. But how does any of that help you believe in magic?"

"That would be classified," Janet said. "Does it really matter why I believe in magic?"

"No," Buffy said. "I'm just grateful you're still here."

"Why would I leave?" Janet asked.

Buffy sighed. "Some people can't deal with the not normal. And on this ride? I'm as far from normal as you can get."

"Normal is subjective," Janet said. "If you and your sister weren't good people, neither of us would've stayed the night."

"So this was all planned?" Buffy asked, feeling slightly disappointed.

"No," Janet said. "No! Sam has no idea that I recognized you. And that was very unexpected. You look different."

"Different how?"

"How old were you?" Janet asked, watching her intently.

"Back then? Nineteen."

Janet reached over and gently ran her fingers over Buffy's face. "Your face is more refined, more beautiful than it was eight years ago. And you have a presence that wasn't there in the video I saw."

"Thanks, I think," Buffy murmured, enjoying the contact. "What happened to those blood samples and things?"

"Does that matter?"

"Well, there's some really nasty magic that requires blood to work, though Dawn probably knows more about that than I do."

"Once we were done it should have all been destroyed," Janet said, laying back on the bed, one hand playing with the toes on one of Buffy's feet.

"I hear a 'but' in there somewhere," Buffy said, rolling over so that she was facing Janet.

"Quentin Travers, an arrogant little man, came in and took everything, even our expense reports," Janet said, shaking her head. "I'm sure if they could have made us forget everything they would have."

"Travers?" Buffy said, spitting out his name like a curse.

"You know him," Janet said, her hand stopping in its journey up Buffy's leg.

"Knew him," Buffy admitted. "Not a fan. What exactly do you know about me?" she asked.

"Only what you've told me and I've observed," Janet said, moving her hand further. "And what I learned back then."

"Which is?" Buffy prompted, grabbing Janet's hand in her own so she could concentrate.

"You have an amazing immune system, assuming those tests were correct. And your reflexes are better than most humans. I also suspect you are much stronger than was recorded and that your other senses are also better."

"Not admitting anything," Buffy said. "But how can you tell?"

"Experience," Janet said, adding "Also classified."

"Magic?"

"Science."

"But you don't know why," Buffy stated confidently. "They didn't understand why either. I don't think they really believed in magic at that point."

"I'll admit to being curious but I'm a doctor," Janet said. "As long as you're healthy I don't have to know why you're the way you are. If you were my patient I'd need to know what was normal for you physically, but after this," she made a broad gesture including both of them, "that would be an ethical minefield, unless it's an emergency."

"Well, I can't say it's classified," Buffy said, "since we're not exactly military. But it isn't just my secret."

"Understood," Janet said. "You aren't worried about this Travers?"

"The organization I work for inherited the remains of his several years ago when most of them were wiped out in a terrorist attack," Buffy said, giving her the standard explanation. "Unless it was destroyed, we have it somewhere. Just didn't know it."

"Did you want to shower first?" Janet asked, sitting up abruptly when a phone started beeping somewhere in the room.

"Join me?" Buffy asked.

"You should probably shower alone," Janet said reluctantly.

"Are you sure?" Buffy tested her favorite pout on Janet.

"Yes," Janet said, apparently immune to the infamous Summers pout, leaning over to kiss her, their lips touching so lightly that Buffy barely felt it. "If it were just the two of us..."

"Oh, yeah." Buffy nodded. Any minute now Dawn was going to be up and invading. And, no matter how grown-up she was treating Dawn on this trip, the inevitable mutual freak-out over who slept with who was not something she wanted to deal with while naked and smelling like sex.

Sighing, she watched Janet picking up her clothes for a minute before slipping into the bathroom.



Buffy wiped the mirror, trying to clear enough of it so she could see herself. She was still staring at her reflection, looking for any signs of the previous night when there was a knock on the door.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" Buffy grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her still damp hair. Slipping on her robe, she rejoined Janet.

"Do you remember where we went last night?"

"Dawn was driving, could have been anywhere. We're lucky we didn't end up at some topless beach in Brazil."

"That would be a no?" Janet said, giving her an amused look.

