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Where Bunnies Roam

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Summary: Who's a Time Lord to Call, when he has an attack of the bunnies?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Other BtVS/Ats CharactersJinxedwoodFR131846187762 Dec 092 Dec 09Yes
Rose loved the Doctor, she really did, but sometimes he was even too batty for her. "Doctor, it's an energizer bunny," she said slowly, as she tried to pry herself loose from his iron grip. "A really annoying energizer bunny, with tacky cymbals; but it’s hardly the end of the world.”

"Shhh!!!" he said, in a whisper that was guaranteed to be heard on the other end of Harrods. "They're nearsighted, but their hearing is preternaturally sharp!!

"It's a bunny," Rose repeated impatiently. "A toy bunny - and a pretty rubbish one at that. It's been walking around in circles for a good ten minutes."

"Yes, I know," the Doctor said, in that tone he usually reserved for world endage. "He's signaling for reinforcements."

Rose bit her lip. Killer robot bunnies seemed a wee bit farfetched, but so did killer Christmas trees, and they all knew how that turned out. She shifted slightly, and peeked around the giant Easter egg they were hiding behind. “Should we make a run for it?”

“No, too risky,” the Doctor pronounced, “I need your phone!”

“Don’t break it,” Rose warned, as she handed it over. “Or open it and use it for parts, or sonic it and—”

“As if I would!” He grinned widely as he punched a number in. Rose’s eyes narrowed.

“Hey, is that long distance?” she asked, making a grab for the phone.

Hello, Magic Box,” said a feminine voice on the other end of the phone. "No salamander is too endangered for us to procure!”

“Huh?” Rose asked.

The Doctor took the phone from her fingers. “Anyanka, I need your help. They’re back. Could you pop over here and…” A pause. “What do you mean you’re human again?” Another pause. “Really? But didn’t he leave you at the…” The Doctor frowned as the phone screeched at him. “No need to be like that, Anyanka.”

“Oh give me that,” Rose grumbled as she snatched the phone back. “Listen, I don’t know who this, but at this moment, the Doctor has us hiding from a toy bunny behind a giant Easter egg. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?”

Well, really,” said the woman on the other end of the phone. “I run a business, here. Do you know what would happen if I dropped everything every time someone I knew was in peril? I’d go under, that what I’d do! I live in Sunnydale! A Hellmouth! I can’t go around saving Time Lords nilly willy – even if he is very nearly the last one!

Rose frowned. “What do you mean nearly?”

The Doctor grabbed the phone again. “Anyanka! C’mon, be a sport! Remember all that fun we had at King Henry the Eighth’s court, with all the aliens, and the scorned wives—” He frowned. “Hey! That’s hardly fair; how was I to know they’d chop off poor Anne’s head? I told you I was useless at domestics – oh, who is this? Buffy? Oh, right, the Slayer—“ He pulled a puzzled face. “Uh, no, I didn’t get a circular, actually… there was a circular?”

“Oh, give me that!” Rose snapped, as she snagged the phone again. “Listen, I don’t know who this is. But we’re in Harrods, and the Doctor says the world is in trouble, so you’d better get your arse down here, on the double.”

Uh, you mean Harrods, as in London?” a new voice asked hesitantly. Rose heard someone squeal happily in the background.

“No, Harrods, Pluto,” Rose shot back. “Of course, London! Hurry up!” She flipped the phone closed.

The toy bunny stopped moving.

“Oh, bugger.” The Doctor said.

And that was when a huge vortex opened in the ceiling and a pile of women fell out of it.

”I still think I should have stayed behind to keep an eye on the shop,” one of them groaned, as they got to their feet. Rose recognized the voice as Anyanka

“DUCK!” the Doctor roared; which they did, surprisingly quickly.

The toy bunny’s eyes began to glow a deep red that definitely didn’t have anything to do with an energizer battery, and a red haze filled the room.

“I really, really hate bunnies,” Anyanka said. “Have I ever mentioned that?”

“Once or twice,” said the redhead beside her, wryly.

“How do we kill it?” the blonde asked.

“With this!” Anyanka declared, pulling out a small spray bottle. “Hah take that!” she squirted a foul smelling liquid at the bunny, and it started to melt.

“Huh, that was easy,” Rose said, getting to her feet. As if on cue, the roof groaned. “What was that?”

“Reinforcements,” the Doctor said grimly. “Anyanka, please tell me you brought more than one bottle.”

“What do I look like, Walmarts?” she asked.

Rose eyed the Doctor. “Got another plan?”

He shrugged. “Just the usual.”

The blonde eyed him. “Let me guess, it involves running.”

“Ah, you must be the Slayer.” The Doctor stuck out his hand. “Pleased to meet you—“”

“Later,” Rose said firmly.

“Oh, right,” the Doctor said. “What was I thinking? RUN!!!”

Which they did.

Rather quickly.

FINIS

The End

You have reached the end of "Where Bunnies Roam". This story is complete.

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