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Liquid Courage

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Summary: What happens when you take a slightly broody Xander, a drunk "Two Hands", a strawberry blonde dhamphir, and a Tomb Raider,and sassy Slayer and give them all a little too much booze, this story of course. ((BtVS/Black Lagoon/Hellsing/Tomb Raider cross))

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Pairing: Other HetTTrunksFR1545,67912911,56911 Dec 0914 Jan 10No

Liquid Courage

Yeah, I have no idea what this is going to end up as, so yeah just got hit by a plot bunny idea so here it is.

Disclaimers will be at the end.


Xander swore as pulled back another shot; the goddamned Scooby gang had once again forgotten his birthday. Honestly sometimes he just needed to drink himself silly just to put up with the stupidity of his group. Willow and her stupid magic addiction, Buffy and her stupid “me better than you” slayer abilities, hell even Dawn though she was better than him now that she was a watcher.

Honestly Xander knew he was just being vein and a bit stupid, but he was annoyed and in turn letting out his pissed emo side that everyone has out for a bit. He should have known it would be a bad idea, he honestly should have, but as he downed the rest of his shot glass and poured another from the half empty bottle he had to admit it felt good.

He was more than a bit surprised when the hot brunette in the little black dress had walked over and started flirting with him. He could tell she was one of “Those girls” who saw themselves as sexy as hell women who could have any man they wanted, and honestly he was sure she could. After talking to the “Lady Croft”, he realized she’d definitely be quite a bit of fun.

Revy smirked as she saw the brunette and the one eyed man she’d been planning to seduce start to talk. After the latest delivery the infamous “two hands” refused to be cunt blocked by some uppity British bitch who though she was better. Mind you Revy’s two empty bottles of whiskey may have made her take the flirting a bit more personal than it actually was but she didn’t care. Standing up Revy walked over determined to show the bitch why she was infamous even in a place that existed solely for godless killers.

Lady Lara croft smiled sexily as she used what men would call “Sexy eye blinks” to seduce her latest target. True he wasn’t like most ancient or mystical things she went after, but after a month long trip to Greenland she needed something only a man could give, nearly any man but still this one seemed to be dangerous at least somewhat like her.

Suddenly Lady Croft’s flirty talk and “Seducing” was ended when some Chinese whore turned HER target around and frenched him. Lara Croft was NEVER out shone, especially not by some short pants wearing halter top hussy who made the outfit she normally wore when tomb raiding look downright conservative.

Seeing her target was just as shocked as she herself was by the audacity of this street walker she slid one of her twin nine millimeter pistols from a hidden holster pointing it at the whore’s face she said, “You’d better back the hell off of my target before I paint the bar with your brains you street walker.”

Remy smirked pushing her chosen dick of the evening down she blocked and forced the gun and the arm holding it out of her face pulling one of her own custom Cutlass pistols from behind her back even as she saw the bitch pull a second pistol from somewhere soon both women had two fancy looking pistols pointed in the face of the other one.

Xander let out a growl the Hyena would be envious of before saying, “Of fucking course, god damn you powers that be, I hope you rot in hell, only two hot-as-hell and yet killer bitches would be drawn to me, you know what I give up.”

Suddenly things were made worse when a pale blond wearing what he swore to god was the shortest yellow one piece skirt ever leveled her own not special but still deadly looking piece at the two women saying, “T-This is Officer Seras Victoria of the Hellsing Organization, please cease and desist or I’ll be forced to arrest you.”

Both women didn’t even bother twitching before both had a gun pointed at the cop their own eyes locked, both almost glowing with hate for one another.

Xander sighed honestly half tempted to just leave the bar, especially if the police officer’s red eyes were any indication things couldn’t get much worse. Then of course the powers decided to fuck with him a little bit more.

Into the bar walked the one woman who could make this worse, Faith sat down where Lady Croft had and ignoring the various women said, “So X, I’m bored, are you going to offer a woman a drink?”

Xander sighed stopping with the “Shut up” sign language as suddenly all four women turned towards him, Xander rolling his eye, “Faith, you just walked into a Mexican Standoff over what I hope is for my bedmate for the evening though one may be planning to eat me.”

Faith raised an eyebrow, “Wouldn’t a good bed mate eat you?”

Xander rolled his eyes, “Not that kind of eat Faith and you know it.”

Faith nodded saying, “Well, B would say we should just tell them how lousy you are in the sack, but I can’t lie you are pretty damn good, and now that I’m thinking about it I haven’t’ had a nice stick since me and Robin broke up eight months ago, so let’s handle this less Buffy's way, more Faith's way.”

Xander took that as a cue to dive behind the bar as Faith’s fist lashed out almost breaking Lady Croft’s neck only for bullets to start flying. Xander sighed as he heard the fire of 6 pistols; however after a bit of that various screams of “Whore” or “Slag” or various other naughty things were heard.

Xander wasn’t surprised when the sound of two handguns were replaced with snub nose machine guns, then the “Thwack” of throwing dagger’s and two shotguns “booms” filled the air. Deciding to forgo trying to end it he grabbed a bottle of whiskey (he’d pay for it later) and enjoy it as he waited to be fucked/devoured by the winner.


This just kind of hit me; I wasn’t sure who was going to be in it before I posted it. I don’t own and I make no money from any of the above Animes or games. Tomb Raider, Black Lagoon, and Hellsing all belong to other people. Please R&R

Also as for any major character weirdness, the way I figure it they were all drunk and bored.
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