"Why?" Buffy asked, trying not to cringe when Janet handed her a piece of paper. "What's this?"



She was sure it was a dream just from the silence in her head. The constant background noise, like the low murmur of thousands of voices, her constant companion since Willow had awakened all of the slayers, was missing. It wasn't the total absence of sound, a vacuum like she'd suffered through while Buffy had been dead, but a comforting blanket wrapped around the source, insulating her from the voices.

Although everyone in their inner circle knew that Buffy and Faith had gained some kind of extra sensory connection to the new slayers, only Buffy knew that Willow's spell had affected her also. They suspected it was a side effect of the spell the monks had used to create her. Dawn knew that in some ways she was just a reflection of her sister, if somewhat taller, and without the slayer powers. And, on the days her confidence was peaking, much prettier too. She wasn't sure why Buffy wanted to keep their connection a secret but even a Willow lab rat was still a lab rat. Possibly with cookies.

Feeling a warm, rough hand slowly rub her hip, Dawn just lay there enjoying the sensation, knowing it would be interrupted soon enough by that rarely seen creature, scary-efficient Buffy, ready to pack them up and send them home, now that the conference was over. Just on the edges she could feel hints of a massive hangover and sore muscles, though she couldn't remember much beyond dragging Buffy off to the hotel bar to celebrate a kidnapping free week. And a discussion about magic with someone, followed by some definite portal action.

There was a faint feeling of motion beneath her and the hand removed itself from her hip. The sudden cacophony of voices hit her like one of Vi's attempts to recreate a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. "Not a dream," Dawn gasped, sitting up in bed. "Huh, must have had more to drink than me," she mumbled, taking in her still sleeping companion.

"I will not freak out," Dawn said under her breath. "I will not freak out." Somehow she'd ended up in bed with the super-smart woman she'd met at the bar. And from the looks of the clothes scattered around the room, those sore muscles could only come from one thing, and it wasn't karaoke. But she couldn't say she was completely surprised. When she bothered to think about it, Dawn considered herself non-gender discriminating, though she often found herself gravitating towards the strongest non-sibling female personality in a room. And... Sam, if she remembered correctly, was definitely much with the commanding presence. And, no matter how hot, probably old enough to be her mother.

Something else to blame on her sister, she thought. Spending most of the last few years since Sunnydale living in houses with packs of slayers had given her plenty of opportunities to explore her sexuality. Other than a few ground rules about who she slept with and why, her normally uptight sister seemed more worried about becoming an aunt before her time than playing disapproving mother. Dawn would have suspected a clever bit of reverse psychology if she didn't know her sister better.

"At least we made it back here," Dawn mumbled, hoping she would have a chance to talk with her sister before someone over reacted. After all, they were in Vegas, and unlike the last time she'd woken up married to the someone in her bed, even in Vegas two women couldn't legally get married. So Buffy wouldn't have to call the Council's legal team to extricate her from another embarrassing mess. And maybe Buffy would stop going to conferences with her.

Yeah, right, Dawn grumbled in her head. Do the drunken Vegas marriage thing more than once and be branded for life. Just because she couldn't explain how it happened before didn't mean it would happen in the future.

"Buffy or naked blonde in my bed," Dawn whispered to herself, grabbing her robe and quickly running her brush through her hair. Putting down the brush, she noticed a folded piece of paper. Swallowing nervously, she picked it up and opened. "No way! This can't be legal," she said, trying to keep her voice down as she read what appeared to be a marriage license. "Buffy's never going to let me forget this if it is. I so hate being a grown-up," she said with a sigh. "Buffy it is."

Taking a deep breath, and making sure Sam was still asleep, she carefully opened the bedroom door and slipped out into the suite's living room. Her plan to speak with Buffy privately was derailed by the sight of her sister, dressed in her robe and quietly ranting to herself, waving a piece of paper and pacing back and forth in the middle of the room. And she wasn't alone. The single couch in the room was occupied by someone else wearing a white hotel robe. A someone who looked remarkably like Sam's friend from the night before.

"Buffy," Dawn said, attracting her attention. "We need to talk."

"Talk?" Buffy squeaked, her inner rant stopped in mid flight. "It's a little late for talking."

