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Slayer vs. Stargate

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This story is No. 5 in the series "Slayer vs. Stargate". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: An old acquaintance drops in. (2010 Best Original Character)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > General > General: SG-1MissEFR15512,82936330,93027 Nov 0920 Dec 09Yes
CoA Winner

Vampires, and Witches, and Werewolves, Oh My!

'Verses: BtVS and Stargate

Disclaimers: Do not claim ownership. Made for fun, not profit.

Warnings: Language


Waking up slowly was nice. For so many years, he'd been in the necessary habit of waking quickly, needing to be alert even as his head moved off the pillow. But this morning, his body knew that there was no need for such vigilance, and he could drift slowly to full consciousness.

He smiled, and tightened his arm around his wife's waist. His wife. Married less than two years, and he felt it was never going to get old. He'd been concerned about marrying Anya, but here he was, married, and happy with it. He bent his head, and began to kiss her neck. If nothing else, that would wake her. He felt her sigh, and shift back harder against him. Her hand moved, and began to stroke his thigh, trying to pull him closer. He chuckled, and began to nip at her neck. She gasped softly, and tilted her head to give him better access, as his hands began to move.

Then the door vibrated under the fist of what Xander assumed was a slayer. “Wakey wakey, hands off snakey!” Faith called through the door.

For the love of God!

“But I like snakey,” Gwen grumbled. “He's fun!”

Xander pressed a hard kiss into her neck before hauling himself out of the bed and pulling some pants on. “What's the what, Faith?” Xander asked sleepily once he'd cracked the door open slightly.

“Up and at 'em, boy and girl. We've got a plane to catch. You've got half an hour,” she added, then checked her watch, “make that twenty-eight minutes to get dressed and ready to go, so haul ass.”

He glared at her for a moment, then slammed the door. “Come on, babe. I've got a couple of slayers and a witch to kill. I have to be dressed for that.”

They hauled out their bags, and quickly packed. Weapons were stowed in locked bags, and then tossed into duffles, which would have to be checked through at the airport. They dressed, quickly and efficiently, then grabbed their bags and headed downstairs.

“Right,” he said to the group, “which of you thought it would be a fun idea to give us just twenty-eight minutes to get ready to fly out?”

“Um, coffee?” Willow presented a travel mug. “We really do need to get going, and what with you two not needing much time to get ready, and we know that you wanted to catch up, so we wanted to let you sleep in as much as possible, but then we forgot to wake you, and it was getting to the point where we were leaving in half an hour, and no one really wanted to interrupt morning snuggles, but we kind of had to, but Faith was the only one brave enough to do it, so please don't be too mad?” she finished with a squeak.

“Have you had any coffee this morning, Will?”


“Okay,” he decided, pulling the witch close and kissing the top of her head. “You're forgiven.”


Agent Finn entered the conference room, leading the other group. General Hammond had very little information about these people, other than there were seven of them, and they were friends or colleagues of Gwen. He frowned as he watched the group enter. Five young women, including Gwen, none of them over thirty, and two men, one in his twenties, the other a generation older.

Jack looked at Riley. “Seriously. The scariest people you know?” he greeted.

“Yep,” he grinned. “Well, I think introductions are in order. Okay,” he began, turning to the small blonde, and a scholarly-looking older man, “this is Buffy Summers and Rupert Giles, respectively the oldest living Slayer, and her Watcher.” He then turned to a group of three women, a redhead, and two brunettes. “This is Willow Rosenburg, one of the most powerful witches living today, Dawn Summers, Buffy's sister, and a Watcher, and Faith Lehane, the second oldest living Slayer, and last of the Chosen.” He then turned to Gwen and the man Jack thought of as her pirate. “And rounding out the group are Xander and Gwen Harris. You already know Gwen, but what you don't know is that she is also a slayer, though not one of the Chosen. Xander is her husband, and a Watcher. This group, with the exception of Gwen Harris, forms the Board of the International Guardians Council. The Council holds a great deal of political power with many sovereign governments around the world, and, individually, each of these people are very powerful, and are greatly respected in the arenas in which they operate.”

Riley looked back to General Hammond and SG1, and grinned. “And they can also kick butt like nothing else.”

