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Thinking in Little Green Boxes

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Summary: The ever friendly and cuddly Merc with a Mouth discovers a baby named Harry on his doorstep.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Theme: Comedy
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories
DireSquirrelFR154985,87746596447,96215 Dec 093 Sep 12No

The Who? No, they're not playing tonight!





“Maze, maze, maze-

“Maze, MAZE, maze-

“Maze, maze, maze-

“Maze, MAZE, maze-

“Maze, maze, maze-

“MAZE, wonderful maze,” Harry and Arthur sang at the top of their lungs. They didn’t really care about the tune or any complex lyric, but was on the nurse’s rotation as Poppy had declared that they were to have 24 hour surveillance. She clearly thought they were going through a mental breakdown due to stress. Unfortunately, she was thirteen years too late to save their sanity.

There were also twelve meter tall chickens, but that’s a story for another time.

“Maze, maze, maze-

“Maze, MAZE, maze-

“Maze, maze, maze-

“Maze, MAZE, maze-

“Maze, maze, maze-

MAZE, wonderful maze.”

“What are they singing?” Jean asked. “I’m not sure I want to know what’s going on in their head.”

“That’s probably a wise decision,” Professor McGonagall said sagely. “I don’t know how you manage. How did you end up having Harry as a grandson at your age?”







“Time travel?” Jean asked after a long pause. “But he’s adopted, so that doesn’t really matter.”

“Fair enough,” the professor replied. “It seems they have discovered the next fight. Ironic that they would have already figured out the next puzzle. Or they’re singing about corn. I’m not sure which.”

“You’re probably better off not knowing,” Emma Frost said as she approached them. She was wearing her usual outfit, which, of course, was less than what even the most risqué witch wore to bed. Needless to say, she was drawing a vast amount of attention. “Jean, have you seen the Cuckoos? They haven’t responded for hours and have constantly rebuffed my mental communiqués.”

“Not recently."

“Wonderful,” Emma said in a tone that clearly conveyed her sarcasm.

“You never know, they could be out torturing some budding telepath into thinking she’s a Victorian woman,” Jean said with a false smile. "They do take after you."

Emma just scowled and spun on her heels, her cloak billowing out behind her with an indignant snap.

“Amazing,” McGonagall said. “I think I just found a female Snape.”

“You know Minerva,” Jean said, handing the older woman a fresh gin-and-tonic, “This might be the start of a wonderful friendship.”

“You might be right,”



Susan Storm-Richards, better known to the world as the Invisible Woman, was chatting with her former teammate, Jennifer Walters, also better known to the world as the Savage She-Hulk, or at least she was when her comic wasn't being canceled. “So how did you get invited to this thing?”

“I’m Harry’s lawyer,” Jenn said with a shrug. “Jean and Scott thought it was best to have me here just in case I was needed. So far nothing’s really been a problem except for Harry’s trademark infringement on Namor’s look. Luckily for us, Namor thought it was funny and waved all charges since Harry saved his subjects from incarceration.”

“I’m still wondering why Namor hasn’t stomped the place into the ground,” Sue admitted. “He gets pissy if someone drops a cup in the ocean by accident. By past history he should be on the warpath.”

“He said something about Harry asking him to hold off. ” Jenn answered. Sue looked at her goggle eyed. The Savage Lawyer-Hulk just shrugged helplessly. “There's something more going on, but I couldn't get anything out of either of them."

“Deadpool’s son has made friends with the monarch of Atlantis?” Kang asked, having been mingling in the crowd, though mostly he just stood off to the side and watched. Alarmed at the sudden appearance of the super-villain, the man held up his hand, forestalling conflict.

“I’m just here to watch,” Kang said as he took a sip of his fire-whiskey. “Besides, it’s not like there’s anything here worth conquering. They just got the TV. What’s the point?”

Both super-heroines had to agree. Kang wandered off, chatting up some ministry official and left them behind. Before conversation could turn to other topics, Emma Frost interrupted them.

“Have either of you seen the Stepford Cuckoos?”

“The who?” Sue asked. "They aren't playing tonight."

“No, the Cuckoos,” Emma corrected. She sighed, “I guess-“

“Guess Who?”

Emma flashed a look of annoyance before spinning on her heels and stomping away, well, as close to stomping as one could get in five inch heels.

“You really like annoying here, don’t you?” Jenn asked Sue. Sue smiled.

“I do find a small bit of sadistic pleasure in knocking her down a notch,” the Invisible Woman agreed. “Goodness knows she needs it.”



“Scot,” Emma said, having wandered along to the other side of the ballroom. Hogwarts staff had arranged for a special ball to take place. Unlike other versions, this was slightly different, allowing for contestants, a date, their parents, staff from all schools involved and a few political figures who were visiting. Much to several people’s chagrin, Emma Frost was still a member of the Xavier’s staff.

“What’s the problem Emma?”

“Have you seen the Cuckoos?” She asked. “You’re wife said they hadn’t been here for some time.”

“Nope, sorry,” he replied. “I think they left when all the other students had to go.”

“Who knows what trouble they could have gotten into,” she muttered.



Deep in the Room of Requirement, the Stepford Cuckoos rolled their eyes and sighed, having caught the stray mental thought.

“Silly Miss Frost,” they said in unison. “Trouble got into us.”

“You know Fred?” George asked, leaning back in the gigantic bed sized for five.

“What’s that George?”

“This might be the most wonderful day of our lives.”

“Might?” asked all three Cuckoos with a dangerous tone.

“IS! IS!” the Weasley twins yelled in sudden panic.

“Much better.”



Back in the Ballroom, Harry and Arthur had been sitting by the punch bowl, waiting to spike it with pollyjuice potion. He wanted to know what would happen when people took on forms of Wolverine, Storm, Captain America and Gwen Stacy all at the same time. He thought it would be fun, even if he didn’t know who the hell Gwen Stacy was. He’d only found the hair the last time he was robbing Norman Osborn with his dad.

“Harry,” an annoyed voice said off to the side. He turned, only to have his eyes bug out at the sight they beheld. Megan Gwynn, Pixie, was wearing a dress that covered everything, but left nothing to the imagination. “Aren’t you going to ask me to dance?”

“merphmaarglefargle,” he replied, his brain actually preventing his mouth from functioning for once.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said with a smile. The winged girl grabbed him by the arm and dragged him onto the dance floor.

Jean and Scott looked on with bemused smiles. “I thought she’d never do it,” Scott said.

“I know,” Jean agreed. “It’s about time.”




Hours later, as everyone was preparing to leave, Emma Frost, confused and annoyed took the podium and practically yelled to catch everyone’s attention.

“Has anybody seen the Stepford Cuckoos?”

“The who?” asked Minister Fudge.

“ARGH!” growled the White Queen in frustration.



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