"Excuse us," she said to the amused looking woman, grabbing Buffy by the arm and dragging her unresisting into her bedroom.

"Calm down," Dawn said, not bothering to close the door.

"Calm down? Calm down? Do you know what happened last night?" Buffy said, her voice giving the impression she was seconds away from exploding.

"We both got plastered and brought hotties back to our room last night?" Dawn said, hoping for a small miracle.

"Besides that," Buffy said, glaring at her. "And considering both of them are twice your age? That's a bit creepy.

"Wanna trade?" Dawn asked, deciding it was more than her life was worth to ask Buffy if she'd had fun with her own hottie last night.

"Trade?" Buffy looked at Dawn in horror.

"Pervert!" Dawn said, holding out her piece of paper. Sharing clothes was one thing. Sharing women with her sister? A whole level of ick beyond even thinking about sex and Buffy.

"Oh, right." Buffy handed her paper to Dawn.

"Fraiser?" Dawn said, smirking as she read the marriage certificate. "I think I got the better deal."

"Huh?" Buffy continued to look slightly shell shocked as she looked at the certificate Dawn had handed her.

"Dawn Carter sounds so much better than Buffy Fraiser," Dawn told her. "I wonder if she has a relative on Mars?"

"Mars?"

"John Carter of Mars? Barsoom?" At Buffy's blank look, Dawn shook her head. "Never mind. With my luck she's related to that other one, Billy."

"I think I should be the one doing the trading," another voice said, coming from the direction of the door. "Fighter pilots get all the luck."

"Fighter pilot?" Dawn asked, turning, her eyes taking in the red haired woman leaning against the door. Even shorter than Buffy, she had the same kind of commanding presence as both her sister and Sam. "I thought she was here for the conference."

"Our Sam is multi-talented," she said. "But no, we were here on a break from work. Sam just thought checking out the conference would be fun."

"Fun?" Buffy squeaked. "Janet, you aren't serious about trading, are you?"

Dawn rolled her eyes at Buffy's pout. "Why wouldn't she like me more than you?"

"Because you think research is fun?" Buffy asked. "And your idea of a good joke is to get married in Boston?"

"Boston?" Dawn frowned at her sister and looked at the certificate she was holding. "These are real?"

"Yup. Missed the fine print?" Buffy held up Dawn's certificate and pointed out the Massachusetts State seal. "Little Miss Budding Witch decided to show her new friend the physicist that magical portals are real by taking her to Boston."

"Sorry?" Dawn said sheepishly, knowing she was never going to live this one down.

"Well, you can explain how this happened to the lawyers, and Giles," Buffy told her.

"Can't we just pretend it never happened?" Dawn asked. "Besides, weren't you supposed to be watching me?"

"That's up to Sam and Janet," Buffy said. "I'm pretty sure the military has rules about this kind of thing. Especially for people in classified projects. I don't think they can get married and unmarried as quickly as you. And I was watching you."

"Classified?" Dawn wondered if the queazy feeling in her stomach was just from the hangover.

"You spent the last twelve hours trying to impress a real portal expert. Who do you think she works for? Disney?" Buffy asked. "And Janet is her best friend."

"Oh!" Dawn rubbed her head, trying to think through her hangover.

"We should probably wake Sam up," Janet said, interrupting them. "We can discuss what we're going to do over breakfast."

"When's your flight?" Buffy asked.

"Sam flew us down here so whenever she decides to head back," Janet said. "Did you actually fly here or did you come by portal?"

"We flew," Buffy said. "Portal Girl normally only does her thing in an emergency."

"Yeah, portal travel can be a bit tricky," Dawn said. "If I do it more than twice in twenty four hours, the magic makes things go wonky."

"That's not the only wonky thing about traveling by Dawn portal," Buffy grumbled.

"I didn't hear you complaining last night," Dawn said.

"I was busy," Buffy said.

"I'll bet," Dawn said, unable to stop herself from giggling. "Did you explain to Janet what happens when you mix alcohol and a slayer, also known as a Buffy, with portal travel?"

"Slayer?" Janet asked, giving Buffy an odd look.

"You didn't tell her?" Dawn asked, surprised at her surprisingly circumspect sister.