Riley then turned to his friends, and returned the favour. “Everyone, this is General Hammond,” he indicated the older man, “who is in charge of the whole project. With him is SG1, which is comprised of Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Sam Carter, Dr Daniel Jackson, and Teal'c, and I'm pretty sure Gwen's already filled you in on who they are and what they do.”

Daniel shook his head slightly, and looked at Riley. “I'm sorry, but how could she do that? How could she know all that. I don't think we were that specific in our introductions.”

“Well, if nothing else, Gwen's father has a similar background to Colonel O'Neill, and noticed the similarities. Also, she is very widely read, so she already knew a great deal of your and Major Carter's work, and was able to recognise both of you immediately. As for Teal'c, well, she could only figure him out from her frame of reference, which gave rise to some significant issues, which led to Willow removing her ahead of schedule.

“What do you mean by 'significant issues'?” Jack asked, frowning.

“In our terminology, he's a demon,” Buffy stated, arms folded.

The Stargate personnel gaped at her. “You're serious? A demon?” Daniel exclaimed. “But... You're American? You're modern, educated, first-world people. How can you even talk like that?”

“Oh, I don't know,” Xander smirked, “after the first few dozen, you tend to get a bit blasé.”

“Few dozen?” Jack confirmed.

“By the end of our sophomore year,” he quipped.

“You were dealing with 'demons' at college?” Jack demanded.

“Ah, no!” Xander replied, to Jack's (brief) relief. “High school.”

“Uh huh. High school. So you were dealing with – what? – oogly booglies under your beds?”

“Vampires, and witches, and werewolves, oh my! Actually, our witch dated our werewolf, and Buffy here dated two vampires, though not at the same time,” Xander nodded. “Oh, and we met Dracula, for real and actual. And his brides,” he added, with a smirk towards Giles.

Jack turned back to the General and Riley. “Whatever he's on, I want some.”

Riley rubbed his face. “Xander, you're really not helping.”

Xander grinned unrepentantly.

“Maybe a demonstration would help?” Giles offered.

“Yeah, sure, you betcha,” Jack grumbled.

Barely had he finished his words, than he found himself sprawled very uncomfortably on the floor, one arm twisted painfully behind his back and a blade resting against his throat. He fought his instinct to struggle, and looked back at the rest of his team. Teal'c was being held similarly immobile by the brunette slayer, Faith, while it seemed he was being held by Gwen. The rest of his team were being covered by Gwen's people, who had produced battle-axes, a sword, and even a crossbow in the hands of the other brunette, Dawn, from seemingly nowhere. The redhead's hands were empty, but appeared to be glowing. Every last one of them were alert, and appeared more than ready to end the fight quickly and decisively. He tried to shift, but Gwen's hands were impossibly strong, and wouldn't budge. How could she even do that when she had slammed into the Gate Room ramp only how many days ago? Weren't her arms still broken?

General Hammond swallowed before speaking. “Thank you, Mr Giles, I think that's enough of a demonstration for now.”

Giles nodded, and Jack felt himself being lifted effortlessly to a standing position. Gwen briefly rubbed his arm and shoulder to ease the pain she had caused, before slipping her knife back to wherever it had come from, and moving back to her husband.

Jack rubbed his throat, and glanced back at his, now shaken, team. “So... Demons. How's that work out?”

“Demons exist,” Buffy stated. “All those monster stories people like to think are just stories? Most have a basis in fact. The things that go bump in the night? We bump back.”

Faith grinned. “We're the thing the monsters fear.”

“There's this whole speech thing, about the world being older than you know, and how vampires began, and the 'one girl in all the world' bit, though that's a bit outdated now... Giles is really good at it, too,” Willow chirped.

“So vampires are real,” Jack began.

They nodded.

“And magic?” Sam asked, looking concerned.

“It's how I was made a slayer,” Gwen confirmed, looking for all the world like a sleepy cat in Xander's arms. Jack frowned, and decided he would never look at sleepy cats the same way again.

“And you fight them,” Daniel queried. Something was tugging at his mind, some more-than-half forgotten story.

“Since high school,” Buffy agreed sunnily, valley girl/cheerleader persona firmly in place.

After a moment's stunned silence, Giles spoke up. “So, now that you know about our side of things, how about we discuss... Deep Space Telemetry, was it?”


“So what do we think?” Buffy asked the group.

