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Summary: Half naked slayers and wizards? Oh my, sounds like the prelude to a bad fantasy porn.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > GeneralShulikFR1555,7921358,2539 Dec 097 Jan 10No

Chapter One

Whedon or possibly Kuzui Enterprises own BtVS
Rowling owns Potter, Flint, Malfoy and Weasley.

Please review, based on the feedback I'll get for this I'll do a couple more chapters for this story.
In unrelated news, *warning, blatant self-promotion about to occur*- I'm almost done my Twilight fic, so happy about it.
Review that too while you're at it.;)

Marcus scowled as he looked at the ivy covered walls of the New Slayers and Watchers Council. Bloody Americans requested that the best auror team the Ministry had be sent as the test subjects of the utterly ridiculous exchange program Dumbledore had cooked up. So now he and three of his reluctant colleagues were standing in Cleveland of all places, waiting for their hosts. Who were taking their sweet time showing up. Marcus’s auror partner Percy Weasley, oh and the irony of the statement wasn’t lost on anybody, fidgeted again as he rechecked the silver pocket watch Marcus had given him for his last birthday.

“D’you reckon they forgot we were coming?”

Marcus’s eyebrows drew closer together as a shadow of the infamous Flint temper clouded his features.
“I wouldn’t put it past the sodding Yanks,” he snarled and gripped the wand in his pocket a little tighter.

Percy hummed indeterminably and rocked back and forth on his heels.

The aurors in training that Marcus and Percy were currently in charge of decided to voice in on the subject.

“Did ya hear that the organization is run entirely by chits?” Draco grinned lecherously. “They’re like Amazons of old, man-deprived warriors.” Draco and Harry had spent their previous vacation mindlessly pigging out on all sorts of muggle junkfoods and watching television. As a result, Draco had developed an alarming liking for Xena Warrior Princess. Who knew that the Slytherin Prince had a secret hankering for a woman in leather? You could almost see the drool gathering in the corners of his mouth as he contemplated the women, who were most likely half naked and leather clad as they ran the Council.

Harry snickered “Yeah, I’m glad you’re reading about muggle history and all, but I think you’re forgetting the fact that the amazons used to cut off one of their own breasts.”

Draco looked properly horrified at this revelation, his usual paleness turning almost into a deathly white.

Percy raised a curious hand “why would they do that to themselves?”

Harry shrugged and pushed up his glasses with one finger, “to be able to shoot their bows more accurately, at least that’s what the bloke on the history channel said.”

Draco shuddered and Harry laughed as he clapped him on the back in amusement.

The war was a source of great evil towards the wizarding world: it had torn apart families, it made friends betray each other, it almost brought down Hogwarts. But the biggest surprise, it was responsible for Potter and Malfoy finally getting over their individual bullshit and becoming lifelong friends. During the second hour of the Great Battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter was taken hostage by Lucius Malfoy. He was tortured, beaten to within an inch of his life and left to rot in the same dungeon that housed the Malfoy heir who had dared take Dumbledore’s side. This was the biggest mistake of Lucius’s life. Because while Harry and Draco were held side by side in neighboring cells, they talked. Cursed at each other. Called each other the most horrible names they could come up with. And bonded.

So when Voldemort and Lucius came into Harry’s cell to finish him off, Lucius cackling all the while Voldemort gloated over his enemy- Draco had been the one to bust in with a gun that Blaise had smuggled in. The cells were warded against any magical objects, getting his own wand back was out of the question. But the gun? As muggle as it was, it still did the job. Lucius and old Voldie were so shocked at Draco’s entrance that they simply froze and before Lucius had time to even utter an Avada, his body was crumpling into a heap, a bullet firmly lodged behind one eye. Draco tossed the gun to Harry who wasted no time with snakeface as he pulled the trigger and emptied the rest of the rounds into Voldemort’s head. As Draco helped Harry up they had both glanced down at the body, to see if there was a chance for the wizarding maniac to regenerate. It wasn’t likely, his face was almost gone, a concave hollow of blood and meat where those blood-red eyes rested on top of an entirely non-human façade.

Marcus was there drinking with the two young men as they celebrated the victory, he was the only one besides Harry who knew the whole story of why Draco killed his own father to save Potter. When Flint had questioned the blonde boy, he had raised a naturally refined if rather drunk looking eyebrow and said “Potter was the last hope of the wizarding world, even an arsehole like me wouldn’t let him die just for being a goody-two shoes.” He had then proceeded to pass out, both Flint and Potter had to carry him upstairs to his room.

All of this led to Harry finally realizing that Draco wasn’t the git he was widely believed to be, and the two men had began a friendship that would take them through the auror examinations and straight into their training period. They immediately asked to be put together when applying for the job, the Boy Savior and the son Voldemort’s second-in command.

Draco’s increasingly outraged voice interrupted Marcus’s thoughts.

“Bloody, fucking hell! Why don’t we just go up and ring the damn doorbell?”

Percy was as cool as a cucumber as he replied “because Mister Malfoy, we have been specifically requested to stay at this spot for somebody to get us. They *are* the foremost authority on the demonic world, if you expect the partnership between the Ministry and the New Council to work out properly then you will stand in the damn spot and smile just like the rest of us.”

Marcus snorted at Percy’s unflappable calm even in the face of one of the war’s heroes.

A *VZHIIIIK* sound interrupted them before they could start squabbling again and all four raised their heads to see a green rip in the air above them that steadily grew larger. They hurriedly took a step back, one of the first rules of being an auror stating that unless you know what something is- try to stay back from it.

The green rip spread and feminine voices could be heard from it, Marcus cocked an eyebrow. Interesting. A sound like the ocean waves crashing into each other was coming from the air, getting louder by the second. The wizards took another couple of steps back as a huge whoosh of water rushed down from what they figured out to be a portal. With the water though, four female bodies fell down, two of them landed in crouching positions deadly daggers in attack mode. And two just kind of flopped. All four women were clad in tiny bikinis, all four were soaking wet.

A brunette with a tattoo on her arm and the deadliest curves Marcus had seen outside of Playwizard magazine helped the lying girls up, husky voice irritated “Damn it Dawn, I thought you got your little portalling ability under control. That was the bumpiest ride I’ve ever had, and I’ve slept with Xander.”

A taller, willowy brunette rubbed her shoulder and glared belligerently at the other girl “you know what? Fuck you Faith, next time you can cut open your own goddamn hand when we need to go to a demon dimension inside the freaking ocean.”

A small blonde came between them with two outstretched hands, an obvious attempt at trying to calm her colleagues down. "Everybody calm down," she murmured as she cocked an eyebrow at the taller of the two girls, "stop spending so much time with Faith Dawnie, you're starting to curse almost as much as she does.

The final woman, a tall, curvy brunette with a short bob turned to face the four gaping wizards. “Oh crap, did we forget that the magic people would be sending us their police team today?”
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