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Thinking in Little Green Boxes

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Summary: The ever friendly and cuddly Merc with a Mouth discovers a baby named Harry on his doorstep.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories > Theme: Comedy
Marvel Universe > X-Men > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories
DireSquirrelFR154985,87746596454,21915 Dec 093 Sep 12No

The End





The final event was about to take place. A maze, built by magic and such was created on the grounds. And people were already not quite happy about what was about to happen.

“What do you mean he’s-“ Dumbledore was protesting against the inclusion of the second Harry for the event, still upset that the temporal clone didn’t seem to be going away any time soon. He was cut off by the arrival of a few unfamiliar faces.

In particular there was one face that appeared more striking than the rest. That was probably because Uatu the Watcher had a head that looked about three sizes too big. He towered over the proceedings ominously.

“What is that?” asked pretty much every member of the Wizarding community asked in perfect unison. Then they all turned to look at Harry, because he was usually to blame for the unusual happening.

“That’s Uatu,” Harry explained. “He shows up to watch moments of Earthly importance. He’s a pretty big deal. The first time he showed up because Galactus was trying to eat the world like an apple.”

A certain amount of awe fell over the crowd at those words, a grudging respect for the guy with the giant head and a voyeurism streak. Uatu ignored them all as he started eating his popcorn (extra butter). It was only then that he held a giant foam hand with “Illyana Rules” painted on the side.



“Must stop you,” muttered Krum under the imperious curse. Illyana just walked up, hit him with the flat of the SoulSword, breaking the enchantment. The poor boy just stood up. “Oh, thanks. No one’s supposed to be able to do that.”

“Silly boy,” Magick said with a slight edge of superiority. “Just because others don’t do it, doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Now who put the spell on you?”

“I’ll take you to him,” Krum said with renewed ambition. He glanced back to look at the Russian girl. “It is so good to see someone from Mother Russia.”

“I haven’t been from Mother Russia in a very long time,” Illyana commented. They rounded a corner and spotted the culprit. She recognized the face and smiles wryly. “Of course, I should have known it was you.”



Everyone started off into the maze from different directions in an attempt at allowing people to have a more fair chance. Contestants were delayed depending on their score from the other events. Soon enough, everyone was deep within the labyrinth.

Pixie found Arthur Bea Wilson leaning up against a hedge with a relaxed look on his face.

“Is this the real life?” asked Arthur. Harry jumped out from a corner and started singing.

“Or is this just fantasy?” he crooned. Pixie grinned and started singing as well.

“Caught in a landslide, while we escape from reality,” she continued, her alto voice adding a new tone to their song. Unfortunately, you shouldn’t say such things in a magical labyrinth because a moment later, they were caught in a landslide while they escaped from reality.

Arthur, on the outskirts, managed to avoid the rubble and sadly continued on. He continued on, unmolested until he found Cedric Diggory standing in a clearing.

“You know,” Cedric said. “Since the two of us are here, shouldn’t the Revolution win instead of an individual?”

“Makes sense to me,” Arthur replied. “And the two of them grabbed the chalice together. Only to be transported away to another locale.”

“Why’d you say that?” Cedric asked a moment before he realized that Arthur was right.

“Don’t tell my Dad, but I read up to book five,” the masked wizard superhero admitted. He glanced over the Hufflepuff’s shoulder and set his teeth grimly. “Guess it’s a good thing I published ‘Cedric Diggory #1’”

“Why’d you publish a book about me?”

“Aveda Kedavra!” Said a voice a moment before Cedric Diggory fell to the ground.

“That’s why,” Arthur said to his corpse. “And the readers thought this would end on a funny note."



Deadpool's Note: Well, that's all kids. Fic's over. No more. Wait. That can't be the end. I KNOW the author's got more written, so this can't possibly be the end. Send chimichangas, pancakes, even waffles! Just don't let this be canceled!

Wait, what do you mean this can't be canceled? My books kept getting canceled. Oh, there's no money to be made from this. I guess I can understand that.

Maybe I should show up to this some time. I AM a parental figure after all. I would be a good idea.

"Um, Mr. Deadpool?"

"Yeah Bob?"

"Who are you talking to?"

"The readers, it helps me keep my mind off how easy it is to kill HYDRA agents."

"I'll be quiet now."
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