Faith glanced at the others, and shrugged. “Is this really our fight? I mean, what they fight, they don't really rely on magic, or anything like that, do they?”

“No,” Giles agreed. “Everything looked very much to be of the natural order. I'm sure Willow and Gwen could understand what they were talking about better than I could, but it all seemed very scientific, and, well, mundane.”

“Yeah, and that goolie thing in Teal'c is a real being, not some extra-dimensional demon, right?” Buffy asked.

“Gha-uhl,” Giles corrected absently. “Or Goa'uld if we use their pronunciation. Yes, according to their explanation, it is extra-terrestrial, not extra-dimensional. Of course, when they were on Earth throughout history, they were referred to as demons, but that was because the thought of life on other planets simply wasn't considered. Add to that their inherent abilities, and extensive use of technology...”

“You haven't said anything, Gwen. Surely you have an opinion on this?” Buffy asked the other slayer, arching an eyebrow.

She shrugged. “Not our world, not our war. We have enough to deal with, and sometimes you just have to compartmentalise. Personally, I'd love to go play in their sandbox, but generally? Nothing to do with us. Besides, that last fight we had? How many did we face? Five hundred, from memory. And we had to call in slayers from across the world. We are not equipped to fight on their scale. We don't have the numbers to incorporate their war fully into our own.”

“It probably would pay to keep open lines of communications between our groups,” Giles agreed, “but I believe we are, indeed, separate entities, fighting utterly separate wars. I don't see that we have any more right of oversight in their situation than they do in ours. Is everyone agreeable?” When everyone nodded, he continued, “Well, since the board is here, do we wish to take a formal vote on the matter?”

“Might as well,” Xander suggested.


“So... Demons,” Daniel murmured as the team sat around the table. They had been given time off to process the information revealed by Gwen's people, the IGC. They had had an informal dinner at Jack's place, and were now just sitting.

“Vampires,” Jack added, twirling the hand carved stake Faith had given him. He did not want to know where she had retrieved it from, he decided as he remembered her skin-tight clothing. Thin air, hopefully.

“I can't believe they actually use magic! I mean, I still have that amulet I used to get out of that house, and it's just a stone. I tested it. There's nothing in it, it's just a piece of onyx, engraved with runes. But when I tried to leave the house without it, it felt like bouncing off a brick wall, and when I put it on, it was like suddenly nothing was there. So it was magic, I guess. But...”

“It is difficult to accept something that cannot be explained by the senses, or plain science,” Teal'c suggested. “Stories told to the young are meant to remain just stories, not a war fought by little girls and their attendants.”

“Hell, yeah,” Jack agreed. “They were just kids. Hell! They're still just kids. Gwen and Dawn are only twenty-one? Twenty-two? And the others are only a few years older! Just kids,” he whispered.

“All the same, I'm kind of glad it's not my war,” Daniel confessed.

Jack shuddered. “The Goa'uld are bad enough. Vampires are just freaky. And they fight them every single night. Huh!” he decided. “We should get some of those slayers to rotate through the Stargate. Tell them to consider it a holiday,” he grinned. “Come fight wimpy-ass bad guys with flash toys, and time off in between fights!”

Teal'c considered telling his commander that he didn't really thing the Jaffa should really be advertised as 'wimpy-ass bad guys' but thought that might encourage him, rather than anything else.

Jack grinned at his team. “So what do you think?”

Daniel shook his head. Sam just sighed. “Janet's a bit freaked out,” she added. “It's been less than a week, and Gwen's arms are just about healed. I watched her after she...” Sam tried to think how to put it gently.

“Took me out, put me down, handled me like a toy: make your pick, Carter.” Jack shook his head. “I don't even remember going to the ground. What about you, buddy?”

“SlayerFaithLehane moved with incredible speed and skill. I did not observe her move, and was not able to defend myself once I felt her hands on me. I was also unable to move her once she had me in position. Her strength and speed defy all natural laws.”

Sam shook her head. “All I remember is you talking with Mr Giles, and then you and Teal'c on the floor, and … weapons.”

“Where did they come from?” Daniel wanted to know. “They had to pass through security checks, and everything. How did they smuggle battle axes into the SGC?”

“I'm going with magic,” Jack decided, waggling the stake. “'Vampires, and witches, and werewolves, oh my!'” he quoted softly.

The world would never look the same to them again.

The End

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