"Didn't think it was relevant," Buffy said. "It's sort of the job title that goes with those things you noticed earlier," she told Janet.

"What does it actually mean?" Janet asked, sitting on the bed..

"Basically? Mystical Pest control," Buffy said, sitting down next to her.

"A certain person would have a heart attack if he heard you say that," Dawn said, laughing.

"Why? It's the truth," Buffy said. "Now, go wake Sam up and get dressed." She pointed to the door with one hand while wrapping her other arm around Janet's waist.

"How much time do I have?" Dawn asked them grumpily, stopping in the bedroom door.

"Enough time to get dressed and packed. Not enough time for anything else," Buffy said firmly. "And let Sam go first. She's probably a lot faster than you."

"Gee, thanks!" Dawn resisted the urge to make a rude gesture. Buffy could be such a mom at times. Slipping out of the room, she closed the door behind her, ignoring the laughter that followed her exit.

Sam was just opening the bathroom door as Dawn entered the room.

"You're up!" Dawn said, disappointed. She'd been looking forward to waking her up.

"Need to get back to my room," Sam said. "Janet's probably wondering what happened to me."

"No, she knows where you are," Dawn said, watching Sam as she nervously dressed. It was kind of cute. She'd seemed so confident the night before.

"She does?"

"Yup. She spent the night with my sister," Dawn said, looking around the room.

"Really," Sam said. "They don't seem to have much in common."

"You mean besides the shortness?" Dawn laughed. "They seemed to be getting along very well a minute ago, though part of that might have been an after effect of the portal. And Buffy does have a thing for redheads."

"After effect?" Sam asked, leaning back on the bed, and watching Dawn pick out her clothes.

"Nothing harmful," Dawn said. "She just tends to get a bit worked up."

"Only her?" Sam said, blushing.

"You too?" Dawn stopped and looked down at her. "So much for that theory. Thought it was because she's my sister."

"We'll have to experiment," Sam said.

"This wasn't just a one time thing?" Dawn said, not realizing until that moment that she'd been worried.

"Well, we did get married," Sam said, winking at her.

"You remember that?"

"Of course," Sam said. "It isn't something I'd forget."

There was the confident, sexy Sam from the night before, Dawn thought. "Buffy seemed to be a bit surprised."

"Buffy?"

"And Janet," Dawn said, adding, "also got married."

"Now, that I don't remember," Sam said.

"I don't either, but we're both listed as witnesses," Dawn said, shrugging. "I'm sure we'll remember it eventually. Right now I should probably get ready to go. Janet said something about discussing things over breakfast."



"You're just dying to go back," Janet said, giving Sam a smirk.

"This opens up some interesting research possibilities," Sam said.

"I'm sure it does," Janet said. "Five-nine, brunette. Would make a model jealous. And probably as smart as Daniel."

"I was talking about the idea of magic," Sam said, blushing, "and what it means for science."

"Sure you were," Janet said. Stopping at the entrance to the private airfield they'd flown into, she showed the guard her ID before continuing. "You realize they come as a package?"

"Are you objecting to spending more time with Buffy?" Sam asked.

"Haven't quite decided what I'm going to tell Cassie but other than that? No." Janet grinned. "She's very talented. And smarter than she looks."

"She'd have to be," Sam said.

"Watch it you!" Janet said. "Being a genius doesn't excuse the blonde hair."

"You have something against blondes?" Sam asked, pulling up in front of the small car rental office. Laughing, she dodged Janet's hand and got out of the car.

"I'm sure I can find a special needle just for you," Janet threatened. "I don't need them all for Jack."

"You'd do that to your sister-in-law?" Sam said, exaggerating a pout.

"The pout isn't going to work," Janet said. "Cassie has immunized me. I even resisted Buffy's. Sister-in-law?" she said faintly.

"That just occurred to you?" Sam laughed, holding the office door open for her. "You're also the oldest. Does that make you the matriarch of our little family unit?" she wondered.

"Matriarch?" Janet gave her a shocked look.

"Oh yeah!" Sam grabbed the idea and, to Janet's horror, refused to let it go. For the entire flight back.
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